Thursday, December 24, 2009

just fell in love

we all know im a fan of good muzik, hell of a ll muzik, of muzik period.
Courtesy of "...Close to Spectacular/Fantastically Well..."i fell in love again.
Corinne Bailey Rae, is one of my "thats my shyt list" shoe in's. she is just so raw and graceful. she reminds me of my ace Aleesa. maybe its the hair lol. but she has a new song, "I'd Do it All Again". its blissful. favorite line? "someone to love is bigger than your prides worth, is bigger than your pain"
here's a few of my fav lines/lyrics
Lighthouse-Hope "i see the tide is comin', dont let it take you away from me...i know its your love that saved me. i was lost somehow drifting away"
Bring me Flowers-Hope "i havnt got a clue if youre the one, but i like you and i like how you make me feel"
Winter Song-Sara Barielles & Ingrid Michaelson "ill be the beacon in your night, my words will be the light to carry you to me. is love a lie?"
Like a Star- Corinne Bailey Rae
Jason Mraz- Im Yours "i wont hesistate no more, no more, it cannot wait im yours....its your God forsaken right to be loved."
The Script-Breakeven "i got time while she's got freedom. your best days will be some of my worse. while im wide awake she's got no trouble sleeping. what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was always you. youve got my heart and his heart and none of the blame. you took your suitcase, i took the blame. (that whole song is just good)"
Sara Barielles-Between the Lines "leave unsaid unspoke. eyes wide shut unopened. you and me were always between the lines"
Ingrid Michaelson-The Way I Am "cause i love the way you say good morning, and you take me the way i am. cause i love you more than i could ever promise. cause i love the way you call me baby." "I'll buy you rogaine when you lose all of your hair (shout out to The Bestfriend lol)"
Edge of Desire- John Mayer "there i said it im afraid youll forget about me"
Friends, Lovers, or Nothing-John Mayer "anything other than yes is no. anything other than stay is go. anything less than i love you is lying."
i could do this for hours, so let me stop now. i thought i had lost it but i guess im still hopelessly romantic.
and contrary to popular belief this collage of songs is not about anyone. i just love the song. kthanks.
OMG im sooo late!! BYE!
go find a love song and fall in love.

Happy Holiday!

well ello govna! (youll get it, keep trying)

Any who...hello there! Miss me?! I missed you more. Its bn about 2 wks since I showed some love so since I'm lying in bed bored and lonely, I figured it was time.
My life still sucks.
I'm so broke it hurts.
I was talking to my homegirl about relationships and she was all "where did we go wrong" blah blah blah and I realized-when does "it" happen?! When is that "that's it" limit get reached? When does the patience run out? When does the love run thin? Was it that time in the car? Was it the day he hung up? The day you didn't call back anymore? When does the switch get flipped and the good goes bad? and even then, is it lost forever or is it just so far gone we can't imagine the energy it would take to muster the enthusiasm to fight for them again? When does the "forever love" end? When does "what happened to us" happen?
Aleesa comes home in 2 days! Count 'em-2!! Do you have any idea the hell we are gonna raise?! The girls are all back and too ready to paint the town PINK!
Its lookin like no Columbus for New Years and that DEEPLY saddens my life! Like I could cry...fuck!
Oh, did I tell yall?! I'm an Alpha Kappa Alpha woman! Gotdammit Skee-Wee!
Its bittersweet tho, I've wanted this for so long but I hate the attention it came with. I'm really low key person, I know I know a lot of ppl but I'm not owt like that, I don't do and be and go to be seen like that. But now where ever I go I'm noticed, ppl speak, and I'm like huh?! Sorry to hit you wit tha stank face but...uruhuhm...you are? Greek life is not for the timid that's for damn sure.
So I did some catching up on other blogs today and this is all I have to say..."Bestfriend, I wish you would! Like I double dog dare yo punk ass to pull a stunt like that! Kthanks muffukka!" -mumbles under breath-
Ok I'm back...
Rather, with that...I'm gone.
Goodnight my loves,
X's and O's. Sweet dreams

Sunday, December 13, 2009

muzik

"there i just said it, im scared youll forget about me"
"dont say a word jus come over and lie here with me"
"i want you so bad, ill go back on the things i believe"
"boy youre so beautiful"
"thats why i strike first, and the first cuts deep"
"shade doesnt matter, heart makes the lover"
"youre part of me but im too afraid to show it"
"i wanta be the end of your day"
-fyi im just listening to my itunes and when i here something i like im jotting i down lol
"baby take off your cool, i wanta see you"
"it was many years ago, when you stole my cool"
"are we falling in love with our fears"

Saturday, December 12, 2009

first love-adele

'nough said.

baby take off your cool

you know why i love muzik....because it touches and reminds you of things, of feelings, of people. its like a timeless scent. one song can trigger the most vivid emotions, so trong that you have to stop and just vibe, eyes closed and feel. more times than not its the one thing that touches me during the day. and i HATE that Outkast-Take Off Your Cool is so short cause that little snipet, ugh, i takes me there but it just drops my ass off.

Monday, December 7, 2009

i am because you are.

i wanna say, i NEED to say: i love you. beyond words, without measure, you have made my days, my years, my life remarkable, worthwhile, and priceless. i pray for you because i dnt deserve you. you have been a blessing and gift to my existence. today and every day is of note because of what you give and bring to my life. im crying right now as im typing and i can hardly see, ive been so moved this evening by you. if the world ended right now i could smile and go knowing that my life had purpose and joy because of you. i dnt know why blessings are bestowed, i dnt know why He does the thing He does but i give all the glory and all the honor, the praise, the reverence to Him for you. your role in my life is irreplaceable and unremovable. if i didn't have you i don't know where i would be, who i would be, or what i would do.i simply am, because you are. and i wish i had more eloquent words, more depth, more meaning, but this is what i have:
ill go 12 rounds
to the moon and back
ill lie down my life
ill give you my all
ill pray
ill cry
ill try
ill give
ill care
ill listen
ill stay
ill do
ill be
I....I will love you, just to hear you say that you ever loved me.
i need you,
right here
right now
beside me.
you are my strength
my hope
my promise fulfilled
my guide
my comfort.
i said i never knew love...i was mistaken, because i know you. and you are my love.

-yours

Monday, November 30, 2009

600th post

its nothing special. but this little tid bit was on my mind...
i was reading blogs just now, i havent really been keeping up with them, but i was reading and catching up on my ace Aleesa's blog and its crazy but as far away as she is, reading her blog always makes me feel closer to her, no homo. lol. but its funny that we always seem to be facing similar obstacles at the same time.
i dont know what im doing. ive never left the states, ive never fallen in love, ive done nothing. and i feel like my life is gonna whip by and i will have done nothing worth note. i dnt wanta be famous or anything like that but i wanta live. like really live! i wanta see the world and complete immerse myself in culture. i wanta hear some old ladies life story and take some part of her with me for the rest of life.
-side note: these muthafukkas upstairs are fukkin bowling or something upstairs! like forreal shut the fuck up! damn cunts!-
ok...so im in a rut. a little stuck, feeling stagnant. i have all theses goals, very logical and financially sound but i wanta go to egypt and london, i wanta shop in paris, and take vacations to barcelona. i wanta go and see, i wanta live. i dnt feel like thats too much to ask.

Monday, November 23, 2009

let the record show

there are processes in place to insure the upmost respect and honor of all those involved. to assume that just because you partake in some outside activities makes you better than the rest is a bold face lie. furthermore to assume i exposed them, threw them under the bus, or any of the like is a LIE. if i say i wanta do something, anything, i do it to the best of my abilities, and with the upmost pride. with that said, i warned you. i told you that "this" was going to end badly and for the sake of my ass i stopped. now when the shit hit the fan i was safe not because i snitched like a bitch but i had elders willing to go to bat for me and my character. i did what i could to save who i could but the rest, i got nothin for you. i am sorry, i am that it is ending so badly for some but you lose one and maybe save more.
obedience vs sacrifice- obedience would say to go by the rules, follow law, and adhere to all mandates. loyalty to the cause and remembering all those involved.
sacrifice-selfish. risk the masses for a token title that is invisible to the outside world. sacrifice means looking out for self first and all those involved last. sacrifice is wack. and all those who are willing to sacrifice everyone for their own gain is just as wack. youve been brainwashed to think that loyalty means pain. that humiliation is honor. check your principals, thats not one any of this about. that shit comes from slave mentalities and 100's of years if needing to belong.
now the question is which am i? im an obedient servant. follow the rules so you can serve the cause. there comes a time when it is necessary to sacrifice the unworthy in hopes those who contain the merit can claim the titles, but even then, i dnt make that call. i was down for the "titles" but when the titles blurred the cause, when the titles got bigger than anyone else involved, it was time to realize that this, all of "this" will compromise the majority and sacrifice the masses. thats not something that makes sense to me.
the issue is that when it all comes crashing down you look for someone to blame. being that i beseeched you long ago about your endeavors you readily assume i brought about your demise. WRONG. I simply foresaw the coming and did my best to move you to change. when wise words fell on deaf ears. i saved my own ass and severed my involvement. all those who went blindly forth quickly saw that this road, leads no where and its too late to turn back.
so did i snitch, no. but did i warn you, yes.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

