and it feels like

so im not quite sure what im feeling so im not quite sure what to write so im not quite sure what this will be about...but im feeling...off, ya off. like im losing my grip on...everything. this constant struggle to just stay above water is really takiing its toll on me. and i feel like its a mad scramble to keep everything under control and as soon as secure one thing another falls to pieces. like a domino effect or something. and it feels like the one thing that should be constant or sure, im not even sure of. and i feel like im all over the place but no place at the same time. maybe im trippin maybe its nothing at all. but at the same time i feel like its everything at once...get it? hell, i dnt even get it. but i still feel like im drowning in air, and no one even cares.

singned sealed delivered-vote O!

i am a history feind! and every day we get the chance to do something major-MAJOR! and today on the anniversary of the "I Have a Dream Speech" by the great MLK Jr. fyi: did you know that that speech was written w/o the dream, and the entre speech has nothing to do with that dream. but the woman seated behind him on stage was egging him on saying, "tell 'em 'bout the dream Martin!" ya, so there ya go. but today, August 28, 2008, we are watching hostory in progress as the first African American accepts the nomination for President! like dude, this is HUGE! a black man in office?! change?! hope?! we can do that??? ya! we can change this world by just casting a vote. im voting Barack Obama, because if you look back thru history our nation has been on an amazing rise to power but in the last 8 years we have been under the reprensation of a babbling idiot! now dnt get me wrong have my several conservative ideals but this is a time for change! and as im sitting watching cnn on my laptop, im moved, moved to believe this is what we need, the answer to soooo many prayer. save our nation, one nation under God, bring our boys and girls home, fighting for investments isnt war!, women deserve to be able to decide, there are too many children being neglected and/or unwanted. besides, they were playing Kanye music! and stevey was there! and theyre gonna close this with a benediction-prayer! AMEN!

Barack Obama, sorry but thats my nigga!

YES WE CAN AND YES WE WILL!

God Bless America!

disclaimer

ok so apparently this blog has been the best and worst of two worlds. i have a new creative outlet for my life and yet there has been some issues with things said aka i may have stepped on some toes. i have to request that if you do decide to read this blog you read 3, the one prior and the one following. most of these blogs build on one another, reading one wnt get you anywhere. i try not to be bias but this is my opinion on situations as i see them. take into account artistic value and blunt honesty. with that said, this blog is not for someone to gain insight on a current event or to see how i feel about said situations. ask me if we're having an issue. now, having said that, this blog is mine, its me on paper/screen. this is a way to blow off steam and express myself. im not always as vocal about somehings as i should be in person but that doesnt mean go read my blog to know how i feel. i apologize if anything in here has offended or upset anyone but there are sometings inside of me i have to get written out so there no longer bottled up. this is my disclaimer, and with that ill say this, read at your own risk. everything said in some way, shape, form, or fashion i meant it. is it rude? ya, it can be rude. but its honest. and i will be more than happy to own up to all things said. now, some of this is written in the heat of moments, keep that in mind. but i still mean it. should you so need an explanation of anything said here feel free to call. if you dnt have my number there is a reason for that...

i hope this clears up any issues or misunderstandings.

i love you all, dearly.

-maya

for better or worse

what hurts the most, is being is so close. she had so much to say, just to watch you walk away...
as women though, the loving and understanding creations we've become, we go along with whatever you say, because you know best, or do you? if this is what you want, we'll give it to you. if that's how you like it, we'll give it to you. you wanta be "friends", we'll give it to you. but realize, please please realize. you'll never be friends. the history you've shared, written in the book of "Time Wasted but Slick Time Loved" can never be erased. it's written in you heart burned into you memory. whomever you meet next or later, whenever, youll subconsciously compare them to one another. tit for tat in some things but there is one that can trump all. if it was not for a woman, there would be no "great" men. if it was not for our love and commitment to you and all the things you love...men wouldnt be half the man they are. support. real women, honest and true real women, stand by their man. i stand by mine, in whatever he chooses, ill support him. cheerleaders, that constant "Go Baby" makes all the difference. you cannot find genuine support in anyone else but a good woman. so realize, please please realize that that her support trumps all the factors that could even make anyone look somewhat appealing. and i must say i commend any man who respects the fact that women do require a lot and that if you know you cant give her everything she deserves, there is no point in stringing her along. but realize, yes again realize, that you cant drop one thing to focus on another because eventually youll drop all things for one, and when the time comes and that one thing falls apart, youll be left looking for her. timeless, real love is timeless. im not even talking about be "in" love, i mean the love you share when you sincerely care for another person's life. as women, we love our men long before we fall "in love" with our men. we think youre great long before youll establish your success. and if that love is real love we'll be standing by you long after youve walked away on us...and thats not fair, it is not fair. because as women we'll listen to what you say because as Christian women, we've learned to play our role, let you lead and trust that God will guide your direction so that through you, He'll guide us both. but when you go left, we gotta stay right. and when you walk off, we gotta sit tight. but you really need to realize that every time you do "this", "this" being that thing that men do to upset us, the list is too long to write so just go with the "this", we're the one crushed, we're the one sad, and while your taking care of business we're left crying...crying because you didnt realize, you just didnt realize...

