Thursday, April 30, 2009

instigating ass negroes

remember i recently informed you of a message from a young woman...yes? ok, moving on. so we have been communicating now, a nice little thread, and honestly like real talk, this is not a joke or a game, she is nice. very mature and honest and she's pretty (im confident enough in my own steelo to admit that). im tempted to post the thread because i want to get the full effect. bobdammit i am...hold please (elevator muzik)

and we're back

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April 28 at 8:09pm
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I'm not trying to take him from you..just in case that is what you're thinking.

Maya Xoxo Matthews
April 29 at 2:01am
(insert government name) and I are through, youre more than welcome to him.

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April 29 at 11:13am
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I would like to apologize to you. If you and (insert government name) were in a relationship, I was unaware of it. He never informed me that he had a girlfriend and when I asked about you, he told me that you all had been broken up for a while. I did not intend to be mean or rude...I hope there are no misunderstandings.

Maya Xoxo Matthews
April 29 at 12:50pm
i appreciate that. We were for a while but we decided to call that quits. i wouldnt call that a while, we broke up like last sunday (like the 17th so thats slick 2 sundays my bad.), thats (I.G.N.) for you though lol na but he's a sweety. are yall talking now? no misunderstandings, like i said i appreciate you being honest and upfront.

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April 29 at 3:06pm
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Last sunday?! Hmmp..aint that something. I'm pretty sure he tried like last semester!{insert fucked up face.} ugh..(thats so a formerly Mr AA word) We aren't in a relationship..we're just getting to know each other right now. I've only known him for about a little over a month and I'm not one to rush into a relationship without actually knowing the person first. Thank you for being honest with me about the timing..because clearly, I've been lied to. Thanks Maya.

Maya Xoxo Matthews
April 29 at 11:37pm
so he tried to get at you last fall semester, like fall 2008? wow...we were defnitely on more than good terms back then. but i agree with taking your time, thats always smart.that makes two of us then...youre welcome girly.

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Today at 10:07am
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No, I was saying that he tried telling me that you all stopped talking last semester. I didn't know (I.G.N.) last semester. We just recently started talking. Sorry that I wasn't clear on that.

Maya Xoxo Matthews
Today at 10:15am
No need to apologize, youve been very enlightening lol i just hate it comes at the expense of my relationship. i know now where i stand and that ive wasted a year. this is why i keep a starting 5 lol. but really, i hope none of this changes your opinion of him. he really is a sweetheart and we had some great times, it just didnt work out. oh happens. just trust yourself and your judgement, im sure youll be fine with or without him.

-pause for all that to soak in- if that much came out in a few messages i would hate to sit down at lunch lol. But really she's cool, right? i know, so honest. i like her lol. but back to the issue...idk if ive ever mentioned this guy but he is a good friend the former Mr AA and he is super kool, my homie but he does do his fair share of shyt, he is a memphis nigga after all. i figured he musta said something when she contacted me, because she would no way of knowing i asked about her had he bn able to keep that to himself. he shall be refered to has WetWet because he cnt hold water. so he sends me a little message and is like "you and cuz cuz been getting real cool" that type shyt so ya ima go ahead and post the issue lol

Today at 11:11am
maya maya maya! lol i hear u & my cuz becomin real good friends lol
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Maya Xoxo Matthews
Today at 11:43am
you startin shyt again lol

Today at 11:46am
i promise im not sweetheart but between me & u i jus heard thru tha grapevine u been talkin 2 my cuz cuz alot lately!! wassup wit that
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Maya Xoxo Matthews
Today at 11:52am
what grapevine is this?

Today at 11:54am
maya be real & talk 2 me, why r u messagin cuz cuz???
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Maya Xoxo Matthews
Today at 11:59am
she messaged me. i havnt said anything bad about (I.G.N.) if anything she told me how he really felt, telling her we werent together when we were. i dnt hate him, i probably should but i dnt. i told her to form her own opinions of him because he really is a sweetheart. the question is why she messaging me then?

Renzo Wallace
Today at 12:03pm
she messaged u 1st??
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Renzo Wallace
Today at 12:11pm
i kno u a nice & mature girl maya, i kno u not gon say nun bad about him or her but i jus ask that u not message alicia please!! yall 2 beautiful, smart & cool girls & i would hate 4 things 2 get ugly...(i look to good to get ugly, just fyi)
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Maya Xoxo Matthews
Today at 1:23pm
how is anything gonna get ugly if neither of us say anything outta line. i dnt hav a problem with her, i actually think she's very nice. so i there were gonna be complication it would have to come from someone trying to play middle man...but i know u wouldnt do that, right. now if minor has an issue then he can take that up with her, im not his girl. and she messaged me so really all we're doing is clearing up some mess.

