Saturday, January 31, 2009

ive decided...

I'm going pro in Solitaire.


there it is!

tell me why I wasn't even drunk til I got out the club?! and now...mane, I'm tweekin!
ima be real honest right now...and if anybody is thinkin "omg, Maya!" just blame it on the 2 vodka cranberries and the coronas.oh, plus the sex on the beach from larry and londyn, and that double shot of patron!...but I am hellafide -----! like straight up, this what drinkin does to me and I had to go ahead and pop in aladin and take my ass to bed. lmao I'm sorry I just had to get that out.
I'm sure in the morning ill be like "wtf delete this!" but til then ima blame it on the goose, it got me feelin lose and definitely the patron got me in the zone.

xo is going to bed. over and out!

what a night

mane...tonight bro was so right! slick got hectic and shyt around dinner, but we handled that with the upmost steelo. ima do some shout outs in a min but til then, mane AJ's bday certified fuckin cranked! that shyt was so live!!! I had waaaayyyy too much fun! definitely stepped outside of myself and came out in the itty bitty dress! lol all legs bro, but I definitely got some great reviews so I'm like fuck what you heard xo does it better than any other!!
sjhout out's:
big boy AJ for a spectacular party
spence glover for puttin' swaghouse on the mutherfuckin map! we here to stay, the take over starts now!
my bestfriend for just being my favorite period
eric kelly for the sing along across the dance floor
XXI for this banfin ass dress
kerryn bitcjass for major swag and beyonce steelo
to the grind, we gets it in baby!

xo is that nigga, fuck what you heard!

Friday, January 30, 2009

its the little things

a man bought 5 boxes of baking soda at dollar tree...uhm....OBVIOUS AS HELL!
this man at walmart was standing 6 inches from behind me and when I turned around like wtf he was like I like your tattoo...WEIRDO!
today is a hectic ass day! but ima make it happen

happy bday shout out to Big Boy AJ!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

when i dnt know what to say

he told me dnt say anything at all. but I know what to say, I just cnt find the big hairy balls to say it. I get myself in these predicaments and then I get this feeling that I'm running up a downward escalator again. like I'm fightong the wind. talking to a wall. I know, you know. it could all be so simple. and when everyone sees it, why cnt you? there's a lot of things I can do, being unappreciated, overlooked, and taken for granted isn't one of them.
I know what was said wasn't meant to come out the way it did but it did come out and it cnt just go back in. so I seek wise counsel. one says its my fault for firing all my employees, that no one ever throws away everything when there's still room for doubt. one says the gray area is to blame. one says I cnt judge everyone by the same stabdard. so if my critical standards are too harsh, I apologize but I know what I deserve. I fired my employees because they couldn't handle the job. nothing is cut and dry, black and white, or this and that so tell me what the hell I'm doing here...
this isn't about thing, this isn't about one convo, this is a span of time and a collection of confusion. this being mislead, misunderstanding something, reaching, grasping, failing, releasing, this is about me and no one. that's as simple as I can put it.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

blessing books and my new fav boy

ok so the other day i spoke with my advisor/professor about the books that im not going to be able to purchase and tooday i walk in class and he hands me a bag of books! of THE books! and while he couldnt get the one we're currently reading my new fav boy, Mr Insightful is like after class follow me. so after class...i follow him lol and we head down to the computer lab and he pulls up the entire novel! please tell me my God isnt real!!!
a blessing can come at the oddest of times, but you have to trust.
books dont always have to be hard copies, you hav to google.
and ppl will enter your life, but you hav to be open to receive.
shouts out to God, Dr Schmeller, and Patrick Calvin. yall made my day.

"The greatest gift given to men, besides salvation, is the ability to choose." i choose to trust, to trust and belief-i choose faith.