an oldy but a goody-i LOVE muzik

so i was sitting in Frankie's room doing all those cute things girls do: doing each other's hair and painting toes and of course talking about boiz lol. we had DJ Frankiez on the 1's and 2's cuttin tha hell up and then...this song comes on! i havent heard this in years, like forreal. so of course i whipped out my handy dandy laptop to google some lyrics and post them just for you, my loving readers lol. i freaking love this song!

the pic is slick gay but hey...

HelloGoodbye

here in your arms

I like where we are,

we drive, in your car

I like where we are.... Here

Cause our lips, can touch

And our cheeks, can brush

Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me

Whisper's "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"

I fell in love, in love with you suddenly

Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

I like where you sleep,

When you sleep, next to me.

I like where you sleep... here

Our lips, can touch

And our cheeks, can brush

Our lips can touch here

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me

Whisper's "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"

I fell in love, in love with you suddenly

Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Our lips, can touch

Our lips, can touch...here

You are the one the one that lies close to me

Whisper's "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"

I fell in love, in love with you suddenly

Now there's no place else I could be but here in your

You are the one the one that lies close to me

Whisper's hello I miss you, I miss you

I fell in love, in love with you suddenly

Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms

Here in your arms.

Here in your arms.

proud mama

so since i have started my ever random, completely honest, rather revealing, very much loving, and so me blog i have had 3-count 'em THREE friends embark on the ever exciting road of blogging. Go me! i was just feeling like a proud mama, what can i say? lol
peep 'em kidos theyre hott!
leandria lott: www.lottthought.blogspot.com
frankie s: www.simplyeccentricity.blogspot.com
danny glover: www.dannyglover9.blogspot.com
my babies rock socks-keep up.

so Ha, Live! blogging is not gay, youre just not as kool as us!

my little sunflowers

ok so this whole day shall be from this day on be know as "the day that will remain unnamed". so in my futile attempts to wallow in self pity and remain stagnant in misery have been completely blown out of the water by two rather vibrant individuals, this one is for Leandria Lott-Roxx and for the new Ms Frankie S. so this whole day, the only reason i have had any reasonable portion of laughter is due to her. thank you twin, for a sincere smile and a kind soul. there is comfort in friendship.

so as i am trying to maintain a bad day outlook in walks this wonderful ray of joy, this ball of fire, this itty bitty firecracker, this smile...what a kid im thinking to myself. so as she commences to thoroughly amusing me in my rapidly fading misery she whips out this tube of

CREST WHITE EXPRESSIONS REFRESHING VANILLA MINT (echo mint mint mint)

explaining that she recently partook of the hygienic ritual and that if she spoke directly to me i would "smacked with this vanilla fabulousness"

so leandlria goes first, and with a mouth full of paste she mutters "i wuv it!" bright eyed and excited! so...i step up to the plate...and all of the sudden (read this fast with large amounts of enthusiasm) im wisked away into a whirwind of freshness. i mean it was like starbucks meets orbit gum! like omg "another dirty mouth" and with a swift rinse i am amazed that my smile is pearly white and amazingly fresh! so i as brush my teeth im drowning in the vivacious aroma and taste that are from this day forward to be known as, "the toothpaste of all toothpastes aka THE CREST WHITENING EXPRESSIONS REFRESHING VANILLA MINT (echo mint mint mint)

thank you ladies, a complete pick me up, a blessing. God bless you as you have been a definte blessing to me.

