idk what im actually trying to say

so in tru ...it could all be so simple...fashion ill just -->__. (Point.Blank.Period, get it lol-ok maybe not).
So there's bn a lot up with me, good/bad/indifferent.
I move on the 7th! Thank you Lawd! I didn't realize it would be so hard to get out on your own. Unless you have that GUAC, you better come with a stack at least just to foot the expenses and then add furniture, appliances, food, decoration, BULLSHYT! I've taken for granted all the little luxuries that were commonplace in my parents house, like toilet brushes, and bathroom mats, that was until I had ta go buy my own! Ugh.
Maintain an individual identity. As close as me and my friends are, we are all completely seprate entities, functioning on our own accords. Never lose yourself in your friends and peers.
I had to pull out one of my fav metaphors yesterday. I've been feeling a little worn down with some things and it was feeling like "running up a downward escalator" like I'm fighting the natural current and eventually you have to just go with the flow. That is by no means {QUITTING} its simply "letting things run their course".
Not every friendship is forever. Think about all the ((bestfriends)) that mean jack shyt now...it happens. I'm not saying anyone is disposable but I realize that friendships are for growing and learning and sadly as seasons change the relationship does too...
Ill go 12 rounds for those I love but at the last bell someone has to lose.
Luther V just came hummin from the ipod...I love him.
One of the few girls that I actually really fux with is my niggette Aleesa and its so funny that our lives always parrallel. Even tho we're always sooo far apart 99.9% (does that% go before or after sorry I'm a History major) of the time we still stay so close because of the things that are happening in our lives. Even down to the kimd of guy we're dating/falling for, they're the SAME! Its hilarious. I love her.
Songs of the day Trey Songz- off into the sunset and Echo- Gorilla Zoe. Idk, maybe its from me to you...youll see when you imeem it. If it hurts your feelings then maybe it was...tough luck.
RANDOM ALERT- have you noticed that websites have become verbs...check it, how many times have you said "girl, just facebook me" ((girl just social network site me)) "google" is different it only because its a search engine but "imeem it" "facebook me" that probably isn't correct...
Anywho moves back into my life this weekend. Ill be outta town but I'm uber stoked he's coming back to me!
Some song I've NEVER heard is on my ipod and its slick bumpin...I wont-day 26...well hot damn.
I've actually bn working lately and that's STUPID WACK, vought be buggin!
I think I'm allergic to an eyeliner...if I use it it makes me eyes kinda dry and itchy. I need wipe this off cause this a "no bueno"

Aight jigga boos, be classy!
-xoxo-

you have got ta be kidding me!

So all of the interns have lost our internet access!! Ima curl up and die at work without the internet!! VOUGHT IS OFFICIALLY WITH THE SHYT! I need a new job asap!
Ugh I'm so upset. Dylan cnt access everything...

=(

idk why i think one day...

ill check CNN and it'll save something good...
the fuckery that is earth today consists of the following...
an australian girl, 15 comes home after a semester abroad to find out her family has been blugeoned to death. blugeoned-the act of being beaten with a blunt object. a bat, club, paddle etc. but to be blugeoned to death...they beat repeatedly full force around the head and upper body. it breaks facial bones and the brain swells and you die. they killed her mom her dad her aunt and her 2 younger brothers 9 and 12.
some man in fayetteville, tn killed his wife, her son, her son's friend, her father, and her brother. then he drove 30 miles to alabama and killed someone else. police are thinking this is th result of a domestinc despute...i really hope i never have that kind of arguement.
a kid in ohio is selling his toys to help his family. his dad has been unemployed since last summer and he's doing his part. this is the same kid that sold kool-aid for katrina victims and cocoa for california wildfire vctims. he's only 11. i tink that if there are still good ppl, selfless ppl like this in the world that maybe we'll be alright.

