Wednesday, December 31, 2008

hello arlington!

ive arrived in DOODLE BOODLE, USA! i really LOVE this neighborhood! so gonna find one to live in when im older. but ya this house....BOMB! we've already made a list of things to steal from this house for me and dorian's apt. we're gonna be some bad bitches in out new home come fall! yayy! for inpedenence!!!
ok so funnies:
tell me why dorian got kicked outta her old room when she move to college and her step mom kept her hello kitty blankie. rude.
"its a kaboodle." "whats that dorian?" "a uhm...shut up youre confusing me." "oh ok...."
dorian's driveway is a really steep right and apparently one day it rained really bad and the hello kitty mobile couldnt scale the incline...sad faced.
"thinkin is for the birds" dorian townsend
"we have the same shower head!" "how did you see that?! can you see thru walls?! can you hear dog whistles too?!"
in a convo about all the old muzik "my brother took a yellow crayon to my Hot Boyz CD!" she was so upset
someone please tell me why dorian has a rolling tray with her laptop on it and it is directly infront of her toilet. ol step into my office lookin ass!
so now we're sitting in her bathroom. im sitting on the potty writing this and dorian is SUPPOSED to be cleaning up, CLEARLY she's sitting on her makeup box looking at me and talking to her new phone tennille...ya ima let her hav that.
dorian has a new lotion....ya its awesome!!!! no more ash! well right now...ya she's white but the day is just starting, dnt judge.
this is gonna be a very funny day stay tuned boiz and girlz

ps im getting a skype today!

oh ya!

so I'm walking thru the dining room with my balogna sandwhich and my glass of apple juice and I run into the glass dining table hard as shyt, right at the side top of my thigh my "thide" and I'm like "fuck!" and I mugged the fuck outta the table saying "damn bitch" and then I just died laughing 'cause I really went hard on my own dining room table.

-sigh- ima mess...crack myself up


I was doing the usual pre bed ritual. checked the bookface, read some blogs and was reminded!
I spent the majority of my day at my bro's, sick. so I fell asleep all sick and mad and woke up REJUVENATED!
the face downers boy I tell ya...they'll cure some things
I'm going to DOODLE BOODLE, US tomorrow or really today. so amped
I was reading the bestfriend's blog which I love! when he writes he always come in chapters, very amusing.
I've often wondered if I've missed the lessons God has tried to teach me because I was blinded by the harshness and need to seek revenge? I was so confused after I got shot, I saw no point in that event. I wasn't a bad kidd. I was actually REALLY good. I got my ass beat- ASS BEAT!- on 3rd and no one, not one MUTHAFUCKIN PERSON helped and I really learned nothing more than I can toss 4 hoes but 7 is my limit. maybe I learned a trust lesson but there so many others to take that quiz I dnt see the need for the severe test I received.
I believe in God because I've seen firsthand the things he can do, heal, and save. in 2009 I wanta get closer to Him.
you've received a second chance here, dnt lose her twice. and yes ill admit when he told me about it I was like yayy! whatever when I got off the phone I was like wait! NO! but I'm working on sharing, not being so selfish and stingy in '09 as well.
oh, hello Baby D, I'm bestfriend. I'm callin permanent shot gun.
me and my bro, james aka mikey were sitting on the couch to day drinkin some bud lights and talking about our relationships. it was odd at first but I'm really happy the 3 of us, and my bro's, are finally at a point where we can relate and be friends.

its 240 I'm going to bed.
ima really do some yappin when I get to DOODLE BOODLE, USA!
xo loves you and dnt you forget it!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

i opened this...

because ive had a few things on my mind. several of which, as usual ill keep to myself.
ima just ramble becasue i dnt have one set topic, call it point.blank.period. i call it runnin my mouth...
so some things are progressing and im really happy. you sir, make me happy. way to go for showing the initiative. off to a great start.
apparently nashville sucks deer dingy 'cause nothing is shaking for new yrs. i was gonna try to go to arlington to kick it with doodle but im not sure thats gonna work...
i look like a hebrew slave, i need my hair done. florence, my african-in a nonslave master way, finally brought her 8 language speakin ass back to the US. and im like so...parents im nappy headed who wants to hand over the 180....ya, ya, c'mon. wtf?! i dnt even know what "no" means! fuck yall talkin bout?! i look like a SLAVE! A RUNAWAY SLAVE, at that! im so mad.
walter parker will make a great dadd! its ok to spoil your girls, trust. even if they forget tp say thanks, one day theyll tatt it on their wrists. no better way ta say thanks! lol
peep this GARYtarded! get it??!! ya well get ya shyt together niggas got messages to send and yo ass needs to deliver.
im soooo proud of my bestfriend! he's growing up so fast. you gotta learn to pick the battles, not every risk is worth it. love you more than words.
ok let me say this. i have these friends, a couple. and lately theyve been struggling with a lot of things. i wnt air their business but i will dicuss the impact its had on me, 2 things...(pay attention sir)
1mistakes happen. if i tell you i made a mistake(nothing major), take my word for it, be glad i admitted it, and get over it.
2dnt belittle me or my emotions. if im telling you how i feel about something, if im trying to talk about an issue we're having, or im upset or something; do not make light, make less, or make fun of how i feel. and dnt you dare suggest that any of what i feel is BS. if it matters to me at least try to understand.
i really hate that i ever made my blog so personal to me. if you didnt know me, you'd probably find this blog boring and irrelevant. i made a wise choice not to say names but the majority of the ppl who actually follow this know who each perosn really whats the point?! ima start discussing different stuff, music, art, tattos, fashion, etc. i dnt want this to always be a "dear diary, today i..." so coming soon enough could all be so simple... will start to dabble in other things and leave my heart where it belongs, safe in the caves of my chest.

point blank drunk

wendys has the best late nigh food! 5 whole nuggets for a buck??? fuck ya! a chocolate frost for un dolares? peep the spanish! I fuxks wit it.

oh kudos for the night go to mr all american. xo for you sir. way ta show some initiative.

ima fuck up these nuggets and stop blogging.
I'm watching gladiator, this movie is soooo good.
I drank...nuvo, skyy, and white zifandel. loose...
yall know what liquor does...I might need to pop in aladdin...lmao


definitely drunk as shyt driving home. had ta take a second and focus bwfore I pulled off... I'm at wendys now-yum!!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

God bless the child who has her own

its time to step up. my parents aren't to be depended on anymore. when the fuck did 19 become self sufficient?! they just pissed me all the way off. its a good thing I learned to bite the shyt outta my tongue, but now I have a mouthful of blood.
the fuckery.

updating my life

i think ima go thru alot of and update some things...
starting with my facebook ima rewrite a lot of my info.
my blog will remain the same
me personally ive become a lil fatty and thats no bueno. im bout ta drop 20-25 lbs by summer. i could probably do it in less time but ima give myself some room.
idk, im just in a funk and i wanta really step out this shyt like TA-DAHH!

lying in bed...

so I went to the movies tonight and I realized I havnt been to a movie without mr all american in quite some time.
the Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a fuckin waste of time. way too long and maybe I'm being harsh but there was no point. he was born old he died a baby. done.
when encountering an ex be reminded that there is a reason he's your ex. to spite all the cute little memories that flood your mind, wake up day dreamer. the consequences and losses would be far worse than the gain...
I'm watching mulan and missing fankfank lol she always sings along.
I understand the need to seek revenge, please believe I have spoken death and harm, fire and brimstone upon a many of those who shot me and beat my ass to the ground, but when you get up, your face heals, the stitches come out, you'll realize that this coulda bn a lot worse and maybe even be grateful that you're in this post state of clarity. the only thing truly hurt is your pride, bestfriend. chalk it to the game and never get caught slippin. 3 other kids died the winter I was shot, ppl died the night you got stole on. shyt happens, be happy we're still here. bandage the wounds and heal. pride is a deadly thing...
I'm a fatty, I need to hit a gym.
its 3 in the
morning and all I
I'm sleepy now, see you in my dreams.
xo loves you and dnt you forget it.