Monday, January 26, 2009

let this be known

life is black and white. there is no gray area, gray areas only represent confusion. i have no room for any more confusion. with that said let me say this. if you wanta mess with/ sleep with/ talk and associate with other ppl, you wnt be associating with me. we all know very well that im very selfish but i just cnt share, not you-ill be damned. i dnt ride shared dick. sorry, thats as blunt as i can be. i respect your wishes but clarify, is it you and me or us and other ppl? thats called gray area. and let this be known, i dnt need a title, i dnt wanta be mrs anything, im in no rush for all that pressure, labels, and bullshyt. also, im not her, youre not him, we are not them. lets just leave all of that where it is-far far away from us. back to the gray, i cnt do the confusion. if you wanta do all this, that, and them just say that. you got yours, i know you do, and as much as it makes me sick i know its true, i know theyre there.... and i dnt wanta whine but this matters to me. everybody wants somebody around to just shoot the muthafuckin breeze. missing gets old, and talking only satisfies so much. ugh... i dnt drive across this state for the damn scenery. and really i dnt do that for anyone, like just honestly, count the miles, cross the rivers, i do that for you. would you do that for me? i've tried, and i cnt help it but i find myself questioning things and i wanta trust you, you say i can, i think i can so tell me better yet show me that youre trustworthy. the miles serve a purpose, distance forces us to believe the words but distance shelters the secrets. maybe i'd feel better if it all wasnt so gray. maybe i need to stop drinking and thinking lol or maybe i need you to just be real and tell me where i stand, what i mean, and that this-whatever we're calling it-that it matters. i benched the squad, dnt make an ass of me for wanting to believe you. some ppl say its not good pimping, benching the team, but i dnt wanta play the games. i hung up my nikes long ago so tell me whats the deal...?

xo, i hope.

shoulda never started

so im in my room because i skipped the gym, but me and philly phil are going tomorrow. so anyway, im in my rm right and im youtubing random videos and i started my country trip. i used love country muzik! like die hard! but then i got on gucci and idk what happened lol. but its the stories i think. country paints such vivid stories. so now im all lovey dovey with no one to love...boooooo this sucks!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

things to come

every time we do this i always leave something to say, more to discuss but ill hit it up later

Friday, January 23, 2009

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Jan 20

we didnt sleep forreal the night before. got in and showered and in bed around 2:30 and we were back up and out at 4:30am! anything for Obama baby.
i really cnt put into words the feeliing in the air as all these different ppl, all different backgrounds, hopes and dreams, all these races, all these beliefs, coming together to believe once more in America.
and his speech, so powerful.
idk what to say the inauguration was awesome, just to be that close to him, not like he's untouchable or God or anything but hat close to the man who has restored the faith of so many. i was honored. and even tha cold was no hoe i would weather the storm again.
now after the inauguration thats an entirely different story. the parade from the capitol to the whitehouse requires them to close off all of Pennsylvania Ave. ok but everything worthwhile, everything, edible, and everything warm is on the other side! we were trapped on one side for hours! cold! hungry! PISSED! but ya we finally make this voyage across dc to get tp the other side. looking at a map later we clearly walked clean across the entirety of DC. ugh...
was it worth it? you better know it!

