the wind blows...my dreads swing

ive been gone a while, busy, tryna make it. but im back! and im doing this post with a fact about Yours Truly! I LOVE DREADS! i always have, i think they are just so pretty when theyre nice and small and neat.

now i know im a warrior for the creamy crack and im honestly not at all on this GoGreenNatural kick but i do sincerely want dreads. not for the natural positivity but more so for the ecentric beauty of them. needless to say im entertaining the idea of locking my hair. but we all know im not up for the BIG CHOP/START FROM SCRATCH nothing against those who had the courage to go for it, its just not a good look for me so i did a little research and found dread extensions...now ive had twists before and i used to think i looked childhish but its all in styling. anywho, when i had twists after an inch of new growth my hair would begin to lock on its own, therefore i know my hair can handle it its just a matter of the first step...

being that my hair is naturally like sheeps ass (strong tight coils, but still soft) ive always had a perm to manage this mane! when consistently done my hair does well with a perm but with out out/in twists my hair grows likie a weed! in all actuality, dreads dont have to be perminent but i know if i do this ill love 'em and be married to the naps!

ive rambled enough...i need your help! leave out your bias on chemicals and processed hair and tell me which style you like best on me, what suits my personality ya kno. im posting pics of me with twists so you can get a general idea of me with locks as i would probably try to keep them crinkled i just think its more feminine and cutesy and also pics of how i wear my hair now.

peace and quiet

i find the most peace when im quiet, when able to really be quiet. im usually discussing, planning, laughing, yelling, calling, asking, and questioning so many things that i find it almost impossible to ever be fully alone with my thoughts. some days i would gladly pay for one moment of peace and quiet. pay for silence, for everyone to leave, for everything to wait....let me gather myself and repair myself and evaluate the tasks at hand. i feel like im in so many different places, handling so many different thing, people, and issues that i lose myself. i forget myself. im gonna start "masturbating" (gotcha! lol i stole this from my nigga Steph) but im saying im going to start pleasing me, looking out for me, and always getting mine (#pushplay) because as selfish as it seems, no one else is going to get it for me. My mom, Jackie, always tells me not to worry about things outside of my control. that was always an issue for me but now i see what she meant...im letting go of these outstanding issues and im gonna focus oon the things i can directly impact.
im tired as shyt....like im dawgass tired....
im going to enjoy some peace and quiet before i drift off to sleep.
goodnight.

i finally understand

so on my lunch break if i dnt runaway for a moment of freedom ill stay in and eat at my desk. B-O-R-I-N-G. but since ive decided to lie and come in all week at 8 i think i should stay in and actualy work...ha! so anyway, whenever i do stay in or when i find time i read some blogs, surf the world, and listen to muzik. so there is a blog i follow by a kid named E Dot Dizzy and his blog is definitely one of my fav's. this nigga keeps it so 100. so i read a post today that lit several light bulbs above my noggin. "Men and Cheating...simple..." here's the exert that made the wheels turn:

"When it comes to men, we don't incorporate feelings with sex. Never have... So if a man goes and sleeps with another woman, he don't love her, he probably just wanted attention. Some men drift off when things change. Things like appearance and attitudes. When a woman gain a few extra pounds and act like she doesn't notices or if she just keep a dumb ass attitude and don't care to fix the problem she obviously has... That will push a man away and he will start to seek the attention he think he deserves. Not right but its true. Women incorporate feelings with sex, well most of em, so when a man finds out that his woman cheated he is realllllllly hurt because he feel she fell in love with another man. If women would just understand that. If your man is buying another woman gifts and taking her on trips AND fucking then you should be mad. Well if he fuck another woman you can be mad and leave too, I'm not trying to justify cheating. Just giving it a better understanding to some folks"

http://edotdizzy.blogspot.com/

ok now before i start, let me explain. in my opinion, i could almost forgive a physical infidelity before any kind of convo and time investment because thats MY time youre giving away. and to cover that much time means youd have to lie to me. and lying s a direct insult to my superior intelligence! while ive never bn cheated on...well at least i dnt THINK i have...-head tilts-, damn...but ok here we go!