Friday, December 26, 2008


my bestfriend is muthafuckin gangsta! dnt be tested the swag and get yo ass stabbed! get 'em bestfriend but please be careful...
if anyone is calling me tomorrow and I dnt answer, its because I had to hop on a flight to columbus and bail the bestfriend outta jail before the ma dukes in CO/OH monica kills him... lets hope it doesn't come to that...
I love to read dorian's blogs when I have NO IDEA what she's talking about. it makes me feel like I'm a stranger looking in.
I just ate some oven baked pizza, fuckin bomb!
I'm going to the movies tonight just an fyi
my homegirl who lives 2 doors down from me has a little boy, daniel, and while I love both of them dearly I like to come over and experience the motherhood firsthand to remind me I'm sooo not ready for that bullshyt.
I want a new phone! I aint gon play wit yall no damn more.
one of my newest and closest of friends got a blog and I'm sooo damn proud! and she be puttin out some real game...ima be following this closely.
so these were a few random thoughts brought to you by Ms. XO herself.
over and out.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

be careful what you ask for

ok. -sigh- idk what it is im even trying to say...
and honestly i think its best to keep this to myself, to ima just say this because these are the things running around in my head

it all used to be so simple, and i want it to stay the same

a path will clear

boundaries, expectations



distance and time

spring, summer, and fall

if youve been through something its your obligation to offer that in advice

over a year

and im pretty sure that made no sense but i probably wouldnt have been able to sleep if i didnt say some of this aloud/on board


im really over christmas and that really makes me sad...i used to love the whole season especially in st louis, its so cold and all the snow, its a real winter niggerland- i mean wonder! lol but now...its just way more fuss and way less fun.
its not about gifts, i still need to buy my bestfriend's oh shyt, but more so the feeling and im just not getting that feeling.
ive always been a very personal person. i can kick it solo and be gucci but right now im just feeling like i dnt even wanta be bothered.
i wanted to go home, to st louis and feel like my already highly dysfunctional family was just that...a family.
i miss my father, something awful, i really miss my daddy.
idk...i guess im just off.
and that may be majorly attributed to the fact that the treo is off....whampwhamp, cut off from the damn world.
great convo last night with mr all american. kudos to you boo. thanks for 2.5 hours, laughs, pouts, and of course ♥
i really feel like im growing up and out growing a lot of those around that bad?
ms pettigrew lives for a day, such a cute movie.
the hapening, i guess its supposed to be scary but i thought it was oddly amusing, but i like that movie too.
sex and the city makes me wanta step my fuck me pump game all the way up.
ima switch up my whole swag i think. give it some time and some financial indulgance and im in there. by summer, especially by fall '09...tha kidd....oh shyt this kidd....
God bless the child who has her own
i gotta get my shyt together, its time to bust some major shots.
in the words of the great and wise Lloyd, STEP YA LIFE UP. Lloydy said it, bob dammit i believe it.

happy Christmas and shyt, ill holla

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

auld lang syne

idk if youve ever heard this song but its an old scottish folk song and ppl sing it on new years. its called Auld Lang Syne roughly translates as Old Times Since. so as you read if you see it switch the auld lang syne for old times since im trying to find a full english translation tho. really like it, it can take you a lot of places if youre thinking back on the year past.

Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old times since ?

{chorus}For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne, (for old times since)
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup.
And surely you'll buy mine
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.


We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.


We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine†;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne


And here's a hand my trusty friend!
And give us a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.


idk maybe its just me being all sappy but this year has been a trip. i already did my LOVE/HATE 2008 so i wnt go there but i will say this, whoever your mind wanders to as you read and interperate this song to you and your life maybe thats where youll need to be maybe who you need to be with in the next few days with the rapidly approaching year.

be happy.


so its girl day...
me and my ma dukes and my granny are sitting around watching sex and the city. if youve seen it youll rememeber the scene when theyre talking about sex and theyre calling it coloring so theyre saying stuff like "i could use every crayon in my box" and "he rarely stays inside the lines" and my grandmother says "I LIKE TO COLOR!" fucking hilarious! i was like wow forreal granny, me too! lol and here comes jackie " theyre talking about sex"

merry f'in christmas

for the first time, in a long time

my house is full of my family. my mom my stepdad, my granny, my brother and his girl and baby in the oven. they arent staying buy ppl are here and im this is my family. i didnt pick 'em sometimes i dnt even like 'em but this is them. ya, it gets bigger cousins and aunts and -ish but i was justs itting thinking about the ppl that share my name, my blood, and yes walt, my nose and i have to say yes, i love them.
ive come to realize tho that my friends have become a lot like family. so in my brief moment of getting in the season's spirit, if youre readiong this...i love you. and i hope you know because i need you in my life, i love you more than words, and im happy i have you in my life.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

little nose-itis

man I hate having such a little nose! my contacts had my eyes hella dry today so I put on my glasses, and of course them hoes been slippin and slidin all down my face! I can move my ears and I guess subconsciously I've been pulling them back to keep my glasses on andnow my damn ears hurt! ima call my plastic surgeon and see if he has bridge implants.
iwonder if that would change my face...

"ugh! dammit!"

"ugh! dammit! maya, turn that down! its getting on my nerves now!"
she thought she was on motown for an hour now t-to and them started workin her nerves! lol
but wait, tell me why that cd was brand damn new! never been opened?! I was like how long have you had this bullshyt of a gift!? "uh! maya, dnt cuss ima beat you. and I bought it last yr" shaking my head, I just walked off lol
this woman...I swear she'll be the death of me.

God has a sense of humor

so I'm definitely in a bahhumbug kinda spririt about this whole season and low and behold here comes jackie and the jackson 5 christmas cd, I see why michael is so jacked up, to thoroughly amuse the hell outta me! its clearly the 23rd and this fool is now gonna drag out all the christmas stuff! I guess 'cause my grandmother is coming but whatever. so she mozies on up this rickity ass ladder to the later to pull out all these decorations and yes even the pre-lit tree! I'm lookin like forreal jack? you wanta do this now?!
she loves christmas! and dear God, this woman is singing her poor little heart out right along with Michael! GET IT JACKIE. she be up stairs singin loud as hell with the stereo is all the way downstairs. I'm fuckin dying! I really wish I could post these videos they're gonna be highly entertaining. especially for walt p.
ill admit I do like santa claus is coming to town and up on the house top, only 'cause I can vividly remember my kindergarten program and the dance we did with it! great fun.

a change

ive been feeling so stagnant again, trapped in my current state, unable to physically change my environment and/or instead i changed my blog. thats really sad in way. here, i am the master of this domain, i can say what i mean even when im to afraid to mean what i say. i can weave a new fantasy far more enjoyable then this dry ass reality. i can be two steps ahead of the game and never roll the dice. there's no gamble here, i set the stakes. there's no consequence or repercussion and that makes me feel risky. im too scared to pull some ass out stunt with my real life so i grew a pair of hair balls so i could be bold as fuck on here. dnt get it wrong i keep it 100 regardless, im no liar, but here on this page i run this shyt and yall cnt tell me nothin.


this break fucking sucks baby dicks!

I hate it.
I had all these plans and none of which will come true.
I said I was gonna do and go and be and become none of which will come true.

and I'm really sick of always feeling unfulfilled at my own short comings and failures. I'm better than this, idk what the fuck I'm waiting for.


who wants ta pay my phone bill?????
ya, ya, c'mon you know ya wanna!!!!


Monday, December 22, 2008

and i thought

of you...of me...of bigger things of silly things.
I thought of how lonely I am on this road at night by myself, and maybe this is directly correlated to my life.
I thought that there has to be a God to make a sky so grand and guide me home.
I thought about crying...and I'm not sure why.
I thought about turning around and staying one more night because there will be sooo many before ill lay with him again.
I thought about a ticket because I was speeding my ass off.
I thought about my friends, I prayed for my friends.
I thought about the time...all the time we've been doing this and why? why we're still doing this...
I thought I had a CD to change my mood but I could only play love songs.
I thought about next fall and football season and the lack of contact the frustration the heartache
I thought I could save myself from that if I ended it all now but then I knew I'd be entirely alone
I thought of us when its just us and that he is not the same person when the crowd shows up. not really a bad thing, I like that I get something no one else will ever see.
I thought about our differences. I love to hold hands, he hates to hold hands.
I thought of the other girls, if there are any, and I was all of over come with jealousy.
I thought of sleeping alone again.
I thought that those giant water tanks, the ones that look like golf balls and that maybe when the coast is clear giants come out and play.
I thought of pulling over and putting on your shirt.
I thought of you...I thought of me...I thought of us, the lack there of, the us more so. and while I was thinking of some really silly things and singing really sappy songs, I was hoping that you might hav been, just maybe thinking of me.


ps I definitely wrote that last night and fell asleep before I posted it. I woke up in the middle of the night and took a shower and when I first stepped in and the hot water beaded over my brown skin I smelled just like you. and as I slipped into your t-shirt I slipped back into you.
Goodnight Love. Good Morning Loneliness.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

you gotta stand by yo man

thats what good girls do

take me home

so dorian came to see me at the "barn house" lol and me and her went up to i hop. first, im sooo happy im not ghetto what so ever. second, if you bring me my food before i get my silverware....we're gonna hve problems.

sad part: we're driving down the street to take philly phil home me and dorian are in he hello kitty mobile and we're following mr all american with his bff's big zo and lil darryl (apparently youre either large or small in memphis...idk) but from our view it looks like mr all american hit these ppl runnin in the streets-ya, WRONG! so im like whoa! and dori's like whaaaat?! so these niggas is actually jackin (memphis word for fighting) all in the street! im like wtf?! turns out tho its this nigga chasin down this girl and beatin her ass. mr all american had stopped as to avoid hitting them both and theyre all hangin out yellin and watchin! slick funny but i know all too well how it is to be ass out knuckin by yo damn self. and i really know all too well what a gun shot will do to was funny til i realized this shyt can get serious. i prefer to keep my ass off first48's while in memphis, fuck that-i'd rather not ever appear on first48's period.