my kidds (all 10 =} ) are gonna read about this and ill be able to re-live it for them. thats a hell of an audience.
so ive been putting off writing all these blogs because it was going to take a while to form all these words and thoughts, most of which still havent processed.
i think im going to write several blogs so i dnt ruin one with the random thoughts of others.
lets start in order shall we...saturday.
so saturday we (the girlyz and me) went to the basketball game, mostly to watch the pep band, so its there that im like i kinida wanta go to the inauguration. i really always wanted to go being the history buff i am, but financialy i wasnt going to be able. well hello refund, how are you? it was kind of a back and forth for several hours before the bestfriend called and said PACK! pack?! i start a load of clothes and run to walmart come back pack like a mad woman and just as im zipping up my life he calls "bestfriend, im down stairs" so i potty and head down...1am sunday
we scoop up Angie and head to DC. i really REALLY wish it was that simple. it was straight til we got closer to knoxville and we saw some really bad wrecks. a truck slid off a hill. cars wrecked, etc. and then just outside of knoxville around johnson city we hit a stand stil! im talkin cars off, parked, and posted. 6am. hoping it would move, neither one of us slept. oh shyt, motion!!! we get out of that and get some gas and some food. the reat of the way was relativey decent but keep in mind he hasnt slept, i havnt slept. he drank a mountain dew before we left he took 2 5hour energy shouts and a big ass coke. there was about 45 min that he was so tired it scared the hell outta me. not even like omg, we're gonna die. more like omg my neggie...
so i bump some gogo, some house muzik, and some baltimore club muzik and we're back, we're up and we're pushing.
15 hours later-FIFTEEN FUCKING HOURS LATER we made it. thank God.
so we get in and meet Angie's bestfriend Jermaine, atl born and raised in DC working for NEA and living in this bomb ass apartment. just fyi. and zakiya, former sophisticated lady, and teela, jermaine's lil what it do, very funny girl from jacksonville. a very funny crew. so now that we've made it, we chill out take some cat naps 20mins or so. and then we did the unthinkable.
for obvious reasons i cnt explain the process but know that me and the bestfriend will NEVER drink african rum again. ugh, we were tossed as shyt, throwin up like an infant, and spinning like a top. you can only imagine the hilarious stories we heard the next morning. funny shyt.
so that next day is monday. we shopped, H&M makes my life so happy. i actually had on stripes and everything i bought had stripes and im sure the ppl in the store were thinking "did you need any help finding...stripes?!" dnt judge, i like what i like. and one thing had dots! so then....leave it to Neggie to find a damn wax museum of lifesize statues of celebrities, historical figures, activitists, and an oval office and OBAMA. so im like what?! no! and he's all yes! fun! so of course he pouts and we go. and when you let two big ass kids into a lifesize wax museum, with an i phone camera, and way too much get fingers in edison's nose, hands on hilary's tit's, and The King's running the oval office lol. it was fun, there i said it.
so we leave and head to dinner with my nigga, my homie, my best damn friend, aleesa mann!!! we stand outside in line for dinner for like...EVER get in and hav to bug out on the service to sit somewhere that isnt by the damn door! they almost Reginald....but ya service was terrible but one good thing, one great thing, one thing that will forever change my life....
this obama official with this wild accent comes up to me and aleesa and is like
oo: hi, im "so and so" with the inaugural campaign and i noticed that there are 3 of you and i have my last 3 tickets to the swearing in. do you already have ticket?
xo: are you serious?!
oo: you have to be quiet. ppl hav bn following us trying to get these tickets. im going to show you my badge and you can trust these are real.
xo: oh wow, thank you. what do we have to do.
oo: be early and dress warm.
the bestfriend comes back and he's all giddy and shyt lol so we're in there!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

realizing what matters

so I'm not an argumentative person at all. but if you buggin ill geek back, and its when you fuss a little you can find out who cares.
as well as when something goes wrong, see who ppl turn to and you'll discover where someone seekds their comfortt and finds peace.
that was just a little somethin that's been happening lately so I thought I'd put you on game.


is a VERY bad day.
not because of inauguration but all the other top notch fuckism we've encountered!

read btwn the lines

so mr. wonderful hit me up just now and here's the convo snipet:
Mr: can I get your work from blk lit?
XO: we didn't do any real written work but you can buy my bk.
(i take a second and explain the class content)
Mr: I already got the book tho
XO:well if you need help with anything else just let me know
Mr:'ppreciate that
XO: sure boo
xo: lol what?
Mr: when did I get that title?
xo: its not a title its just a term of general endearment
Mr: the way you been actin seems like someone else got that title.
xo: he does. but its still just somethin ppl say.
Mr: explains a lot...
xo: I guess...
Mr: ight...well hav fun up there.