its about attention!!! ooooohhhhh *ligh bulb* -creaky wheels turn- ooooooohhhh attention {head knodding, eyebrows raised} i see now. no really, i see.... when i first read this i was like so since i didnt feed yo ego you wanta start buggin?! dumbass, you should know youre great! but why even get mad because thats PRECISELY what it is... It doesnt matter how old or mature a man gets he will always be a simple minded little boy (no diss) im actually jealous, because theyre simple, they lack all the complexity of women and our intricate logic. if we could stop over analyzing every thing he may do, trying to find rhyme to his reason, and method to his madness we'd see that he's simply acting out. (talkin bout other girls that want him, letting you over see some "suggestive" text, or including you on a list with a bunch of random numbers, talkin bout how good he can pipe "blah blah blah" some dumb shyt; just so youll get mad and show him some attention)

i cnt speak for anyone else, male or female, but i am very focused, driven, and independent. i would never say i dnt need a man because there are somethings money, power, and degrees cnt do at night, hell in the daytime. ive bn raised to be my own number one fan, even tho i have a great fan club in my family i do this (everything) for me. so naturally i assume that those around me hold themselves in the same esteem as i do myself. not true, especially for men. even the cockiest of men need to hear that theyre wonderful, that theyre strong, capable, and sexy. just as much as we like to be put on a pedastal so do they. and if you forget to pat his back and stroke that ego beware there are several other women waiting to cheer him on. im really not one to kiss ass, unless youre a professor lol, but sometimes for the sake of harmony and happiness you do whats necessary. i have never heard it explained that way and i really think that me a mr dizzy need to colabo on a book cause that negro is deep. or maybe he's shallow and the fact that we have to think so hard to grasp the simplest of concepts prevents us from being able to see things for what they are.

you make a decision

choose ever so wisely.
be prepared to reap all the reperussions and benefits even of all choices made.
pp ask me all the time why i dnt make decisions on the simplest of things like where to go eat or what i wanta do. i have a very big fear of making a abad choice because some consequences can cause lasting damages and pain. this doesnt seem so relevant to restaurants or activities but when i make choices i use the same amount of care.
when breaking up...realize youre breaking hearts. ppl will say "but we both agreed it was best"-SO! you both were emotionally invested. never say "we need to talk" those are the rudest 4 words ever. just talk. say whatever it is without the ever dreadful prelude to doom. (oohh i like that one!) no one wakes up an decides i wanta break up today. i wanta breakhis/her heart and my own. i wanta make contradicting statements about whats wrong with "us". i wanta say things like you make me happy but im unhappy now. i wanta lie and say ive onyl felt this way a short while but i think its best. but ill still call you because ill need a crutch until i can make it on my own. no, no one does that. so why do we wait and let things fester and boil until teh smallest thing send you sailing over the edge and there's no way possible to really accurately account for the real issues at hand. the truth is, its the little things. ppl forgive because there is God in us but the smallest things linger long enough and accumulate faster than any blow out of proporton argument. if we said everything that really bothered us it would almost sound silly to admit. you tickled me and i dnt like to be tickled. you walked thru that door that one time before me. you didnt have an umbrella and i got wet. you stepped on my shoe. you didnt tell me i looked nice. you didnt call and say goodnight. you introduced me as a friend. you spoke to her. you went to the club and i wanted to chill. its stupid but its true. littl things never get said because you dnt wanta whine, but if you say everything that makes you bitchy and hard to please

