Tuesday, June 30, 2009

my life, your entetainment

so this here blogging has become something of a best friend ((not to be confused with THE Bestfriend)) for me. while it offers no good advice or brings me back to reality, it laughs at all my jokes and accepts all my pain. it listens, which is a lot more than i can say for some friends. never judging ...it cold all be so simple... has welcomed me time and time again with open arms and and even more open ears, maybe i should say keys...hell his metaphor is getting too hard.
im stopping by today to say this "if you read my blog, i thank you" you never realize the effects you are having on ppl's lives by simply being you. i made a promise to myself that this would be the one thing i do for me, my one unchanging outlet, and that no one will censor this. i watch my mouth all day, in here ima keep 110. my life has been kind of hard at times. ive been very stupid about some things. ive had to learn some tough lessons. ive cried. ive laughed. ive apologized. and ive been forgiven. all of which is perfectly captured here, day by day with each post. i received a text this morning, thanking me for a post a wrote bck in june "all the things i couldnt say". she said it really shed some light on her present situation. i feel like anyone can relate to anyone because we're all human and some emotions are just universal. still tho, i feel obliged to share some advice so maybe someone somewhere doesnt have to figh the same battle that i lost. i never even realized so many ppl read this blog and while im flattered im also a little embarassed. i put somethings out here that i normally would have never said. letting ppl in isnt easy at all, some one is like but youre cool with everyone, ya "cool" i dnt let most ppl in past a certain pnt. sorry to my "friends" but i just dnt trust like that. let me clarfy, i trust everyone until you prove to me youre untrustworthy. no, i dnt just walk around confiding in strangers, the contrary, i dnt say anything until i know your trust level = trevel. once that is decided then i assign your depth of friendship and to what extent i will let you in. granted, ive made some mistakes, let the wrong ones too close, kept the right ones too far, even misplaced ppl all together-im human. but my blog has been the been the perfect confidant for all my issues, the perfect praise for all my achievements, the perfect shoulder for my tears, and still the perfect shrug for all my confusion. so if youre reading this, know that i dnt do this for kicks, i do this because i have a dome full of thoughts, ideas, emotions, and stories and i have to get it out or im araid my head with bust and flap around the room like a rapidly deflating baloon, or worse, itll fall of my shoulders and smash like a watermelon.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Meet My First Love

well hello Monday

Good morning world. in todays news....
yes Michael is STILL dead. ive decided my fav mike joint was dirty diana. hands down, that was my jam. all of 'em are bumpin but diana wa nasty lil track. i really thought like maybe he would just show up at the BET awards and bring the thrill back into our lives, clearly i was wrong.
speaking of the BET awards...Joe Jackson has got to be about 80 years old, at least. Janet held it together. who did Ne-Yo kiss? did yall peep Kanye and Amber lookin cutesy? loved it. Beyonce killed it i dnt what yall say, grow some class the bitch sang in spanish, or french-hell it damn sho wasnt english. wardrobe lost me but she still ran it. ciara didnt. keri tried, but that was more elvis than michael. mary mary...amen. and the winner is Bey!! jigga man was there...yall know im the BIGGEST Jay fan! the new O'Jays had me and the fam live. Jackie as was too geeked! rollin. then the real O'Jays...eddie is my love! he was bout to DIE up there, sweatin like 4 fat hoes in pleathers. Drizzy Drake Rodgers....'nough said. even though he tore his acl he can still have my babies and ill most def come to any disabled concert he does. tevon cambell...what the hell?! keith sweat! my nigga!! he shoulda did twisted, tho! that was my jam. went download crazy last nite.
so real news now...
the Obamas are in search of a church home. i find that profoundly inspirational. if you seek God and allow him to guide your life imagine what else will fall into place. God bless America. theyve decided on the nondenominational church at Camp David. google it, if youre lost. its a good choice i think.
Billy Mays is dead. yes, the oxy clean guy. i slick bought oxi clean just 'cause he was supa stupid hype.
"Gayby Boom" as in Baby Boom like the 40's. a big discussion has arose about the raising of kids by gay couples. while i could care less what you do behind closed doors, thats between you and your God, but my God is opposed to such lifestyles. i havent the slightest urge to engage in such activities but for those who do i can see the struggle for wanting to be happy, wich is your right, but still being a member of society...thats gotta be tough. so there are all these couples who are having a child, adoption, whatever and ppl are concerned. personally, if the child is well taken care of, loved, and nurtured and the parents arent forcing their lifestyle on them i dnt see y it matters. im sure it may cause issues, like any other family secret but we all have our mountains. pray about it.
alot of deaths this week, thats tough, but know that there is something far better than this...somewhere. thats hard for me to really grasp but i have the faith. do you?
i just finished a 40 minute convo witht he bestfriend, he makes my day. shouts out to him. xo, love.

i really hope everyone has a happy monday. even if its bad, its a day-thats more than Mike can say...