"like dont text me or instant message me, its important i hear your voice today"



i found this poem on a blog i follow and i fell in love. i finally got it to post into my blog so i hope you enjoy.
"..and if i win all you have to do is let me fall in love with you"

broken hearted

miss me? ya, i miss you too.

so today...all bad. i mean ALL bad. ok thats a lie. it started well, went well...til the end. then it was officially the END. more often than not i find that when things happen, when things fall apart, im always the shoulder, always THAT friend to go to and lean on. im always everyone else's support. but today as it all hit the fan, like i said it would, and the tears fell im holding one friend and consoling another. i generously offer words of comfort and optimism to every one. but where was my support? where was my shoulder? so many times im always there for everyone else and there's no one there for me. i have great friends i really do. and in this situation i know everyone was in the same boat but the fact is i give myself away, offering all i can to everyone and instead of feeling like... good (i need a better word, but oh well) i feel drained. emotionally and physically. maybe ppl dont mean to be so selfish and greedy but they are. now of course there were those who hastened to my side and offered a sad eye, a gasp, and a "so what now" but at the moment when everything i planned for everything i prayed for fell apart at my feet i was left to gather the pieces on my own. that gets old fast.
i believe that everyone has a talent, a gift. mine is support. im naturally supportive. ppl come to me and lean on me and thats fine im strong enough for that. but when i give and give and give and rarely get it back...that makes me wanna collect my support and keep it for myself. i need someone in my corner just like the next girl. im not a "lonely" person but im feeling a little alone right now.
i needed you today, and while your reasons were legit...i needed you none the less. i needed you not to let go. maybe i expect too much...it wouldnt be the first time.

-Maya

Thursday, November 12, 2009

when i say...

im OVER history, i really mean i think history has lost its sparkle for me. maybe its just this wack ass college load but as of today...i'd rather be a vagabond and go gallivanting around europe for kicks and boys.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

spiritual incompatibility

so im sitting in thomas bro's room doing some homework and we're watching these clips of his pastor. and he says something that smacked the hell outta me. "someone is gonna miss what God has for you just for a mediocre good time." he was talking about dating a sinful woman. not like a hoe but she's not saved, thus she is a sinner. he said they were having a good time, building a great relationship but there was no God in it and she told him, "i know im not what you need. everytime we kiss i feel like im trespassing' My God...smh.
maybe yall dnt feel it like i feel it, maybe it didnt say what needed to heart but it said it to me.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

i dnt feel like talking

so im coming back to my old ways and typing this junt out.
-slick might record this cause im running thru it pretty fast.

ima point.blank.period. this cause...hell cause i want too.

summer jumpoff's can stay in the summer for all i care. dnt try to make that transition to fall with me cause summer provides a luxury that fall cannot afford. i can be irresponsible in the summer, rip and run, lay up, and dip out. i cant do that in the fall, i wnt do that in the fall.
you cant be cheating if youre not in a relationship. with that said, do you. i would be lying if i said it didnt bother me to hear you hit up some chicken head and got some dome from slaw rat but-BUT-you aint my man.
drake-call it off
ryan leslie-you aint my girl
i get my fair share of play, i pull a cutie every so often but i dnt care to lay on my back for the sake of a nut (excuse my french) i got too much to do to pass out cooch. feel free to dick down who you choose, because i again, you aint my man.
ive never been in love. for all my failed attempts to open up to this guy or that, i dnt find whatever it is im looking for. disheartening, yes. but if its to be itll be.
MaryJane pulled a good one. the kind of man any girl would be happy to call her own. but do i want what she has...no. i want my own. i want "you" to be honest, secure (in self, in us, ok, financially lol who wants a broke boy) a gentleman, strong, funny, supportive, and kind. is that too much to ask. i think im worth that much.
i dnt lie. im sick of saying that. i do not lie. partly cause im bad at, mostly because i think its pointless and an insult to the person's intelligence. its stupid and i dont do it. so to accuse me of lying, i find that so rude. and very disrespectful and yall know damn well i dnt do disrespect.
im a good woman, i know i am. and someone will appreciate me for everything im worth, youre not him so keep it moving. i dnt care to fight your made up mind, if its made up then whats the point. i dnt argue. you got a issue with me, say so, but no one is going to talk to me like a child or yell at me like a dog.
these are the rules, this is my way. get wit it or get lost.
video

i said i would blog this so here it is.

video

got a little "news", a little messed up about it.

video

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

i was lying across the bed

and was entirely overwhelmed with the desire to be spontaneous. i always wanted to live my life on a whim. i feel like we get so burdened with schedules and meetings that some how i forgot the life i wanted to live. i wanta wake you up in the middle of the night and whisper "come with me" and pick a star and follow it until we find somewhere neither of us have been or maybe we have but because we're here now at the spur of a moment maybe now it will mean something. something more than just a location, an intersection, maybe itll be the right place at the exact time to experience the life we were meant to live. everytime i do go run off its just that, running. running away from something, a bad day, an arguement. but this is just going, going for the sake of going. going for the appreciation that we can go, that we should just go. it really saddens my life that the most spontaneous thing i did today was hustle to sonic with my home girls for a cheap slush. it breaks my heart that before i even get up in the morning my day is already planned out. i know skool is crucial to my success but some days, days like these, i feel like i rather pack my life break my lease and go gallivanting around the country. of course logistically i could probably buy a one way ticket and a hotel for 2 nights and be entirel terrified, lonely, and broke but its really more appealing than reading syllabi and putting away grocery. deep down inside im afraid that all my planning for the future will disappoint the potential of living day to day. i find the strangest happiness in reading post secret every sunday and ive writtn 3 of my own and i dnt know why i havent sent them. maybe im afraid the secret, even anonymously posted, will give me away. and its not even anything profound but the thoughts and secrets i keep to myself are all i have. i love my life, i do, even though i bitch and moan about my own shortcomings and lack of balls to say and do some things, still love who i am. but today, right now, im lonely. and thats soooo hard for me to say and actually mean but i am. im lonely. even in a crowded room im not sure if there is really any one person on my side. and i love my friends, i do, but i have a very hard time trusting people. those closest to me are on one hand.
last Sunday postsecret didnt post secrets, instead there's a video up and the song is one ive never heard but i keep playing it over and over while im writing this. there is something outrageously powerful in music, something overwhelmingly moving in a song.

it was supposed to last forever, every feeling we ever had
we said we'd remind each other what we had forgot is in the lives we had
the lives we had
i was supposed to take our picture
so you would remember saying that
we wanted to capture it so we could remember the lives
the lives we had
the lives we have
-Donora
when i finally found it on line the lyrics went something like this
i like, i like when we whisper soft to each other
i like, i like when we're quiet with one another
i like, i like when we're nice, nice to each other
i like, i like when we surely like one another
repeat

the earlier moved me for some reason, the latter, soothed me.

when i read this back i wasnt sure what any of it meant until i finally allowed the postsecret video to play all the way through and it closed with this:

"whether we realize it or not we're on a spiritual journey...
even we're lost"

video

if ur like me....

you neede a giggle....
well here ya go!




i just like the end when he starts dancin tho, pretty funny!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

somebody lied ta you!

dnt ask HOW i know but TRUST ME when i tell you....do NOT swallow your gum. it sticks to your intestines my ass!
sorry i just had to share!

thats why i love him

Yo my mothafukkin bestfriend @MayaTheXoXo is the mothafukkin shit!...no really....just THE SHIT

thanks bestfriend, youre pretty rad yourself

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

oooo lets do it!

so i guess ima be a swagger jacker and take the same road as The Bestfriend, i just dnt have the energy or desire really to talk about other ppl's bullshyt ass relationships, about cheating, karma, or how bad i feel for your misfortunes. its not that i dnt care, i do, its that i wnt care because if i offered my advice and if you decide not to take it, its your prerogative. done.
derrion alberts. i posted a video a video of his death but im really disturbed that NO ONE has said ANYTHING about him. everyone is still talking about f'in John and Kate and Letterman. ppl get divorced and we damn sure know ppl cheat! move on. kids in this nation are dying, we're losing an entire generation young ppl no one is addressing this pressing issue. i was just SURE Obama was going to say something, anything because he is from Chicago.....nope, fail. Nas was the first person to address the issue. ill post his video later. but Nas?! NAS!
so rumors flew that Maya Angelou, my personal favorite author, had passed away. when i say i was troubled, baby i was TROUBLED! i dedicated my summer to reading her collection, which i did, and completely fell in love! i always had a love for her poetry but after reading her entire collection of biographies i feel like i know her, i sympathized for her situations. no homo but i love her. no im not named after her CLEARLY her name is Margurite, but i do LOVE my name. not even tmz.com could tell me if she was dead, i had ta get a retweet that she was then a retweet that she wasnt! so im STILL in a state of confused mourning....fail. all of the prominent black ppl, all the trailblazers, and all the hope of our ppl are dying or are already dead...someone has to step up, damn near gon be me. attaining greatness is not something i take lightly...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

topics ta come

cheating, lying, and relationships.
Derrion ALberts.
Maya Angelou.

gimme a minute and ima rip all these up something real official.

the ugly -UGLY- TRUTH

Once a hoe always a HOE.
I'm more hurt that my dude is soooo hurt. Like real talk. Rule #1...dnt u EVER make me or qnyone I fux wit for that matter look like a ass. I hate that it even came to this but it is what is. Fuck that girl, she aint she never gon be shyt. Charge it to the game.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

where they do that a?!