Maya Xoxo Matthews
Today at 1:55pm
yes she messaged me first.

-pause for absorbtion- niggas always startin shyt! i swear my life should be on tv. really tho, i dnt see why there would be any reason for there to be a complication if no one is running back and forth. some one is like you shouldnt post this, but i am. just so that no one can contest anything we discussed.

talkin shyt

so recently The Bestfriend has made a habit of informing me of his bowels. i personally havnt been one to discuss dropping the kidds off at the pool, funkin it up, or coppin a squat but clearly The Bestfriend is a tad more open... so low and behold Juice aka/formerly known as Venom is now thinking of contacting me while in the act...they say its because im so easy to talk to i say yall niggas are just nasty!


so im awakened to the rustling of drawers and closet doors and i crack my eyes just long enough to see a little baybay kid all in my closet!
background: i dnt work, yet, ive purchased the vast majority of food and toiletries for my current temporary residence. now the other half of that residence is employed and has only purchased 2 little 4 packs of angel soft...something there just doesnt add up.
but there she is, all in my closet rummaging for my last roll of tissue. i told you to buy some...dnt look it me when your cooch is wet and ya ass is dirty. i know ppl are like well maya why dnt you say something...because im packin my shyt and going home tomorrow. ill be back thru to holla at these finals monday but other than that im chunkin the deuce to 608 and TSU as a whole, ive had more than enough.


Wednesday, April 29, 2009

i wanta take a second....

and apologize.
no, i will not take it back because at the time thats how i sincerely felt but thats the issue with messages, you cnt tell the tone or emphasis the person is trying to convey. with thats said, let me say this:

I apperciate that she was grown enough to contact me on some real shyt and be upfront even when he wasnt being so with either of us. yes i came back rude, but who wouldnt be the slightest bit defensive from something like that? exactly, u would too. but none the less, you were real about yours and thats more than i can say for most young women. but ya, you can still hav him. lol


gotta be mature sometimes.

and my reply

"(insert government name here)The individual formerly known as Mr. All American and i are through, you're more than welcome to him.


I had some other things to say but i figure i'd be a anyway.

you can hav him

April 28 at 8:09pm
I'm not trying to take him from you..just in case that is what you're thinking.

So i get thi message today and ya i was certified pissed. No, not because anyone should ever feel like they could take something i claim, girl please, but because she contacted me. I dnt like girls simply for stupid shyt like this. i wanta know how long she entertained the idea of shooting me message. so i turn it over to Mr All American. ya i havnt mentioned him in a while and i wnt be. but he's all dnt worry bout it she just lettin you know. she has no place to inform me of shyt. just let her ass know this, "she can have you."


ps i really dnt appreciate when i discuss thinigs in private and someone feels the need to run back. snitches get stitches...
niggas cnt hold water now a days. damn.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Is not the day to ask me how I am.
Is the day I got half way to class and turned around.
Is a day for tom and jerry.
Is not the day for smiles and giggles.
Is not the day to entertain anyone else.
Is not the day to promise any of my time to anything but my bed.
Is the day that today wins, I dnt wanta play, I dnt wanta fight. I quit

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

just throw a little salt in the wound

There's nothing like some bullshyt, outlandish, bogus, disrespectful ass news to really {fuck up} my day! This whole week is just fully fucked up! Its only wednesday, bestfriend leaves friday, ill be on life support by saturday
Kiss my father for me

if you dnt wanta know, dnt ask. That's a good theory to live by. But dnt go on in egnorance just because you're too afraid to know. Truth hurts and I'm in so much pain right now.

Tomfuckinfoolery, ill tell ya

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

needless to say

im proud of you. i dnt want you to feel like a failure, realize the mistakes youve made and if need be change them. everything in yiour life is still within your control. keep your head up Bestfriend, you still got me.


Monday, April 20, 2009

trying to be mature about this

you know how when you know things are whinding to an end its still really different from things ending. even when things were wack i cnt say that i didnt still wanta be in this. i gave it all i had to give so i guess there's nothing left. its been real. that sounds so cliche but its been real. really though, youre not the same person i met so long ago, its a good change, but a very hard change. i hope this is better for you though, just you.