I felt kinda bad for benchin the kidd...but it is what it is.

if you dnt know what today is...

so me and reggie were so blessed to receive tickets to the actual swearing!!! nigga!! I was like WHAT THE FUCK?! HEAVENS TO BETSY!! this has bn an awesome trip. thank God, I need this.
ill have bookoo (yall remember that word?! lol) blogs to rip all this later.
xo loves DEMOCRACY

Sunday, January 18, 2009


so i hav yet to write the blog about my first week back, the great new person i met, the road trip to DC that almost killed us! or any of the other things ive scratched into a word document and saved in my phone...idk im just feeling some hesitation. like there's something i know i wanta say but to actually put it into words would mean i would have to really admit it to myself and not just let it be a passing thought that brings a smile or quick realization that makes me shutter.
expectations...ive said it before, ill say it again. expectations will get you fucked up everytime! idk why i know this and cnt seem to apply it to my own life.
ive realized somethings about some ppl that i really find as major flaws. and while it saddens me to an extent i think i already knew all along.
i hav and will continue to form my own opinion of some ppl. just becasue "so and so" doesnt like "whats her name" doesn tmean i have to im not.
my bestfriend is the truth. it takes about 10 hours to get from nashville to our location on the edge of DC, after terrible weather and some 3 hours of a stand still in traffic, like no bull STAND STILL cut yo car off and sit traffic it took us 15 hours. neaither one of us slept! he's a beast and i love him for it.

i just have somethings i need to come to terms with on my end before i tell the world my many many issues......

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Thursday, January 15, 2009

nasty as hell

man im at spence and lloyd's and spence is in the potty....and he is blowin it up!

super stank!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

to the gym!

today had its trying moments so ima go bust out a workout and count it all joy

xo, the gym rat!

sigh of relief

it seems like wheneveri get really upset by something it gets cloudy...honestly or some other element comes about its crazy sounding I know bit I'm serious. so ill be feeling all down then it gets all cloudy and when I think I've got no one else, like I'm better off blogging to the endless world of cyberland, the clouds part and I'm bathed in a peak of sun. my skin is warmed and it all doesn't seem quite so bad...

its still fucked up but ya ill be straight

not going back

the last time I felt like this I ended up at the lake. I refuse, hands down re-fucking-fuse, to feel like this. I'm done allowing the actions of some to completely effect me. I'm better than this, all of this adversity and bullshyt, all this nonsense and fuckism, is going to be channeled into something positive. I'm not sure what but its going to be something, anything, other than tears, frustration, and anger.
shouts out ta the truest of the true, I dnt know where i'd be without yall...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

on second thought

man...i hav so many things to recap, re-tell, update, and conclude....i dnt even kno where to start.
the wonder workout is off the chain! like all i need to do is stay on this diet and ill be straight-ya, straight SEXXI lol
me and Lea had a bomb ass talk about boiz, as usual lol. but ive come to a few conclusion about me and mine and about ppl in general:
=i held back for a long time because of my own uncertainties and fears. but we'll cross the bridges when they come. for now lets just stroll.
=no one knows you, like you. if you realize certain things and flaws within yourself its good to admit them to yourself, obviously, but even more so to make sure you dnt inflict unnecessary pain, conflict, etc on those around you. thats really vague but you get the point.
=its about balance. a ying yang, kinda thing. like flowers in a concrete vase...thats so deep.
=benching the squad isnt as easy as it seems lol
=when in doubt, blog it out right? no! just blame it on the alcohol lol jp jp gosh!
=me and reese went to pick up her booskie love, Philly Phil, in memphis today. hilarious.
=memphis is like 3.5 hours away...i did it in 2.5 lol SPEED RAYCAH!!!!
=im so damn sleepy
=i kinda wanted to recap this mini road trip but i just dnt have the energy or the memory lol

xo loves you....g'night

Sunday, January 11, 2009

true love

show me the boy who can pull these off and ill show you the future Mr. Matthews!