Major Lazer "Pon De Floor" from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.



shouts out to www.aleesaface.blogspot.com for all the best tomfoolery

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

the sad truth about most ppl in my life....



when i saw this i immediately thought of The Bestfriend. Not that i dnt trust him, but i know he doesnt trust ppl. and then i got sad because as many times as ive bn taken advantage of i can only imagine how lonely the life would be if i shut all the ppl that i really dnt trust all the way out...hell i damn near feel alone at times now.
happy wednesday lol sorry ta start off so pessimistic

a hard head is going to be my downfall

i say things over and over again and you would think i would be the first of everyone to heed my own advice, right....ya, i never learn!
so you know how you say certain things to see what someone will say back. its not quite question and answer its more statement and response...well i made a statement today and the response....WHAMP! slick a lack there of but even then-WHAMPWHAMP! and once again i learn the hard way that expectations will always leave you entirely disappointed.
ive been told i can be very passive and really i never did see the benefits of being overly assertive but today i damn near wished i was just a (excuse my french) a Ballzy Bitch so i could get my point across, but what do i do? laugh it off as i think of curling up inside of myself to die! FML.
im so mellow dramatic i have to laugh at myself because i get my self in some really wack situations, oh well, such is life.
I think ima make a label/tag of "FML" cause i really do have some fml moments. if u dnt know what that is go to www.fmylife.com and have a giggle at someone else's expense.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

have you seen this?!

idk the whole story, but the video alon had me at the point of tears.
some huge gang relate fight and this innocent kid, i think he's like 16, he gets hit with a board and stomped to death. they blur it out but u get the general idea and thats more than enough...
this world is crazy.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

conversations and conclusions

"Life is but the fine line between holding on and letting go"
Because you "meant" so much to me, I've bn holding on to you.
But because I mean so much more to me, I'm letting you go.
I've been trying to figure out exactly how it was that I wanted to say that and there it is. True that situation that sparked that thought is old but even now that person is not entirely out of my life but after saying that...ya.
Someone asked me, a baby sister, how she would know if she was in love. I said: you wouldn't have to ask me I suppose. I would think there is a certainty that would conclude all you wondering and confirm all your hopes. Idk why you asked me tho, beside being slightly older and hopefully wiser, I have not the slightest idea of how love works because me and love have not bn introduced. Love doesn't know me and I am in no rush to make that acquaintance"
Someone else asked me another question today: "Maya, who is your boyfriend?" Whoa now shawty! Let the recodr show- I am no one's girl, I'm single, and up to mingle. But really...I prefer to be left alone right now. The Bestfriend is going to begin his "escapades" soon and you all know how I feel about that but really I cnt blame him but I dnt get down with that. so I'd rather be left alone, to my thought, and my imagination. Its easier that way.
In my mind, where everything goes as planned, I have worked out a conversation that I WISH I could have but my stupid fears...-sigh- my stupid stupid self wnt let me speak on it.
Conclusion: what will be will be. What comes from within will come without fear.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

sleep deprivation

is gonna be the death of me...

to do list:
showcase at 7, ill be there at 4-9
re-do this tech in skools homework
take a quiz thats only available til 12!
and there's guarateed to be some more tomfoolery that someone calls my phone to do...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

--there's only 1 BESTFRIEND and im so happy he's mine!!!

congratulations on the big DEUCE-ZERO! that teen shyt is for the birds! we're big kidds now!


words dnt do you justice, and there arent enough gifts to show my graditude so on today, your Cake Day, National Reggie Day, The Memorial of Your Birth i ask that we all paus i recogition of your awesomeness.......................idk what else to do but i simply THANK GOD i have you and thank you for all you mean to my life!
SWAGTASTIC! FRESH THAN A MUTHAFUCKA! COOLER THAN A FAN! MY {BEST}FREIND!
you are the "every" to my "thing" (no pun) you hung my moon and placed my stars. idk where i'd be without you but luckily ill -never- find out.
I love you Martin.
-Corretta




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TIC-TOC

T MINUS 1 HOUR 46 MINS AND COUNTING UNTIL THE {{{BEST}}} DAMN DAY (since June 9).......................................................................................................................................................1 HOUR 45 MINS........................................................

Friday, September 18, 2009

its one of two things

either i have bad taste in men OR im a jerk magnet!
either way...im in bad shape.

smh

i apologize

ive been tweeting more than ive been blogging. its just so easy to upload the moment i cnt always sit still long enough to fully develop the thoughts and emotions that go into blogging. i get real deliberate with this blog shyt, twitter...i just throw it up and go about my life. so i apologize, i havnt forsaken you blogger. ill be here soon to completely overwhelm you with the fuckery that is sadly...my life. sometimes i love it, its blissful, beautiful, and profound...and then ity wilts, withers, and crumbles. -sigh- and i {really} miss The Bestfriend, kinda lonely.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

let the record show...

another one bites the dust.
i figure ill just make all my lonely dreams come true, even if i do it by my damn self. ill graduate move to DC and live in the heart of a city. ill teach at negro high skool and transform my students lives by infecting them with the passion i have for my ppl and the lasting knowledge that is History. i want my masters, my doctorate. i wanta be a tenured professor at a major HBCU and teach black lit, and sneakerology (it traces the history of sneakers and its influence in our culture) i wanta live in Harlem and have a son and name him in homage to the city that is full of all my fav things, elite black ppl, art, culture, and history. i wanta teach a skool yr in one city and then live a summer in a time share somewhere else. i wanta tattoo my life to memorialize my loves. nothing crazy, calm down, but i love the thought of timeless art. and even still, i wanta fall in love, real love, and have kids and a home. but i have to satisfy this urge to just "go". its burning a deep bottomless pit in my ever lonely heart. ive come to realize love is a joke, and that the only real love is that of God and that no person will ever love like He does. ive come to the sad sad sad realization that ive never known real love, and that all my futile attempts at love have failed miserably. oh well, another one bites the dust. so until "he" shows up with his handsome face and kind heart, with genuine love for all things creative and expressive, with his compassion and his manly-ness, im planning one hell of an escapade and he can either join me in my wide plank mahogany wood floor loft with oodles of contemporary and timeless art and odes to the great ones that came before me...or he can kick rocks.

ooh!! quote for the day, from my fav historical couple:
"I think at many points she educated me. When I met her, she was very concerned about all of the things that we are trying to do now. I never will forget that the first discussion that we had when we met was the whole question of racial injustice and economic injustice and the question of peace. And in her college days, she had been actively engaged in movements dealing with these problems. So that I must admit, I wish I could say, and satisfy my masculine ego, that I led her down this path. But I must say we went down together."
-- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., 1967

i want someone to say that about me...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

a rundown of the fuckery which is my life.

point.blank.period.

i have been recently entirely embarrassed, im talkin ass out, if i was white ida bn hot red, yes-EMBARRASSED!
first day of class...the usual fuckery that is the TSU. apparently EVERY girl went shopping together and bought the same damn dress from XXI, i woulda changed.
i met Juice's girlfriend today...straight. if he's happy im elated.
i have come to really appreciate the awesome connects i have, admninistration networking....lovely!
6 of TSU's SGA officials have been removed for insufficient GPA's and credit hours. damn homies...bad look for the university shawty.
i am the new VP for STEA! ya buddy
i am the co-writer for the opinions section of the Meter! rollin like a bug shot
some ppl i missed, others....well there were several others lol.
overall it was straight but im tired as shit now
sick of fighting
sick of trying
sick of this.
i think im beginning to see something in someone that i saw all along but was too afraid to admit...damn damn damn.
highly upset about a recent change in friendship btwn two individuals, thats not gonna help my bestfriend and i at all, thanks a lot!
i guess im up out cause im too tired to function


ps...THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY ACEBOONCOON, MY NIGGA ALEESA LEAVES FOR FUCKIN BARCELONA TOMORROW AND ILL BE IN THE USA WITH NO ONE! all the best tho my love, dnt end up like Taken lmao!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

dinner on him!

shake it Bestfriend!
straight butter and shrimp...
so focused..."standin in the kitchen over ttha stove its Reggie cookin!" lol

sorry bestfriend but we were breaking up til you showed up and cooked...