-maya

this one is for the ladies

girls...dnt say anything you dnt mean. I recently posted a blog that was rather...emotional and slick rude. you might be mad and say somethings you dnt mean but be prepared to explain and own up to all things said or in my case read. ill be the first to apologize for anything said that caused you any amount of hurt.
next, speak up. if its bothering you, if he's done something to upset you, even if you just miss him. say something. boiz are slightly slow and more than likely they havnt realized that they've messed up, forgot about you, and didn't call. I'm not always as vocal as I could be because I tend to let a lot of stuff go but ill use writing aka blogging as an outlet for some frustrations. so let me say now so there is no confusion, I've miss you but you did forget about me.
ok. stay right. meaning, if he's being distant, busy, or trippin you gotta stay right. dnt change and cop the same tude you'll lose all communication and neither one of you will be achieving anything. I admit, if you dnt call I dnt always feel as obliged to call. ladies, I know, believe me I know, how much we love it when they call. the little ringtone brings a smile and you answer so nonchalant like we havnt been checking our phone all day. but almost as much we like when they call, they appreciate our call as well. the phone works too ways booboo.
so with all that being said...do what it takes to make it work. ill do what it takes to make this work. I'm in this for you.
-maya

keep up or keep it moving

the scramble. so much to do and so many places to be. youll never be able to make more, in fact, your losing it now...move. so keep the most important things first, at the top of the to do list because if the sun set and you havent crossed her off your list then youve fucked up. last is the worst and first is too much pressure so where does she compare to the rest of your responsibilities, your promises, your commitments, where is she when all the pieces get moved, is she the last one standing...but the sun is setting and its steady moving. youll never be able to make more, in fact your losing it now...

she knows you better than you know yourself. so turning around now is just a waste. she doesnt wanta get to know anybody else, she already knows the right one. and then youll say the rudest 4 words in the english language "we need to talk". thats rubbing salt in her wound. how long do you really expect her to run up a downward escalator before she gives into the powerful current. strenuous. its all a race, a losing race, a failed attempt.

you lose.

time will always move on, live for the now with the ppl who matter. life may not always permit the leisures we long for, but if it matters you'd pencil her in. dnt let it all pass you by while your begging for another hour in the day to fit in all these silly things that will never satisfy you, not like she will.

this one isnt really for me as much as it is for her. the "her" in every situation that gets put on the back burner while you go about your relative happiness and crush her feelings. did you lead her on? well you built her hopes...

take time to realize.

this is time, these are the moments that will in every way build the collage of this life. this is time, set and steady. its slipping through your fingers and youll never be able to grab hold because youll still be running up a downward escalator. dnt fight the current, youll lose. just like you just lost her.

the hand

aight this one is for you. for the frustration you have caused.

keep your word. ill never believe anything you say if you never mean what you say. ill trust you until you deceive me. i will not demand your time, i may request your presence but if my request goes unfulfilled i wnt request again. that being said, if everyone else will always take precedence im not one to ride backseat, im a shotgun kinda kid. i will not be naive enough to dream of being number one in such a short amount of time but last? last! fuck i look like. ya im venting, a lot of this probably wnt mean in the morning but for now in the heat of the night im just that, heated.

its rather...rude, is the only thing i can come up with right now, to be within ear shot, not even 100 yards and not find a way for some one, assuming they are of some reasonable amount of importance, to see them. buts cool, i see. check my dougie, dnt play me. youll probably say this is what women do, complain or go all off but this is me being real im being honest-you make me sick! yes, today you made me sick! its rather...rude, yes again rude, to knock somebody off their feet and leave them there. like laughing at handicap kid, its inappropriate. like stealing from an old lady, its a sin!

so ya this one is for you, in all your many manly ways that got me slippin on my mac and caught me off gaurd. so 2 for you whoopty whoop! thats some sarcasm for ya ass. i really cnt believe it tho, im slick feelin a little played. not quite open like a can of pig feet or nothin but slightly wide eyed and innocent. i was just readin thru old blogs earlier and now im like oh silly girl, silly silly girl.

