ill say this much

say it once drop it.
we all bring things up, but if its over, that's it.
replay and recount it and drop it.
pray about it and to God give it.
cop a tude with me and ill stop it.

-goodnight.

apprehensions II

I'm just afraid to be happy. I've come to that dumbass conclusion. it just seems like, esp in my life, when everything is good-too good, something is bound to go wrong.
let me say this: this is me. I am an honest to God sweetheart and I smile all the time because I am a very "happy" person, in the sense that I enjoy the moments of life and the joy they bring. I dnt like to argue, its exhausting. if I cnt sit down and talk to someone, explain, and let go of something its just not for me. I like things simple, I have a "lets not make this more than it is" kinda mindset about most things, esp about guys. I dnt talk to several ppl at once because off top I'm bad with too many name and I hav terrible time management skills. I like a man man. not too macho to feel but man enough to make me feel like a woman. I wanta see you when its just me and you, save the tough guy for your friends. I like to feel like I've gotten something from him behind closed doors that no one else can see because Ill show a different side when its just me and him (no pun). I give what I get, 'nough said, that goes for most things/situations. I dnt play mind games. if I'm mad you'll know, ill tell you, I dnt hold grudges and pout. I dnt set up little test to see what you'll say, who really has time for that. besides I already know men fail tests, they're dumb. as busy as I am, ill make time, ill squeeze a clock til the last second just to fall back in his arms if that's where I really wanta I be. if I matter to someone I would expect them to do the same. I believe in equality, I need someone to meet me half way on things. at the same time, I'm a lady and I hav very old skool ways about dating. I like a guy that picks you up and pays, now of course on down if yall do get serious ya a girl can drive and pay I'm not that unreasonable about things. but that's if someone should so get to that point. overall being single is cool. I dnt check in, I come and go, I get numbers, give numbers, kick it at will, but after a while it gets lonely and now that its cold...single is no bueno. and I will say that I am more of a relationship kinda girl, I know that I'm a great girl period especially to have on your arm.

so do you like me?
yes no maybe
-xo-

my little pieces of heaven

i love these hoes, with their poppin up, "where you at hoe?!", "is we cock blockin'??" assz! these hoes here man...i aint even got nothin ta say man, so ima just wave my hand. because frankie said, "if you aint got nothin ta say...just wave ya hand."
sooooo ~~WaVe~~

what you never saw

if nice guys finish last, then good girls must get played.
guys always say they want a good girl, i mean really what dude wants a hoe nasty skank. every man wants a girl they can take home to mama and do her in your old bed. lol na but im dead ass.
ok you know what let me say this, IM F'IN SICK OF ALWAYS BEING A "GOOD GIRL" no i dnt wanta be hoe or mess/talk to a whole bunch of dudes but i wanta be appreciated, i wanta be important,and i want someone to notice.
im really sick of subliminal blogs about him, ugh!
so someone anywhere please, tell me why everyone else seems to notice all my greatness, my coolness, my beauty, my love and you dnt. and if you did, you obviously werent as impressed. if someone should so run into this individual shake him for me. ill admit it ya, he did make me happy, we had some good times- "entertaining". but if there is one thing i HATE, its feeling like ive wasted my time. and i feel like i wasted time, invested empty emotions, talked a whole bunch of bullshyt, and now that we're back to being strangers im stuck wondering, because as bad her siuation is at least she knows the day that everything ended, at least she can pinpoint the time the bridge from her to him crumbled, me on the other hand...im here replaying any and every day just to see if there was a hint i missed, something that went over my head, something that went unsaid...because apparently the signals got crossed and we got lost.
i feel bad for the guys who got hurt, and now we have to clean up the mess.
i feel bad for the girls stuck cleaning up that mess.
i feel bad for all the good guys that finish last but even worse for the good girls that get played.

im so damn proud

ALL MY BABIES GOT BLOGS!!
YAYY!!

aaawwww...