Friday, June 26, 2009

dnt get smacked my dude

so the white guy ((that doesnt narrow anything down)) whatever the white guy that sits behind, slick dnt like his ass. he be lookin all in my cub' and shyt. but this guy just made this joke about the KING!
that shyt aint funny! dnt do Mike homie, thats a swift kick in the dome.
THEN his ass gon say he ISNT the King...that fukkin ELVIS is! clearly Elvis took his style from souther black blues muzik. whamp whamp muhfukkah.
ima stop cussing...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

its not just my life, its everyone's

Gov Palin is lashing back at a photoshopped pic of her and her down syndrom son whose face if covered by radio host to suggest a "close connection". now i know im bully but down syndrom children and ppl are the sweetest ever! thats just rude.
a 17 boy in cali who is doing all the right things, good grades, great athlete, class president, he is living in a homeless shelter with his sister and father. i commend him, it would be oodles easier to roll over and quit becasue of the hand he is dealt but he isnt and he's trying to go homeless to harvard. if they ever set up a fund for him i slick would invest. we need more motivated ppl, lawd knows when things get too hard im real quick to jump ship. sad but true.
they are still finding and id'ing bodies from this Air France crash...makes me not wanta fly. slick need a ticket to atl tho for the Twins 21st, gotta crank it!
in weather...its hotta than 4 fatassz wrapped in pleather blow drying their nappy fro's. stay inside. its like lava out here.
personal news...a guy from my high skool, i wouldnt call us friends, i hardly knew him but he was slick kool as a fan. he died yesterday. im not sure what happened but i'm going with a shooting or murder etc. apparently he lived a fast life but that doesnt merritt death. he had just turned 21 2 days before i turned 20. it was all on ppl's status and i guess thee is no way to see it coming but still...i didnt see this coming. i said it was gon be a hott summa but damn...rest his soul.
in work news...of the 7 women that work with me amongst the 30-40 men there is one one girl, amanda. she popped off on the dude witht the long pony. call him bald top shawty! (in the b-king voice) but she was making a complaint, legitimate, in a formal meeting setting and he comes outts no where, well beside me, but he was liek d"dnt you go barkin up my tree about parts i told your tale last night blahdy blahdy blaah!" he sounded so gay! i was gigling my head off! priceless. i had never heard him speak but when he did that was not what i was expecting. and then she comes back supa hood! "hold the hell up!" i was like whaaaaaahhh???! get 'em Manda! call her Man-DUUH from now on, shawty is a no go.

its 10 am and im not sure ima make it...Nap Time Shawty...all bad

oh! wait! so apparently you can be fired for posting pictures taking from within the plant. i think its only parts but i be snappin ppl like its nothin, so smooth with it. but now that i could get in trouble im super inticed to keep it up. if you work at vought and youre looking a ham...ima get that ass. and if they fire me, ima sue!

thank God for "edit post"

when things happen i am very quick to grab Dylan (my blackberry) and post a blog about the fuckery that takes over my life. so as last nights events transpired i really wanted to write a "YOU STRAGHT?!" post, with some "you mad?! be mad!" in it but more and more im finding that it takes too much effort to be upset. so i "edit post" cleared the field and started over. we all know that when ppl get wrong with me i leave, i walk off, i drop you, drop it, move on. take a nap, wake up, im straight. so i finally made it home last night about 11:30 after jumping thru hoops to do all the things i said i would, and i took my ass to sleep, woke up today...and whatdayakno?! im straight! still, inconsideration ranks very high on my pet peeves, its damn near right with disrespect-zero tolerance. so when i feel like my kindness is being take for granted, not weakness. i remove it. i dnt turn the other cheek so someone can smack that one to-thats just not gon happen. so am i mad, not in the least. im straight. im dog ass tired tho and i dnt feel like putting on airs. -publish post-

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

ts 7:49 and no, im not working

instead i am what?! reading ccn.com of course. and the rundown:
north korea be buggin! theyre like dnt come in our waters for 16 days while we do tests. hell yall testin?! theyre some feisty lil communists! we slick might need to be worried tho 'cause they been over there cookin some nasty nuclear weapons and pointing shyt our way.
the governor of s. carolina has been missing right. not like kidnapped, but no one could find him, his wife didnt even know where this fool was. so tell me y he's been hiking?!the fool grabbed a backpack and some granola and "took a hike" literally. was dying. reps said he frequently is out of pocket after unsuccessful meetings with legislation but c'mon bro, you cnt just walk off in the woods like that! lions and tigers and bears! nature's valley lookin ass.
two metro's crash in DC. well one metro hit another stopped metro. a lot of ppl have been injured and few deaths so while its slick like wtf-giggle- its a little bit mre serious. say a prayer, moment of silence..............
home invasion by fake us martials in Arizona. 3 ppl (1 woman 2 men) bust into these ppl's crib actin like marshals, accusing them of drug trafficing. theyre like no! shoot the husband and the daughter in the head-dead. shoot the wife, she gets his pistol busts back hits one of 'em. good job, thats a down ass bitch. the 3 are arrested and suspected of previous invasions and murders. sick.
the FBI is reopening that case of the missing boy from 1959! you remember a man came ou trying to be him well dna doesnt lie homie and he was a fake. so theyve reopened the case and i think its a waste of time when clearly there are thuings like home invasion murders poppin off. they need to prioritize.
My BFF Michelle totally said bump the teleprompter and pusted out the old skool note cards. she so hood, i so love her! Bestfriend we could so run the white house.
Barack did a father's day bbq on the white house lawn. he had bobby flay come and grill tho so it wasnt too negro-tastic. but still a bunch of black men picnic'in thats so whats up.
ppl on terrorist watch list as in the official list of individuals suspected of terrorist activity and affiliation are allowed to buy firearms and explosives. like wtf?! c'mon US we askin for something to pop off...thats so dumb.
Jon & Kate are getting a divorce...wamp wamp, but the show will contiinue! yayy!
Ed Mcmahon is dead...
Tyra Bank's stalker gets a jail sentence
The election in Iraq is comfirmed. there will be no recounts no do overs no best 2 outta 3's. God be with you.

so its now 8:08 amd i guess ill make myself available to assist in some meaningless task to past the time and then im going home and gong to sleep.

this is another addition of live from my cub' Happy Tuesday America!