i really wish you knew, knew whatever it is you would need to know to be sure and assured that this, me, is right. i dnt want a title i dnt need the stress but i want your word. ill let the past be the past but i just wonder do you realize im not her, do you honestly know that im not her? well i know better. you might like thugs but sweetheart im gangster.

whatever it is

i wanta write! i cnt write! frustration isnt even the word, im at a loss for words. so many things to say and i could probably count the ways before i could put on paper or even this screen to say all the things i have in mind.

i...am losing it! what every it is that ppl lose when they say theyve "lost it". and i dnt even know when i lost it. where i lost it. how i lost it. but dammit it's gone! and since i cant seem to recall the who what when where and how of my misfortune i am stuck. without this critical piece of " " im not sure how im going to recover. worse, im not even sure what it is but im feeling like i need it...

i...am in a million pieces. but im not upset. its not like im falling apart from some tragedy or mishap, im just scattered. a piece of me is here and more of me is there. but there's some of me in this and some is simply no where. its all bad. and im not really even sad-indifference. as the world around me moves on in their hustle and bustle, their recklessness and ignorance; im slick standing still as if atop a building watching the tiny below. so blindly unaware that im playing God surveying their every move at least for this moment. except for at this moment im in a practice room listening to Lott rock this violin. so maybe thats just it...im everywhere and nowhere. im neither here nor there and while im feeling so scattered it all comes back together. and thru my frustrations im able to come out of myself and see things differently...or maybe not.

i...am...over it. whatever it is...

sunday, all day, sunday

i just published a post of great disparity so i thought i'd follow it up with this. i wanted to do this one yesterday but didnt find the time.

yesterday was a great day. thank you. sundays were made to stay in bed all day. then get up and go buy three cases of bottled water and subway and then go back to bed. only to be surprised by all of your friends who showed up to do laundry, cut hair, and watch transformers. hilarious. but to just be wrapped up in you all day..i wouldnt havnt it any other way. you can fold with me, i wnt tell anyone unless they read this lol. but if this you, the real, honest and genuine then im in, all in. ignore the rhyme scheme, idk where they came from. so lets go to sleep, and let the day pass us by and hopefully if time shows some grace we can stay here in this moment wrapped up in the sunday bliss.

ima call us cheese and crackers. simple. nothing more than what it is. us.

-xoxo-

stitched and scarred

i am so over this! i hav run my self ragged trying to escape from my past. by no means am i at all ashamed of anything i have been through. i am very proud of the scars i bear, very happy tragedy has not stripped me of joy, but i am tired, so tired. i hav lost some hope in ever being soundly happy. and even now, when things are good, im pretty sure something will come to rock it all. call me pessimistic but i try not to expect too much from this world or from the people in this world. im probably actually an optimist, masquerading as realist because life has me pessimistic...

i am constantly trying to please everybody. my brothers failed so now im destined to succeed. im daddy's lil girl but he worries me to death. if something happens to him, ill never forgive myself. i bend over backwards to make him proud. i am my mother's pride and joy. she can have whatever she likes. do not assume im spoiled, i bust my ass for everything i have. the weight is unbearable but i seem to be unbreakable...an odd combination im straining under the pressure only to flex my strength, the strength i never knew i had. i wake up some days staring at the walls after having stared at the inside of my eyelids and realize i might have never been to sleep...

i went this morning to a plastic surgeon to have a scar removed from my lip. and it seems like as soon as you think youve healed, youre ripped apart, to pieces again. there is medicine for every ailment, surgery for any flaw, and therapy for peace of mind. but nothing can heal pride and no one can change the past. trust, once lost is lost forever. people, once scarred are scarred forever.

crying. she rubbed my back and told me these (tears) are the prayers we cnt find the words for...if thats true, ive written a book. if it was written in blood, i'd have volumes. i am sick and tired of being sick and tired. no more blood, please, no more blood. no more tears, im begging, no more tears.

i told him i like to fly by the seat of my pants, carefree, spontaneous. only because planning never works. expectations always fail. tomorrow isnt promised i live for the moments, the moments become your life. ask aleesa, we've had more fun when we came in expecting nothing, receiving everything.

i want to be whole. and im not exactly sure if thats even the right word for what im feeling. this is one of those times when i feel like a plastic bag in the wind. blown about looking for something to get a hold of, something to hold on to me.