idk it slick scared me 'cause ive been there and i never wanna go back...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

what are we even doing

im trying to come to some kind of general conclusion on what we're even doing here...not like here location wise but really more so time. we've been at this for over a year now...its kinda like we're just going through the motions, just walking dead now.... idk....i met him around October of freshman year and got to be really close all of fall semester. i came to Memphis new years day 2008. i drove to Memphis, it snowed, i didn't have my cell phone, and it took me about 4 hours and 45 mins...ridiculous. but i did it, for him i did it. and i think that kind of exemplifies me in a relationship, if im going to put my name on it, put my heart in it, then im all in it and ill come the miles to be with you. im just that kinda girl, some of it comes from me not wanting ppl in my house too long and having to play host but its me none the less, i wanta be able to feel you, i need to be able to feel you. missing gets old-quick. its really not about the sex. but when im here, when we're together i dnt really wanna be anywhere else. but still when im here, when we're face to face and togetehr i cnt help but think, to question what the hell am i still doing here. what is it that keeps me coming back? (no pun, hoes) ask him i dnt pass out cooch like that, i dnt drive hours to stick it. this is actually a hott sexx burning candles free vacation, so then what is it? why is it? that ive said times before that im done, this is silly, we'll never be together, not cities apart, not with the way he can be some times. especially how we ended in spring semester 2008. at times i think i deserve better, someone who isnt quite as selfish, someone more supportive, understanding, nicer. mr all american is a good guy, dnt get me wrong he is a great guy. but im not sure if he's my guy. -sigh- i know he's not mine because im sharing. and someone is probably like maya c'mon youve talked to mr wonderful mr man mr "hasnt been named" Im not sleeping with them. not say he is sleeping with someone else, honestly if he was and i knew for sure, id leave. i dnt ride shared dick. simple as that. the hott sexx burning candles is no team effort. ask, you say? i have. he said he isnt. do i believe it? i want to. thats all i can give you. i wnt say how i know some of things i know but if youve invited ppl to come stop by, see me, etc...i cnt help but think yall bonin'. i really wanna be wrong about that. i really hope im wrong. i think one thing i have, a leg up on some of these girls is that i dnt pass out cooch. i dnt care we've been doing whatever we're calling this for a year now. if we're not exclusive, i keep a "the kicks stay on mentality" (you know how niggas keep their sneaks on when its just a quick bone, when its just some hoe-ive never experienced such things) but its the keeps him engaged, this is gonna sound terrible, but ive never just...cut lose with him, ill hold back. so his version of the hott sexx burning candles...mild flames. keeps him coming that sounds terrible.
....i digress....fuck!
ok, im just feeling like this. in every relationship a perosn plays a role. he's mr all american and im the captain of the cheer;eading squad (-gag-) i am naturally a very supportive person, im in your corner, ill trust you, stand by you, and rah rah bullshyt for you, but when my back always goes unpatted that, that shyt gets old. its all waaay too one sided. dig? so i guess im just looking for more of a balance. i scratch your back, you scratch mine. show me yours, il show you mine-lol! jp. but really i need some give and take as opposed to all this maya throw your back out and bend over backwards to help everyone else fuckery.
i just wanna know that him, whoever he is, is all mine. oh daydreamer please wake up. what good is this grand love i it just burns bright and explodes in flames...

all ima say

peachtree blues
sincerely, jane

janelle monae.....she goes sooo hard.
bestfriend, youd love her muzik

in response

(since "someone" cough-bestfriend-cough still doesnt allow comments)

ok doodle first-janelle monae........ohwow.....i feel so homo, im clearly jockin the shyt outta her, ignoring the hell outta mr all american! lol bet not! yes im in memphis and there is no hott sexx burning candles.
wait...this sounds like we stickin i dnt care, you bet not!

and im so happ, i knew my bestfriend would see the value in this momentous occassion, im down for the cause DC here we come. i gotta see this. I GOTTS TA SEE THIS! our kidds, ya i said OUR kids, theyll be braggin to all their friends like my mommi and daddi are waaay flyer than yours and the went to the inauguration! nah! top that! but really tho...this is going to be amazing and i just wanta be able to say, ya i was there, i saw it, and i cried! lol.....question?....what do i wear to an event like this? bestfriend, scoop me an obama shirt, something just sick fresh-thanks booskie

so i wrote that blog last night and i guess ima just let the cookie crumble how it may. there's no hott sex burning candles on this trip for more than one reason but i know that he cares....but i still dnt share.

i was thinkin this morning that im really glad no one reputiable besides my loving friends really reads this blog because i probably look like anotheer drunken colored college student. all i talk about is the bullshyt of men in my life, besides my bff and mr peezy, the large amounts of alcohol i consume, my massive confusion, and my hopelessly romantic thoughts...whampwhamp.

so here's my proclamation: i wish the world would go green-completely, but im afraid its too late to truly save the earth, we made exhausted all of her resources. im afraid to die mostly because i cnt grasp this concept and because im afraid of hell. i wanta be a good person, after watching seven, i just wanta be a good person. i wanta be loved, i always give away a lot of myself, a lot of my love to help and support everyone else i wanta feel like someone is giving me the same in return. i wanta be established, as someone something in this world-concrete.

i had a friend request this morning from an old friend/fling and he's now a nupe....i was like wow....EVERYONE IS GREEK! maybe not divine 9 or even legal (man its dammit but everyone i know besides me and my bestfriend are greek and im like damn....i need to hit this 3.5 and turn a certain organization out. dig??

idk, i guess im done for now...

ok so last night

we went to see seven pounds and you have to see it.
it was over my head slick but the acting, the emotion, then....oh my bob! a-fucking-mazing. like i cnt even review it because its just so much you have to just see it, and pain attention! its stars off and really doesnt give you anything to grasp an understanding for a good little min...but stick with it...


Friday, December 19, 2008

its a difficult situation...

when you wanta be mad but its your own fault you knew damn well along. the hope in you wants to believe that this time, this guy, he'll realize what he has and maybe if you'd hav stayed ignorant, blind even then you could just be happy...naively happy. but you know now and slick you've been doing the same thing but it all still hurts to know. even tho you knew you probably weren't the only one. maybe its better, ignorance is bliss because with knowledge comes too much responsibility.
I wanta be mad but I've been doing the same thing I guess...


hello memphis!

good ta see you...

miss me? guess i miss you too.

more? ok...

3 black yukons. fresh. police. they're in the median facing the other way. one white one all by itself...
good ol southern segregation.

on the road...

man the trip to memphis is fuckin hilarious! scratch that its highly amusing.
this ride is gorgeous just fyi
blue-ish smoke?? thick! in pockets for like 5 miles.
I finally catch up after having a mild asthma attack and its this anciet diesel truck. the older man next to me is somking a cigarette and haskin his off!
blak aztak from iowa like 4 kids in the back dukin it out! like pullin hairr and clawing. he thre his truck at her! as I pass the husband looks over at me and sighs in despair, clearly jealous of my empty vehicle. ha! shoulda wore a rubber. but his wife is in the passenger seat runnin her mouth!!!! poor guy...
ok picture this big pick up. fresh, tints, 24's and on the back woidow its a pin up girl and it says "silly boys trucks are for girls" and as I pass...OLD AS WHITE LASY WITH SOME D&G shades and she had the official old white lady hair the big helmet hair. I wanna kno what they say ask for that style...
its a really nice day just fyi. so in my rear view there's an xterra rapidly approaching full of white girls poppin around inside, these hoes is jammin! so their windows are down and I wanta kno what's got them certified hify so I crack mine and as they pass...........MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!!!!!! I died.
just in...why is this skool bus towing a jeep...does metro know what you're doing ma'am????
yes, I hav more, and no I'm not there yet.
truck driver from fuckin {NEW MEXICO} IS GONNA TAKE OUT ALL OF 40 somebody watch the news. he is laying on that steering wheel...nigga wake up!
fresh ass charger 22's tints clean flying all the lights everwhere!!!!!! HE'S THE MUTHAFUCKIN POLICE! that shyts so green.
there were like 12 deer-deers-na its deer. whatever. they were lined up on the hill by the road lookin like they bout ta fuck up some bueno. I had ta giggle tho, imagine the daddy deer like after the ion ok.... 1 2 3 lol!
uhm...the natchie scenic river...well you cnt see it so how am I suppose to find it scenic???? the hell...
somebody call the police! there's a man dropping a black trash bag into some pond...HELLO! ITS A BODY!
man, its a lot of crosses on the way...God rest their souls.
I'm trailing this volvo right and who ever is in there is getting it to whatever they're bumpin
oh ok earlier there was a truck, inside its a man and I guess his son. license plate says big jim well big jim is goin off on little jim! and as I pass little jim is crying and he puts his face in his john deer're a meany big jim!
that was a big ass vulture! dear God!
a while back I was trailing this fresh little honda. a black couple. and we rollin a good 85 mph and we going for a good hour maybe and when they got off in jackson he honked and shot me the deuces! that's what's up. license plate said the hughes. shouts out ta the hughes of jackson.
I think that's enough for now...I'm bout ta trail this red explorer wit shelby tags. yurp! we doin 89 that's mu kinda ride.
xo loves you and dnt you forget

Thursday, December 18, 2008

im running away in the morning...

since we cnt post comments

am i going too??? oh ok, thanks bestfriend!

oh guess what?!