Monday, June 22, 2009


so my parents have agreed to allow me to get an apartment solo dolo. it will actually be easier financially. but i still need a job for the year. i really wanta get a job at a bank...whatchathank? ya, right? i know! brilliant. good hours, off early, no weekends except saturday mornings...perfect. so im pursuing that. ok, so this would be my first time having complete control of my own entire space...and what do i wanta do i wanta put news paper on the walls lol. no really ive been going like design nuts and i dnt wanta plain old apartment, sofa and pink throw pills and a fuzzy shag rug...ugh! no! come real. in all actuality m very ecclectic and damn proud of it. so ive decided to make it very me. the whole idea is very simple and clean but still artsy and a little off the wall. i dnt want main stream art work in fact ive been collecting pictures and such that find on ppls blogs, some are very pretty, some are the kind that make you tilt your head and others are provocative to say the least but i like them and i wanta hang them kind of collage style in my home. amongst some artists i like of every genre along with quotes and lyrics im going to write on napkins and newspaper and old receipts. i wanta do mostly black and whie with small splashes of color to offset but never set up a full color scheme. i also want all my favorite ppl's signatures and a candid of them to add to this beautiful mess...its kinda cool huh? like its never just one thing its all things smashed together to make a hodgebodge of me. all the things i love, all the ppl i love. and how cheap would that be?! eactly! beside the printing of a few key pics the rest is the junk i have all over my life! now bedroom...ive always wanted a down comforter in white of course and i want the room to be very simple. white, gray/silver and a little black. that way i can introduce other colors and theyw nt clash...im so brilliant!-im so excited, i cnt wait to get out fo my parents house!! ugh
wanta come over?! well ya cnt, no company! lol

being the history buff i am...

i finally got see Valkyrie this weekend, shouts out ta RedBox DVDs, and that shyt was bumpin. anyone who ever wen to skool can give the general over view of the Holocaust, but unless you do some outside research you wouldnt know that there wee alot of ppl within the Hitle administration that disagreed witht he policy and ideals that were seemingly well received. Valkyrie exposed a story i had never heard...pretty good. only downsiede, we already know how it ends and to spite their valiant efforts, they fail. so the end is kinda obvious but the movie is well portrayed. many many years after events like teh holocaust have passed and all the ppl who might have known the truth have died, the information is leaked and you get the opportunity to see another side of the tragedy. aside from Roots, we got no such feature films but hey... there is a nother movie too, about a group of jews who escape and hide out in the woods, i wanta see that too. if you can think of the title, hit me up.
He's Just Not That Into You...sucked! that was so corny and cliche, omg. -smh- silly white girls with no lives...poor things. lol

the world is in bad shape...

besides the fact that Iran is still at odds. that could get so bad.
north korea aka us's bestfriend -syke- has massive weapons of destruction...we need to play nicer.
and now a woman gets rampled to death by cattle?! wtf?! why are you shoot the breeze with cows?! do you not have anything to do?! turns out she was walkuing her dog and the cows felt that their baby cow= cabies were threatened and became aggresive so they A-town stomped that ass to death! that mad cow disease!
cnn wasnt really buzzing today but none the less...be advised. read something.


happy monday my loves!

being understanding

when ppl come at you on some real talk-listen. dnt try to contest everything that they say. especially if yall ae friends. for me, friendship is sacred. my family is at home in st. louis so my frineds in nashville and elsewhere become as precious as family to me. im not going to say what happened or the conversation but i wanted to give my audiebce some advice: there are things you do that drive ppl crazy, piss ppl off, or simply go misunderstood. when a loved one comes at you with an issue over something, take a second and hear them out so that if possible it can be addressed, corrected, and both of you can remain friends/family. its when we become defensive that we look guilty. if youve not knowingly done any wrong then allow yourself to receive some constructive criticism. there's always room for growth and improvement.


Friday, June 19, 2009

life and death

so Peaches-n-Cream lost his granfatehr last night. He had been struggling and suffering for a while. seizures. cathiters (sp?). kidney failure. he put up a fight but when God calls, who are we no to answer.
The beauty and mystery of life that has always puzzled me to wonderment is the way life ends just as quickly as it begins. the same way mothers feel the warm tickle, the deep pressures of new life forming in their precious wombs is still so comparable to the cold hand, the silent pull of knowing death is near.i personally am terrified of death only because i cnt grasp the full concept of not being right here but ive seen death take a hold and even as cold and darka s things may seem i have to remind myself that there is better day to come. that dying is robably not the worse thing that happens in life. but surely the most miraculous is the act of life, of building a human inside of you, safe and unadalterated. i find God at the oddest times. ive watching this man die and only hours after his life breaths goodbye, tee water that has held my much anticipated new comer is opened and now we're counting the hours until we start the whole thing again. He giveth and He taketh away. whenever one door closes another opens.
so even if you have the kind of questioning spirit that i do, rest assured, God is real and He moves all around us.
Be Blessed.



Thursday, June 18, 2009

more talent

ok so this guy aside from being absolutely gorgeous is very insightful. check this quote:

"I must walk into my future with

clear eyes and an unmarked tongue

along with a mind that

knows no limits..."

- FaheemJ.