you have been warned

of the plethora of advice i have,there is one tidbit that i am finding more and more to really live by. "have no expectations" for once its not me that had to feel the sting of disappointment but rather someone else and all i can tell him...you shouldnt have had these expectations of me.
let me explain. i am not suggesting to lower your standards of ppl at all. i have my stadards, very high standards actally, but i dnt expect the world of ppl. i try not to have ANY expectations of ANYONE. why? because when ppl fuck up, like they always do i dnt have to be so hurt and disappointed. life, in essence, is the continual attempt to reduce the pain and increase the pleasure. will there still be pain? hell ya, you are bound to get your feelings hurt. it happens. but if you realize and accept that he's gon jack it at least once you dnt get your hopes up, you dnt become blinded by his seemingly perfection, you'll keep one foot planted firmly and still leave you heart in the clouds to dream of love. get it?
so what happened Maya? a certain someone was/is feeling me and i did my best to be honet and upfront. i dnt want a relationship, i dnt wanta even get too close. he fell all in like and shyt and now he's feeling hurt when im not becoming what he dreamed of. wake up. from jump i told you wat it is, i hate that youre hurt but i tried to save you. summer allowed for some leisure and some mistakes, i wouldnt change any of it but i think i would have restated some of my rules and regulations. he doesnt mean to but he has some habits and tendencies that rub me the wrong way. how wrong? do this for me...run your hand backwards on a guy's head, yes against his waves (this will only work on a guy with great waves). now run! he's gonna give you the funkiest stank face and even some cuss words to let you know he is appalled! he is disrespected! and you just tried his gangsta! THATS how he rubs me some days. but like i said, he doesnt mean to. but i didnt mean for you to have these outlandish expectations. so who's wrong?
is it Handsome? yes and no. yes Handsome with his hot self and pretty waves he is just awesome! AWESOME! IN EVERY DAMN WAY! lol but he's human, i already know that, and im not getting my hopes up just because he IS human, and he's also a nigga... and while i told him the same thing as P-n-K if some aspects were different i cnt say i wouldnt change my mind. there's always exceptions to the rules...
back to the point...
i realized a while back that P-n-K was a few/several steps ahead of me and i pulled back, grabbed his hand, and i let him know "youre ahead of me. im no where near where you are. if youre trying to take that trip to Boo-dom (say it like Kingdom) im not even in the car yet, i havnt pack, hell i havnt even called out from work. slow your roll, we're friends." now true there may have been some times when things appeared as more than said friendships but hey, im human and i still like to flirt. this is slick how Mr Wonderful got his ass caught up with all these feelings and shyt. no no no honey drop, dnt fall in love, ill leave you where you land. that just goes to show you how cold ive become.
When i see that ppl ahve these ridiculously high expectations of me i drop off completely. while it may not be better to just quit, i think it might just be easier on me to not feel the harshness of failure because i couldnt be what you wanted. i dnt expect these things of you, dnt expect me to ang your moon...
i thought about Mr Man today, random. he was pretty hot too...lol but he had said one time that when youre "talking" to one person there is still entertainment around for your viewing pleasures. example: my fav show is Grey Anatomy (shouts out ta the Bestfriend) so when im watching that im "all in deep/loving it/balls deep" (excuse my french) but then there are all thos commercials, little funny moments that make ya smile and tide you over with samples of pleasure until the show is back. see... Or like movies. all the previews that get you all giddy and excited,a little tease, a slight taste, but you wait all that time for the feature presentation. summer flings are commercials. thank you Mr Man for putting me on game. (call me! lol)

just thought i'd let yall know!
-xoxo-

hot revolver

just because they say anything worth having is worth fighting for doesnt mean its worth losing yourself in. I hate to see you go down the same road as me. i wanta save you now from all the regret of time wasted, of wondering who you missed out on and who else would hav bn what you deserved. i doubt youll read this so ima say what i need to say. she isnt good enough you. youre probably one of the best men ive met and you mean a lot to me so i dnt wanta see you hurt, strung out, stressed out. i know you care, because i cared that same exact way. but eventually you see that everything you put out is just that...out. it never comes back. its unrealistic to expect someone to constantly give andnever get. of course you dnt set out to receive and yes, giving is very nice but relationships are mutual and you cnt be all if theyre none. she isnt ready. not for you, not for somethin real. i know you still wanta put so much in but for how long are you gonna set yourself aside for everyone. i know its your nature, its mine too, but realize it doesnt reallys erve to your best advantage. so what are you saying, maya? be selfish. i hate to say that but you gotta look out for the star player. no one will ever take care of you like you. do whats best for the kidd.
i love you

today...