true love baby TRUE love

oh no!

marvin is definitely in bad shape. i opened my laptop and the damn screen is cracked!! how did this happen?! i havnt dropped him, stepped on him, etc so....what the hell?! im definitely pissed about this. i guess ill hav to get a new one for next fall....damn.
sorry marvin but youre not doing too hot right now...geez broskie


since I STILL cnt post a damn comment on my bestfriend's blog ill do it here.
conceided is not a word.
you got me on endorphins so I'd thought I should toss back tha favor.
gotch broskie
xo no one loves you like me

au natural

so last spring when I got my ass certified whooped the petty ass hoes who did it took full advantage of the fact that my hair w as down and pulled the dog shyt out of it! thus they caused some major damage to my mane. if you've ever bn to my house or knew me as a child, you'd know I had a gorgeous head of hair. thick and long. I kept it sewed up for conveniece and less stress, just fyi. but I went back to twists to thicken my hair up and before I did I let my beatician cut my hair down to get rid of the damage. what she actually did was cut out the perm! yurp I'm all natural, I didn't even realize until I looked in the mirror when I emancipated my head. deep mahogany brown, and a head full of curls! while my hair is dammit thick its actually very soft when its all loose. it was so good to see it again and to know I wasn't bald lol.
so yes to spite the fact that I've been looking like sheep's ass my hair is still relatively pretty, still got a ways to go before I rock it but well under way.
just thought i'd stop by and let you know I was finally freed.

xo is au natural!

Friday, January 9, 2009

thats some bull!

has anyone ever noticed that eating healthy is waaaaaayyyy more expensive!
its a conspiracy I tell you! bad foods are cheap! so being broke that's what ppl eat and then you hav bad health but healthcare and medical expenses are even more expensive!!!
uncle sam wants us dead!
this psa is brought to you by the rapid pace of my brain after one hell of a workout. them andorphins boy I tell ya.

my nigga!

I SWETABOB I LOVE MY FATHER! that nigga is always there in the clutch! whenever I get myself all jammed up, jacked up, fucked daddy SHOWS UP! I swear I'd be completely lost, broke, and sad if it wasn't for him.
ima have to get another tattoo for that man. 'cause that nigga right there, that's MY NIGGA!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

take comfort

you kno my favorite thing about life?
no matter how bad the night, tomorrow will come.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

fooled me once

I would only want the best for those closest to me.
and even now, when I am all of distraught and hurt, I still hope you're happy. (no sarcasm)
my spirit just seems so broken.
did I disappoint you? let you down? I'm really feeling guilty but its you that brought us down.
"pray for me" is the hardest request I've ever had to petition but...pray for me.
I wanta be mad, throw things, and scream but...instead @ took a hott ass shower and let the water wash away the tears. and as I passed the mirror and looked at myself, all red and distorted in the steam, I didn't even recognize myself.
then I got in my car and drove towards the moon. I ended up at the lake. the place of so many memories, so much thought, so many smiles, several tears, and even more confessions. I've poored my soul out to the stars here, I've yelled for some one, anyone to here me, to feel me. and when it all went unanswered I cast a stone of misery into the depths of despair. I skipped pebbles of confusion across the water of understanding.
I remember one nite not too unlike this one, I drove toward the moon again and ended up here and as I stood on the edge of the water, balancing my life on that bolder I wanted to cry but I wouldnt, I couldn't bring myself to that shame.
and it rained and I didn't even move. I let my head fall back and let the rain make the tears I couldn't.
it was summer then but a cool night and I could see the steam from my warm flesh against the cool rain.
you're breaking my heart.
I made 2 phone calls on my way here, both unanswered. I'm wondering if maybe this is something I need to face on my own or those 2 individuals cnt be held accountable in my time of need. ill give them the benefit of the doubt and face this night, like so many others, on my own.
looking out across this lake there's a flicker of light, it blinks sparatically (sp?) like a glimmer of hope.
I used to think that if I could just focus long enough into the abyss, long ebough to see it flicker i'd gain some ridiculous strength to face whatever tribulations drove me to the lake of desolation.
and I've realized that the flicker is me. ill lit and weak. and ill never gain this strength I've been blindly searching for because its all dormit within me.
you never realize the power you hav until troubles call for your own will.
I wonder if there's a girl on the other side of this lake who is doing what I'm doing, not blogging perhaps, but searching herself. looking into the distance at some flicker behind me and drawing far fetched conclusions. I wonder if I'm really all alone here.
there may be worse things...
I'm done being all depressing. ill dry my face and drive myself back to the building I call home. and it doesn't even feel like home anymore. its so cold and callis there. it is what it is...a few more days and ill be back with my loved ones.