-smh-

youre doing all the things i hate. youre pushing all the wrong buttons. -deep aggravated sigh- PnK...youre running out of time. as much as i hate to say that...the hour glass is on its last few grains.

its bn minute

since i talked about my love affair.....with muzik! if you every went thru my ipod you'd find muzik from gym class heroes to jason mraz, from notorious to kate nash. needless to say im very ecclectic and even though i do ave nigga ears (GUCCI!) i mellow out with Kem and Jill. i found this duo Tegan and Sarah, if you can get to their level, they dnt have much talent, but they do have some good lyrics i think it may surprise you that you ike them. so here's some of my fave new/old things for your ear sex lol:
tegan and sarah-where does the good go
trey song-dont wanna come down; i need a girl
drake-ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING-get over it
letoya luckett (i always loved her muzik)-regret ft ludacris
gym class heroes-a beautiful day; makeout club
keri hilson-intuition (and EVERYTHING ELSE)
erykah badu- green eyes (Amerykah pt 2: return of the ankh coming soon)
andre 3000-lookin 4 ya
erykah badu and ziggy marley-im in love with you
kid cudi-is there any love, the prayer
kem-ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

i guess ill stop there or ima end up uploading my whole itunes lol

you make a decision

choose ever so wisely.
be prepared to reap all the reperussions and benefits even of all choices made.
pp ask me all the time why i dnt make decisions on the simplest of things like where to go eat or what i wanta do. i have a very big fear of making a abad choice because some consequences can cause lasting damages and pain. this doesnt seem so relevant to restaurants or activities but when i make choices i use the same amount of care.
when breaking up...realize youre breaking hearts. ppl will say "but we both agreed it was best"-SO! you both were emotionally invested. never say "we need to talk" those are the rudest 4 words ever. just talk. say whatever it is without the ever dreadful prelude to doom. (oohh i like that one!) no one wakes up an decides i wanta break up today. i wanta breakhis/her heart and my own. i wanta make contradicting statements about whats wrong with "us". i wanta say things like you make me happy but im unhappy now. i wanta lie and say ive onyl felt this way a short while but i think its best. but ill still call you because ill need a crutch until i can make it on my own. no, no one does that. so why do we wait and let things fester and boil until teh smallest thing send you sailing over the edge and there's no way possible to really accurately account for the real issues at hand. the truth is, its the little things. ppl forgive because there is God in us but the smallest things linger long enough and accumulate faster than any blow out of proporton argument. if we said everything that really bothered us it would almost sound silly to admit. you tickled me and i dnt like to be tickled. you walked thru that door that one time before me. you didnt have an umbrella and i got wet. you stepped on my shoe. you didnt tell me i looked nice. you didnt call and say goodnight. you introduced me as a friend. you spoke to her. you went to the club and i wanted to chill. its stupid but its true. littl things never get said because you dnt wanta whine, but if you say everything that makes you bitchy and hard to please