Monday, August 24, 2009

GNR

today was pretty damn funny....


me and the BigSis and me ran a few collegiate errands, my eye broke, and we went to friday's with Tony! so we're coming outta fridays and tony's baby Janet, Ms Jackson if ya nasty! got TOWED! and she was wisked away to some God awful lot in West HELL! with economy sized foreign cars, and Janet is a 5 sar bitch, she {definitely} doesnt do low class junk yards


so this is a snipet of tony calling his mom....




video



yes he's talking to his MOTHER!



sorry Tony but i had to!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

its going D-O-W-N

The Bestfriend has {FINALLY} graced The Kingdowm with his presence and this muthafukka here showed up with a backpack full of.....SHRIMP!! he in my house BURNIN!! ya bro, feel free ta leave all that right up in the fridge. kthanks! pics to come...hilarious! the intesity

thats gon {PISS ME OFF}

so i know that when you get into a new relationship a few priorities get shifted. you sleep less, call more, switch up a few habits...ok kool. i can respect that. BUT---B-U-T {DO NOT} echo "not not not" allow your new hoe to fuck up your friendships. nigga we were friends long before anynody was hittin so and so. if you feelin her, ok kool. bring her ass around us, we all kool ppl. so what you hidin from??? you embarassed aint cha?? so whats up! all im sayin is: Bros before HOES!
i almost had to hold all the comas and get my run on. im feelin like im gettin cheated on....no sir, thats a no go!

its bn a minute but....

ive come to the simple and semi profound conclusion that nothing but time is lost forever. theres bn a lot of chatter about burning bridges. i really try not to burn bridges because you never know when life directions change and those bridges become crucial to making it to your divine destination. grudges are pointless. everyone makes mistakes and while i know all too well that forgiveness is a journey that i have, in the past, been less than inclined to travel, i now, in my new maturity, have been more willing and active in rekindling flames. true, some things end because they were meant to, but somethings are worth fighting for and there are those that i would gladly go 12 rounds for. this is more than relationships, this is friendships and all 0ther general human interactions.
dont give up on love, love hasnt given up on you.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

oh HELL no!!!

Im bout to make some major changes, for me and yes even for my vanity! This is NOT gonna work!

Monday, August 17, 2009

im getting a feeling....

that im running up a downward escalator and you may call it defeat, for the sake of my pride ill say...im going with the flow.

songs that get me thru the night...
beautiful-india arie
promise in the dark-keri hilson
dead flowers- miranda lambert
between you and your memory- miranda lambert (she's country, yall know im ecclectic! lol)

i finally understand

so on my lunch break if i dnt runaway for a moment of freedom ill stay in and eat at my desk. B-O-R-I-N-G. but since ive decided to lie and come in all week at 8 i think i should stay in and actualy work...ha! so anyway, whenever i do stay in or when i find time i read some blogs, surf the world, and listen to muzik. so there is a blog i follow by a kid named E Dot Dizzy and his blog is definitely one of my fav's. this nigga keeps it so 100. so i read a post today that lit several light bulbs above my noggin. "Men and Cheating...simple..." here's the exert that made the wheels turn:
"When it comes to men, we don't incorporate feelings with sex. Never have... So if a man goes and sleeps with another woman, he don't love her, he probably just wanted attention. Some men drift off when things change. Things like appearance and attitudes. When a woman gain a few extra pounds and act like she doesn't notices or if she just keep a dumb ass attitude and don't care to fix the problem she obviously has... That will push a man away and he will start to seek the attention he think he deserves. Not right but its true. Women incorporate feelings with sex, well most of em, so when a man finds out that his woman cheated he is realllllllly hurt because he feel she fell in love with another man. If women would just understand that. If your man is buying another woman gifts and taking her on trips AND fucking then you should be mad. Well if he fuck another woman you can be mad and leave too, I'm not trying to justify cheating. Just giving it a better understanding to some folks"
ok now before i start, let me explain. in my opinion, i could almost forgive a physical infidelity before any kind of convo and time investment because thats MY time youre giving away. and to cover that much time means youd have to lie to me. and lying s a direct insult to my superior intelligence! while ive never bn cheated on...well at least i dnt THINK i have...-head tilts-, damn...but ok here we go!
its about attention!!! ooooohhhhh *ligh bulb* -creaky wheels turn- ooooooohhhh attention {head knodding, eyebrows raised} i see now. no really, i see.... when i first read this i was like so since i didnt feed yo ego you wanta start buggin?! dumbass, you should know youre great! but why even get mad because thats PRECISELY what it is... It doesnt matter how old or mature a man gets he will always be a simple minded little boy (no diss) im actually jealous, because theyre simple, they lack all the complexity of women and our intricate logic. if we could stop over analyzing every thing he may do, trying to find rhyme to his reason, and method to his madness we'd see that he's simply acting out. (talkin bout other girls that want him, letting you over see some "suggestive" text, or including you on a list with a bunch of random numbers, talkin bout how good he can pipe "blah blah blah" some dumb shyt; just so youll get mad and show him some attention)
i cnt speak for anyone else, male or female, but i am very focused, driven, and independent. i would never say i dnt need a man because there are somethings money, power, and degrees cnt do at night, hell in the daytime. ive bn raised to be my own number one fan, even tho i have a great fan club in my family i do this (everything) for me. so naturally i assume that those around me hold themselves in the same esteem as i do myself. not true, especially for men. even the cockiest of men need to hear that theyre wonderful, that theyre strong, capable, and sexy. just as much as we like to be put on a pedastal so do they. and if you forget to pat his back and stroke that ego beware there are several other women waiting to cheer him on. im really not one to kiss ass, unless youre a professor lol, but sometimes for the sake of harmony and happiness you do whats necessary. i have never heard it explained that way and i really think that me a mr dizzy need to colabo on a book cause that negro is deep. or maybe he's shallow and the fact that we have to think so hard to grasp the simplest of concepts prevents us from being able to see things for what they are.

its late and im alone

I just really wanta cuddle. Lay my head in someone's chest and hope our heartbeats match. instead, I'm laying on The Bestfriend's couch, while he makes me breakfast at midnight to feel one aspect of missing something...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

ear sex

found this on a blog i follow cashmere thoughts, i loved it-thought you would too.

mixed feelings.
when i woke up i swore i loved you
now im falling asleep and i dont even know you
i tell you everything
and nothing at the same time
when i tell you what you want to hear
i break your heart
because tomorrow these words i force myself to speak
wont mean a thingto me
but since they meant the world to you
the world as we know it
is now broken
your half
and my half
forgive me when i tell you to leave
i really mean please stay
when i tell you i miss you
i really mean stay away
i want you, i really do
but ask me tomorrow
and ill let you know if this is still true

Saturday, August 15, 2009

quote for the day

sraight from MaryJane "i love you silently" thus, do you love me back? damn MJ...thats so deep...