eric kelly hit me up this morning!
yurp, mr imjustdoin' himself.
and we talked guessed, CARTOONS!
lol he's so funny love that kidd.

so what's up dori

i dnt cheat. dnt ever slick accuse me of that bullshyt.

there's a lot more to that statement but I dnt feel like addressing that issue. know that I hav never and never would mess with your friends, even tho they've all approached me, I would never do that to you.
stop trippin.

im dawg ass tired. little kids are a work out.

good morning

so today im up at my aunts skool to help her out and kick it for a little while. she teaxhes 3rd grade these kids his hellafide hilarious!!!! i aint laughed like this in a while. she told this small child "throw something else and ill throw you!" im pretty damn sure you cnt speak to kids like that but she's just that bold. kids at this age think theyre a little too grown for my taste tho. they snitchin and hittin and thisd shyt is great! oh so this little boy says "hey! ms maya! whats your tattoo say?" -daddy's little girl- "oh snap yall she tatt tatt tatted up!" roflamo!
kids say the darndest of things

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


if you havbt yet go read my bestfriend's blog and then come back, dnt worry ill wait............................................................................................................................................he gets so excited about stuff, isn't it cute?! its slick dope as hell but I just have one question reggie?...doesn't seem a lot like a phone call? a continuos 3way confrence call? sorry kiddo, ill still download it tho, just for you.

im one smart cookie!!!

i's done gon and got ALL A'S IN THIS BITCH!

Love/Hate 2008

hated the spring after the really bad fight.
loved those who stood by me.
hated the negative attention it brought.
hated my scarred and battered body.
loved that it wasn't and could hav bn a lot worse.
loved that freshman yr was over.
hated my grades.
loved the triumph tho.
hated the rocky relationship just before summer.
loved that I got myself out of it.
LOVED summer. LOVED!
summer loves:
strawberry sneaka (go spence)
spence and lloyd. period.
leandria lott! that kidd roxx
mr mann. good times.
getting tatted with aleesa!
all the summer sets.
the massive amounts of alcohol I consumed.
danny glover! yayy danndann and the georgianade
alexis moore! my nigga
man just everybody I kicked it wit all summer.
hated that 8 to 5
loved them checks
hated all those tickets! ugh!
loved the dark night! say it lloyd, why so serious?
hated that it all had to end.
loved, yes loves TSU.
hated-thoroughly hated financial aid and the bad publicity.
loved falling in love all over again with my bestfriend! ABSOLUTELY LOVED MY BESTFRIEND. Reginald Tyrone Swann, Jr. aka BESTFRIEND! my fav, hands down.
loved falling in love with the new "best friends"
FRANKIE DdotC SEABRON! aka vampire rabbit
WALT THAT NIGGA PARKER! aka walt-peezy
ERIC TOOCUTE KELLY! aka imjustdoin'
man loved AMINIKA AND KERRYN aka witcha bitchassz
hated that any of us ever had beef.
love that we all moved forward closer and stronger.
loved the late night convos with Le
hated making up in the morning
"are we going to class" "no" "zzzzzz"
loved fall semester classz and fall semester grades!
hated procrastinating
loved all the moments:reggie winking, frankie falling again and again, the awkturtles, the drinking, the tears, the hugs, the love.
hated the day that never happened
loved the moment in the kitchen and watching the sunrise. martin and coretta.
loved learning to play bass
hated dropping him in the hall
loved new loves
loved more the ones that remained thru it all. ♥
loved that me and my brothers got so close. love them.
hated it took sooo long.
hated that some relationships ended
happy I ever had you at all
loved watching "The Coach" lol
loved more watching her hang up the whistle to play it one on one.
hated that my step dad got sick
loved that prayer works.
hated my mother
loved my mother
loved the fact that everyday is a new day
hated the fact that its alwways darkest before dawn
loved my God.
hated the devil.

its really bn a hell of a yr and while a lot of it has left a lasting effect on me I cnt help but say thank God for another yr, some cnt say that.
in the yr to come I declare to better and stronger, happier and smarter, and come hell or high water I'm counting it all joy.

ps I gotta kiss on new yr's so next yr will be filles with love lol pucker up.

7 am

I'm sick, fuck!
achey and cold sweats and hot flashes and bullshyt! I cnt even sleep...
I just took a few shots of nyquil we'll see what happens.
bestfriend ill help you learn to wink. ima winking wiz. I can do both eyes and alternate. maybe you're just wink retarded. Ill love you anyway tho.
why do ppl keep trying to kill me?
I still havnt found a reason for this hole in my neck or the deep tissue bruising in my why?
why am I betrayed?
what's the purpose of my life? like after everything I've been thru, I should be dead so why...why am I still here?
where is happiness?
what happens when we die?

and thru all of these questions and more the only thing I've ever learned the answer I've ever gotten blind faith. things hoped for but unseen. wholehearted faith that to spite the fuckery of our lives, the short comings of our potential, and the fears and apprehensions that someone, somewhere loves us more than we could ever love ourselves. and I guess...ill take that, because its waaayy too scary to think I really am in this thing alone.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

lying in bed

and I'm watching The Little Princess. this is like my fav movie ever.
I think I'm getting bueno-at ALL.
oh, todays menu...spaghetti.
me and dorian are getting a dog! a little yorkshire terrier just like Lucky and we're naming her Agnes Ethel Towntthews. judging?...
I was flicking channels today and saw this man proposing on Oxygen, not like a tank the channel, and it was soooo sweet.
the little girl in this movie, sarah, she's habitual liar. she got all these little girls believing all this bullshyt she be spittin'....and I clearly sound bitter as hell lol
I feel like there's something I wanta say but idk what it is...
danny aka danndann called me today goin off about our psych teacher last semester, she is a bitch but danny took that shyt to heart. so we talk it out and he's like "thanks my-my I love you. t-t-y-l" (like he said the letters) and I was rollin'. I swetabob I love danndann.
I guess I'm outta bullshyt ta say...
if you see my bestfriend, tell him its over. promise broken. fail.

xo loves you, and dnt you forget it.

ma dukes...

her all I do is watch HGTV and google D.I.Y. all day ass is just getting carried away...
I'm getting my bob the builder on on the steps (idk what you even call the shyt I just did) but I'm like "ay! ma...I thought we hired ppl to do this bullshyt" "maya! what did you just say?!" "scratch that. I thought we hired ppl to handle these tideous and labor filled tasks" "I was reading in better homes and gardens that by doing the remodeling yourself you'll form a bond with the finished product, taking time to invest in your home builds pride." I dropped the hammer and walked off. I DNT FORM BONDS WITH BUILDINGS NIGGA! U-G-H--O-M-G! she's delirious. form a bond?! the fuck?! ill take pride in a nice home whether I hammered that hoe or not. I just wanta come home to the damn thing.
pshh...a bond my ass...ima form a bond wit my bed and go to sleep on yall ol' extreme home makeover lookin assz...ty aint here hoe! I'm so damn mad. we coulda had jesus and juan up in here bustin out some remodeling but yall wanta fall in love with the wood grain and shyt.

xo loves you, and dnt you forget it.

the return of the treo

im so over this bullshyt! im callin sprint and bitchin them hoes out i aint payin this damn phone bill-I CAN NEVER USE MY PHONE! and then ima call retentions or whatever its called and get a damn black berry curve for FREE! im sick of this shyt, FUCK YOU TREO! ya hear that?! MUTHAFUCK YOU!


i was gonna post a the lyrics to punch drunk love just 'cause its so vividly freaky but instead ill post this because all know im hopelessly romantic....♥

ingrid michaelson
corner of your heart

There's a corner of your heart for me.
There's a corner of your heart just for me.
I will pack my bags just to stay in the corner of your heart.
Just to stay in the corner of your heart.

There is room beneath your bed for me.
There is room beneath your bed just for me.
I will leave this town just to sleep underneath your bed.
Just to sleep underneath your bed.

There's one minute of your day.
There's one minute of your day.
I will leave this man just to occupy one minute of your day.
Just to occupy one minute of your day.

Just to sleep underneath your bed.

Just to stay in the corner of you heart.

oh my life...

ok, so my phone is cut off and here's my plan. normally i would call and say i need an extension but nooooo treo dnt wanna let a nigga talk and shyt. so the plan: im coming back to dori's in the morning, thats where i am now, and callin sprint and bitchin them out. im not paying a bill that i never use because he always froze and shyt. so then ima get that bill scratched get my phone back on and then ima say im leaving sprint so theyll send me a new phone because im a terribly disatisfied customer with phone and it came so highly recommended. i got a plan, now i just gotta execute that hoe! lol
wish me luck

so in case you werent paying attention, treo is off like cut off so dnt call dnt text 'cause i wnt be getting any of that until tomorrow...hopefully.

oh, GET HER BESTFRIEND! jackie tried that shyt today like where are you? when are you going home? nigga i live ALONE dnt worry bout this shawty i definitely am holdin this all the way down. trippin ass. im mad now. and please tell me why ive been crying all day just random little fits of tears! like wtf ? why am i so upset....i think im really lonely right now, not like right now because im thoroughly amused by my doodle but by the time i get to my residence ill realize i am completely alone and cut off from the world...solitude.

xo loves you. and dnt you forget it

Monday, December 15, 2008

point.blank.period:just woke up


bestfriend and mr. smith-you speak from the heart. when comforting a girl verbally you say exactly how you feel. even if its wack or you cnt quite form all the words to really express it. we'll see that you care and that's really all we wanted in the first place, for you to care. like the night in the kitchen, bestfriend, its what you didn't say...its what we both felt that meant more than anything. its about connections.

dorian-I know! I just KNOW yo ass aint in nashville and you aint called a nigga...I feel you on the fuck-me pumps tho...I gots ta step the heel game up.

leandria and frankie-cricket cricket...yalls fingers better broke since yall aint blogged or texted me...

