i finally understand

so on my lunch break if i dnt runaway for a moment of freedom ill stay in and eat at my desk. B-O-R-I-N-G. but since ive decided to lie and come in all week at 8 i think i should stay in and actualy work...ha! so anyway, whenever i do stay in or when i find time i read some blogs, surf the world, and listen to muzik. so there is a blog i follow by a kid named E Dot Dizzy and his blog is definitely one of my fav's. this nigga keeps it so 100. so i read a post today that lit several light bulbs above my noggin. "Men and Cheating...simple..." here's the exert that made the wheels turn:

"When it comes to men, we don't incorporate feelings with sex. Never have... So if a man goes and sleeps with another woman, he don't love her, he probably just wanted attention. Some men drift off when things change. Things like appearance and attitudes. When a woman gain a few extra pounds and act like she doesn't notices or if she just keep a dumb ass attitude and don't care to fix the problem she obviously has... That will push a man away and he will start to seek the attention he think he deserves. Not right but its true. Women incorporate feelings with sex, well most of em, so when a man finds out that his woman cheated he is realllllllly hurt because he feel she fell in love with another man. If women would just understand that. If your man is buying another woman gifts and taking her on trips AND fucking then you should be mad. Well if he fuck another woman you can be mad and leave too, I'm not trying to justify cheating. Just giving it a better understanding to some folks"

http://edotdizzy.blogspot.com/

ok now before i start, let me explain. in my opinion, i could almost forgive a physical infidelity before any kind of convo and time investment because thats MY time youre giving away. and to cover that much time means youd have to lie to me. and lying s a direct insult to my superior intelligence! while ive never bn cheated on...well at least i dnt THINK i have...-head tilts-, damn...but ok here we go!

its about attention!!! ooooohhhhh *ligh bulb* -creaky wheels turn- ooooooohhhh attention {head knodding, eyebrows raised} i see now. no really, i see.... when i first read this i was like so since i didnt feed yo ego you wanta start buggin?! dumbass, you should know youre great! but why even get mad because thats PRECISELY what it is... It doesnt matter how old or mature a man gets he will always be a simple minded little boy (no diss) im actually jealous, because theyre simple, they lack all the complexity of women and our intricate logic. if we could stop over analyzing every thing he may do, trying to find rhyme to his reason, and method to his madness we'd see that he's simply acting out. (talkin bout other girls that want him, letting you over see some "suggestive" text, or including you on a list with a bunch of random numbers, talkin bout how good he can pipe "blah blah blah" some dumb shyt; just so youll get mad and show him some attention)

i cnt speak for anyone else, male or female, but i am very focused, driven, and independent. i would never say i dnt need a man because there are somethings money, power, and degrees cnt do at night, hell in the daytime. ive bn raised to be my own number one fan, even tho i have a great fan club in my family i do this (everything) for me. so naturally i assume that those around me hold themselves in the same esteem as i do myself. not true, especially for men. even the cockiest of men need to hear that theyre wonderful, that theyre strong, capable, and sexy. just as much as we like to be put on a pedastal so do they. and if you forget to pat his back and stroke that ego beware there are several other women waiting to cheer him on. im really not one to kiss ass, unless youre a professor lol, but sometimes for the sake of harmony and happiness you do whats necessary. i have never heard it explained that way and i really think that me a mr dizzy need to colabo on a book cause that negro is deep. or maybe he's shallow and the fact that we have to think so hard to grasp the simplest of concepts prevents us from being able to see things for what they are.

im not one for categories

but when shyt like this happens, both to me and those im close to, i realize that the vast majority of guys-scratch that, niggas! are all the same.
im not one to put anything past someone. i try not to be surprised by ppl's faults, short comings, and such but sometimes i just wanta believe that "na not my man" bullshyt. ya girl, its yo man too! it seems like no matter how good of a girl you are, and dammit im a good girl! it does not matter! he'll still find a way to take you for granted, take advantage, and screw up. all bad, no bueno. its just so frustrating. i get a call this morning from the BigSis and she's tellin me about the certified tom foolery that has become of her last LOOOONNNNG term relationship. i really dnt care what anyone says, girls may have a hard time in break up's, crying and ice cream and stuff, but dudes cut a complete ass when they break up. fuckin around, pushin up, choosin hoes (ugly hoes) anything to just "be over her" thats dumb. true story-THATS DUMB! if you hurt say so, we hurt too.
im not about to do some usual relationship counselling stuff, because im sick of having all the answers for everyone else and watching my own heart fall to pieces.
as much as i always wanted to, i dnt believe in love because love doesnt believe in me.
that might be the saddest thing ive ever said and im sure MJ will call like "what happened love" but shyt happened and i just have to wipe and move on.
i dnt quit but this is a step back, a reevaluation, and a wiser next move.

you make a decision

choose ever so wisely.
be prepared to reap all the reperussions and benefits even of all choices made.
pp ask me all the time why i dnt make decisions on the simplest of things like where to go eat or what i wanta do. i have a very big fear of making a abad choice because some consequences can cause lasting damages and pain. this doesnt seem so relevant to restaurants or activities but when i make choices i use the same amount of care.
when breaking up...realize youre breaking hearts. ppl will say "but we both agreed it was best"-SO! you both were emotionally invested. never say "we need to talk" those are the rudest 4 words ever. just talk. say whatever it is without the ever dreadful prelude to doom. (oohh i like that one!) no one wakes up an decides i wanta break up today. i wanta breakhis/her heart and my own. i wanta make contradicting statements about whats wrong with "us". i wanta say things like you make me happy but im unhappy now. i wanta lie and say ive onyl felt this way a short while but i think its best. but ill still call you because ill need a crutch until i can make it on my own. no, no one does that. so why do we wait and let things fester and boil until teh smallest thing send you sailing over the edge and there's no way possible to really accurately account for the real issues at hand. the truth is, its the little things. ppl forgive because there is God in us but the smallest things linger long enough and accumulate faster than any blow out of proporton argument. if we said everything that really bothered us it would almost sound silly to admit. you tickled me and i dnt like to be tickled. you walked thru that door that one time before me. you didnt have an umbrella and i got wet. you stepped on my shoe. you didnt tell me i looked nice. you didnt call and say goodnight. you introduced me as a friend. you spoke to her. you went to the club and i wanted to chill. its stupid but its true. littl things never get said because you dnt wanta whine, but if you say everything that makes you bitchy and hard to please