(sad face)

-this blog is becoming extremely depressing...sorry. im ok. im just feeling alot of things at once.

this is how guys love

Gym Class Heroes

Cupid's Chokehold

Ba ba da da

Ba ba da da

Ba ba da da

Ba ba da da

Ba ba da da

Take a look at my girlfriend

She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)

Not much of a girlfriend

I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

It's been some time since we last spoke

This is gonna sound like a bad joke

But momma I fell in love again

It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend

And I know it sounds so old

But cupid got me in a chokehold

And I'm afraid I might give in

Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'

I mean she even cooks me pancakes

And Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches

If that ain't love then I don't know what love is

We even got a secret handshake

And she loves the music that my band makes

I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun

I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun

(ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend

She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)

Not much of a girlfriend

I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

It's been awhile since we talked last and I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast

But dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one

Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son

And I know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long

But I promise this is on a whole new plane

I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)

I love it when she calls my phone

She even got her very own ringtone

If that ain't love then I don't know what love is (ba ba da da)

It's gonna be a long drive home but I know as soon as I arrive home

And I open the door take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor

She'll be back into my arms once more for sure

chorus

She's got a smile that would make the most senile

Annoying old man bite his tongue

I'm not done

She's got eyes comparable to sunrise

And it doesn't stop there

Man I swear

She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten

And now she's even got her own song

But movin' on

She's got the cutest laugh I ever heard

And we can be on the phone for three hours

Not sayin' one word

And I would still cherish every moment

And when I start to build my future she's the main component

Call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but

Everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here

chorus 2x

so i was riding to work, for my last day fyi, and this song was on a cd. this is so how guys explain love. pancakes and hand shakes. so while we're over here explaining emotions and subtle feelings, these niggas talkin bout ringtones and chokeholds. but you gotta love them, the way they never look too deep, nothing ever gets that complicated. they dnt care if you change your toe nail polish, as long as your feet dnt look like their's. and you dnt have ta shave, unless you have hair like a man. simplicity baby simplicity. love love!

-xoxo

tell me

i have the overwhelming urge to write. but i find myself stuck btwn a rock and a...rock i guess. at times i wish i had kept this blog a secret, so i could make the deepest of confessions, a blind glimpse into my life. readers would never "know" me so i could, in essence be whom so ever i please. oh to escape the constant pressures of the standards of others. but now the bar is set, i strive every day to be the person i was yesterday, as witty as the day before, as happy as last night, as loving as i ever was. tell me. who are you? now tell me. who do they say you are? and once more, tell me. who do you really want to be? for example: i am maya. they say im mya. i wanta be Maya. its more than meets the eye. "maya" lowercase "m" i havnt quite lived up to the potential and dreams i have set for myself. my own ambitions lie unstirred within me until awaken by some amazing revelation or movement or even just the sudden urge of gemini's fickle ways. they say im "mya" mispelled, meaning they dnt know me at all. down to the simplest of phonetics, they cant grasp the great idea which is me. as a child i would tell anyone-everyone who spelled my name this way they were illiterate, "you dont read?! Maya Angelou, the author!" i told my principle this in 4th grade. i wanta be "Maya" capatilized "M" i am established and concrete. overall accepted as authentic and gramatically correct in the english language, the capitol "M" will symbolize the beginning of definig myself, for myself. the start of the sentence that will become the statement of my life. get it? now tell me...who are you?