the world -smh-

when i started doing these little news posts it was to poke fun at the media and to give my opinion on situations in the world in an easy to digest plain kind of way. i thikn its important to be well versed on current issues because well theyre current and you cnt live under a rock, th world is happening...
a few weeks ago a private club/community center agreed to allow an inner city program to swim at their pool. so when jermain, chenae, and lil boo got off the bus and hit the pool deck the club members were all grab the women and the children!! so the club claims they could not adequately accommodate a group of their size, so they returned their money and cut ties. clun members were saying slick shyt like "what are they doing here" "if we had known this we would have went somewhere else" "we chose a private club for the intimacy and quiet" BULLSHYT! given, its nto all about race but when your uppity pool gets flooded with hoopin' shorts, white beaters, and forces i can only imagine the real feelings toward the kids. well now the club is saying it cnt afford a lawsuit fo this measure...no, what you CNT AFFORD is black mamas taking off work to come up there and regulate. im talkin neon nails, and gold teeth, bonnets, and moomoo's...they dny want it with the mama that shows up her moomoo. TRUST.
a plane crashes in iran, 168 are "most probably" all dead. thats so sad, btu these russian made planes are old old planes made to resemble a Boeing from 1970. true, a well maintenance plane can last that long but not the way these were treated. this is the 2nd of these plane to crash since 2006. Buy American-Vought Aircraft! (had to go head and throw the work house some free publicity since they pay me to chill)
al qaeda's 2nd in comma issue a moving video on the hell muslims will see if they do not back them/the malitia against the crusades and interference of the US aka USA aka you and i! idk about yall but....sounds like they want start lynching our troops, i vote to pack up and let them fuck up their own lives. as long as they keep it over there im straight. you straight? im straight.
investigator's hav done evrything but put their finger up Mike's ass. theyre visiting his dermatologist and dieticians. as a society we created this man, made him an icon, robbed him of every ounce of privacy, normalcy, and childhood and no we're just doin him in the butt for more kicks and giggles. i know his family wants closure but give the man his peace.
if youre not ahistory buff like yours truly then you may not have heard of The Death March. in WW2 the Japanese capture like 70,000 american and phillipno troops and made them walk 66 miles to the traini for transport. needless to say they beat some to death, some died of heat exhaustion, etc but once tehy made it the train they went to prison, labor camps. here they were strved, torutured, beaten, they had to bury eachother a live, they were gunned down for sport, and starved untill some weighed as little at 100 lbs these are grown healthy men in their 20's and 30's. so this guy he survives al this and makes it back to montana and becoes an art professor at a college. one day in walks a Japanese-American kid....so he attacks him! stabbed him with paint brushes, and karate kicked him in the balls! he bit his arm, and scratched his face-bruh, dude went ape shyt on that kid....and i am so lying! lmao sorry i couldnt resist but turn out the kid was effect by the ww2 tragedies and blah blah blah they become friends. oh happy day and shyt.
remeber the 12 bodies in mexico, well add the mayor of ome small town. shot dead in his SUV on the sde of the road. if i was a politician in Mexico...i'd quit.
so in 2004 the cutest litte girl taken from her home, her hands tied, her mouth duct taped and she is raped, then thrown over a bridge where she drowned because she was bound and couldnt save herself. they reopened the case, offeing all sorts of rewards. but things like this make me not wanta have kids...how could you do that to a little gil, she was 3 years old.
and now some babysitter 28 had sex with a young boy. his age isnt disclosed but to need a babysitter he cnt be old enough to consent. sick.
im disgusted i have to go now.

-its hump day my dudes, hang in there its almost over lol

--i just broke a damn nail! b!tch.

-smh-

more than anything i hate that i let myself get that upset over something i didnt do.
few ppl know i hav a very bad temper, had this issue bn confronted in person it woulda been an entirely different story. had it bn handled descretly i would have explained myself and dismissed it. btu since it came about the way it did. step 1 delete the comments 2 delete you. come at me again and its a different story. other than that i over it, i got better things to do like lunch with reese.
ill holla hoe

pussy ass niggas make me sick

cyber stalkin motherfuka, youre a weak ass excuse for a man. write that shyt on my wall?! you got my number hoe! youre petty, youre childish, and youre trying to cause a scene. you have no idea what youre talkin about and i dnt care to explain shyt to you. come to nashville?! yo bitchass ride thru nashville all the time...stop by. im home. better yet come to my apartment-im grown my dude you can fall back with all that loud talkin. think cause you swole somebody scared, bitch nigga please. you talk a big talk on my facebook but you definitely have my number...stop showin out. get the fuck outta here. read this and run tell that. narcissistic muthafucka i gives no fuck! whats up?!