Is not gonna be a very good day. Off to a bad start with the ensemble-back up went to bed on a bad note. That's just some bullshyt, there's no other way to say that. But I'm realizing that I guess I knew this all along or at least I should hav. Its not good to be taken by surprise. Needless to say, I'm shocked. I changed my facebook status to my blog title "it could all be so simple, but you'd rather make it hard" I got some really hilarious comments shouts out ta Philly Phil and Big Zo for a great morning laugh. But one comment came up and it really hit the spot. "Falling's not falling if you dnt cry when you hit the ground." No point in crying. Shake it off.I had to pull my little ohio homie back before she popped off on one her little junts. Niggare like buses there's a new one every 20 min. Do you, niggas will always be in and out. They'll never get it, they'll always make it hard,yes, at our expense.

XO

i opened this...

because ive had a few things on my mind. several of which, as usual ill keep to myself.
ima just ramble becasue i dnt have one set topic, call it point.blank.period. i call it runnin my mouth...
so some things are progressing and im really happy. you sir, make me happy. way to go for showing the initiative. off to a great start.
apparently nashville sucks deer dingy 'cause nothing is shaking for new yrs. i was gonna try to go to arlington to kick it with doodle but im not sure thats gonna work...
i look like a hebrew slave, i need my hair done. florence, my african-in a nonslave master way, finally brought her 8 language speakin ass back to the US. and im like so...parents im nappy headed who wants to hand over the 180....ya, ya, c'mon. wtf?! i dnt even know what "no" means! fuck yall talkin bout?! i look like a SLAVE! A RUNAWAY SLAVE, at that! im so mad.
walter parker will make a great dadd! its ok to spoil your girls, trust. even if they forget tp say thanks, one day theyll tatt it on their wrists. no better way ta say thanks! lol
peep this GARYtarded! get it??!! ya well get ya shyt together niggas got messages to send and yo ass needs to deliver.
im soooo proud of my bestfriend! he's growing up so fast. you gotta learn to pick the battles, not every risk is worth it. love you more than words.
ok let me say this. i have these friends, a couple. and lately theyve been struggling with a lot of things. i wnt air their business but i will dicuss the impact its had on me, 2 things...(pay attention sir)
1mistakes happen. if i tell you i made a mistake(nothing major), take my word for it, be glad i admitted it, and get over it.
2dnt belittle me or my emotions. if im telling you how i feel about something, if im trying to talk about an issue we're having, or im upset or something; do not make light, make less, or make fun of how i feel. and dnt you dare suggest that any of what i feel is BS. if it matters to me at least try to understand.
i really hate that i ever made my blog so personal to me. if you didnt know me, you'd probably find this blog boring and irrelevant. i made a wise choice not to say names but the majority of the ppl who actually follow this know who each perosn is...so really whats the point?! ima start discussing different stuff, music, art, tattos, fashion, etc. i dnt want this to always be a "dear diary, today i..." so coming soon enough ...it could all be so simple... will start to dabble in other things and leave my heart where it belongs, safe in the caves of my chest.

your mind is moving faster than your heart

ive never been a "playa" but i toroughly respect the game. i have always been hopelessly romantic but i understand the risks involved and the gamble some things can be. yu, my sweet love, youre mind is moving faster than your heart. when you break up with some one it is always best to spend some quality time single for a while so you can get yoursekf back together heal and repair. if you break up with someone and then start chatting it up with someone else youve never fully removed yourself from one thing before investing in another.
friendship...aawww friendship...such a blissful relationship until these "lines" get crossed and these "boundaries" get blurred. feelings are 100% involuntary responses to actions/events. things may start as harmless flirting but feelings walk up in that bitch...oh baby...its O.V.
i understand youre scared, apprehensive, and weary but sometimes God will show the grace to send you someone that will help you through these healing processes as a friend and maybe as a love. i completely respect the fact you wanta keep and maintain a working, lasting friendship but some times you have to close your eyes, walk out on faith, and leap and all you ca do is hope, hope and pray, he'll be there to catch you. i believe he'll e there to catch. like a thief in the night he showed up on his white horse banner waving ready to sweep you off youre feet and now youre scared but realize, dear child, realize he's not him and youre not even you back then. some things are worth the risk, youll know when you kiss...