... "At times, my mind is filled with more heart-related matter
than mental. I say to my emotions, which too incorporate my
mind's power, "... please do not flood both areas of my primary
existence, for I surely would be a tortured man left only a cavity and
hopefully a soul..." I mention the soul or a soul in my poetry and
literature, but attempting rationalism makes me a skeptic to
whether a soul truly exists..."

ooohh wweee

i just loev good work. simple and powerful.
i found this little poem while on my continual search for new and exciting blogs. i stumbled across this from Life In My Words, the andre guy. i used to write liek this and i hate that i let my talent lie dormit this long i doubt it can be revived...sad, i know. poetry is like ear sex. mentally satisfying and audibly delectable. get it, ear sex. well...hope you like, if you dnt...kick rocks!

maybe ?

i sit on the same bench
in hopes that maybe
you will pass me by
and on the way to the bench
i pick a flower
and lay it down beside me
so that maybe
if you fail to see the beauty i possess
the flowers beauty will catch your eye
and when you see the flower
you will see me too

[rmk] via Cashmere Thoughts

news for thought

daily routine, i grabbed some hot cakes and sausage this morning tho and fukked that up while i read cnn.com...and this is the foolery the world is facing today
-Iran is still at it. at least 8 have died according to government funded tv, that means is probably oodles more. so in todays protest they are wear black, not chanting, but still making a very visual impact. i just hope none of the opposition slips into the crowd and starts a fight. Asalamalakim.
-Iranian protests are poppin off of in the US. DC got one and LA did too, LA got a lil heated actually...westcoast thuggin for ya.
-hilary clinton fell and broke her elbow. im not exactly sure why tat news, ppl fall, things break, bg whoop. she even issued a statement like there was gonna be some candle light thing for messed up elbow. she did fall on her way to the white house tho, thats definitely a sign yo ass was not meant to win. where was Bill?!
-in Shenandoah (i played a piece called Shenandoah in high skool. it was really pretty, very nautical.)sorry-in Shenandoah, Pennsylvania, a rural minig town, a group of drunk white boys around 17-19 pick a fight with a Mexican and whoop the shyt out of him, he's dead. 2 of the boys just received their sentencing, ill get to that in a second, but they were Brandon 17 and Derrick 19. one boy kicked the man in the head that had brain matter oozing out during surgery. they beat this poor man so badly he was on life support for 2 days before he finally passed. anyone who has ever been in a really bad figh, gotten stole on, ot murked can tell you there's a street fight and then there's a gangin'/jumpin' kinda thing and one step further is a hate crime. all white town...one Mexican man...a bunch of white boys jump and kill him and tehse mafukkas are doing 6-23 MONTHS! thats it?! they killed a man! illegal alien or not murder is murder! all white jury dropped the manslaughter charges, the ethnic initmidation charges, and the hate crome charges all of which would have landed these boys in jail for soe years. im not saying give 'em the chair but a slap on the wrist?! where they doin that at?! so theyll do their 7 months and be back on the streets. even after the man, Luis Ramirez 25, his longtime girlfriend and mother of 2 made a statement in court that he was her bestfriend, the love of her life and the father of her children and now she is all alone. his mom even wrote a letter form Guantajado that she isnt whole anymore, with her son she is no one. i think this is officially fucked up. i feel sobad for that family and even worse for the justice system. we may have come a long way in this country but there is still a ways to go. apparently Mexican is the new Black...good luck mis amigos.
-drug dealers and trafficers are so damn clever! sharks coming form costa rica, dead of course, were packed with cocaine! they stuffed sharks! with cocaine! thats ingenious bobdammit. id rather have a smart enemy than a dumb friend.

today's lessons: fight for your right-watch your step- watch your BACK!-and check your sushi.


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

the things i still need to learn

The wisest woman thinks twice and speaks once, or better yet, does not speak at all.
The ax forgets. The tree remembers.
If learning is dangerous, fame is devastating.
The trouble of a thief is not how to steal the chief's bugle, but where to blow it.
We all make mistakes, its human. Be human, never be a fool.
Be wary when a naked person offers you his shirt
Prepare well or stay at home.
Its toime to either shyt or get off the pot.

this means so much to me

anyone who knows me, knows that im fickle. i dnt make choices, decisions come with repercussions and i cnt stand negative repercussions. now rewards...ill take a reward lol. im all about the pleasures of life. but there is this one thing in my life that currently is taking up all my time and focus. ive really sat down on contenplated (sp?) this, ive worked out a plan, (me?! plan?! that was so Mr Mann's thing, yall remember him? wow...thowback summer '08 ;P) i digress...so this one thing, it obviously means a lot to me. one because im ready, im ready for the responsibility, the challenge, i wanta be committed to this in its entirety! partly because i dnt have another favorable options right now, im running out of time, and the end of the ropr is rapidly approaching. i cnt just toss this up in the air, i dnt have the luxury of time, or the leisure or pensive ideas. this has to work out, has to come together, and come together now. i wanted to smack the Dog Shyt outta jacki this morning for droppin that bullshyt on me at 6:fuckin-30, runined my whole day and i had only bee up 10 mins.
so what happens now? im in too deep to just call it quits and it means too much to just walk away...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

bitch stop callin me!

man...tell me y sprint just text me like bitch you be on the phone TOO DAMN MUCH! ive used 207 minutes over my anytime minutes. who the hell been callin me?! so i call sprint and the lady on the phone is like do the simply everything because obviously you like to chat lol. well fuck you too that 100 a month! ugh, fuck it do it. i was gonna owe them 95 dollars in overgae for my talkativeness. no ma'am! upgrade and ill cancel that hoe back down later!
gotta work the system. 100dollars a month?! bitch please!

