Wednesday, September 30, 2009

the sad truth about most ppl in my life....

when i saw this i immediately thought of The Bestfriend. Not that i dnt trust him, but i know he doesnt trust ppl. and then i got sad because as many times as ive bn taken advantage of i can only imagine how lonely the life would be if i shut all the ppl that i really dnt trust all the way out...hell i damn near feel alone at times now.
happy wednesday lol sorry ta start off so pessimistic

a hard head is going to be my downfall

i say things over and over again and you would think i would be the first of everyone to heed my own advice, right....ya, i never learn!
so you know how you say certain things to see what someone will say back. its not quite question and answer its more statement and response...well i made a statement today and the response....WHAMP! slick a lack there of but even then-WHAMPWHAMP! and once again i learn the hard way that expectations will always leave you entirely disappointed.
ive been told i can be very passive and really i never did see the benefits of being overly assertive but today i damn near wished i was just a (excuse my french) a Ballzy Bitch so i could get my point across, but what do i do? laugh it off as i think of curling up inside of myself to die! FML.
im so mellow dramatic i have to laugh at myself because i get my self in some really wack situations, oh well, such is life.
I think ima make a label/tag of "FML" cause i really do have some fml moments. if u dnt know what that is go to and have a giggle at someone else's expense.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

have you seen this?!

idk the whole story, but the video alon had me at the point of tears.
some huge gang relate fight and this innocent kid, i think he's like 16, he gets hit with a board and stomped to death. they blur it out but u get the general idea and thats more than enough...
this world is crazy.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

conversations and conclusions

"Life is but the fine line between holding on and letting go"
Because you "meant" so much to me, I've bn holding on to you.
But because I mean so much more to me, I'm letting you go.
I've been trying to figure out exactly how it was that I wanted to say that and there it is. True that situation that sparked that thought is old but even now that person is not entirely out of my life but after saying that...ya.
Someone asked me, a baby sister, how she would know if she was in love. I said: you wouldn't have to ask me I suppose. I would think there is a certainty that would conclude all you wondering and confirm all your hopes. Idk why you asked me tho, beside being slightly older and hopefully wiser, I have not the slightest idea of how love works because me and love have not bn introduced. Love doesn't know me and I am in no rush to make that acquaintance"
Someone else asked me another question today: "Maya, who is your boyfriend?" Whoa now shawty! Let the recodr show- I am no one's girl, I'm single, and up to mingle. But really...I prefer to be left alone right now. The Bestfriend is going to begin his "escapades" soon and you all know how I feel about that but really I cnt blame him but I dnt get down with that. so I'd rather be left alone, to my thought, and my imagination. Its easier that way.
In my mind, where everything goes as planned, I have worked out a conversation that I WISH I could have but my stupid fears...-sigh- my stupid stupid self wnt let me speak on it.
Conclusion: what will be will be. What comes from within will come without fear.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

sleep deprivation

is gonna be the death of me...

to do list:
showcase at 7, ill be there at 4-9
re-do this tech in skools homework
take a quiz thats only available til 12!
and there's guarateed to be some more tomfoolery that someone calls my phone to do...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

--there's only 1 BESTFRIEND and im so happy he's mine!!!

congratulations on the big DEUCE-ZERO! that teen shyt is for the birds! we're big kidds now!

words dnt do you justice, and there arent enough gifts to show my graditude so on today, your Cake Day, National Reggie Day, The Memorial of Your Birth i ask that we all paus i recogition of your awesomeness.......................idk what else to do but i simply THANK GOD i have you and thank you for all you mean to my life!
you are the "every" to my "thing" (no pun) you hung my moon and placed my stars. idk where i'd be without you but luckily ill -never- find out.
I love you Martin.

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T MINUS 1 HOUR 46 MINS AND COUNTING UNTIL THE {{{BEST}}} DAMN DAY (since June 9).......................................................................................................................................................1 HOUR 45 MINS........................................................

Friday, September 18, 2009

its one of two things

either i have bad taste in men OR im a jerk magnet!
either in bad shape.


i apologize

ive been tweeting more than ive been blogging. its just so easy to upload the moment i cnt always sit still long enough to fully develop the thoughts and emotions that go into blogging. i get real deliberate with this blog shyt, twitter...i just throw it up and go about my life. so i apologize, i havnt forsaken you blogger. ill be here soon to completely overwhelm you with the fuckery that is life. sometimes i love it, its blissful, beautiful, and profound...and then ity wilts, withers, and crumbles. -sigh- and i {really} miss The Bestfriend, kinda lonely.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

let the record show...

another one bites the dust.
i figure ill just make all my lonely dreams come true, even if i do it by my damn self. ill graduate move to DC and live in the heart of a city. ill teach at negro high skool and transform my students lives by infecting them with the passion i have for my ppl and the lasting knowledge that is History. i want my masters, my doctorate. i wanta be a tenured professor at a major HBCU and teach black lit, and sneakerology (it traces the history of sneakers and its influence in our culture) i wanta live in Harlem and have a son and name him in homage to the city that is full of all my fav things, elite black ppl, art, culture, and history. i wanta teach a skool yr in one city and then live a summer in a time share somewhere else. i wanta tattoo my life to memorialize my loves. nothing crazy, calm down, but i love the thought of timeless art. and even still, i wanta fall in love, real love, and have kids and a home. but i have to satisfy this urge to just "go". its burning a deep bottomless pit in my ever lonely heart. ive come to realize love is a joke, and that the only real love is that of God and that no person will ever love like He does. ive come to the sad sad sad realization that ive never known real love, and that all my futile attempts at love have failed miserably. oh well, another one bites the dust. so until "he" shows up with his handsome face and kind heart, with genuine love for all things creative and expressive, with his compassion and his manly-ness, im planning one hell of an escapade and he can either join me in my wide plank mahogany wood floor loft with oodles of contemporary and timeless art and odes to the great ones that came before me...or he can kick rocks.

ooh!! quote for the day, from my fav historical couple:
"I think at many points she educated me. When I met her, she was very concerned about all of the things that we are trying to do now. I never will forget that the first discussion that we had when we met was the whole question of racial injustice and economic injustice and the question of peace. And in her college days, she had been actively engaged in movements dealing with these problems. So that I must admit, I wish I could say, and satisfy my masculine ego, that I led her down this path. But I must say we went down together."
-- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., 1967

i want someone to say that about me...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

a rundown of the fuckery which is my life.


i have been recently entirely embarrassed, im talkin ass out, if i was white ida bn hot red, yes-EMBARRASSED!
first day of class...the usual fuckery that is the TSU. apparently EVERY girl went shopping together and bought the same damn dress from XXI, i woulda changed.
i met Juice's girlfriend today...straight. if he's happy im elated.
i have come to really appreciate the awesome connects i have, admninistration networking....lovely!
6 of TSU's SGA officials have been removed for insufficient GPA's and credit hours. damn homies...bad look for the university shawty.
i am the new VP for STEA! ya buddy
i am the co-writer for the opinions section of the Meter! rollin like a bug shot
some ppl i missed, others....well there were several others lol.
overall it was straight but im tired as shit now
sick of fighting
sick of trying
sick of this.
i think im beginning to see something in someone that i saw all along but was too afraid to admit...damn damn damn.
highly upset about a recent change in friendship btwn two individuals, thats not gonna help my bestfriend and i at all, thanks a lot!
i guess im up out cause im too tired to function