i dnt feel like talking

so im coming back to my old ways and typing this junt out.
-slick might record this cause im running thru it pretty fast.

ima point.blank.period. this cause...hell cause i want too.

summer jumpoff's can stay in the summer for all i care. dnt try to make that transition to fall with me cause summer provides a luxury that fall cannot afford. i can be irresponsible in the summer, rip and run, lay up, and dip out. i cant do that in the fall, i wnt do that in the fall.
you cant be cheating if youre not in a relationship. with that said, do you. i would be lying if i said it didnt bother me to hear you hit up some chicken head and got some dome from slaw rat but-BUT-you aint my man.
drake-call it off
ryan leslie-you aint my girl
i get my fair share of play, i pull a cutie every so often but i dnt care to lay on my back for the sake of a nut (excuse my french) i got too much to do to pass out cooch. feel free to dick down who you choose, because i again, you aint my man.
ive never been in love. for all my failed attempts to open up to this guy or that, i dnt find whatever it is im looking for. disheartening, yes. but if its to be itll be.
MaryJane pulled a good one. the kind of man any girl would be happy to call her own. but do i want what she has...no. i want my own. i want "you" to be honest, secure (in self, in us, ok, financially lol who wants a broke boy) a gentleman, strong, funny, supportive, and kind. is that too much to ask. i think im worth that much.
i dnt lie. im sick of saying that. i do not lie. partly cause im bad at, mostly because i think its pointless and an insult to the person's intelligence. its stupid and i dont do it. so to accuse me of lying, i find that so rude. and very disrespectful and yall know damn well i dnt do disrespect.
im a good woman, i know i am. and someone will appreciate me for everything im worth, youre not him so keep it moving. i dnt care to fight your made up mind, if its made up then whats the point. i dnt argue. you got a issue with me, say so, but no one is going to talk to me like a child or yell at me like a dog.
these are the rules, this is my way. get wit it or get lost.

i said i would blog this so here it is.

got a little "news", a little messed up about it.

i was lying across the bed

and was entirely overwhelmed with the desire to be spontaneous. i always wanted to live my life on a whim. i feel like we get so burdened with schedules and meetings that some how i forgot the life i wanted to live. i wanta wake you up in the middle of the night and whisper "come with me" and pick a star and follow it until we find somewhere neither of us have been or maybe we have but because we're here now at the spur of a moment maybe now it will mean something. something more than just a location, an intersection, maybe itll be the right place at the exact time to experience the life we were meant to live. everytime i do go run off its just that, running. running away from something, a bad day, an arguement. but this is just going, going for the sake of going. going for the appreciation that we can go, that we should just go. it really saddens my life that the most spontaneous thing i did today was hustle to sonic with my home girls for a cheap slush. it breaks my heart that before i even get up in the morning my day is already planned out. i know skool is crucial to my success but some days, days like these, i feel like i rather pack my life break my lease and go gallivanting around the country. of course logistically i could probably buy a one way ticket and a hotel for 2 nights and be entirel terrified, lonely, and broke but its really more appealing than reading syllabi and putting away grocery. deep down inside im afraid that all my planning for the future will disappoint the potential of living day to day. i find the strangest happiness in reading post secret every sunday and ive writtn 3 of my own and i dnt know why i havent sent them. maybe im afraid the secret, even anonymously posted, will give me away. and its not even anything profound but the thoughts and secrets i keep to myself are all i have. i love my life, i do, even though i bitch and moan about my own shortcomings and lack of balls to say and do some things, still love who i am. but today, right now, im lonely. and thats soooo hard for me to say and actually mean but i am. im lonely. even in a crowded room im not sure if there is really any one person on my side. and i love my friends, i do, but i have a very hard time trusting people. those closest to me are on one hand.
last Sunday postsecret didnt post secrets, instead there's a video up and the song is one ive never heard but i keep playing it over and over while im writing this. there is something outrageously powerful in music, something overwhelmingly moving in a song.

it was supposed to last forever, every feeling we ever had
we said we'd remind each other what we had forgot is in the lives we had
the lives we had
i was supposed to take our picture
so you would remember saying that
we wanted to capture it so we could remember the lives
the lives we had
the lives we have
-Donora
when i finally found it on line the lyrics went something like this
i like, i like when we whisper soft to each other
i like, i like when we're quiet with one another
i like, i like when we're nice, nice to each other
i like, i like when we surely like one another
repeat

the earlier moved me for some reason, the latter, soothed me.

when i read this back i wasnt sure what any of it meant until i finally allowed the postsecret video to play all the way through and it closed with this:

"whether we realize it or not we're on a spiritual journey...

even we're lost"

if ur like me....

you neede a giggle....
well here ya go!




i just like the end when he starts dancin tho, pretty funny!

somebody lied ta you!

dnt ask HOW i know but TRUST ME when i tell you....do NOT swallow your gum. it sticks to your intestines my ass!
sorry i just had to share!

thats why i love him

Yo my mothafukkin bestfriend @MayaTheXoXo is the mothafukkin shit!...no really....just THE SHIT

thanks bestfriend, youre pretty rad yourself

oooo lets do it!

so i guess ima be a swagger jacker and take the same road as The Bestfriend, i just dnt have the energy or desire really to talk about other ppl's bullshyt ass relationships, about cheating, karma, or how bad i feel for your misfortunes. its not that i dnt care, i do, its that i wnt care because if i offered my advice and if you decide not to take it, its your prerogative. done.
derrion alberts. i posted a video a video of his death but im really disturbed that NO ONE has said ANYTHING about him. everyone is still talking about f'in John and Kate and Letterman. ppl get divorced and we damn sure know ppl cheat! move on. kids in this nation are dying, we're losing an entire generation young ppl no one is addressing this pressing issue. i was just SURE Obama was going to say something, anything because he is from Chicago.....nope, fail. Nas was the first person to address the issue. ill post his video later. but Nas?! NAS!
so rumors flew that Maya Angelou, my personal favorite author, had passed away. when i say i was troubled, baby i was TROUBLED! i dedicated my summer to reading her collection, which i did, and completely fell in love! i always had a love for her poetry but after reading her entire collection of biographies i feel like i know her, i sympathized for her situations. no homo but i love her. no im not named after her CLEARLY her name is Margurite, but i do LOVE my name. not even tmz.com could tell me if she was dead, i had ta get a retweet that she was then a retweet that she wasnt! so im STILL in a state of confused mourning....fail. all of the prominent black ppl, all the trailblazers, and all the hope of our ppl are dying or are already dead...someone has to step up, damn near gon be me. attaining greatness is not something i take lightly...

topics ta come

cheating, lying, and relationships.
Derrion ALberts.
Maya Angelou.

gimme a minute and ima rip all these up something real official.

the ugly -UGLY- TRUTH

Once a hoe always a HOE.
I'm more hurt that my dude is soooo hurt. Like real talk. Rule #1...dnt u EVER make me or qnyone I fux wit for that matter look like a ass. I hate that it even came to this but it is what is. Fuck that girl, she aint she never gon be shyt. Charge it to the game.

where they do that a?!

Major Lazer "Pon De Floor" from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

shouts out to www.aleesaface.blogspot.com for all the best tomfoolery