multitasking for real!

so im having a convo with dori (right the face said it best!) and we're just chatting away about the infamous mr. monotony. its so funny to me because me and him are so close. but it has me all of blushing to hear her cute little descriptions of why she likes him. so of course we all notice ppl for different reasons, but who woulda thought it was his SHOES! like what a dammit is that! (fyi "dammit" is short for "dammit adorable" which are just cute little moments) but as im explaining how cool he is, down to earth, and easy to talk to im also talking to Le. she's riding home from Chi-town with a photographer who is actually a relationship counselor! (echo counselor-counselor-counselor!) and she sends me a text and all it says is dnt lower your standards. the guy told her this and it was so fitting for the convo we were having. dori and i are so shallowly discussing how hott our little crushes are but honestly take a look at the individual you call yourself liking, crushing, stalking (idk how yall get down lol) but is he really up to par? are you dropping the bar so he can look more appealing. i must say, honestly, i think he's a above my normal standards. causing me to really geet out of my comfort zone and put myself out more. i think if it were a negative change my stubbornness would have called it to my attention. i used to have a thing for bad boiz, boiz with tatts and dreds, thugs but he'e such a good guy, focused, clean cut, no tatts, and he loves muzik, old skool rap, and even though he's a Nas fan and im die hard Jay-Z i think with a solid mixed cd ill convert him. my parents would love him! (lol) back to you dori, he's a good guy, trust me. i will say that just from knowing him he does like forward girls. now if thats too much of a stretch pull out, admire from a far, and keep your heart neatly tucked away. it hink though that good relationships require both of you to step outside your established box. -interjection, im sorry, im also getting my hair twisted right now ad she sneezed all on the side of my face!!! i wanta gag! and im really trying to figure out if the light in this junt keeping blinking or im trippin there they go again! (moment of silence) ...aight im back...- coincidentally im also having a chat with frankie! and of course "Saxy" has blown her day as usual. but with one swift convo, a few key words, and their off too Rusans for sushi and margaritas. it is rather amusing to me the power we allow our guys to have. and i really wonder if they even know what they do to us?! one word and we're crushed! one word and we're high! cracked out high! and what do we give them...????(im actually asking kuz i really wanta know. do you smile when we call, show all your friends, and then quickly wipe away the smile and put on your bored voice so we dnt know how ecited we just were, ya well we do!) im doing ALL of this AND watching Why Did I Get Married. needless to say, im just bubbling with love advice, emotions, and words. so that movie just went off and im now lisening to 112, the kiing of male love songs, writing this to the world, a gift. so here ya go...

p.s. georgia is beating arizona! YAYY!!!! i love football!

with that said...

ok so since i posted the last blog, a little glimpse into the average male mouth, i thought it would be appropriate to account for the female mind. now, before i just rip this let me say

i am not the average female. im not inclined to a lot of crying, nagging, and whooplah. im very passionate and yes rather emotional but if you leave me to my emotions i can get over it and let it go.

thats my disclaimer. im writing this on behalf of the average woman so that you, nigga, might know what we think.

you think logically we think emotionally. if it hurts our feelings or leaves us in a feeling of unrest we tend to dwell on it. we dnt mean to nag but we need resolution and until we find peace of mind no one will find peace of mind.

we dnt mean to be this emotional but we cnt help it, we're women. and once the emotions top off we cry. lets talk about crying, there are several different cries, stay with me here. the "infront of yo dude cry" this has a few little tears, a lot of sniffling, some careful-dnt-smudge-the-eyeliner- eye wipes and in some way or form, "i just dnt understand". "the angry cry" this one has a lot of cursing, huffing and puffing, and in some way or so many words "omg i hate crying over his ass!" the "honest cry" when youve actually done something wrong to upset us and our heart hurts and we cry. involves a lot of tissues because we were prepared, a sad movie, and a pillow to hold and of course "idk why i ever loved him". "THE cry" this is the oh shyt real for real cry. the cry when you cnt do anything but cry and cry hard. when youve tried for a long time to hold it back and work it out. this one is a doozie...deep cries, coughing, snot. this is an ugly cry that i-dnt-give-a-fuck-ima-cry cry, trust its all bad quote, "oh God". if you can get us to that cry youve fucked up.