John Legend- i love, you love.

the hardest thing ive encountered

is meeting a complete stranger and trying to generate some kind of "relationship"
AND
making a friendship more than friends, watching the "more" turn to less, and losing the whole thing all together.
i met a guy when i passed by a barbor in the mall. Zack. i found that interest9ing 'cause he's black but he was cute, nice smile. same height as me...not my swag. but i was at the mall today to get my new gages!! yayy!! (side note- this transition didnt hurt nearly as bad, and i really like this taper, its zebra! ill post a pic) so he walked thru the mall. he slick cool, funny, whatever. but he talks like gucci mane and he semi stupid....whamp whamp. sorry sir, its a no go. and he said i look like lalla ali...uhm, she's very pretty but we definitely dnt favor. and he keeps tryin ta come over here...not gon happen.
so by now we're all more than familiar with Handsome..."maya you seemed so happyy!" i was! i still am, let me not say that. he's a great guy, really. but if you dnt trust me, you cnt love me. they go hand in hand. and considering we live this far apart, you have to have trust. well he doesnt, and this is some past issues kinda stuff. i cnt make up for everyone else and i dnt care what she did because you did the same. so if anyone should have worries it should be me. but i dnt. you should know what you have here and not want anything more. if you decide im not enough, deuces. its just that simple for me. besides the fact that my closest circle of friends are male ive given no reason for anyone to question what i do. he cnt cross that hurdle and i dnt straddle the fence. its either or. after an issue we had with a picture and recipient list we've been on a steady decline...its an interesting feeling to see that the end is around the corner. that while its not in sight there is time to save this, save us, but its not me that has to turn, its you. if we stay on this path we'll crash and burn. we could turn, at least merge, and buy some time to think, to work, to try but i cnt make that decision. im mad at fact, and you cntg be mad at that.
-sigh- there it is. when i look back and read im like...damn, there it is. ive done what i can, ive said my piece, and im standing here...so what happens now.
side note-you know what pisses me off, how we as women have to wait for them, guys, to decide the next step. maybe because we're usually the ones to still be down for another try but i dnt think this fair how we're left with time and youve got the freedom. your best days our some of our worst. we're wide awake and youve got not trouble sleeping. you take your shyt and we take the blame. what can we say when we're all choked up and falling to pieces and youre just ok. he's got her hear and your heart and none of the pain. when hearts break they dnt break even.

song for the day-the scipt- "breakeven" jason mraz "you and i both" the script "im yours (it starts off a little rough but the chorus does it for me lol) and one more from the script "before the worst"

and even now when ive sat down to dwell on it and really let it out, im ok. as much as i was hurt, im fine. im the slightest bit hurt but time heals all things. if you decide to check out the songs youll be like omg we gotta get to Maya she's uber down. no...im really gucci. i slept my ass off today. saw my mommy, got new tapers, ate chic-fil-a and got over it. another one bites the dust.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

-sigh-

In light of recent events I've noticed some change...I hate that "distant" feeling especially when there is a "distance" reality.

You straight?!

Shouts out ta MJ for some great advice...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

the nightly routine

so im doin the regular routine, checkin the facebook, reading blogs and i stumble across 5star's blog and she's obviously fighting a hell of a battle but she posted Saving All My Love for You by Whitney Houston on her page. i used ta be Whitney's number one fan! like die hard! and that made me download some whitney. so the song for the night that just fits so like a glove. Exhale by Whitney Houston. damn.

oh!!! so i had sent my big brother, Adrian, ya my actual sibling a message cauuse i needed his advice about this current tom foolery and he sends back. "youre definitely his main but i wouldnt be surprise if there was some else or others. but he's cuffin you 'cause he knows he definitely dnt want another nigga ta get you. he knows youre worth it but he tweekin. treat him like a lame, baby girl and move on" so easier said than done....

youll find the point when you will exhale...

songz for today's issues

poison- dj haze and beyonce
lesson learned- alicia keys ft john mayer
she aint got shyt on me- letoya lucket

im not one for categories

but when shyt like this happens, both to me and those im close to, i realize that the vast majority of guys-scratch that, niggas! are all the same.
im not one to put anything past someone. i try not to be surprised by ppl's faults, short comings, and such but sometimes i just wanta believe that "na not my man" bullshyt. ya girl, its yo man too! it seems like no matter how good of a girl you are, and dammit im a good girl! it does not matter! he'll still find a way to take you for granted, take advantage, and screw up. all bad, no bueno. its just so frustrating. i get a call this morning from the BigSis and she's tellin me about the certified tom foolery that has become of her last LOOOONNNNG term relationship. i really dnt care what anyone says, girls may have a hard time in break up's, crying and ice cream and stuff, but dudes cut a complete ass when they break up. fuckin around, pushin up, choosin hoes (ugly hoes) anything to just "be over her" thats dumb. true story-THATS DUMB! if you hurt say so, we hurt too.
im not about to do some usual relationship counselling stuff, because im sick of having all the answers for everyone else and watching my own heart fall to pieces.
as much as i always wanted to, i dnt believe in love because love doesnt believe in me.
that might be the saddest thing ive ever said and im sure MJ will call like "what happened love" but shyt happened and i just have to wipe and move on.
i dnt quit but this is a step back, a reevaluation, and a wiser next move.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

u-g-h

if its not one thing i SSWWEEAARR its another!
im not about to even recap this bulshyt just know im over this day.
i wanta start doing my video posts but i dnt wanta start it like this...

its been a minute

But I decided what the hell, I'm readin CNN this morning...recap? Ok.
Hilary was somewhere, what it matter, but there was a little mix-up in translation from the student->the translator->hilary and snapped on that kid. The kid asked for Obama's feelings, the translator told hilary Bill's feelings, and she was all "bump that, I dnt channel bill, he's not secretary of state! I am! Ill give you my opinion!" PMS? Sheesh calm down...
Say a prayer or two for taiwan and costal china as they've been hit by tropical stors, hammered rather, killing ppl, destroying homes. All bad. Now they're having mudslides, so dirty! And very dangerous.
Hawaii is in the path of a massive hurricane. While it seems to be losing power, a hurricane is still a hurricane.
I'm noticing a patern in weather issues...recycle ppl, carpool, go green!
So apparently human traficcing is real. I mean I knew it happened but damn. Watch taken that's a good example. So a little boy was kidnapped at 9 months for china traffic. He would be almost 3 now and they still havnt found him. Do you think you would know your baby after that long. They change so much at that age, he's a whole different kid. That's so scary to me. My kids?! I wish a mo-fo would touch my baby.
Muslim-americans are rockin out! There's a wave of muslim kids forming rock bands. Polar opposites but hey, that's america. Rock on I guess.
A homeless woman leaves 150k to Hebrew University. Hell she get that money?! Turns out she was a holocaust survivor and had 300K in a bank. She was taken in by a Jewish accountant who provided her basic needs. She moved their car back and forth across the street so they wouldn't get tickets lol. She left a will when she died. 300K- 150 to Hebrew U and 150 to them. Shalom.
Just a little world news for ya. Be enlightened kidds.
Happy TWOsday to all the deuce dogs! Lol
-xo-

Monday, August 10, 2009

all the sudden

I wanta write a short story. Random! I hated writing all those stories last semester and now I'm desiring to embark on the tedious task of developing a plot, proper syntax of events, and believable conversations. Ugh! Ima do it tho, hell I dnt hav anything else to do!

(lightbulb)

I'm going start video blogging. I have a new laptop, Mildred, and she can see! So I think ill let her watch me ((no homo)) this is pay-per-view baby! Lol na but I think ill give it try.
Oh and even though I'm like 20 years late, I got a skype too because Mildred suggested via the little skype sticker by her eye lol

i think ive figured it out

The problem with little weekend runaways is that weekends end and its back to reality. The issue with running away in the first place is that you leave behind everything, not just the bad. I'd rather run to you, not from everything else. Something should be waiting for you when you "run off" into the sunset. Let it be something solid, a Sunday kind of love, on that last past friday night flat on your back and saturday morning lying on your side holding a pillow. Be forreal ppl.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

God IS real

That's really all I can say!
Be grateful man, be sincere in your praise, and NEVER judge anyone else's praise because you dnt know their story.
I might not be where I wanta be, but thank God I'm not what I used ta be.
God is Love.
Happy sunday!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

welcome to the fabulous life....

so i really feel like ive been blessed. there are so many ppl less fortunate than me that it makes me wanta cry. i am by NO MEANS "well off" {rich} -ballin- none of that but ive been fortunate enough that certain things have fallen in place to allow me some great opportunities. last night i set up official residence in my apartment, which is from here after to be addressed as the Kingdom. my mom bought me a new laptop this morning (who is actullly producing her first blog as we type- say hello Mildred....she's shy.) it feels pretty damn good to be here. the comcast girl just left and im just layin on my couch posted. i justed to stop thru and say "be grateful. even when things arent look so hot, they could be worst. the storms do pass and the sun shines."
i think ima go to the store, i need some food in this hoe! lol

Thursday, August 6, 2009

something for your stereo

song for the day
Alicia Keys ft John Mayer- lesson learned
Taylor Swift-youre not sorry

she goes so hard

so i follow a blog by "dont be a hard rock, when you really are a gem" and i f'in love it! i recently cut a lot of the ppl i follow because they dnt talk about anything but not her's it goes ham. in her "about me" she says if you use my name too much ill charge you a small fee. i said that shyt too! not on here but ive said it lol. she goes on to say that hating on her is a ful time job and youd have to quit skool. hilarious. but whta she said that made me write was statement that went something like "im just a girl who lost her reputation and doesnt miss it" i found that so odd, quite liberating. ive bn raised to protect your good name by all means. im sure she cares to some extent what ppl think but to admit youve lost you reputation is huge! thats truly living fr self and with no regard to perception.

she goes so hard

so i follow a blog by "dont be a hard rock, when you really are a gem" and i f'in love it! i recently cut a lot of the ppl i follow because they dnt talk about anything but not her's it goes ham. in her "about me" she says if you use my name too much ill charge you a small fee. i said that shyt too! not on here but ive said it lol. she goes on to say that hating on her is a ful time job and youd have to quit skool. hilarious. but whta she said that made me write was statement that went something like "im just a girl who lost her reputation and doesnt miss it" i found that so odd, quite liberating. ive bn raised to protect your good name by all means. im sure she cares to some extent what ppl think but to admit youve lost you reputation is huge! thats truly living fr self and with no regard to perception.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

some really real ish

MaryJane hit me with a pearl of wisdom tonight so I thought I'd share.