MY bathroom is finally done, semi yayy!!! it needs a thorough clean but its up and running.

shouts out ta whit whit and mr whit whit, good luck to the happy couple. glad I could help.

I really hate that I can help everyone else and cnt get my shyt

its all rainy and shyt in nashville and I dnt wanta do anything but I really need a muthafuckin job.
-scratch that-I'm in desperate need of employment

in my efforts to be a nice ex I am now made bitter. I am not a piece of meat. dnt try me. and whn you do try me and I deny you do not try again. niggas cnt be civilized. I know I turn you on, I hav that effect on a lot of ppl but ill flip the switch off real quick and cuss yo ass out. why am I actin funny? 'cause you piss me off. rip mr leftright.

I feel like being alone but I'm lonely. like there's no middle ground and that's no bueno. I'm really getting upset.

oh shyt-funny moment. so I cnt speak into my phone, like if you call I can yell but you wnt hear me. so she called and she was like push a button if you hear me. -beep- and she rambles on and then she's like do you understand -beep- ok I love you bye. -beep beep- she giggles and hangs up. I feel like a fuckin mute! lmao ugh...sigh...

I guess I'm done...

new topic

I just read my neggie's blog. he's jealous! how sweet.
now you know how I feel. sharing isn't option. I want you to myself (no pun) I'm convinced that if others got to see the bestfriend I know they'd want him! and that's just NOT gonna happen. sorry walt neggie's my fav lol


niggas, when I'm doing yo ass a favor ESPECIALLY if it involves me getting out of my warm bed before noon to do yo punk ass a favor you need to hav the common courtesy to have yo ratchet ass ready. dnt nobody (ooh double negative) wanta be sittin in the car waitin on yo bitchass to stop jigglin ya balls and bring yo ass so I can drop yo no car havin ass at work! I thank God I hav a vehicle, this bummin shyt is bogus! and he's pissin me the fuck off!
Ugh! I could be sleep!!! SLEEP NIGGA!!!

while i still have service...

should sprint decide to beat me to it and cut off my phone in the morning...I love na but it may be off by morning so fyi. ill probably be able to receive your call but treo is a hoe so I can talk all I wnt but YOU WNT BE ABLE TO HEAR ME! fail.
should this dredful event take place I will not be blogging because I dnt hav a cord to my laptop and my house is in shambles.
I really need a hug and vay-kay-shun!.... Lord have mercy.
asap, I'm callin sprint and havin this bill cancelled because I havnt been able to use my damn phone so I damn sho aint payin for it! got me fucked...
I'm bout ta watch pocahontas and go to bed
xo out this bitch.

Sunday, December 14, 2008


so im definitely not a southern a girl but today i had ta show yall what GirlsRaisedInTheSouth can do...
since jackie wnt cook, i had ta put my foot in a pot and throw the hell down
pork chops
mashed potatoes (from scratch)
green beans
corn bread
and yes baby, kool aid! what color??? red, nigga duh!

i might be a city girl but i was definitely raised in the South and southern girls throw down.
tell ya ma dukes that, walt p!


and you just pissed me off-way ta fucking go!


i just read dorian's blog and i was crackin up. jackie is notorious for disregarding mapquest diretions. ill be like ok go down bell rd to old hickory. this nigga gon say "oh i know where such and such is, we'll just start from there..." and when we get there and its not the "there" she thought it was she looks to me like "ooohhh messed us up!" ya uhuh sure i did...

ok but i hav a list of things to say:

i have come to the sad realization that there is really no point in having a big bed if youre in it all and walt discussed how lonely our big beds are and while he has someone to miss im definitely just sleeping with a shyt load of pillows. but this nigga took it too far...tell me why walter parker jr has a BLACK LIGHT in his room...yo freak nasty ass!

im driving to church this morning and this car pulls up next to me and the man looks just like an older eric kelly! and he was hott!!! i was like man i wish dorian was here for this

the last few times ive grabbed something to eat ive had to apply ample salt...maybe i just miss the bestfriend but food just seems so bland...

man, i saw the flyest little asian lady ever! she had on this fresh ass white bubble vest and she was walking down the street bumpin her ipod and sippin her starbucks and i just started crackin up 'cause i could just imagine her boppin along to "i was raised in the projects-projects" i would die of laughter.

so we're remodeling still right, so i decided to pain the cabinets for my bathroom. and i think ima change my major to carpentry with a focus in semi gloss latex paints...that was until my phone rang and i couldnt touch it for all the paint and after a while it really got on my nerves and i washed my hands like a surgeon and it made me miss dorian and im defnitely sticking to history, far less messy

so im at church today right and please explain to me why it sounds like 808's in this hoe!
"enlarge me territpry" (BOOOOM) i mean you could feel it in your chest! and all the young ppl sit up in the balcony and we all lookin at each other like wtf?! man too funny

ok the checkin convo:
so this is me and mr all american and we talkin bout wrestlin and im like
"bring it"
-"its already bn broughten (sp? lol)"
"yo ol signed sealed delivered lookin ass"
-"wassup mane, sasha firce buckethead ass nigga. whassup!"
"yo ol' i ♥ beyonce tshirt wearin, deluxe edition cd lookin ass. nah, wassup mane"
-"wasup sos pad head ass nigga wassup"
"whassup ol chocolate covered snow man nigga!"
-"yo no slope bridge nose havin ass girl. you look like you eat krystals all day! whassup"
"yo black hole lookin ass. you look like you collect crazy straws and google zebras all day!"
-"maya, i will powerbomb yo pretty ass"
"boom shakalaka!"
-"my mama said hi"
"hi! man, im scared if her"
-"she'll chop you in yo neck!"
"ugh! something is wrong with you"
-"aint nothin wrong with me. dumdum dillio"
"what the hell?! dumdum dillio...i rest my case"
-"its all luv redwood moose camel goat"
"fuck you piggy monkey ox box cutter ass"

i do believe....I WON!

oh news flash........................treo will no longer let me speak into if you call and hear absolutely nothing, trust im talking-hell im yelling but he's decided to go mute on my damn fake.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

its official...

I'm going to atlanta. tha ma dukes atl be in the kitchen burnin'! my ma be in the kitchen on the phone or somethin. shut up and bake or somethin.
walt p is in zone 6 wit pork chops, fried fish, mac and cheese, broccoli, yes with cheese! and all these cakes and shyt I'm f'in jealous.
jackie, what the hell is wrong with you!?!

oh and had another great wake up convo. news flash: dnt expect much consolation in the loss of a loved one from do you not know how to comfort someone who lost their grandfather?! that boi is so special.
oh shyt do NOT let me forget to post my checkin convo. I feel like I held my own against a real memphis nigga.

oh shyt, whassup mane!

I'm checking! om-muthafuckin bob! I'm checking!!!! ill post the convo in a min lmao

has anybody read...

reggie's blog? lmao he gets it from his mama
I kno I get it from jackie! her corona guzzlin ass.
walt p probably gets it from big walt too
and poor wholesome lotts...we've corrupted lil le....
oh well! ill drink to that!

has anyone read dorian's blog(s) all f'in hilarious
addicted to computer...
scarred by 80 yr old titi's...
and increasing my reading scores...
definitely mad at my self for read your version of graduation with ease lol
hooked on phonics!