now when youve fucked up and we get togther...oh baby, when we get together. this is some men bashing! some slash some tires, fuck that nigga! this is how cars get messed up, eggs get thrown, and feelings get hurt. fyi, a few women in a room, talking about guys, and especially if one or more is at all upset is called a RIOT! hence "backbone" (www.simplyeccentricity.blogspot.com read at your own risk)

we over analyze and deeply scrutinize. whatever you say. we can add so much more to every word you say. you say "ill call you back in 20 min" we say "the hell is he doing that take 20 minutes?! this nigga spittin game ta some hoe or some bullshyt! fuck his ass". you say "i dnt wanta talk about it" (as in there's nothing more to say lets not fight about the same shyt) we heard shut the fuck up stop stop naggin me bout the same shyt we been done discussed. you say "i dnt feel like pleasing anybody today" (as in, im tired. ive been doing so much for everybody else i just want some me time) we hear i dnt give a fuck what you want ima do me. ladies, ladies, ladies stop nit picking them, they didnt mean nearly the way we took it.

so men, i think, maybe just a little bit, i get it now. the simpicity behind guys is enormous and the complexity, which is women, is a never ending journey, with loop hole, pot holes, sink holes, quick sand. like trust me, we can be a trip! pack for the journey... i dnt mean to scare you but realize this. now, when you meet the one (echo the one-one-one) yall will fit, compliment each other, and things will be slightly less complex because off both of you will be willing to let go of your ways to stick it out. but until you find her or he finds you...this shyt can be a trip.

rules of the game

(this is aleesa my bff!)

play the game. off top kidds, its all a game. either play or get played, ya dig?

these are the rules...
1. play-not in the sense of "playa"-playin. like be honest about where your relationship, or whatever yall happen ta be calling it, is at. never cut the team loose until you reach monogomy. let him run point but dnt bench tha squad. im not one for passing out the cooch by any means but we all need entertainment.
2. girls get serious way before guys even consider the option. pull back sweethearts. you might feel like yall are one way- he's probably not.

3. guys think yall have talked every day while girls know we havent talked for 27 hours 43 minutes and 25, 26, 27 seconds. exaggerating but still. every day convo is not a major staple for talking relationships. let him miss you.
4. dnt listen to excessive amounts of love songs. it'll fill your head and heart with silly ideas.
5. stop daydreaming. he'll never be the guy you've pieced together in you mind. and when he doesnt meet these outlandish expectations youll be the one crushed. well what did you expect silly girl?
6. he's a man. he'll fail every test you put him to. yes, every test.

7. speak up. if you wanta see him, say so. girl, i promise you, somebody else will. and they'll be a a hell of a lot more agressive than us good girls. dnt let goin ass hoes get ya man.
8. boys can invest oodles of time and never feel anything. strange, i know, i but its true. you need to learn to read yo dude. dnt let your feelings cloud your judgement. just because yall happen to spend a lot of time, make sure its for the right reason. ppl arent always on the same page.
9. dnt compare your relationships with your friends or even just ppl you see. things are never as they seem and a lot more goes on behind closed doors than you can see from the outside looking in. be true to yours and leave the world to do whatever it does best.
10. (this is my fav) if youre takin care of yours, he should never have to look elsewhere. and vice versa. you gotta do whatever it takes to keep her happy, within reason of course, but whaever none the less so she wnt be looking else where for a thrill. ladies, hold him down, give him a reason to come home and he'll always bring it all back to you.

these are my little words of wisdom. my homegirl had a convo with my friend and this was a lot of their discussion. i thought you might be able to apply it to you and yours and move forward. good luck...

-xo-