Friday, April 17, 2009

hot revolver

just because they say anything worth having is worth fighting for doesnt mean its worth losing yourself in. I hate to see you go down the same road as me. i wanta save you now from all the regret of time wasted, of wondering who you missed out on and who else would hav bn what you deserved. i doubt youll read this so ima say what i need to say. she isnt good enough you. youre probably one of the best men ive met and you mean a lot to me so i dnt wanta see you hurt, strung out, stressed out. i know you care, because i cared that same exact way. but eventually you see that everything you put out is just that...out. it never comes back. its unrealistic to expect someone to constantly give andnever get. of course you dnt set out to receive and yes, giving is very nice but relationships are mutual and you cnt be all if theyre none. she isnt ready. not for you, not for somethin real. i know you still wanta put so much in but for how long are you gonna set yourself aside for everyone. i know its your nature, its mine too, but realize it doesnt reallys erve to your best advantage. so what are you saying, maya? be selfish. i hate to say that but you gotta look out for the star player. no one will ever take care of you like you. do whats best for the kidd.
i love you

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

this is why relationships are bullshyt

so i sign into my book of faces and see a message from my ace of all spades! and im like yayy! thinking this should be hilarious {clearly} i was -terribly- wrong. she saw her significant other, even tho theyre having some rough times, she saw him fucking one of her homies. not like a facebook homie, like in all her albums, out together, sleep together, eat together, thats my nigga, this is, well is supposed to be, her homie. i know my friends and i know she is miserable right now. its taking everything in me not over draft my account and fly to her. she tries to be tough but i know all too well she's a softy at heart. im like dnt fuck with either of them. dnt speak, dnt contact, anything-fuck 'em both. but i know she's just filled with questions, frustration, and hurt so i know she's just at a lost.
if you ever wonder im single, it's because you really cnt trust anyone.

this is some bullshyt forreal.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

uh oh im riding! lol

So I'm riding to see my daddy! Yayy! Its me my bro james aka mikey and his gf, my sis, jessica.
We all know what happens when I get to ride, I think. Ima do this point.blank.period. style and thatll be all I wanta say about a lot of this.
I went to good friday service and an old friend of mine Brandon Maxwell delivered his first message. It was awesome such a blessing. Thank you sir for opening my eyes. in my life I've seen more than my fair share of grace-clearly I should be dead but I'm not so I need to be a lot more grateful and lead a life that represents the God I serve. That's done.
I hope this isn't what you call doin better...tisk tisk -shaking my head-
Yall remember that song Honey Dip, I used to love that junt! That's done.
I bought some Djarum because I miss my twin lol and no Bestfriend I cnt feel my hand lol. That's an inside joke but ok on to the next.
I dnt mix friends for one main reason- if I bring someone around a different circle and they don't behave accordingly that falls back on me. It wnt be said "that random girl cut a clown" its gonna be "that girl with XO" and that's a hell no. I dnt like my name associated with some bullshyt or tomfoolery. I work very hard for a good reputation and I dnt like to hav my name drug thru the mud because someone else cnt hang or wants to fit in. If some one clowns you because you cnt "fit in/hang" fuck them! Never do anything that is outside of your limitation. Never compromise self for anything.Done.
I need to apologize. My homeboy Drunkass is a good man. With that said, ppl tend to take advantage of him and when I saw him compromise self for the ungrateful yes I lost my cool. So I'm sorry for letting myself get that fired up. Very few ppl hav ever seen me snap and ya I was gon jack that night and ya it was that serious to me but in doing so I may hav disrespected Drunkass. I'm sorry. Done.
If you feel the need to apologize do so to that person first before you use other means of public display (i.e. Facebook statuses, blogs, etc.) Also do not text someone if you've committed an offense again them. Let me be 100 if you've fucked me over come to me dnt write a blog dnt sendf a text. I've said it time and time again do not use a post that you know I'll read as a means to communicate nor as a way to gain insight into my mindset. Done.
I can't help the way I feel about some ppl. If someone likes me and I dnt feel the same I'm sorry. I'm nice and very friendly which often gets confused for flirting. I'm a conscious flirter, it doesn't just happen. I flirt when I want to but I'm always nice.that said, dnt get your feelings hurt because you cnt tell the difference. This is about a previously mentioned "Mr." Just fyi. Done.
There are still good ppl in the world and I thank God for ppl like the Bestfriend, E.Kellz, Peezo, and my new loves like Mica, Sabrina, Delana, and Jeffy. Done.
This maybe the last one...
Keeping secrets. I'm a very personal person and I hav friends that are even more personal than me and I understand but there are some friends that I hav a lot of love for and when I feel like there's something wrong with them there is consequently something wrong with me. I know you dnt like to talk about a lot things but I worry about you and when you keep secrets, I worry more. I lo e you and you know that so dnt shut me out. If you cnt come to anyone else, come to me. if I hav it, you hav it. Ok? Done.
Ok I think that's enough this post is long as hell lol but I feel better.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

a pleasant surprise

There are still good ppl in thois world.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Thursday, April 2, 2009

'nough said

this is how i feel today, so ima go back to bed before yall certified piss me off.