"Follow your heart. Your head will catch up. And hopefully he'll be holding the rest of you"

Sometimes the simplest statements speak volumes...


Goodnight
Ok song for the day!
Lupe Fiasco-sunshine
Drake- Juice
Taylor Swift-come in with the rain
Ok ima say this because its how I feel and this is my blog, where I admit feelings and such so here we go. Disclaimer: I dnt like to respond to other ppl's posts because I feel I say what I have to say about issues in person so that things dnt get misinterpreted on here. With that said, I'm not one for long drawn out metaphorical blogs. Say what it is that's on your mind straight up. I only utilize code names to protect ppl's ID's. I never audtioned for reality tv. I apologize that the life or "show" you've produced isn't going as planned but welcome to REALity tv. Starring the Truth and costarring Honesty. I said how I felt I'm sorry for how it was received.

you gotta love it, kinda

So I'm still at the food stamp office, outside, inline. I'm 2nd! Deuce dog gets them hoes lol
Na but I'm over hearing all the half sleep chatter and aimless rambling. You gotta love the way ppl swear up and down, regardless of education and mental capacity that they could run the shyt out this country. I'm happy no one voted for you! But they've got it all figured out, the economy, the war, the "man". As hilarious and ignorant most of it is, you gotta give it to 'em for at least comprehending.

awhile back...

I had said we need to talk...ya well I forgot about what. It'll come back I guess...hopefully.
Oh well, its bn a minute so ill recap...
I move into MyPlace on friday!!
Its wednesday now at 458 and I'm writing this from Dylan, the BB, at the Human Resource Office(food stamps kiddos!!) Ya did I say its 459 in the am?! Ugh, no bueno!!!
Oohh! So let's send a RIP to "Peaches n Kreme" he's not dead but his "place" in this blog aka my life is doney. Charge it to the game.
Advice-guys and girls can be friends. The Bestfriend is obviously a dude but when your friendship becomes a damn Common Law (bing it) that's all bad. Be individuals in every friendship/relationship. Compliment dnt co exist.
Honestly I hate that it came about this way. He was a cool dude, but that's it. He wasn't "my dude". Maybe I'm being foolish but I was told to choose wisely the man you'll be fool for..not foolin with him...it happens. Really I hate that one of our friends kinda got caught up in it.
Google has "followers" not twitter like religious followers! Google "the church of google" how dam dub does that sound?! Ppl really are desparate to believe in SOMETHING-too bad its the WRONG thing. Ill "bing it" from now on.
Distance...is just space and while it presents a little obstacle I kind of like it. Pros-it forces better communication, all you can do is talk so you do it a lot! You'll become more open with feelings and the things you deal with. Because he's not here to just cry on you'll have to speak on issues and emotions. Trust! When ur this far apart you HAVE to have trust. You're able to handle business without distraction but still have the support. Builds the excitement for the times you get together. ...cons- you'll miss him. And he'll miss you. The lack of knowing/lack of trust. There's no way for either of u to know everything going on so the wondering/insecurity will get you. No pda! Ugh, no hand holding, no little kisses, no lunch dates! Sadness. I just feel like if yall can make it thru that then hell, what's left?! But yall have to compromise, meet half way and work thru things.
With that said big up, kuddos, xoxo's to Handsome for holding us down.
I really miss my homegirls! Aleesa-Ebony-Isoke....love yall hoochies. Isoke is actually coming to TSU now so...its no Howard but hey, its college.
I want a turtle.
Idk if I told you bet Trey Songs...nigga be ((BUMPIN)) ima support the artist and buy that cd.
I guess I'm done...and its only 519 wtf?! C'mon mane I'm tired!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

oh wow

You wanta know if its the truth, pull the zipper down and see...

I just LOVE that line! I'd put it in my status but I think ppl think I'm tweeking cause I got a new tatt and gaged my ears... Well...I think you're jealous! Lol c'mon I'm 20 and I'm living a hell of a life! All my tatts are tasteful and my ears will strink back. No biggie baby! Live it up!

Monday, August 3, 2009

whats the fuck?!
jail?!

i guess by now most ppl know my Twin has bn arreste for some scrub ass dudes doin some dity shyt. well we, all of his friends and fam, are doing everything cqn writing letters and shyt to get him out. i feel so bad for my buddy, he too small for jail. too good for this bullshyt.
watch the company you keep, kids. real talk. that nigga aint YO nigga. everybody is lookin real unfamiliar right now...

thi is so bogus!

man...

We gotta talk.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

idk what im actually trying to say

so in tru ...it could all be so simple...fashion ill just -->__. (Point.Blank.Period, get it lol-ok maybe not).
So there's bn a lot up with me, good/bad/indifferent.
I move on the 7th! Thank you Lawd! I didn't realize it would be so hard to get out on your own. Unless you have that GUAC, you better come with a stack at least just to foot the expenses and then add furniture, appliances, food, decoration, BULLSHYT! I've taken for granted all the little luxuries that were commonplace in my parents house, like toilet brushes, and bathroom mats, that was until I had ta go buy my own! Ugh.
Maintain an individual identity. As close as me and my friends are, we are all completely seprate entities, functioning on our own accords. Never lose yourself in your friends and peers.
I had to pull out one of my fav metaphors yesterday. I've been feeling a little worn down with some things and it was feeling like "running up a downward escalator" like I'm fighting the natural current and eventually you have to just go with the flow. That is by no means {QUITTING} its simply "letting things run their course".
Not every friendship is forever. Think about all the ((bestfriends)) that mean jack shyt now...it happens. I'm not saying anyone is disposable but I realize that friendships are for growing and learning and sadly as seasons change the relationship does too...
Ill go 12 rounds for those I love but at the last bell someone has to lose.
Luther V just came hummin from the ipod...I love him.
One of the few girls that I actually really fux with is my niggette Aleesa and its so funny that our lives always parrallel. Even tho we're always sooo far apart 99.9% (does that% go before or after sorry I'm a History major) of the time we still stay so close because of the things that are happening in our lives. Even down to the kimd of guy we're dating/falling for, they're the SAME! Its hilarious. I love her.
Songs of the day Trey Songz- off into the sunset and Echo- Gorilla Zoe. Idk, maybe its from me to you...youll see when you imeem it. If it hurts your feelings then maybe it was...tough luck.
RANDOM ALERT- have you noticed that websites have become verbs...check it, how many times have you said "girl, just facebook me" ((girl just social network site me)) "google" is different it only because its a search engine but "imeem it" "facebook me" that probably isn't correct...
Anywho moves back into my life this weekend. Ill be outta town but I'm uber stoked he's coming back to me!
Some song I've NEVER heard is on my ipod and its slick bumpin...I wont-day 26...well hot damn.
I've actually bn working lately and that's STUPID WACK, vought be buggin!
I think I'm allergic to an eyeliner...if I use it it makes me eyes kinda dry and itchy. I need wipe this off cause this a "no bueno"

Aight jigga boos, be classy!
-xoxo-

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

you have got ta be kidding me!

So all of the interns have lost our internet access!! Ima curl up and die at work without the internet!! VOUGHT IS OFFICIALLY WITH THE SHYT! I need a new job asap!
Ugh I'm so upset. Dylan cnt access everything...