Good Morning America

There was a fire in Mexico at a day care and today the 46th child has died from smike inhilation. 46...like wow...thats a lot of kiddos.
a man raped a 4 year old little girl and got 1 year in prison?! if i have 4 grams of any drug ima do more than that! the penial system is seriously flawed.
so letterman jokes that Gov. Palin (the same ditz who said she could see Russia from her back yard!) her daughter is pregnant and letterman makes a joke that she got knocked up by Alex Rodriguez, he plays for the Yankees. issue number 1: no one watches baseball anymore. 2: the world is in shambles and yall wanta make public apologies over this bullshyt!? keep it pushing this is so pointless. cnn is buggin' for making that top news.
North Korea has nuclear weapons. duh! when havnt they?! but theyre bigger badder and stronger...well hell!
iran has agreed to recount some votes, dea vu-bush vs gore. good luck with that. meanhile anther 7 ppl died in protest. one guy was shot down in cold blood several times. and the rest were beaten i believe, like thats any better. shoot me anyday, just make it quick. i dnt wanta seize and feel all that before i go. peace to the middle east.
cnn aint really hittin it this morning so ima go ahead and knock this last chapter out on my 3rd book of the summer. The Heart of a Woman.

say a prayer for the world today its not lookin too hot.

remind me to tell you about my apartment!

Monday, June 15, 2009

lovey dovey

Never to Forever

Okay, so I know as we grow, we are always told, never say “never”. But my mind won’t let go of this one exception, and this exception, has given my mind the permission to accept that you may be my addiction, and I have in my mind all the time. So basically, what I’m trying to say is that, I never want to forget you. Like, I want to print a poem of the first day we met, face to face, on my pillow case, so I can wake up to our fate every day, just so I know I’ll never forget you. Just To make sure that I never forget you l want to tattoo a picture of your eyes on my chest, so when I look into my reflection, I could finally see what you saw all those time you gazed into mine. Actually, forget all this nonsense I just spoke. Just stick with me forever, because I never want to lose you and its crazy, because I used to be that cool dude that always said never to “I love you”, but now I never want to end a phone call without saying I love you and now, I find myself saying this three letter word about nine times a day, sixty-three times a week and about two-hundred and fifty times a month with means I repeat the same thing at-least three thousand times a year just so you’d never forget how much I love you. But do you want to hear something really really clever? There’s a much better resemblance that appears between never and forever. So forget it, I’ll never say never. I just want this feeling inside me to last forever
By: Andre Domingo
i found this guy today after i went blidly wandering from blog to blog in search of my latest muse, distraction, or interest. so i stumbled across this kidd at andrethepoet.blogspot.com. i hope he doesnt mind that i snatched his work but it was pretty dope so i wnated to share it with my audience. i like poetry by men because they speak on our favorite topic. in light of recent events ive realize ive never bn in love but for my valiant efforts i find that i more so love the idea rather than the reality, as i do most things really. but i like the way this piece showcases progression. from never to forever...its captured the change that fellas go through when they find the right thing. i wanna be someone's "right thing". its funny though as i was reading this guess who i thought of...The Bestfriend. i think this will be him one day. ive seen major growth and change in him and i think someone will eventually tame the beast lol she better be worthy tho.

you gotta fight for ya rights!

so while im not completely educated on the topic, please believe i will be doing my research during lunch, apparently the votes are in for Iran and the country is exploding. like real talk it looks like the Watts Riots out there. a lot celeb's and iranians alike are posting updates to their twitter accounts but if you go to my fav cnn.com you'll see some really disturbing pic's of the brutality and you'll read some horific stories of how theyre doing the protestors. it got my attentions because teh ppl really protesting are my agae, college kids, young professionals, etc. and they aint goin' but they are really getting worked. they, the police and rival rioters i guess, smashed a man's head in with a club and he's laying in the streets seizing violently. they pushed a little girl down. theyre is just no mercy. its crazy. ive read of revolts and painted the gruesome images in my own mind but to see them in my day is really something. historically im excited to be a witness, not first hand of course im a punk. but as a human im afraid for their safety, it doesnt seem to be getting any better. it really is darkest before the dawn.

read somethin ppl, the world is happening with or without you!


so i crossed the river again.
i think if i close my eyes and spin around with my finger out and stop suddenly maybe chance or probability would mae a better decision than i can on my own judgement.
im fickle, im indecisive. i know this and i apologize for my characteristcs causing an imbalance in other's lives.
while i know all too well i struggle with making clear cut choices i dnt liek assistance, i withdraw. i trust myself but i just have to give myself a little time.
i told myself that the LastTime was the last time. and it would be a long time before i ever got back in that deep with someone. and now im looking at 2 things with so much to offer, everything ive been looking for and surprisingly im leaning to the one thats not textbook, cookie cutter safe. but when i think about it when have I ever really been he slightest bit, predictable and safe.
im pleasure seeker by nature, if it feels good im for it. (no pun) things liek impulsive shopping, casual dates, im a for the moment person.
to thine own self be true. easier than said.
"its not you, its me" well really that means its you but im too nice to say "you suck, we're thru" but neither of you just suck (no pun) so i dnt have any fault to cut you off for.
i think ima just have my cake and eat it too. (all pun)
sharing is caring, right? hell ya.

well hello, handsome

say hello to Handsome. =) this might be a keeper.