Friday, December 12, 2008

so apparently...

if i click on the draft folder of my messages my phone will have a mini stroke and bail like a bitch, freeze like a hoe and leave me hanging! thats so damn fake...i just wanta see what i was trying to say! u-g-muthaf'in-h. this is the 3rd time this shyt has happened! fail...
i shoulda take my ass to memphis!
ima learn to play dominos, Darisa's gonna teach me. then ima beat phil and never let him live it down.
i wanta watch a movie...any suggestions....
has anyone noticed that dorian out blogs all of us COMBINED. like every time i check the dashboard she has at least 3 new what the hell do you besides blog lol but dnt stop i need the entertainment
omg my mother, yes the infamous whining jackie, just walked in my room (yes in the voice ppl) "maya...let me hear you play the guitar" (and she definitely said guitar like GET-tar)
"ima put you in my blog for saying that" she says, "ya, do it! thats 'cause i rock! now tell walt p that!" you might be winning her over walt lmao
-man if youre reading this and youve been trying to text me, sorry its treo bitchass fault...
funny convo with mr all american
me: piggy, teach me how to play dominos
him: moose, i dnt know how. my cuz does tho...
me: you suck
him: do you know how to play guess who
me: ya, why?
mr all american is about 6'3 250-ish maybe idke maybe more...dark skinned, very intimidating and his big soft ass wants ta play some damn guess who?! everybody thinks he's so tough, all big and bad-he's a chumo, a big softy and thats just the way i like him.

update-treo is still frozen....whampwhamp

treo bitchass done froze! all in me and walt's convo-damn. fake.

pull the trigger

who only hirers painters?!
who remodels a whole house, every room at the same time?!
who rips the carpet up and hasnt purchased the hardwood?!
ill tell ya bobdammit, JACKIE AND FRED-thats who!

i finally get my black ass of tsu's campus only to come home to MY condo completely under construction. im all "yayy-remodeling, how fun!" BULLSHYT
every room has been painted, very pretty. but they have displaced everything in every room and now its ALL everywhere.
so i come in and its no "hey babes, how was finals? glad your home. blahdy blah..." no HELLS NO "GET YO SHYT IN AND HELP"
-excuse me...-
ya, yall think my ma is al cute and whiney til she try ta cop a tude and talk bad in that little voice. it will quickly get on your
my room...a mess. all my fruniture is covered and moved. my bed is leaning against the wall. i dnt give a hot damn about anyother room in this house but mine and my bathroom.
oh bathroom....a bonafide catastrophe....
im cleaning it now....and aparently i am not made for hard labor. my contacts are dry, my nose is running (shut up walter.) my back is hurting, my leg itches, and i dnt wanta clean.
im under the impresion that we have hired ppl to remodel our home. reality is we hired painters...and ever since then my stepdad has been bussin out mad work in this house. mind you he's on like if you dnt sit yo bionic cancer ass down! he's a its him and few mexicans (no diss) and theyve been doing our home. well im home now and i was not anticipating the war zone that met me at the door...
this is gonna be a long ass winter break...ima go get my brother o buy me some budlight with lime. i have a
and all the while walter "mr smith" parker is texting me about this delicious meal his mom made, and the flowers he's gonna pick, and how gay his life is! F YOU WALT! im distraught....
and dori is gonna steal this old ladies greek pari bag, and im all nooooo dori she's old. she has her drugs and ointment and tissue and peppermints in there. youre so bad dorian!
im check on my sink because that bitch wnt drain....U-G-MUTHAF'IN-H i shoulda went to memphis...

say a prayer i dnt snap on my parents and smack a mexican.
-excuse any gramatical errors im pissed.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

im going to the clinic

for severe withdrawal treatment.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

welcome back!

omg im so damn happy.
MARVIN IS BACK! his arm is still slightly dislocated but he has a brand new heart and im so ready to fall in love again.
so say hello marvin....
" "
did you hear him?



so yesterday my phone took a face first dive into the pouring rain and fell ta f'in pieces...damn you treo. I cnt hear on my ear piece! like wtf?! this so bogus.

well hello there,

so I'm asleep right and my phone rings "you better call tyrone!" its the bestfriend! ppl let me tell you about my bestfriend...he will call, wake you up, and talk you back ta sleep, but you'll laugh yo ass off!!! here's a little of our chat.
"oh wow bestfriend, this nigga just ran from a squirrel!"
same squirrel, he saw it agaain.
"bestfriend that squirrelis eating these fries. these cold ass fries from yesterday, they've been out in the rain and cold all night. I hope he's got some salt."
BESTFRIEND HE'S A SQUIRREL THAT NIGGA DOES NOT CARE! I was laughing so he is so ridiculous with this salt obsession.
-interjection-I was flippin channels last night right and you know how info-mercials will convince you that you need to be on whatever drug they're selling...."are you fat?" ya..."are you feeling sluggish?"ya..."are you craving salt?" BESTFRIEND IS! so ima buy him these pills lol
ok, so I'm back.
so bestfriend informs me that's is "pretty damn cold. its misty not really rainy, like if you had a perm, you'd be fucked but you got the twists you're straight. you could wear yo rainboots!!!" thanks for the wardrobe adisory...
then we talked about his lack of humility and how overly prideful he is. I was still slick sleep but I know that convo was funny as hell. that's for a good wake up bestfriend I love you more than words.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


ok so I just gave my history final the bizznasty. A. and I'm back in 608...I just ate some cheesy bread from cici's and drank some orange soda and I couldn't help but think how terrible my breath will be when and if I wake...oh well I sleep alone. lol
dorian blog about the dream had me laughing out loud!
walt p's blog made me smile.
my blog is just like...eeewwww but oh well goodnight.

waaaayyy too early

whom so ever created the 8 o'clock class deserves a swift kick in the ass. period. there's is no possible way to fully function at this God forsaken hour. if I had ta actually think for this final i'd be hellafide pissed. but since me and treo hav mastered the ways of this class I'm straight.
seeing as how he's not here yet, the professor, and this is the infamous class that produces rambling lets ramble...
I did mad thinking last night, like madd! like I've imagined every situation possible and thoroughly surprised and scared the shyt outta myself.
man if it wasn't for lauryn and john in this here ipod playing in my ears i'd probably be in a very bad mood.
mornings are wack. you wake up so early you catch last night's hunger...ima growl all through this final.
I still got this bitchass board game group final with these silly ppl and that shyt has to be done tonight!
today's agenda:
give this final the business
remove key articles of clothes and go back to sleep
get my shyt together and take it home.
group project group project group project
ima sprinkle some food in this here equation as well
say goodbye to down
-oh real quick, me and walt woke up together again! yayy! twins.
run thru kerryn's a little later

this guy needs ta bring his sweater wit a vest, no not a sweater vest nigga, 2 separate pieces lookin ass, wit that ponytail and administer this damn test so I can cheat and go sleep!

shout outs:
jamilynn for a music filled semester. be blessed.
to walt for another sleep off lol
the bestfriend for standing me up, fake.
to treo, yes even treo for bustin out the blogs and holding these beautiful word documents full of my education!

great minds i tell you!

so i had left my blogger window up for like....ever i guess and when i posted my blog i went back to the dashboard and tell me why my bestfriend had posted a blog on the same damn topic! thats f'in guess that song did it for both of us. give it up for floetry eveyrbody!!!! lol i guess i am officially a floetry fan.
ok i gotta finish this world history.

study break...

so im studying right and i keep humming this song i was listening to by floetry. the bestfriend always puts me up on some hott shyt. so i was like damn whats it called so i wrack my brain and bite my nails and............. i remembered! floetry let me in...

Let me in [x2]

[Verse 1:]It’s kinda funny that you listen but you never show,
The kinda opening I’m hoping intertwines our soul.
It’s kinda silly that you really wanna let me know.
The kinda feeling that you’re dealing with you’re tryna cope.
I’m not perfect,
You’re not perfect.
This aint worth it,
You gotta know by now, I have good intentions,
But I got a temper,
Baby still remember, what we’re here to do.

I wanna help you ‘cause, I think that we can beat whatever.
I wanna prove to you,
Aint nothing gonna stop us never.
I wanna innerstand,
The type a moves you’re gonna choose.
I wanna show you baby.
This way we’ll never loose.

I’m in need of,
Your love darling,
If we keep on,
Starting over and,
Over baby,
Then I’ll still be waiting.
Let me.


[Verse 2:]
Something’s troubling it’s worrying,
And I can see.
Something different, bout the way you interact with me.
Something peculiar, I’m telling ya, it shouldn’t be,
Something singular,
When really it’s about the we.
You’ve been thinking, I’ve been thinking,
But we should be talking.
Our hearts apart are coming to their own assumptions.
They’re still in love and,
We need to need to know it,
There’s nothing else to prove.

Why you hesitate,
About debating on the real?
Why you acting like, I’m not your friend, I’m just your girl.
Why you tryna keep on hiding what I know you feel.
Why you trying to fight alone
You know I know the deal.
You’re in need of,
My love baby,
We can’t keep on,
Denying fate it is,
What it is to be.
You and Me.
Can’t you see?
Let me.

You gotta let me in,
So I can understand.
See I’m your lady,
And baby you’re my man.
You gotta let me know, I’m not letting go.
I wanna see forever,
With you baby oh!
You gotta let me see,
The pain will leave.
And I’m gone nurse ya, I’ll make it better.
You gotta let me in.
You’re the one I love.
I miss your kiss and hugging.
Don’t wanna hurt for nothing.