i guess nobody said it'd be easy

but then again nobody said it would be so hard.

what happened here

I feel like I'm losing someone very dear to me. being replaced maybe even forgotten. and this isn't me being spoiled or a brat or wanting all of the attention back on me. but I honestly feel like I'm drifting in the shadows of the meaningless things of life. and I'm sitting here trying to figure out what happened? what happened to us? what happened to you?! what is it that makes ppl forget about all the clearly more important things when something seemingly euphoric shows up. things that used to be so crucial are just trivial to you now. the ones that hav been here from jump, stood by you, stood up for you, how did I become a passing glance? and as I slumped onto the foot of my bed and I felt that knot in my throat and the blur take over my eyes and this isn't the first time you've made me cry in my hands to catch the sounds, this isn't the first time you've made me feel like I was the last thing you thought about. and even when mr AA called I couldn't even clear my voice to talk, I couldn't bring myself to confide in one of the closest people to me. and I hate to keeep secrets or hide stuff inside.
because of the way you've been acting, the way you've made me feel I'm letting tears roll off my tiny nose as i type a fucking blog and reach out to the endless world of strangers before I could come to anyone close to me.
because of you

xo my ass! I really hate to cry.


so I'm back from the gym, I ate my subway, had a cute little chat with Mr AA, and now I'm watching The Cosby show! me and spence had this long convo about how the lack of good tv shows now. everything is all this reality bullshyt. there's no wholesome family comedy like the ever timeless Cosby Show. I love this show! its so funny!
xo is lounging because the gym has caught up with me lol.

gym rat

ima become a gym rat! lol unlike a watson rat, agym rat is sexxi lol
na but forreal there's something oddly comforting about being here, all focused and all about the business. I'm on the bike right now doing 5 miles I'm on 2 now and if I keep this pace ill burn a hole on my rhigh lol but there's this guy, this man rather in here too and he looks like he's going thru a mid life crisis I feel bad for him. ok 3 miles, I'm getting this shyt. gotta go!!!
xo is fit
these endorphins got me geeked!


so I'm lying in bed and my mind is just wandering. imagining. replaying. role playing. and at times I'm almost scared. what if it all plays out the way I've written it? what if nothing turns out the way I've written it? thinking of this person at this time in a certain place. or that person in a different place at the same time. and all as time passes I havnt taken one step towards anything. passing me by because I'm frozen in moments toying with the ideas of things to come. well damn...

ps I'm gonna do that survey tomorrow. I'm too pensive right now.

pss you sir hav no idea how much that means to me.

damn psss! thanks for the wish bestfriend. -kingkong- on they asses!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

im at spencer glover's!!!! yayy!!!!!

funniest shyt ever!

