Tuesday, March 30, 2010

struggle pt 2

i took a class to day for a whopping FIVE HOURS to receive my serves permit. the instructor was nothing short of a character but he said something that i liked so i figured id pass it on....

life's soul purpose is to give love, be loved, and share your existence. its about ppl and relationships. pay the good shyt forward.

kudos mr abc man....tou che.
its been an "interesting" couple of weeks, months, just going through some things, dealing with some issues but there a handful of people that have shared this struggle, this existence with me...i thank you. you should know who you are, if you dont....trust your instincts-it must not be you.

the struggle

in my little journey to independence or whatever this growing process is, ive gained a new found appreciation for pain, for struggle, for the bad days, for the rain. contrary to popular belief my life ----->> FAR from charmed. ive worked myself to the bones for the good things i have and it seems all too fragile to get too comfortable in a good place. i say that to say this, the other day it stormed-im talking weather advisory, mom calls to say "go home, its going to storm", the kinda storm when my great grandmother Cora "Cuddy" would make us sit still in the dark with all the mirrors covered while "God worked", it was bad. and then....it was over. i looked out the window to my right and there were two perfect rainbows. i smiled.
there apparently can never be a rainbow without the rain. no joy without the pain. so all the bad, all the struggle reminds me that this temporary discomfort is for a permanent improvement. so bring the hurt, bring the pain, the rain...i look forward to the rainbows.

Monday, March 1, 2010

what do you want to do before you die?

so there's a new show on mtv, The Buried Life, and i really dont watch it but i caught the end of it when i started my dvr of My Life as Liz. and teh premise for the show is a simple question...what do you want to do before you die?
well damn.
theres all sorts of tomfoolery, all types of obnoxious parading, im talkin oodles of ish, sin, laughter, throwup...its outlandish.
but really i wanna see things that frighten me, that move me to tears. i wanta go places i shouldnt and do things i wont talk about. i wanta say the things im afraid to say to the ppl that need to know them.
i wanta live.
i wanta live a life im proud of, no regrets. i wanta smile til my cheeks quiver, and cry til my back hurts. im nnot saying i wanta hurt, im saying i wnata feel. i wanta feel things so intense and so meaningful, i wanta live and be moved to live.