You know, I’m just trying to be there.
We’re on the same side baby.
It’s me and you.
You know the cool!
I got you.

wow, right? ya i know. so i consider myself a pretty open person. i take advice well, i give advice well, i seek others for council, and im there when others need council. and it gets me fucked up everytime! ok maybe not every time but it seems like my openess is always to my demise. i used to be a blindly trusting person, i wnt even lie about it, i would trust anyone because i just wanted to believe that people were good. well people are bad and much to my dismay they always let me down. so the song, it had me thinkin that there's no middle if you trust too easily you get screwed over, but if you shut people out in this attempt to protect yourself youre really losing out on the good too. so im like hell, im damned if i trust im damned if i dnt...thats so wack. so the bestfriend is a very private person and im always trying to get him to open up and talk about things but im realizing now that maybe he has a far better system than i. trust no one, and youll never be hurt. you'll be alone but youll never be hurt. its a win, lose but very few things in life are a win,win. idk but it just seems like for the handful of good ppl you can find in this world, you have to go thru like 50 million liars, 30 million fake people, and years worth of heartache. idk about you, but i dnt hav time to sift thru that much fuckery. so i think, and ive actually been doing this for a while, ima relay some bricks. ive allowed my wall to be cut down brick by brick and ive been left ass out and vulnerable. no bueno. so ima spackle some cracks and pull back because i know all to well the feeling of betrayal and believe you me itll leave you face down on 3rd bloody and battered and i wnt be caught up like that again.
you may say, maya thats not good to shut out people. ya well world its not a good idea to leave yourself open to be taken advantage of either. i dnt wanta be cold but i dnt wanta be hurt. there's never any reciprocity to this life and this one sided bullshyt gets old. like the whole fairytale, flowers, and giggles is some lie they tell children because if we had realized long ago the ways of this earth we woulda put a pistol in our mouths by 6th grade. damn that was dark....sorry. but had we known then what we've learned by now, it all wouldnt be nearly as glamorous as we thought itd be...
idk...i really dk... but i do know i like that song...


Monday, December 8, 2008

ooohh wweee!

I like my options, I like the game I can semi play. I especially like the feeling that I'm the only one on certain ppl's minds. thus I do not like knowing that I'm not the only one. fuck the small metaphorical symbolism bullshyt talk. mr wonderful is currently listed as "in a relationship"


its funny to me though that things like that make you want something a little more than before. like the idea that its slightly less accessible makes it waaaayy more appealing.
ha, the mac in me...

pimp juice

he only want me for my pimp juice. not my piump juice?! yes my pimp juice! whhoooow!

had ta tell him stand on my left trick i kno you aint right.

idk why niggas be rushin, fool this aint russia!

im treat these boiz like they from milwakee, send 'em green bay packin!

that song has the funnniest damn punch lines.
just thought i share some laughter

Sunday, December 7, 2008

its about to go down

its finals week and surprisingly enough im oddly excited, not to stress over tests and study all week but that once this is over i can take my ass home, alone, and be me. tsu is becoming this whole toxic world and the only things that keep breathing are my friends and im losing myself in them. i hav a other inner circle of friends and i miss them dearly. winter is gonna be my rejuvinating process: im forgiving, forgetting, and moving forward. its not good to hold grudges and its not good to go on like everything is ok. either way ive made my decision as to how ill be handling the coming week, events, and people.
im moving off campus next fall. cnt do it anymore, deuces. i feel like ive out grown that dorm room jail cell bullshyt. im sick of knocking on my bathroom door and wearing flip flops in the shower. ugh! i wanta a room and a bathroom of my own. i wanta wlk into my home at night and kno this is my house, or at least half, ill have a roommate. =)
so todays to do list:
2 history essays
put all history info in my phone (what? dnt judge) and do the in class essay in advance
get my blk lit group together and knock out this game
study for spanish
and that might...yurp, that'll be it!

im taking my shyt home tuesday.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

more sara, she's so poetic

just read...

Time... to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times
My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines
I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me always be
You and me always be
I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost ready
When he meant let go
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines

between the lines by sara b
if you just read it like a poem aloud...its really beautiful. call me, ill read it to you i love it just that much...
this might go on for

sara barielles gravoty

Something always brings me back to you.It never takes too long.No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.
You hold me without touch.You keep me without chains.I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
[CHORUS]Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.But you’re on to me and all over me.
You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.When I thought that I was strong.But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.
[CHORUS]Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.But you’re on to me and all over me.
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

gotta love that.

do yall remember this?!

man i heard this and was like this nigga sang his heart out. -sigh-
Anthony Hamilton Im a Mess

Can't believe Ohhhhh Oh no no no no whoaaa...
[Verse 1]I'm so torn up now can't believe I lost youLost my best friend my soul mate can't believe it's trueWe've invested in a set of twins a small house and the dog cried outKnew I was suffering he was chained to my pain.Me and you were meant to last foreverAnd if these walls can't hold this house togetherWe were born to live and die togetherAnd now ya gone and I'm so aloneBaby come on home
[Chorus]You could have called you could have wrote you could triedI rather you slit me cross the throat so I can dieInstead of leaving no explanation as to whyYou don't want me no more[Repeat]
[Verse 2]I'm a mess right now I can't eat can't sleepBills are piling high ain't worked in three weeksAin't bathed can't shave cause my heart is so tender like living in a blenderI'm shaken and I'm stirredYou and me were meant to last foreverAnd if these walls can't hold this house togetherWe were meant to lie and die togetherAnd now you're gone and I'm so aloneBaby come on home
[Chorus]You could have called you could have wrote you could triedI rather you slit me cross the throat so I can dieInstead of leaving no explanation as to whyYou don't want me no more[Repeat]
Call me write me love me come home[Repeat][Ad lib out.......]

very entertained

i just went back read some of my old post from the summer like when i first started blogging and i laughed for hours! like omg, i can be so dramatic and deep, like its really funny to me. but ya i encourage all of you to go back month by month and read, in order, the blogs youve posted. and see if doent take you right back there to the moment and you can remember how mad you were, how funnysomething was, how serious you felt and then youll realize had i known then what i know now, i woulda just let it all go, laughed it off, and got over myself.
i encourage you to go read your old posts, shyts a trip down memory lane.

shouts out ta dori aka doodle bug for a real as convo, i had no idea we thought this much alike. doot!

leave it to my bestfriend/semi point.blank.period

he said it better than we ever could...
"its time to go! get the fuck up out my face"
so eloquent, thanks bff lol
we're all over here trying to make it sweet and metaphorical, fact is we're all getting on edge over little things and we just need ta go our separate ways for a while. dnt expect too much contact, all my local homie's will be back and i gotta kick it extra tough to make up for time lost. i wanta be able to miss yall because the fact is, a few classes a part just isnt doin it for me anymore lol sorry. xo.

so today im spending my happy saturday babysitting, a frequent passtime, and i always seem to learn something new. life lesson number5648971 magnets cnt be eaten. i know they may look delicious my sweet ignorant child but if you put that in your mouth you will choke. and i will laugh. sorry but i told yo ass ta put it back on the fridge. its days like this that i realize ima make a great mommy! but i damn sho dnt want any kidds right now!U-G-muthaf'in-H! these babies are so damn badd some times. game plan: pizza is on its way, baths by 6:30 in bed by 8:30. ill watch hancock once theyre down for the count and do my laundry. ha, the joys of babysitting.

oh so mr all american definitely pissed me off. i was planning to take a little vacation to...the west =) for the weekend right after my final exam but i am poor and i wnt travel broke thats just dumb, and he's gon throw a hissy like im just trippin, no im just smart! ima reschedule tho because i do wanta see tha little whiner.

someone else needs a name...thats all ill say about that. mr...surprise maybe...ill let ya kno

fact is i sleep alone, i cnt get that good facedown action with someone else in my space. im 5'9 slick 5'10 i like ta stretch out and wiggle around, wrap up in my comforter, sleep with my mouth open twitch and stuff lol. i just like ta be alone. sorry mr wonderful, youre still wonderful but this pouting has ta stop lol.

i had a convo with my "little brother" aka lil bro today via texts and he asked about, you guessed it! mr man... ah ha ha haaa. we fell off i told him, and he's all aawww but yall were so ya well things change, ppl change, niggas lose they damn minds, etc lol. but really that was probably the first time in a long time that i had thought of us or the lack there of...and ill be real with myself, i miss him. and i doubt he reads this anymore but if you do... i miss you.
whampwhamp back to reality, i returned my cape and bout a bass. RIP

guess who popped the hell up, on some i miss you, can i see you, wear that black dress bullshyt! yurp, once again folks youre right! mr....damn i never named (thats my old high skool and thats where i met him) so ya mr nsa...and ya ive missed him but really is the one person that can get under my skin in the worst of ways. i never can do anything right, i shouldnt have said that (well you shouldnt have asked) and he hates tattoos (i now have 3) its like i go left and he goes right, not that right is correct. matter of fact he is now deemed mr leftright. but i entertained the idea of seeing him when he gets back in town, idk tho...a tad too much pressure.

oh! tell me why a while ago me and dori were talking about greeks and she was like there really is a fraterinty called kappa kappa kappa and she laughs and says ya, put that on a shirt and i chuckle in agreeance and then i was oh! KKK?! thats not gonna be good. ya...i had a moment but that junk was funny. just thought id leave you on a lighter note.

xo out this bit

im pretty cool

it takes a hell of a lot to blow my night, and trust my night was good.
but...I cnt speak for everyone...
I think we all need this break, tension is rising and some of you are running outta chances to cross the others.
as for me, here's some things I that stroke me wrong:
bustin me out, callin me out, etc
asking what my blogs are about (it makes the asker look guilty...)
going back on your word.
lying to my face.
let me repeat that-LYING TO MY FACE.
allow me to elaborate, should I find out you've lied to me about one thing, then I will question all other relative situations on which you've commented. let me make this clear, I dnt care what any of you do but if you lie to me I wnt care about you period.
so with that said
lying to my face will piss me the fuck off.

a lot of us hav been in a rut, we've been lacking something and last night gave a little outlet, its nothing major-I feel ya shawty, get yours, have fun. fuhdaothashit.

man, I just wanna hav some fun. life is always so damn stiff, I wanna knock back some drinks, and do some things. 'nough said.

dnt blow my nite, dnt let others blow yours. doot.