blessings

i work for an insurance company. members call in to me to set up transportation to and from medical appointments. and today while i colored and downloaded old skool rap muzik i got a call from Thomas Lundy of Cordova, TN. and as i go about filling out this transportation sheet, member's often times ramble on about their medical issues form coughs to boils... well this particular individual has progressive MS. he used to be a football player, happy, healthy, and whole. now he's so sick and weak, so unhappy and broken. if you've read any of the earlier posts on this blog i've been struggling with this concept of heaven...and he said "all i can do is be happy there is something more, something better after this. it sounds horrible but i cant wait to die and be healed from all of this." i wanted to cry. his certainty was overwhelming, amazing. "you believe that?" i said. "with all of my heart." he replied, so sure that there has to be more to this. i thought: how? you don't doubt? aren't you mad at God for the things He's allowed in your life?! you used to be happy! healthy! i used to be happy...sure. wrestling with this massive idea, i see now its not for me to understand, it was never meant to be comprehended. that, the entire idea, its about faith... blind faith, beyond a shadow of a doubt. no matter what anybody says you have to believe. i waned to tell him he was a blessing, an angel even...but how do you tell someone that? so i left him with a "thank you. take care, God bless." i hung up the phone and felt the knot in my throat, my nose started to tingle, and my eyes flooded...i wanted to cry. cry for his pain, for being so selfish in my own search of knowledge when given my current state i should be the first one to praise Him, for ever questioning the only person who has ever truly loved me. im writing this, putting myself out so that maybe, just maybe, you might be encouraged, that you won't complain, that in spite of it all you know to count it all joy because somewhere someone is dying, hurting, and crying. and if that someone is you, trouble won't last always and this too shall pass. God is so good.

be blessed because you have blessed me.

-maya

baggage

it shapes you, even if you didnt want it to. like a scar on your face, you'll see the change every time you see your reflection. but like carry on luggage you'll keep up with it. its your past, the good times, the bad days, it all takes its bitter toll on us. the ppl in our lives change us everyday. every relationship you encounter becomes a lasting mark on your soul. if you've ever seen someone get hit by a car, you would never run into traffic. and because he hurt you, you'll never trust again. because she cheated, you'll never believe anyone could be any different. the whole world will pay for everyone else's mistakes because of the scars we all bare. but eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. some will become the badges of honor,of the trial we've come thru, or the disasters that didnt claim us. other will be mere shame, a secret we can never speak in the light.

i was looking in the mirror this morning, brushing my teeth, and saw my scarred lip, a mark of betrayal. i touched my neck,a scar of innocence shattered. lying in bed last night i took a look at my soul, the baggage i carry from other ppl's mistakes. i do my best not to make you pay for their failures and faults but its hard. in my ill attempts to protect myself i think im shutting out good ppl. i wanta believe you-all of you, but my trust is shaken. anyone who can touch you, can hurt you or heal you. anyone who can reach you can love you or leave you...

i wanta forgive you but forgiveness is a journey to clarity and understanding and i have yet to take that trip. in fact, i cant find my keys and since i dnt clearly understand the logic and reasoning behind your thinking, no i dnt forgive you. but to be forgiven i have to forgive... looks like you've damned us both...

my best friend called me, she wanted to call a summer fling. well considering he tried to talk to your homegirl in fron of you...the hump and dump...i'd say dnt. but what is it in us that makes us long for all the wrong things. the flesh is so weak. the heart wants what it wants. and even if you have the rare talent for keeping a level head, logic flies out the window and your clothes will be back on the floor. reconsider.

i've shut a lot doors to the outside world, clenching those dearest to me and rejecting all new acquaintances. but now that youre pickin at locks and giggling handles im not exactly sure how long i cant keep up this fight.

check out gnarles barkley "who will save your soul" something like that. eloquently poetic-shyt is dope!

kinda died

i just had ta come tell somebody about last night! so im chillin right, watchin apocolypto, if ya havnt seen it-see it! dope! but anywho, you know how you feel sleep coming, the "sweepiez" as my neice calls them,so ya im like damn, slick tired. the time was "7:34pm" so i went ahead and drifted off...ya drifted-syke! i died. i slept all the way until 6:30am! i was so gone. no dreams, nothing. i was knocked tha hell out! it was beautiful. im talkin' that old skool little kid sleep. dead ta tha worl, woke up wit tha drool, wide eyed like "where am i???" i saw tha clock and was like "wow..." it was too legit.

as women tho we tend to take on more than we can handle at times. the ripping and running,constantly taking care of everyone, and making ourselves last. but once it finally all catches up baby does it catch up, wraps you up, and knocks you off your feet! i need some rest like that. but its another day, another dollar, and surely another problem. such is life.

oh but tonight....word is tha nellis boiz are throwin a set at macarey's?! oh shyt-see you there! lol

-untitled-

i am...toying...with the idea of you. the in's and out's of you, wondering how you're able to do what you when you're doing what you do to me, when you have me wrapped up in the thought of you- caught up in the feel you. it would be a... bad idea...to turn off these lights, it would be a... bad idea...if you grip to tight. we all cant guarantee to remain ladies when we're completely out of sight. and while i lack the vocabulary and description necessary to describe this...feeling-desire, i thinks its rather apparent that we're thinking the same things...