Friday, June 12, 2009

God Bless Black Folk

as well all know very well, my job is white and male, and old. im Black and female, and i know im getting up there ((THE BIG DEUCE-ZERO)) im still young. so today i go over to HR to cancel my 401K. Nisha, obviously black handles benefits and she's a hoot. the HR manager, the Nupe Aubrey, a yo baby hoot. so theyre like well Maya what do you do? SHYT! so i offer my services and now im occupying my time with the HR and benefits! yayy! while this may infringe on my blogging it will aid in rapid time passing. so im heading back to hell-scratch that- my job and one of my lil black ladies is in the hall goin' off. "its been a damn year! im sick of it, Lord knows i done tried but aint shit changed! im tired now, im tired!" i really wanted to tell her to preach it sistah, but i felt like that was a tad bit too Negro.
-sigh- i just love ther randomness of the Black community.

Happy Friday world.
-payday bee-tch-

Live From My Cubical

so of course, i get to work in the parking lot at 7:01 in the office at the desk at . . .hell idk. but i do have Macdonald's (again) im going on a diet next week for the rest of the summer. why? because the Bestfriend is up in C'bus beastin and im Nasvegas fat assin' ugh no! thats not gon work. ill be damned he comes back sexier than me. hoes gon want him! we all know i cnt let that happen. and the Homies, Nashville's baddest, the clique of all cliques: Me (duh) Aleesa, Isoke, and Ebony are going to DC and then to Chi town for the 4th! so today was my last fast food endeavor, needless to say...i made it count. Hot Cakes and sausage, large hi-c YUM! ya, thats my morning routine. wake up LATE, get dressed BUMMIN', grab some breakfast, come to work late, read cnn.com in its entirety, google a few things like the background of the articles and stuff, write a blog, then read all te other blogs (the young black and famous, who what when wear, the hundreds, arab parrot, The Bestfriend, 5 star, etc). -sigh- i work so hard. ha, ok back to your national broadcast...
besides the usual american foolishness like Trump fired Ms Cali, Madonna overuled African courts to adopt another negro baby from the motherland-dnt get me wrong i think its awesome that celebrities adopt and give money and raise awareness but i find it interesting that they are above their judicial law. to adopt a child in some countries you have to be a citizen of said country for 18 mnths but not Madonna! hate groups are up, feuled by the spike in interacial marriages and thus mixed kiddos, bad economy, and yes my handsome negro Prez. ("heeeeyy Obama boo") surprise surprise who didnt think somebody somewhere watching the world change from their 12" in back country of east Jesus wasnt gon get a ittle fired up and grap their ropes and their lanterns and kick up a hissy fit. i wish a muthafukka would! so besides that there is this one case that i found really funny...
white girl, american is in a European University outside of Rome sounds sweet to me. she killed her roomate, a British girl. now she's saying she was high when she gave her statement to the Bobby's (thats british vernacular for police). supposedly Amanda, the american, amanda's boo and someone else were doing some freaky Euro Hostel sex games and killed the poor lass. the 3rd party held her down around her waste, amanda poked/stabbed her with a knife in the neck, and amanda's man sexually assalted her...eeewww hell wrong with yall?! there's all sorts of discrepencies with the case, she was acting all befuddled during her interrogation without a lawyer, what american you kno thats gonna talk to foreign police with a translator but without a lawyer ESPECIALLY outside the country?! dummy! but she testified yesterday in fluent italian. you either play dumb or be hella smart. she said the police were bullying her and the translator was telling her to give facts and details so she scrambled and messed up but she later retracted. slick woulda dropped that "plead the 5th". but the officers say they were nice, offering her tea and such. she's not helping herself at all though. if that was me, i woulda got a lawyer and waved my magical American wand and brought my brown ass back to the states, see, thats why i dnt go nowhere! Canada i could do, Mexico maybe the touristy spots, nothin like the area in Man on Fire when denzel is on the roof and shoots off that guys hand...naaa, not me bro. looked dirty. and you know my rule, if its dirty, it stinks! yuck! gag! barf! London, im all in. Paris too. Milan, sure. please note im listing places that America has some influence, ties, and safety.
and there you have it!
Trump still runnin it, so recession proof
Madonna has a new addition to the family, with more authority the African courts
and some ppl are still haters

top of the morning to ya!
tea and crumpets, anyone?

this has been another segment of "From My Cube". Im Maya XoXo, God Bless America!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

In National News (in anchor voice)

ok no really i know any one who has an ear to the street or just watches the news heard about the shooting at the Holocaust museum. while im not a supremacist of any form, just pro-Negro!, i did say in high skool that the Holocaust got more attenton than needed mostly because extermination has nothing on involuntary servitude, mutilation, and degredation aka slavery! but hey im colored so i guess my view is slighted. but as a historian i respect and pay the dues to the Jews "shalom!" theyre alright with me. no Jew ever made my nigga pick cotton! real talk. and bar mitzvah (i had to go google that to see how to spell it, i was ging with btmitsfah-wrong!) so this guy tho he lives in Maryland not far from DC aka Chocolate City. and he hates Blacks and Jews, but you damn near live in DC! he musta bn mad everyday. RANDOM! did yall know Jews be ballin!? yes fool! cake-a-mania. theyre diamond jewlers...long family ties to the jewelry and especially diamond dealings, ooohh weeee! ill buy my rocks from Nana Elisheva fasho! (yalll aint know i knew any Jewish names huh? ya i dnt...i googled that too.) anywho, so he walks up in the museum and shoots a black security guard, he dies, and the other guards shoot him back and he's in critical codition. maybe its just me but i think the angry cracker should be dead and bruh mane from the 5th flo' should be kickin it at the crizib. but i guess my vote doesnt count. oh diclaimer, i say "crackers" for all those back water honky's that still hold onto ancient idealogies and beliefs, all that "Whait Powah" bullshyt. other than that i like white ppl, theyre just ppl to me. and anyway everybody knows Black is the thing to be, its uber sexy! lol
so if you havnt heard about this and all the other tomfoolery of the world,like the cat killer in miami. run skip jump to your nearest computer and hit up cnn.com for all the latest. i even follow them on twitter lol