=(

Monday, July 20, 2009

idk why i think one day...

ill check CNN and it'll save something good...
the fuckery that is earth today consists of the following...
an australian girl, 15 comes home after a semester abroad to find out her family has been blugeoned to death. blugeoned-the act of being beaten with a blunt object. a bat, club, paddle etc. but to be blugeoned to death...they beat repeatedly full force around the head and upper body. it breaks facial bones and the brain swells and you die. they killed her mom her dad her aunt and her 2 younger brothers 9 and 12.
some man in fayetteville, tn killed his wife, her son, her son's friend, her father, and her brother. then he drove 30 miles to alabama and killed someone else. police are thinking this is th result of a domestinc despute...i really hope i never have that kind of arguement.
a kid in ohio is selling his toys to help his family. his dad has been unemployed since last summer and he's doing his part. this is the same kid that sold kool-aid for katrina victims and cocoa for california wildfire vctims. he's only 11. i tink that if there are still good ppl, selfless ppl like this in the world that maybe we'll be alright.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

-smh-

youre doing all the things i hate. youre pushing all the wrong buttons. -deep aggravated sigh- PnK...youre running out of time. as much as i hate to say that...the hour glass is on its last few grains.

its bn minute

since i talked about my love affair.....with muzik! if you every went thru my ipod you'd find muzik from gym class heroes to jason mraz, from notorious to kate nash. needless to say im very ecclectic and even though i do ave nigga ears (GUCCI!) i mellow out with Kem and Jill. i found this duo Tegan and Sarah, if you can get to their level, they dnt have much talent, but they do have some good lyrics i think it may surprise you that you ike them. so here's some of my fave new/old things for your ear sex lol:
tegan and sarah-where does the good go
trey song-dont wanna come down; i need a girl
drake-ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING-get over it
letoya luckett (i always loved her muzik)-regret ft ludacris
gym class heroes-a beautiful day; makeout club
keri hilson-intuition (and EVERYTHING ELSE)
erykah badu- green eyes (Amerykah pt 2: return of the ankh coming soon)
andre 3000-lookin 4 ya
erykah badu and ziggy marley-im in love with you
kid cudi-is there any love, the prayer
kem-ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

i guess ill stop there or ima end up uploading my whole itunes lol

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

you make a decision

choose ever so wisely.
be prepared to reap all the reperussions and benefits even of all choices made.
pp ask me all the time why i dnt make decisions on the simplest of things like where to go eat or what i wanta do. i have a very big fear of making a abad choice because some consequences can cause lasting damages and pain. this doesnt seem so relevant to restaurants or activities but when i make choices i use the same amount of care.
when breaking up...realize youre breaking hearts. ppl will say "but we both agreed it was best"-SO! you both were emotionally invested. never say "we need to talk" those are the rudest 4 words ever. just talk. say whatever it is without the ever dreadful prelude to doom. (oohh i like that one!) no one wakes up an decides i wanta break up today. i wanta breakhis/her heart and my own. i wanta make contradicting statements about whats wrong with "us". i wanta say things like you make me happy but im unhappy now. i wanta lie and say ive onyl felt this way a short while but i think its best. but ill still call you because ill need a crutch until i can make it on my own. no, no one does that. so why do we wait and let things fester and boil until teh smallest thing send you sailing over the edge and there's no way possible to really accurately account for the real issues at hand. the truth is, its the little things. ppl forgive because there is God in us but the smallest things linger long enough and accumulate faster than any blow out of proporton argument. if we said everything that really bothered us it would almost sound silly to admit. you tickled me and i dnt like to be tickled. you walked thru that door that one time before me. you didnt have an umbrella and i got wet. you stepped on my shoe. you didnt tell me i looked nice. you didnt call and say goodnight. you introduced me as a friend. you spoke to her. you went to the club and i wanted to chill. its stupid but its true. littl things never get said because you dnt wanta whine, but if you say everything that makes you bitchy and hard to please

the world -smh-

when i started doing these little news posts it was to poke fun at the media and to give my opinion on situations in the world in an easy to digest plain kind of way. i thikn its important to be well versed on current issues because well theyre current and you cnt live under a rock, th world is happening...
a few weeks ago a private club/community center agreed to allow an inner city program to swim at their pool. so when jermain, chenae, and lil boo got off the bus and hit the pool deck the club members were all grab the women and the children!! so the club claims they could not adequately accommodate a group of their size, so they returned their money and cut ties. clun members were saying slick shyt like "what are they doing here" "if we had known this we would have went somewhere else" "we chose a private club for the intimacy and quiet" BULLSHYT! given, its nto all about race but when your uppity pool gets flooded with hoopin' shorts, white beaters, and forces i can only imagine the real feelings toward the kids. well now the club is saying it cnt afford a lawsuit fo this measure...no, what you CNT AFFORD is black mamas taking off work to come up there and regulate. im talkin neon nails, and gold teeth, bonnets, and moomoo's...they dny want it with the mama that shows up her moomoo. TRUST.
a plane crashes in iran, 168 are "most probably" all dead. thats so sad, btu these russian made planes are old old planes made to resemble a Boeing from 1970. true, a well maintenance plane can last that long but not the way these were treated. this is the 2nd of these plane to crash since 2006. Buy American-Vought Aircraft! (had to go head and throw the work house some free publicity since they pay me to chill)
al qaeda's 2nd in comma issue a moving video on the hell muslims will see if they do not back them/the malitia against the crusades and interference of the US aka USA aka you and i! idk about yall but....sounds like they want start lynching our troops, i vote to pack up and let them fuck up their own lives. as long as they keep it over there im straight. you straight? im straight.
investigator's hav done evrything but put their finger up Mike's ass. theyre visiting his dermatologist and dieticians. as a society we created this man, made him an icon, robbed him of every ounce of privacy, normalcy, and childhood and no we're just doin him in the butt for more kicks and giggles. i know his family wants closure but give the man his peace.
if youre not ahistory buff like yours truly then you may not have heard of The Death March. in WW2 the Japanese capture like 70,000 american and phillipno troops and made them walk 66 miles to the traini for transport. needless to say they beat some to death, some died of heat exhaustion, etc but once tehy made it the train they went to prison, labor camps. here they were strved, torutured, beaten, they had to bury eachother a live, they were gunned down for sport, and starved untill some weighed as little at 100 lbs these are grown healthy men in their 20's and 30's. so this guy he survives al this and makes it back to montana and becoes an art professor at a college. one day in walks a Japanese-American kid....so he attacks him! stabbed him with paint brushes, and karate kicked him in the balls! he bit his arm, and scratched his face-bruh, dude went ape shyt on that kid....and i am so lying! lmao sorry i couldnt resist but turn out the kid was effect by the ww2 tragedies and blah blah blah they become friends. oh happy day and shyt.
remeber the 12 bodies in mexico, well add the mayor of ome small town. shot dead in his SUV on the sde of the road. if i was a politician in Mexico...i'd quit.
so in 2004 the cutest litte girl taken from her home, her hands tied, her mouth duct taped and she is raped, then thrown over a bridge where she drowned because she was bound and couldnt save herself. they reopened the case, offeing all sorts of rewards. but things like this make me not wanta have kids...how could you do that to a little gil, she was 3 years old.
and now some babysitter 28 had sex with a young boy. his age isnt disclosed but to need a babysitter he cnt be old enough to consent. sick.
im disgusted i have to go now.

-its hump day my dudes, hang in there its almost over lol

--i just broke a damn nail! b!tch.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

-smh-

more than anything i hate that i let myself get that upset over something i didnt do.
few ppl know i hav a very bad temper, had this issue bn confronted in person it woulda been an entirely different story. had it bn handled descretly i would have explained myself and dismissed it. btu since it came about the way it did. step 1 delete the comments 2 delete you. come at me again and its a different story. other than that i over it, i got better things to do like lunch with reese.
ill holla hoe

pussy ass niggas make me sick

cyber stalkin motherfuka, youre a weak ass excuse for a man. write that shyt on my wall?! you got my number hoe! youre petty, youre childish, and youre trying to cause a scene. you have no idea what youre talkin about and i dnt care to explain shyt to you. come to nashville?! yo bitchass ride thru nashville all the time...stop by. im home. better yet come to my apartment-im grown my dude you can fall back with all that loud talkin. think cause you swole somebody scared, bitch nigga please. you talk a big talk on my facebook but you definitely have my number...stop showin out. get the fuck outta here. read this and run tell that. narcissistic muthafucka i gives no fuck! whats up?!

there's never any good news

a couple, known for adopting special needs kids, is gunned down in their home. 5-7 are suspected of plotting to rob and kill the couple. they entered thru an unlocked door and shot the couple several times. no kids were harmed. first off lets give it up to them for raising some 17 special needs kids. 1 is handful but 17....they get my vote.
Obama's telepompter falls all in the middle of his speech. whoops.
here were like 12 bodies found along some dusty highway in mexico...wtf?! 12 bodies?! all of 'em apparently looke to be tortured, killed, and dumped. the mexican officials are saying ths some kind of drug/gang thing. i just think its scary and sick.
some kid was texting and fell in a manhole. idk about you but no textvo(text+convo) is that deep that im not looking where im going. idk if he's hurt r anything but if i was his mama i'd take his phone.
Clinton, yes Bill Clinton is officially an honorary member of Phi Beta Sigma!!! i pictured him as more of an Alpha Man maybe even an Omega lol wtf?! the Sigmas are very proud to have him, as anyone would be so congrats Sigmas! he should go thru process so i can see him probate. i think he's pretty tall, maybe he'll be the tail! -GNR-
Jon and Kate are divorcing whatever ok. but he has bn spotted with some young lady on some beach and ppl are all like kids of divorce have major issues. parents need to wai 6 months! im a divorce kid and im fine! i hate the way ppl try to offer kids a crutch for every adversity life throws. kids will eb as strong as they re raised to be. divorce is hard true but staying together for the kids is even worse. its better to see your folks in healthy happy relations rather than cohabitating for your convenience, that just makes kids feel worse, like its their fault. parents need love too! its yucky, ya but its true. let Jon bust it wide open! i aint mad at ya!

i guess thats all...