there's never any good news

a couple, known for adopting special needs kids, is gunned down in their home. 5-7 are suspected of plotting to rob and kill the couple. they entered thru an unlocked door and shot the couple several times. no kids were harmed. first off lets give it up to them for raising some 17 special needs kids. 1 is handful but 17....they get my vote.
Obama's telepompter falls all in the middle of his speech. whoops.
here were like 12 bodies found along some dusty highway in mexico...wtf?! 12 bodies?! all of 'em apparently looke to be tortured, killed, and dumped. the mexican officials are saying ths some kind of drug/gang thing. i just think its scary and sick.
some kid was texting and fell in a manhole. idk about you but no textvo(text+convo) is that deep that im not looking where im going. idk if he's hurt r anything but if i was his mama i'd take his phone.
Clinton, yes Bill Clinton is officially an honorary member of Phi Beta Sigma!!! i pictured him as more of an Alpha Man maybe even an Omega lol wtf?! the Sigmas are very proud to have him, as anyone would be so congrats Sigmas! he should go thru process so i can see him probate. i think he's pretty tall, maybe he'll be the tail! -GNR-
Jon and Kate are divorcing whatever ok. but he has bn spotted with some young lady on some beach and ppl are all like kids of divorce have major issues. parents need to wai 6 months! im a divorce kid and im fine! i hate the way ppl try to offer kids a crutch for every adversity life throws. kids will eb as strong as they re raised to be. divorce is hard true but staying together for the kids is even worse. its better to see your folks in healthy happy relations rather than cohabitating for your convenience, that just makes kids feel worse, like its their fault. parents need love too! its yucky, ya but its true. let Jon bust it wide open! i aint mad at ya!

i guess thats all...

Have a Good Day Kiddos.
-xo-

this just in-this JUST in!!!

Handsome is a confirmed....mamma's boy! YESS!!!!
if you live under a rock then you may not have realized that mamma's boys make the best boos! why? because they care about women and know how to treat a lady! ya mammy aint havin no mess, thus he wnt bring no mess to you...see?! he might soon be playin point on this here team. lol.

the mistakes we make

everyone knows i dnt believe in regrets but sometimes i look at things that seemed to be ok, no big deal, even harmless and looking back im pretty sure that was a mistake. ppl have the exception, only because i feel like every interaction is a chance to learn and grow but the situations around some of them, the things i did, the way i said it, the hurt i have caused and even some of the hurt you've caused...i guess im a little sorry. i dnt wanta turn back by any means im just a little hesitant to keep going forward.
this week was cool. very chill, no pressure. the bestfriend came in town and while i was teh last thing he did [no pun] i needed to see him. there are those that i value beyond measure and i cnt see myself without him in close proximity.

its been a hell of a weekend

....i just wanta get some sleep.


goodnight my loves.