"I am Maya XoXo, have a great day America." (anchor voice)

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

big dumbass nigga!

my bestfriend is sooooo ignorant.
we talkin about apartments right and furniture and this fool gon say "ooh bestfriend you should see this couch on tv, i need it in my life. its one of them corner kind"

love you bye

read book read book!

i just finished another one of the 5 volume compilation of Maya Angelou's autobiography. I read I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings when i first started this job in about a week. and i just finished The Heart of a Woman. impressed is an understatement a half truth. both of these books offered the honest and embarassing rememberng of growing up black in the south and then living as a woman witha son in Harlem and Africa. at times it was very sad, honest, and dark but at others it was hopeful, funny, and promising.
i was just telling a friend of mine that its crazy the things ppl deal with on their own, have lived thru, etc that no one would ever know unless you took the time to read their story.
reading these novels, as historian, had me very excited to see the events that i have studied, envied, and wirtten about told by a first hand witness. i never knew she did all these things until now, and i hate that ive been a "fan" of her work for song and never knew her life. we have the other volumes at home, ill be chopping those up next no doubt.


money money money

so im currently employed at a very well paying job. but i dnt do shyt! like honestly, i kno last summer i said i didnt do anything but thats because i slick enjoyed what i did, so i didnt mind doin the do. this summer...omg! im not doing shyt! i feel that i may be robbing this company of its 12.50 hour because i dont contribute anything! but bitch better have my money!



Tuesday, June 9, 2009

never never NEVER...

Cry on your birthday. It just makes things 100x's worse.
This goes for all things, dnt hav expectations-when you keep them low or nonexistant you cnt be hurt by failed attempts and short comings.
Disappointment might be the worse feeling ever. If I'm mad, I can curse a little and take a nap. Sick? Popp the pills and take a nap. Disappointment lingers and puts you in a hellafide funk, nastier than pms and ruder the road rage.
If I wasn't trying to be grateful that I'm here to see 20 I would probably be a lot worse...

Fuck it.

nobody in the WORLD dammit

will ever top my muthafukken bestfriend!!!
did yall see his blog?! ode to who?! ME bitches! thats love!
10 it is bestfriend, all 10!
thank you.
i had to cry when i saw it!


the big DEUCE-ZERO...

is a little bitter sweet.
im at a really good point in my life so i have to stop and say thank you Lawd for that. im healthy, im reasonably happy, all that jazz..."so Maya, why are you buggin now?" damn that how ya feel...birthdays are special to me. there was a night i definitely didnt think i would see anything years later let alone the next morning. couple of bags of blood, some solid prayer, and my God...im still here. so to see this day 5 years later doesnt really seem that far back. now calm down, gosh-yes i am GEEKED to be twenty! no longer in the bitchass teens! holla at ya girlgirl lol but every birthday since then ive always had a very vivid bad dream of the night like im getting gunned down in the street, bleeding out in the cold, and no one comes to save me. the first time i ever had that dream, my daddi woke me up right in time, my hero. and all the others i used to wake up with the sounds of gun shots, but last night i stayed sleep until my body ran cold in my dreams. its always interested me the things that go on insde of ppl that no one would ever know if you never experienced them yourself. this is a well kept secret that Lord only knows why i chose to announc my post tramatic issues today. maybe because im starting a new chapter in my life. 20 legally isnt very pivitol but maybe it represents a numerical maturing that needs to be addressed in other aspects of your life, my life. so today...i just grew up. ive been holding on violently to my adolescence, to my youthful mentality, and to my less than responsible activities. while im not doing away with much of anything lol i am making a mental note that today begins the rest of my life and that by the time i drop my own {10 KIDDOS} =nigga please= ill be able to look back on the years and know did something worth while, that i lived for a reason.
life is as delicate a a whisper, spoken too loudly youve ruined the sacredness, when not given enough projection, you missed out on the chance.
be happy for this moment, this moment is your life.

big-huge-MEGA UPS ta the {{BESTFRIEND}} for the first cake day call, the best wall post, and definitely the sweetest twitter! he's the battery to my car, the black for my berry, and the touch to my ipod. =) love you Martin. we'll do it big when you get back. -no pun- unless you pull out that blue box...Nigga (((ALL PUN))) lmao


"its my birtdhay so you know im bout riiiiiide out! its teh best day of the year boy!"