Have a Good Day Kiddos.
-xo-

Monday, July 13, 2009

this just in-this JUST in!!!

Handsome is a confirmed....mamma's boy! YESS!!!!
if you live under a rock then you may not have realized that mamma's boys make the best boos! why? because they care about women and know how to treat a lady! ya mammy aint havin no mess, thus he wnt bring no mess to you...see?! he might soon be playin point on this here team. lol.

the mistakes we make

everyone knows i dnt believe in regrets but sometimes i look at things that seemed to be ok, no big deal, even harmless and looking back im pretty sure that was a mistake. ppl have the exception, only because i feel like every interaction is a chance to learn and grow but the situations around some of them, the things i did, the way i said it, the hurt i have caused and even some of the hurt you've caused...i guess im a little sorry. i dnt wanta turn back by any means im just a little hesitant to keep going forward.
this week was cool. very chill, no pressure. the bestfriend came in town and while i was teh last thing he did [no pun] i needed to see him. there are those that i value beyond measure and i cnt see myself without him in close proximity.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

its been a hell of a weekend

....i just wanta get some sleep.


goodnight my loves.

Friday, July 10, 2009

you have been warned

of the plethora of advice i have,there is one tidbit that i am finding more and more to really live by. "have no expectations" for once its not me that had to feel the sting of disappointment but rather someone else and all i can tell him...you shouldnt have had these expectations of me.
let me explain. i am not suggesting to lower your standards of ppl at all. i have my stadards, very high standards actally, but i dnt expect the world of ppl. i try not to have ANY expectations of ANYONE. why? because when ppl fuck up, like they always do i dnt have to be so hurt and disappointed. life, in essence, is the continual attempt to reduce the pain and increase the pleasure. will there still be pain? hell ya, you are bound to get your feelings hurt. it happens. but if you realize and accept that he's gon jack it at least once you dnt get your hopes up, you dnt become blinded by his seemingly perfection, you'll keep one foot planted firmly and still leave you heart in the clouds to dream of love. get it?
so what happened Maya? a certain someone was/is feeling me and i did my best to be honet and upfront. i dnt want a relationship, i dnt wanta even get too close. he fell all in like and shyt and now he's feeling hurt when im not becoming what he dreamed of. wake up. from jump i told you wat it is, i hate that youre hurt but i tried to save you. summer allowed for some leisure and some mistakes, i wouldnt change any of it but i think i would have restated some of my rules and regulations. he doesnt mean to but he has some habits and tendencies that rub me the wrong way. how wrong? do this for me...run your hand backwards on a guy's head, yes against his waves (this will only work on a guy with great waves). now run! he's gonna give you the funkiest stank face and even some cuss words to let you know he is appalled! he is disrespected! and you just tried his gangsta! THATS how he rubs me some days. but like i said, he doesnt mean to. but i didnt mean for you to have these outlandish expectations. so who's wrong?
is it Handsome? yes and no. yes Handsome with his hot self and pretty waves he is just awesome! AWESOME! IN EVERY DAMN WAY! lol but he's human, i already know that, and im not getting my hopes up just because he IS human, and he's also a nigga... and while i told him the same thing as P-n-K if some aspects were different i cnt say i wouldnt change my mind. there's always exceptions to the rules...
back to the point...
i realized a while back that P-n-K was a few/several steps ahead of me and i pulled back, grabbed his hand, and i let him know "youre ahead of me. im no where near where you are. if youre trying to take that trip to Boo-dom (say it like Kingdom) im not even in the car yet, i havnt pack, hell i havnt even called out from work. slow your roll, we're friends." now true there may have been some times when things appeared as more than said friendships but hey, im human and i still like to flirt. this is slick how Mr Wonderful got his ass caught up with all these feelings and shyt. no no no honey drop, dnt fall in love, ill leave you where you land. that just goes to show you how cold ive become.
When i see that ppl ahve these ridiculously high expectations of me i drop off completely. while it may not be better to just quit, i think it might just be easier on me to not feel the harshness of failure because i couldnt be what you wanted. i dnt expect these things of you, dnt expect me to ang your moon...
i thought about Mr Man today, random. he was pretty hot too...lol but he had said one time that when youre "talking" to one person there is still entertainment around for your viewing pleasures. example: my fav show is Grey Anatomy (shouts out ta the Bestfriend) so when im watching that im "all in deep/loving it/balls deep" (excuse my french) but then there are all thos commercials, little funny moments that make ya smile and tide you over with samples of pleasure until the show is back. see... Or like movies. all the previews that get you all giddy and excited,a little tease, a slight taste, but you wait all that time for the feature presentation. summer flings are commercials. thank you Mr Man for putting me on game. (call me! lol)

just thought i'd let yall know!
-xoxo-

bitch where's my shyt?!

so being that im doin alright in my current position i have been inclined to shop, even splurge a little. levis, polos, accesories, and of course cardigans! lol but im even saving! whoa now! i know right...so ya, recently as in 7/7/09, yes i was at work shopping, i purchased a rather rare pair of nikes, for a bustin price i might add. when i saw that i had to get 'em. so using my secure paypal account i purchased them from a secure site and reputable dealer. caught a slight case of Buyer's Remorse but it passed. so what's today kidds? all together...its FRIDAY! very good. now my issue isnt that they havnt come yet, i didnt over night them, but that they havnt even shipped! i have no tracking number, but i know you got my GUAC! check my bank ledger hoe, you gots my cake! and in return i want my shoes! so you can contact the site to check on deliveries, i damn sho' did that this morning! i also bought another pair of kicks that i had held to process on this weeks check. they've gone thru and that GUAC is taken out as well... if i dnt get a tracking number for these by monday its gon be CONSEQUENCES AND REPERCUSSIONS! I WANTS MY SHYT!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

guess who's bizzack?! (in a bad way)

so i wake up this morning - yawn-stretch- and i get to work and before the day can get bustin i get a text and its the Big Sis and she had ta go ham on................-drum roll-hol your breath-.....................the infamous homewrecker, Alicia!!! -gasps of absolute appall- i know! she might eb the only one who gets the government name shout. sorrykiddo but this is blaze worthy.
some of you will remember her form past posts after she called her self informing me that she "wasnt trying to take him from you" take him?! ill give his ass ta you! a few ppl wee like why didnt ou talk bad to her because i knew that me and the former mr aa were never real anyway and there was no point in fighting for him when he wasnt doin the same for me. so i kept it cordial and now she's BACK! after she pushed up on my former fling she did tried that shyt with my "what it do/major potential" Handsome! whoa now shawty! dnt get hit witht the ratchet! so she fell off after he set him straight and then her ass lied but she's up to the same ol' bullshyt and this time its.....omg! say it aint so!....my brother inlaw! Ya "Pheel"Me....aaaahhhh run for the hills, ladies get yo man!..........well the Big Sis got her ass, and put her in her place. evn tho she was being real sarcastic and snooty i hope she learned her lesson, and she damn sho' better leave Handsome the hell alone!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

i need this


im still doing some research for "cnn said..." but itll be done soon

its just one of them days...

i was hoping this would bring about more certainty than confusion, and to spite all my pure hopes...im back up this bitchass river -paddleless. like being born ass first, im extremely uncomfortable and terribly embarassed. some things are clear-crystal. others make me shrug and slip into my own quiet counsel. i cnt lie and say i dnt know how i got here, i definitely do. i knew i percisely what i was doing. but i had no intentions of things coming about like this... i can scream it at the top of my lungs alone in my car but i cnt admit the simplest of things even in a whisper, just to you. ive never bn shy, timid, coy but in the ever masculine, towering presence of you i find myself twinkle eyed and giggling. ive said it before and ill say it again, ive never bn in love because me and love have never bn introduced, i wouldnt know the thing because i hav no recollection, no snap shot, for reference. its like searching for a stranger with no description. "where's waldo?" if waldo looked like every other anybody on every other random street. good luck, right.
crossing the river back to the harshest realities. if i added all the weekends in a year, subtracting the ones devoted to work, studies, and family, mutiplied long weekends, skipped classes, and divided all of that by gas and found the square root of us...i'd see that some thingsare in certain places for a reason, and that some problems just dont add up.
idk why i do this to myself.