Friday, December 5, 2008

i am . . .

an advit sleeper like sometimes i sleep so well i surprise my damn self at how good i get down.
you know what i love, the way i can be so sleep and if someone should so call, idk lets say reggie, will off the bat realize im still sleep and just continue to chat away like im just wide awake. i dnt care if its 10 in the morning- so selfish. and then leave it to dori to call and certified run that mouth! i STILL dnt care it was 1120. i set my internal clock for 12 and this hoe thinks thats close enough-selfish number 2. i swear i love my friends but i love me more and the kidd be sleep.
just thought id let yall know.

its friday man, lets drink somethin!


i would lik to introduce to some and present to others the newest fraternity to enter the world!
here's the line
1-walt-p aka mr smith
2-dori-t aka mismatch
3-e kelly aka imdoin's
4-frosh(frankie and josh) aka jankie
5-leandria aka mrs smith
6-reggie (my bestfriend!) aka martin
7-TAIL DOG BABY, ME!!! maya aka coretta

the call the boiz say (deep) "who ya wit?!" and the ladies respond (high) "bestfriend"
hand sign-thumbs up (no not north memphis, its bestfriend alpha phi!)


just to reiterate

my bestfriend is dawgin yall's!!!
REGINALD TYRONE SWANN jr is kickin ass and takin names. ill always hold him down because he always keeps me up. and all the haters can talk shyt and specualte but we know what it is and whatever he needs I got it, ya I said whatever. all pun it if you want to you nasty hoes! that's my dude, what more can I say. he's the martin to my coretta.
I just read his blog and that made my that boi.



today, slick-check the time yesterday, was a good ass day.
woke up, leisurely around 12 yawn/stretch
had nice wake up shower. fresh
pulled off a nice fit for the day. snow vest on debit!
headed over to the PAC knocked out a little work
hit up class, very productive. get my learn on.
me and dorian gave some jack in the box the business. yum yum.
took a bomb ass nap, the kind where you wake up all disconbobulated (sp?) all wide eyed and clueless.
watched GREY'S ANATOMY!!! dope.
hit waffle house with Bestfriend Alpha Phi Inc. founded 2008. yurp! full as fuck. scratch that delightfully indulged.
caught up with mr wonderful. =) you get a smile.
and now I'm back in club 608 and its f'in silent in here, it aint beel like this in a min!

cheyah! xo out this bit...

Thursday, December 4, 2008


they just played kanye west on grey's anatomy!

man...that's dope.

i would just break down and cry

my bestfriend might be the strongest person i knw. after the week he's had and he's still just like "ill make some adjustments and ill be fine. no hugs and shyt ill handle it" kinda attitude like i would just break down and cry. i cnt handle back ta back fuckery like that. some ppl would call that weak, muthafuck that. im just emotional about my life, sorry.
i really dnt get why the worst things happen to the best ppl. that just really isnt fair and it always seems that the worst niggas hav the best luck-like wtf?! thats some bonafide bullshyt. i honestly understand why he has a semi pessimistic outlook, its because this life is full of bullshyt. and it doesnt matter how many times you throw in the towel, youll just wind up with another one in your hand, and even when you wanta just drown in tha pool f misery, right there at the bottom of despair you always seem to drift to the shore wash up on the bank and take a breath. there's no quitting til it all really is over. and while i do have a shuttering fear of death sometimes it has its appeal. 
i just feel so bad for him, like i wanta go buy him a car and a few shots....
so God, cut a lil slack and show some mercy, he's a good kidd.

maya is

a mac, bitch i dnt even chase my vodka!

on the topic of the hott sex burning candles:

im protecting you from the severe stalking that will take place, on you part of course. niggas leave their jobs for this shyt, pay for travel expenses for this shyt, stand outside my dorm in the rain for this shyt.lmao. i knw you hav classes and such, i want you to graduate and go on to be successful. its not right of me to go around gettin these boiz stuck like chuck! i dnt even like chuck unless he's with taylor. dig?

xo is mac, take that

if i should so

make the extra effort to be extra sweet, making myself available to talk because you seem down, and offering support and hugs (bob dammit my hugs heal wounds and end strife) and you respond with a "yup" ya ill be less inclined to be so sweet, see if you get an "xo" in your texts for a while.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

you know what...

pisses me off more than most things....
having to hear things I shoulda heard from YOU from other fuckin ppl.


I was reading dori's blog and I'm like "hell ya I wish somebody woulda told me ninjas aint shyt! theyll screw up yo logic if you dnt keep a level head and dry drawls! real talk."
so...I've decided to write a book, at some point, on men, relationships, and stupidity. ill call it "wtf: a history of male fuckism" bestseller hands down.
so...its pushing 2 am and I'm still up, even tho I've been so God forsaken tired I cnt sleep yet...fake.
so...definitely had ta let these hoes know I aint goin in these streets! niggas wanna get froggy and shyt, bitch jump! dnt be mad 'cause you got yo whip swerved on. we trick and flick where I come from GET LIKE US, ya fugly slore. I aint no punk bitch I dnt give a fuck
so...I had ta take a second and cool out from that...
so...the bestfriend wrecked his car and when I saw the car I almost cried, like really. because it looked like he had to be hurt. my heart just dropped when he called me and I couldn't get there fast enough I was losing my mind!!! but he's ok, now tell me there's no God. from shots ta car wrecks ya better praise Him. was one of those one thing after another kinda days but at least it was day. that's more than I can say for grateful
so...I'm definitely in need of a job! bueno being broke. no funds no fun, in the words of the wise walt-p. yurp
so...decisions are a delicate matter, I understand that. but when there are others hanging in the balance some times you hav to do what's best...for YOU! f what everyone else thinks is best or good for you, dnt give a damn about other's feelings. be selfish hell, at least you're being real. I gotta look out for me off top and thus I've slick saved others from the failure and fuckism of being fake. see? all good! win-win.
so...xo is feelin the sleepies creepin up so ima take all the other dumb stuff in my head and giggle myself to sleep, I cried my last tears yesterday its all up from here baby, all up from here...

xo out this bit. 10-4 to walt-p

Tuesday, December 2, 2008



i need a muthafuckin hug and a bobdamn nap! sad...

being that...

this is the class that produces the ever infamous thursday morning rambling I think ill ramble
being that my name is maya, if you speak of indeginous tribes please say mayan so I can stop looking up. geez.
being that I cnt help those who dnt know what they want ima just not say anything. thus I wnt hurt or help being that you dnt know what you want we all win.
being that you've strung the poor boi along I suggest you gather you thoughts and tidy up your head because you're not the only one involved...
being that I said I wouldn't say anything else about that I wnt.
now, being that he's tripping, playing games, and breeding awkturtles, pull back and see if he reaches out to you. relationships/talking hav ta be 50-50 you cnt give too much and it not be resiprocated that's just some bullshyt.
being that you've got yourself in a tad bit of a pickle baby girl you better get your life together ASAP its not just about you anymore. still tho being that you've got us you dnt hav to worry
being that I'm not sure where to go from here (not the blog I'm talking about me) ima just stand still
being that I'm standing here-alone-ima get my shyt together. I cnt expect much from others when I still hav dormit potential in myself...
john mayer has me so chill in world history, being that I'm not even listening to this man.

bob dammit I'm STILL sleepy

puddles, rivers, and rainboots

you bought rainboots because you like to splash in puddles. its shallow and easy, and once its over you just step out like its nothin. you like the safety of simply splashing in meaningless puddles until you stepped yo ass in a river.and the current swept you away. its rather rude to sweep someone off their feet and leave them there, we've already established this...but when you bring the dustpan and gather up the pieces, when someone comes correct and intentionally did all the things it get scared. your foots in the door but you left your weren't prepared for what a river would bring, both depth and motion. you werent stable enough to surf a swag like that, and now instinctively you wanna pull back, anchor yourself and step in strong. well they dnt make riverproof rainboots and they dnt make make shatterproof hearts. you're already wet you might as well swim...holding back isn't gonna protect you, and rainboots wnt keep you dry. seize the motion or let go of this.

i swetabob

the most frustrating thing in the world is to be adimate about something and it not be reciprocated. I'm not necessarily talking about one thing right now, its relevant on so many different levels. there is are things I want so badly but the uncertainty almost drives me crazy! and I feel like...I cnt really put any of it into enough words to elaborate on how strongly I feel about this because its almost as delicate as whisper. said too loudy and its gone in the instant ruined in the moment and lost on the lips. so I've bottled it, dropped it, surpressed it but some days it makes me as giddy as a child and I almost smile at the thought of things.
I guess ill just toy with these ideas that are just minute glimpses of the furture, hope for something more, and whisper ever so softly.

xo out this bit

Monday, December 1, 2008

tha kidd is sooooo

when I say I did not sleep I actually mean....I did NOT sleep!
ugh so not cool bro...