you have been warned

of the plethora of advice i have,there is one tidbit that i am finding more and more to really live by. "have no expectations" for once its not me that had to feel the sting of disappointment but rather someone else and all i can tell him...you shouldnt have had these expectations of me.
let me explain. i am not suggesting to lower your standards of ppl at all. i have my stadards, very high standards actally, but i dnt expect the world of ppl. i try not to have ANY expectations of ANYONE. why? because when ppl fuck up, like they always do i dnt have to be so hurt and disappointed. life, in essence, is the continual attempt to reduce the pain and increase the pleasure. will there still be pain? hell ya, you are bound to get your feelings hurt. it happens. but if you realize and accept that he's gon jack it at least once you dnt get your hopes up, you dnt become blinded by his seemingly perfection, you'll keep one foot planted firmly and still leave you heart in the clouds to dream of love. get it?
so what happened Maya? a certain someone was/is feeling me and i did my best to be honet and upfront. i dnt want a relationship, i dnt wanta even get too close. he fell all in like and shyt and now he's feeling hurt when im not becoming what he dreamed of. wake up. from jump i told you wat it is, i hate that youre hurt but i tried to save you. summer allowed for some leisure and some mistakes, i wouldnt change any of it but i think i would have restated some of my rules and regulations. he doesnt mean to but he has some habits and tendencies that rub me the wrong way. how wrong? do this for me...run your hand backwards on a guy's head, yes against his waves (this will only work on a guy with great waves). now run! he's gonna give you the funkiest stank face and even some cuss words to let you know he is appalled! he is disrespected! and you just tried his gangsta! THATS how he rubs me some days. but like i said, he doesnt mean to. but i didnt mean for you to have these outlandish expectations. so who's wrong?
is it Handsome? yes and no. yes Handsome with his hot self and pretty waves he is just awesome! AWESOME! IN EVERY DAMN WAY! lol but he's human, i already know that, and im not getting my hopes up just because he IS human, and he's also a nigga... and while i told him the same thing as P-n-K if some aspects were different i cnt say i wouldnt change my mind. there's always exceptions to the rules...
back to the point...
i realized a while back that P-n-K was a few/several steps ahead of me and i pulled back, grabbed his hand, and i let him know "youre ahead of me. im no where near where you are. if youre trying to take that trip to Boo-dom (say it like Kingdom) im not even in the car yet, i havnt pack, hell i havnt even called out from work. slow your roll, we're friends." now true there may have been some times when things appeared as more than said friendships but hey, im human and i still like to flirt. this is slick how Mr Wonderful got his ass caught up with all these feelings and shyt. no no no honey drop, dnt fall in love, ill leave you where you land. that just goes to show you how cold ive become.
When i see that ppl ahve these ridiculously high expectations of me i drop off completely. while it may not be better to just quit, i think it might just be easier on me to not feel the harshness of failure because i couldnt be what you wanted. i dnt expect these things of you, dnt expect me to ang your moon...
i thought about Mr Man today, random. he was pretty hot too...lol but he had said one time that when youre "talking" to one person there is still entertainment around for your viewing pleasures. example: my fav show is Grey Anatomy (shouts out ta the Bestfriend) so when im watching that im "all in deep/loving it/balls deep" (excuse my french) but then there are all thos commercials, little funny moments that make ya smile and tide you over with samples of pleasure until the show is back. see... Or like movies. all the previews that get you all giddy and excited,a little tease, a slight taste, but you wait all that time for the feature presentation. summer flings are commercials. thank you Mr Man for putting me on game. (call me! lol)

just thought i'd let yall know!
-xoxo-

bitch where's my shyt?!

so being that im doin alright in my current position i have been inclined to shop, even splurge a little. levis, polos, accesories, and of course cardigans! lol but im even saving! whoa now! i know right...so ya, recently as in 7/7/09, yes i was at work shopping, i purchased a rather rare pair of nikes, for a bustin price i might add. when i saw that i had to get 'em. so using my secure paypal account i purchased them from a secure site and reputable dealer. caught a slight case of Buyer's Remorse but it passed. so what's today kidds? all together...its FRIDAY! very good. now my issue isnt that they havnt come yet, i didnt over night them, but that they havnt even shipped! i have no tracking number, but i know you got my GUAC! check my bank ledger hoe, you gots my cake! and in return i want my shoes! so you can contact the site to check on deliveries, i damn sho' did that this morning! i also bought another pair of kicks that i had held to process on this weeks check. they've gone thru and that GUAC is taken out as well... if i dnt get a tracking number for these by monday its gon be CONSEQUENCES AND REPERCUSSIONS! I WANTS MY SHYT!

guess who's bizzack?! (in a bad way)

so i wake up this morning - yawn-stretch- and i get to work and before the day can get bustin i get a text and its the Big Sis and she had ta go ham on................-drum roll-hol your breath-.....................the infamous homewrecker, Alicia!!! -gasps of absolute appall- i know! she might eb the only one who gets the government name shout. sorrykiddo but this is blaze worthy.
some of you will remember her form past posts after she called her self informing me that she "wasnt trying to take him from you" take him?! ill give his ass ta you! a few ppl wee like why didnt ou talk bad to her because i knew that me and the former mr aa were never real anyway and there was no point in fighting for him when he wasnt doin the same for me. so i kept it cordial and now she's BACK! after she pushed up on my former fling she did tried that shyt with my "what it do/major potential" Handsome! whoa now shawty! dnt get hit witht the ratchet! so she fell off after he set him straight and then her ass lied but she's up to the same ol' bullshyt and this time its.....omg! say it aint so!....my brother inlaw! Ya "Pheel"Me....aaaahhhh run for the hills, ladies get yo man!..........well the Big Sis got her ass, and put her in her place. evn tho she was being real sarcastic and snooty i hope she learned her lesson, and she damn sho' better leave Handsome the hell alone!