because it matters

Life lesson number 597643157 keep it btwn me and you. Outside opions and thoughts hav no place in something that was meant for 2 ppl. You cnt listen to everybody b/c consciously or subconsciously you're taking some of it to heart. Trust yourself and your judgement.

I'm sorry.

Like lesson 597984618 put yourself in their shoes. Something you may think is harmless could be hurting or upsetting someone else. Be open enough to see if from his point of view so that the necessary adjustments can be made.

I'm sorry.

XO

with that said...

ok so since i posted the last blog, a little glimpse into the average male mouth, i thought it would be appropriate to account for the female mind. now, before i just rip this let me say

i am not the average female. im not inclined to a lot of crying, nagging, and whooplah. im very passionate and yes rather emotional but if you leave me to my emotions i can get over it and let it go.

thats my disclaimer. im writing this on behalf of the average woman so that you, nigga, might know what we think.

you think logically we think emotionally. if it hurts our feelings or leaves us in a feeling of unrest we tend to dwell on it. we dnt mean to nag but we need resolution and until we find peace of mind no one will find peace of mind.

we dnt mean to be this emotional but we cnt help it, we're women. and once the emotions top off we cry. lets talk about crying, there are several different cries, stay with me here. the "infront of yo dude cry" this has a few little tears, a lot of sniffling, some careful-dnt-smudge-the-eyeliner- eye wipes and in some way or form, "i just dnt understand". "the angry cry" this one has a lot of cursing, huffing and puffing, and in some way or so many words "omg i hate crying over his ass!" the "honest cry" when youve actually done something wrong to upset us and our heart hurts and we cry. involves a lot of tissues because we were prepared, a sad movie, and a pillow to hold and of course "idk why i ever loved him". "THE cry" this is the oh shyt real for real cry. the cry when you cnt do anything but cry and cry hard. when youve tried for a long time to hold it back and work it out. this one is a doozie...deep cries, coughing, snot. this is an ugly cry that i-dnt-give-a-fuck-ima-cry cry, trust its all bad quote, "oh God". if you can get us to that cry youve fucked up.

now when youve fucked up and we get togther...oh baby, when we get together. this is some men bashing! some slash some tires, fuck that nigga! this is how cars get messed up, eggs get thrown, and feelings get hurt. fyi, a few women in a room, talking about guys, and especially if one or more is at all upset is called a RIOT! hence "backbone" (www.simplyeccentricity.blogspot.com read at your own risk)

we over analyze and deeply scrutinize. whatever you say. we can add so much more to every word you say. you say "ill call you back in 20 min" we say "the hell is he doing that take 20 minutes?! this nigga spittin game ta some hoe or some bullshyt! fuck his ass". you say "i dnt wanta talk about it" (as in there's nothing more to say lets not fight about the same shyt) we heard shut the fuck up stop stop naggin me bout the same shyt we been done discussed. you say "i dnt feel like pleasing anybody today" (as in, im tired. ive been doing so much for everybody else i just want some me time) we hear i dnt give a fuck what you want ima do me. ladies, ladies, ladies stop nit picking them, they didnt mean nearly the way we took it.

so men, i think, maybe just a little bit, i get it now. the simpicity behind guys is enormous and the complexity, which is women, is a never ending journey, with loop hole, pot holes, sink holes, quick sand. like trust me, we can be a trip! pack for the journey... i dnt mean to scare you but realize this. now, when you meet the one (echo the one-one-one) yall will fit, compliment each other, and things will be slightly less complex because off both of you will be willing to let go of your ways to stick it out. but until you find her or he finds you...this shyt can be a trip.

this one is for the ladies

girls...dnt say anything you dnt mean. I recently posted a blog that was rather...emotional and slick rude. you might be mad and say somethings you dnt mean but be prepared to explain and own up to all things said or in my case read. ill be the first to apologize for anything said that caused you any amount of hurt.
next, speak up. if its bothering you, if he's done something to upset you, even if you just miss him. say something. boiz are slightly slow and more than likely they havnt realized that they've messed up, forgot about you, and didn't call. I'm not always as vocal as I could be because I tend to let a lot of stuff go but ill use writing aka blogging as an outlet for some frustrations. so let me say now so there is no confusion, I've miss you but you did forget about me.
ok. stay right. meaning, if he's being distant, busy, or trippin you gotta stay right. dnt change and cop the same tude you'll lose all communication and neither one of you will be achieving anything. I admit, if you dnt call I dnt always feel as obliged to call. ladies, I know, believe me I know, how much we love it when they call. the little ringtone brings a smile and you answer so nonchalant like we havnt been checking our phone all day. but almost as much we like when they call, they appreciate our call as well. the phone works too ways booboo.
so with all that being said...do what it takes to make it work. ill do what it takes to make this work. I'm in this for you.
-maya