-haven't written anything like this in a while, thought i'd throw it out there...

;-)

mic check 1, 2

ay a word ta tha extremely wise and musically inclined....
N.E.R.D. is tha bonafide shyt!
"spaz" is my new anthem. and while i dnt snort coke i do like "everybody nose". ima hav ta take a second on my wack ass 8 ta 5 ta put yall on game. shouts out once again ta aleesaface for puttin me on . oh and feaginz actually for "everybody nose". real talk, that shyt is hott! but you gotta be on it like that. its an acquired taste, not for the everyday synthesizer next door, definitely a cool kid sound. so if ya cool, cop the coolkid handbood aka N.E.R.D. cd's. aight my phone is ringing, deuces.

-tha kid

this shyt right here...bumpin

cassie's official girl

Ah

Danja and the Clutch

I miss you girl I miss you girl

I'ma make you my official girl

Listen,

today makes it a year

Don't you think it's time that you made it clear

(You) gotta get on your biz

Tell me what it ain't or what it is

I can handle it

I've had it up to here

I don't wanna pressure you dear

I've sent back to back dudes away from my door

Thinking I was spoken for

Not anymore

Chorus:

And I'm tired

I'm tired I'm tired

Of being your unofficial girl, unofficial girl

And I'm tired

I'm tired of trying

I'm still your unofficial girl

You gotta love me when im not in the dark

You gotta give me, give me all of your heart

I wanna be your official girl

Said I wanna wanna wanna be your

Official girl

I wanna be your official girl

I wanna be your official girl

Official girl

If you keep this up

There's bound to be a mess

I ain't really like the rest

Put to the test

I could surely pass

You better do the math

I'm so stylish

So bossy

It'd be a shame to say you lost me

But if you want that

It's a wrap

And I won't look back

(No I won't look back)

-chorus-

I miss you girl

I miss you girl

I'ma make you my official girl

You better act right

I'm two seconds from being out the door

I miss you girl

I miss you girl

I'ma make you my official girl

Said I won't be with you

Unofficially anymore

And I can't make you choose

Long as you're cool on knowing

You're bout to blow a good thing

And I ain't making ultimatums

I'm'a tell you this verbatim

-Chorus-

I miss you girl

I miss you girl

I'ma make you my official girl

ok this is most definitely my new favorite song, im not a big fan of cassie but "me and you" and "offial girl" def have my vote! and yes, my vote counts. shouts out ta aleesaface for puttin me on to this.

walking germ magnets

i have come to the sound conclusion that small children are extremely disgusting! some one will read this and be like, gosh maya so harsh, but i dnt care! they gross me out at times. please do not get me wrong, i love kids, i want kids, and hopefully by then i will be able to get over their trifling ways. for example, i am spending my happy sunday afternoon babysitting two of my beloved kidos from my church, jayla 6 and mekenna 2. makenna cut her finger so i rapidly doctored it up and put an adorable spongebob band aid on it, within 5 mins she returned to me with her thumb out like a hitch hiker, smacking on that bloody band aid like that girl in the back seat of one of those madea movies... GAG! she planted that same thumb deep within her mushroom pizza and followed it up by putting it in her nose...BARF! now jayla has sinus issues and she sometimes cant breathe well and she kinda snores but i love her! while her sister is finding new homes for her marinara blood thumb, jayla is grunting and smacking on pizza like a morbidly obese man. thusly i hav lost my appetite. but on a lighter note, jayla is learning to read, thanks in large part to me! no please hold your applause :) but yes, she is currently butchering "green eggs and ham" sounding very nasal and i must say i am finding myself extremely amused at this futile attempt to sound out "sam-i-am" which is beginning to sound a lot like "say my name" or "tham God damn" and "with" now has a very hard "t" hilarious. its moments like these that i love children, that is until they begin to leak and secrete all sorts of foul things or when they hide various body parts in any available opening...i rest my case, kids are gross!