Monday, June 8, 2009

there's clearly a reason...

why 40 runs E and W... and the fluid divide of the tn river reminds me that some things are meant for that side, and the rest for the other. that while i can partake in less than responsible activities on one side, i have to stay on the straight and narrow on the opposite. it reminds me that in every one there is a ying and a yang, a balance. and while those can be complete polar opposites, they are what makes us, us. riding west into the setting sun, anticipation had me giddy. riding east with the same fickle sun giving way to the moon behind me, i realized im still afraid of the dark. and that if i turn back now, i could chase the running sun back to the embrace of familiarity and security. 40 is a traitor. my yellow brick road and my green mile. my hop scotch to happiness and my stairwell to demise. you need to pick, 40. just go one way. either take me to one or the other. i cnt choose which but a definitive direction would aid in my decision. kthanks. "why are you snappin on a highway, Maya?" shut up. the issue then arises when you packed your bag, intending on leaving your heart, and it stows away for the ride. and in the morning you find it in your toiletries bag and it seems to assume its the perfect accessory to the day's attire. uhm...no! you werent even invited! so what do you do? ive always worn my heart on my sleeve like its a new fashion. its become a wardrobe staple, but its rapidly becoming a fashion faux pa (thats a fashion no no for you style retarded ppl). but really. if you cnt see my emotions clear as day, youve got to be blind. this issue isnt that my emotions have been misinterpreted, ill received, or any other unfavorable response-its quite the opposite. theyve been openly welcomed and returned. "Maya why are you buggin then?" because i left that on the other side of the river...


Sunday, June 7, 2009

its about potential

I'm on my way to eat with my parents for my bday. And my stepdad said something so profound.
He told that when looking for someone to be forreal with, committed and loyal to, look for potential. See yourself in them. All the qualities ppl look for in a mate are the ones you inhabit yourself. 5 star told me the same thing but its confirmed in me now. He went on to tell me that finances aren't everything. Jobs change so just because he's got it now doesn't mean he will tomorrow. So love for more than the bank. Money does make you happy but you have to be happy with him even when yall are broke. You wanna see room for growth, for increase. I thought that was interesting...so I figured I'd share with yall and ask this "what is it about 'them' you love?"


Happy sunday

Saturday, June 6, 2009

a little mini Vaca'

So we did a little run to memphis, hilarious.
Before I begin let me officially introduce one of my latest loves...I've been trying to find a fitting name for her and I've settled on 5 Star. =)
Didn't leave til extra late 'cause we went and got pedi's!
But we touch down and scoop her baby sister. So memphis, she's too cute!
Memphis radio...smh...damn it goes hard gottu, gucci, ross. So memphis, too live.
I got some A&R bbq, pretty good. Needed some more sauce put it was a good chopped pork sandwich, swine flu free lol
Last night we went to Dixie Queen...so ratchet! The mploys-so ratchet! I wish I couda got a pic...oh well. But she aint know SHYT I'm lookin like BITCH YOU WORK HERE!
Just got some Jack Pirtles Chicken. The grape soda is fuckin delicious!! So grape-y and soda-licious! Yum!
So my Twin was in the M with his boo... Gettin it? Got it? Good!
Hit up EKells...Gettin it? Got it? Good!
Congrats ta the boiz, great minds think alike -wink-
Good trip overall. A tad too brief but I'm yaking A LOT away with me
"Ppl see me but they just dnt know" by gift
I hav mad muzik to download
5 Star got that head busted! Fresh! Congrats on the new swing!
I'm headin back to Nashvegas to see what's goodie.
I'm bout to go to sleep on the ride back I'm too tired! Ha

Thursday, June 4, 2009

all the things i couldnt say

ive been trying o write this blog for several months so im going to just do it point.blank.period because i cnt fully devolope the ideas into coherent thoughts and structure.
i dnt know when i was so badly abused in a relationship that i wouldnt recognize and welcome a good thing when it was infront of me.
im scared...let me say that again, im scared. its taking more than a lot for me to admit this. fear is wakness i try not to give into. this is bigger than clowns ppl!
i think ive always loved the idea of love but the facts of it are more than my little heart can handle.
unfortunately things can change depending on who youre talking to. if the other person is pro love, all giddity at your good fortune and shedding all the rite light on all the right things, you naturally are more interested and likely to do as told becasue you faith in their envious judgement, they want what you have, so of course you think a little more fondly of the circumstances and it all just sounds so damn appealing now. thus, in the same way, if that perosn is all "hell na" and stank face about it, you withdraw because now youre embarassed that you even took the time to entertain the thought. no one means to be that easily influenced but subconsciously we are all dry sponges waiting for the slightest chance to absorb something, anything just because you want so desperately to believe in something, anything. someone somewhere is reading this like "so trust yourself" my "SELF"?!thats just outlandish! my "self" is at war...
the issue... is that the heart wants what the heart wants. its irrational and void of all good reasoning. when the heart has a longing, a desire, it has to be met or there will forever thereafter be a void. the mind on the other hand is sensible, 2+2=4 and anything else is wrong. weighing the pro's and con's the mind can usually draw clear conclusions. that is until emotion comes into play and common sense is no longer welcome like flies at negro picnics. emotion is like the funny smelling candles that keep bugs aka common sense at bay. heart trumps mind everytime. they do say love conquers all...
im a walking contradiction. i love the idea of love. but i have no real reputable encounters with the complexity of infatuation and all the beautiful there afters.
God has someone for everyone. with that in mind, i woudnt be surprsed if He was less inclined to share the luxury of companionship on those who have already proven themselves to be seemingly ungrateful.
i dnt know love because i dnt know what it looks like.
its not shame, its privacy.
i just used to be so sure...and this uncertainty causes me to question a lot more than i can ever answer.
is there an App for this?

-sigh-smh ....well damn...