The Mr All American called to tell me he has a gay roomie! and its not like me and Lea, sharing a space. this man is on the other side of the apartment, they dnt share a bathroom or anything only the full kitchen and living room, which mr all american is never in but he's SO upset! and I dnt mean to laugh but I have never heard him sound so Memphis-y throughout the duration of this relationship! he's said more "bruh's" and "mane's" than I've heard in my life! funniest shyt ever:
"ima go off if it smells like latex and shyt in this apartment"
"hell no! not with 'hey girl uh huh' in the other room"
so apparently there's some gay club within proximity to their apartment dorm building and he's concerned his apt is gonna be the afterparty.
his other room is some uber loser! like textbook nerd. poor guy, he's just surrounded with...uber rainbows.
I'm sorry love..."no homo!"

xo loves you honey

ps I just finished Because I Say So and its such a cute movie!!! I'm so in love with the idea of love lol

Monday, January 5, 2009

you-gee-(i cnt phonetically spell h)

but whatever!
because jackie bitch ass wnt burn! I've clearly spent all my money on food. and while I hav bn showin my ass in the kitchen if she wnt buy grocery then I cnt cook. she's so damn dense!
I'm going to sonic.


now in walks my bro with this damn lemon pie!!!!
thats so bobdamn muthafuckin rude.......


hello endorphins!

im feeling lik fuckin Richard Simmons over here! man i did day 1 of the Wonder Workout! ya...definitely hav a ways to go but i actually knocked it out pretty well.
run a mile
leg press 4 sets of 10
leg curls ''
leg extensions ''
squats with the bar ''
-my bro's apt didnt hav a leg press or a free bar so i went ahead and did the stationary bench press 4 of 10 and definitely cnt remember the name of it now but you stand and pull the bar down...ya that one 4 of 10
150 crunches (change it up)
i did: full sit ups, crunches, 6 inches, leg throws, a pilates crunch, and side crunches (no love handles kidds!)
-ggrrrooowwwlllll!!!!!- im a beast! lmao. ima definitely be feeling this in the morning but til then im on cloud 9 endorphins are lovely...

ps we can leave tha bed made up, i can fuck you on the chair! -giggle- oh gucci mane, he's so nasty!

pss girl talk, get up on it

chit chat and matter of fact

so clearly any time me and the bestfriend get on the phone we end up chatting it up for 30 min's at the least. heart him.
with him embarking on a new..."pastime" I'm preparing myself to...share and not be so jealous. dnt expect too much from me tho.
idk why but I havnt been so inclined to blog lately I guess I've been feeling kinda personal.
I'm starting the Wonder Workout by Mr. All American. this workout is actually very do-able and should I-scratch that- as I stick to it ill definitely be 175 and hott shyt-scratch that!-hott-ER shyt by summer.
skool shall commence very soon and I'm really about to take advantage of this bomb ass, easy ass schedule and pull all A's again. gotta get the GPA so I can do the things I've set out to do.
fine, fine, fine...ill get a damn job! I know I'm back to being broke and that's not gonna work!
inauguration is in like 2!!! history baby
definitely need to pay sprint lol them fuck boiz
gotta get emancipated ASAP lol
I'm really gonna buckle myself down for this semester. plan to work and work the plan.
gotta bench the squad, I'm playing one on one now days.
spring break...I think I wanta work because I know I wnt be completely financially sound to blow a week. ill do something tho because I definitely hav this damn ticket!!! ugh, I hav to use this ticket and fly to...somewhere.
senior summer me and my local aces are going to MEXICO! aleesa, the ace booncoon, her family has a time share there so us and our other down ass homegirls, isoke, and ebony, maybe even some of the homeboiz are gonna shake some shyt! that's years away but time clearly flies...
I'm coughing...why? idk but I need to kill that.
I need to go to the store to stock up on wonder workout foods! Whole Foods yayy!
I'm bout ta hop up cop the pumas and run a mile then hit the gym and burn off some shyt.
everything I want is just outside my grasp, now is the time to stretch.

he told me "reach for the stars, sweetheart. cross your heart and fall"

xo loves you, more than words, more than you could ever know.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

the drive of despair

start the clock and count the leaving m-town and now and who knows when it will be until i see him again....
maga whampwhamp mega

how come!

