the one thing...

the one thing i want most is probably my biggest fear. maybe im afraid to be happy, maybe ove over thought it so much that ive convinced myself i dont deserve to be that happy or simply that it could never be. maybe ive just run every possible scenraio, every outcome, run them all so vividly that ive talked myself out of it. know this: you say it best when we say nothing at all.

National Everybody Hates Maya Week

my ego wants to be like "damn i must be on my shyt to have everybody hatin" but my pride cant stand the disrespect and i just wanna push everybody shyt back.
im no snitch
i aint fuckin nobody man
if you claim to be a grown ass woman, please handle all accusations, confrontations, and anything dealing with my name like a grown ass woman.
im really over this shit and having my name drug thru the mud. ive never done anything to anybody to desrve this outlandish bullshit. but know this: youre a coward. you wont bring that shit to me, especially after i invited you to meet, youre a coward. quit all that cyber beef and big talk. show up. im not for the launchin, im really not for the disrespect-get at me.
its been a HELL of a SUCKY ass week. so anybody with any issues with me better get 'em out this week cause after sunday im cuttin bitches off.

Happy-EST Valentine's Day

so in typical girl fashion i was all bummed that my chronic singleness was going to leave me totally alone and bored for Valentine's Day. Background: while ive had my fair share of "relationships" ive never just really had a great vday. dinner and movie, chillaxing, sex...and thats really only one time. prewrapped vday baskets-bummer. i dont really care for stuff i love the effort. which is why.....EARL is my favorite vday present EVER! being that im a neo to Alpha Kappa Alpha a frog was very fitting, and he's HUGE! and he's holding a giant heart that just happens to say my damn name! "XOXO" tell me he's just not perfect. and what makes him so wonderful you ask? he was totally unexpected. i was late, no surprise there, and im waiting at the door of eric's apartment and finally The Bestfriend opens and he has this huge stuffed frog and he says his name is Earl. in that moment i could have died. to know that you matter enough to someone else to make the gesture that he did, means more than i can say. so the 4 of us go to All Fired Up, where you paint a peice of pottery then they glaze it and you pick it up! i made a piece that for discretions sake will remane nameless but his name is Hersh. and he made me Claire Huxtable. she's wonderful. ill post some pics when we go pick them up. But meet Earl!

i was watching a documentary about relationships, sex, attraction, etc. and it explains that the idea of attraction is based on being able to see something that you like in yourself in someone else. with that in mind, im attracted to him, with his attractive ass.