i need this

im still doing some research for "cnn said..." but itll be done soon

its just one of them days...

i was hoping this would bring about more certainty than confusion, and to spite all my pure hopes...im back up this bitchass river -paddleless. like being born ass first, im extremely uncomfortable and terribly embarassed. some things are clear-crystal. others make me shrug and slip into my own quiet counsel. i cnt lie and say i dnt know how i got here, i definitely do. i knew i percisely what i was doing. but i had no intentions of things coming about like this... i can scream it at the top of my lungs alone in my car but i cnt admit the simplest of things even in a whisper, just to you. ive never bn shy, timid, coy but in the ever masculine, towering presence of you i find myself twinkle eyed and giggling. ive said it before and ill say it again, ive never bn in love because me and love have never bn introduced, i wouldnt know the thing because i hav no recollection, no snap shot, for reference. its like searching for a stranger with no description. "where's waldo?" if waldo looked like every other anybody on every other random street. good luck, right.
crossing the river back to the harshest realities. if i added all the weekends in a year, subtracting the ones devoted to work, studies, and family, mutiplied long weekends, skipped classes, and divided all of that by gas and found the square root of us...i'd see that some thingsare in certain places for a reason, and that some problems just dont add up.
idk why i do this to myself.

point.blank.period......

the post below this one was a full as blog, a bustin ass blog post, and its clearly not there anymore... im so upset. theres no way i can recall all of that...i wnata cry

point.blank.period

hump day my nigga!

so its wednesday, i dipped out early yesterday to take the teller assesment for regions bank. ya...idk about that one, that was slick dumb but really hard.

so its wednesday now and in the news....
Palin's dumbass claims to be able to beat Barack...in a foot race!? we all know she likes to run ya well so does my friend aleesa, AND CLEALY Palin's sill tail fell in the damn woods and secret service had to get her out. but she says she has the endurance to out run Barack, get real heffah! this race is not gven to the swift.
the fastest growing city in the USA........................NASHV-EGAS! (((SYKE))) its really New Orleans! surprise surprise, theyre making big moves after their tragic losses some years back. congrats NO keep the faith. ill be down soon enough! lol
people are trying like crazy to find some dirty on my dude! im really sick of all these band wagon fans. if you werent trying to do the moonwalk in yo socks in the kitchen or getting a sibling to hol your feet down so you could attempt the lean...youre not a fan. if you stopped bumpin the tracks 'cause {{THEY SAY}} he touched a lil white boy, youre not a fan. i dnt care what he does in his personal time as long as he cranked out some hits! i been rockin ta mike since i was born. my mom was a die hard mike fan, we grew up with him! i had a neighbor named billy and i used to sing "billy jean" when he checked his mail. i named my yukon Dirty Diana. i used ta beat it daily (no pun) me and mike go way back, back into time. and all these allegations of super duper drugs and that those arent is kids-shut that hatin' shyt up! we just losta legend and yall ready to squander is estate, let his family mourn, the nigga aint even in teh ground yet and yall already choppin him up! so just stop witht he lies, everybody who ever had an ounce of contact with him is read ta [run tell dat] to some reprter and sleeze ball for a buck...fake bro. that "wacko jacko" bull, mike said it best "thats not very nice"...
ask me wy i got to an HBCU?? ((SIdE NOTE! no one at my job new what an HBCU was or WHERE TSU is...)) i invested myself in an HBCU for the rich cultural history and experience and because officials at big white skool like DUKE UNIVERSITY are offering their 5 year old kid on the internet for sex!! WTF?! where they doing that at??!!
another plane crashed and the only survivor was a young teenage girl like 14. ahe cnt really swim but she clung to some something inthe pitch black indian ocean