how come i cnt write comments on m bestfriend's blog
how come things just cnt be good
how come when shyt aint got nothin-NOT A THING to do with you, you always end up in it
how come you always come in conversations at the moment when things sound so dirty
how come we cnt have a convo without saying no pun, or hav no sexual innuendos
how come we make plans and they dnt work out
how come this blog is gonna sound really ghetto when i read it back-i already know
how come hoes gotta be so damn trif
how come bitches always jockin yo man
how come there is a surplus of business on sale at walmart but niggas always gotta find a way in yours
how come everyone knows im in memphis?!
how come im writing all of this hella damn quick. like im shockin myself with these fire ass typing skills
how come all of mr all american's friends are infatuated with me?! and blogging! like wtf lol
how come i woke up today with the intentions of going home, rolled over, and decided i just need one more day
how come we cnt be alone! ugh
how come i really want way more tattoos
how come situations always have to arise to just really put you in a funk!
how come hoes gotta hate
how come i dnt inherit beef. i think im allergic, honestly
how come i saw an entire girls basketball team from S.C. at cracker barrel and all of them hoes had on bonnets, chanel earrings, colorful socks, and nike flip flops. not at CRACKER barrell black ppl, come now!!!
how come its already 2009, i clearly remember the millenium scare
how come im in the mood to play guitar hero
how come ppl have to compare. CLEARLY im not her. she aint got shyt on me, she'll never be this fly
how come i always end up in some mess for other ppl and hav no idea how i got there
how come i know something, wanta say something, cnt, and feel really badd
how come if this turns out to be EXACTLY what it has been predicted to be...this could be....uhm ya pretty damn bad
how come females wanta jack?! sweetheart thats not cute, i promise its not.
how come im considering deleting my facebook and staying low key
how come i look like a slave! this shyt is no bueno!
how come i have all these damn questions and not one-NOT ONE MUTHAFUCKIN- scratch that!-not the slightest inkling of an answer.
2k9 has got to go up from here and its not even that its all that bad but i really need to be making major moves.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

no homo

but somethings and some people are worth fighting for and ill go 12 rounds for you kidd. i love you some kind of awful ooskie

no homo

you's my nigga!

well damn day 1...

you kno how you never had intentions of making someone feel bad, used, unappreciated, or the like and that's how it ended it up coming kno how BADD that makes you look and feel. I've always been the one to taken advantage of and forgotten and now that I'm getting the very clear feeling that I've done that to you...I'm more than sorry, ever so apologetic, and so sad. mostly because I know I was wrong. I didn't see it as being wrong as events beyond my control were happening and somethings I thought at the time for the best but when it was brought to my attention and I saw it in your face it was like a knife just like "way to go Maya its only the first day!" usually I could care less if someone is mad or offended by something I do but that couldn't be less tru right now. before I really lie down ima pray that God would show me this from the other point of view because I wanta better understand so that sincerely I can know the other party's feelings and logic......................................................................................................................................................................................................(sorry but I really need to stop and do this).................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. and He did just like I knew he would. I was just instantly remind of this EXACT situation and how I felt and kno that I would never-NEVER-want someone I care about this much to feel that way. sorry wnt fix it and any other apologies just dnt seem sincere when you've been hung out to dry I already know. so now I'm in a rock and a hard place (never shoulda let myself get here) but I gotta wedge myself out, and not even for my own discomfort but for her's.
xo is biting the bullet.

ps I definitely wrote all of this last night and never posted it.
pss I'm too scared to go read blogs this morning.

time flies

ill prolly do a deep reflecttive blog later but for now....FUCK THE DUMB SHIT ITS '09 BITCH! I'm bout ta be so on it this yr, watch the kidd!
so today I partied with Arlington's finest aka doris old friend. definitely some cool ass kidds. love them all!
short chat wit walt that nigga twisted the fuck up! I aint just get tossed but I reached that good feelin that I was aiming for.
now I'm with mr all american to confirm its a new yr. lol keep up!