you know why i love my friends, because they get jealous when i leave them for a guy, tell the bestfriends where i am, grill the shyt outta me when i get back, and love me none the less.
yes, we went to Qdoba. i had a class so we had to rush. good convo. very much a gentleman. and yes, ladies and gentlemen, he's a MAMA'S BOI! we all kno i hav a soft spot for a mama's boi. :-)
bestfriend was mad, he said i was keeping secrets. so not the case, im just private. bestfriend knows any and everything about me and this is/will be most def no different.
i hav done nothing productive today. i didnt go to my 9:40. took my sweet ass time shootin that muthaf'in breeze for a good minute. i love love LOVE waking up slowly. just rollin over, kickin it, facebookin, downloading music, just doin me. and then the loves of my life show up with their infinite laughter and the fun begins. all giggles in krogers. and then i was scolded for leaving-hilarious.
that blog came full circle. and it was rather wack. i usually write better, guess im sleepy. time for a face downer...
to be continued...

apprehensions

ok before i go, let me say i have NO EXPECTATIONS. i dnt know him so ya im open to get t know you. "wait, do you like him?!" idk him! geez. but i would like to. idk its winter and no one wants to be alone and cold. im a city girl and i always seem to attract southern mama's boiz. theyre just walking dammit's! sohe did approach me correctly, thats a good start. he's picking me up, i like that.
ok i gotta dip
xo

I'm taking applications for a new boo lol. I hung up my pimpin before skool got back and now that its winter I need that indoor activity (no pun/hella pun).
so you "wanta get to know me better"...? take notes.
xoxo

its just us against the world

i dnt cry, its not my style, its messy and its weak but last night i boo whoo'ed like bitch. i get tired of saving face and frontin' like the things that happen dnt take their ever lasting toll me. but just now i read a message in my inbox and followed the link to a blog i had never read, ever heard of, but that was gonna make my day- make my life! and make me cry...

i met him in a class freshman yr. and instantly we clicked. and on one rainy day to the bank, i knew you were here to stay. you dnt know when ppl will cross your path or enter your life and you really dnt know how much they can change and improve your every existence. and had i known then everything i know now i would have hugged him before he ever said your name and thank hi for what he was going to do to me.

i can put those closest to me on my hands, and the thumb, sir, is definitely for you, off top. it really doesnt seem like enough but...thank you. thank you for every hug, for every smile, every giggle,and every day. the sun doesnt set, i dnt go to bed, the day cnt be over and i havent invested priceless time in bestfriend. and i do honestly get jealous of anyone and everyone who gets too close to him, because i have convinced myself that if anyone gets the chance to see what i see theyll want him! and i dnt share! i WNT share. i cnt see most ppl for extended periods of time every day, theyd get on my nerves. but he's done something to me (no pun) that makes me hide his keys, and despise his back for hiding his face whenever he walk away. can i say...you mean more to me than i can truly ever express. friendship is sacred. im not talking middle skool sleep over, tell me a secret, BFF bullshyt, i mean honest friendship, genuine care for your wellbeing and happiness. me and him are sacred. and ppl can speculate but we know who we are and what we have.

last night (the day that NEVER happened -echo happened happened happened-) i knew he would understand. and it wasnt even what i said it was more so what we both felt. and as we stood in the kitchen i realized and i pray he knows that ill never leave him, even when he cnt face me, ill stand behind him, ill hold his hand, ill understand. and i realized as the sun rose on our conversation that i dnt know what i'd do without him, but i thank God we're together.

he is the muzik to my stereo. the teeth to my smile. the sweet in my tea. you, bestfriend, are the perfect verse over a dope beat. behind every good man is a good woman. im in your corner, bestfriend. and youre in mine. i love you Martin.

-Coretta.

well damn

point.blank.period

some things are better left to the imagination. the idea of something/someone is better off replayed in the mind
whatever drink jamal makes, ill drink
i was stressin, but it turned out cool
clay and some chic had SEX all on the dance floor, i was slick ja-ja-jealous lol
bro, you almost got the business. dnt tempt me.
dori be tossin it!
le and them baby arms lol
im dawg ass tired!
"tell yo roommate stop bullshittin'" chris green
"eric kelly, what are you doing?" "im...walking toward the door" lol (cover the smile)
marquita aka marcus.....well damn, who knew
swaghouse society ent, we in here man and we aint goin no where
we didnt get ta make tha strawberry sneaker -sad face-
the line was crossed....3 times lol
mr. Man....if you only knew.....
we were hott tonight. go crayonz!
frankie and that damn body roll!
Le has to get up at 7! thats in like 3 hours....whampwhamp.
dnt wake me up
i have ta babysit tomorrow....whamwhamp
i dnt like kids right now
apparently i havent been ta the club and danced in a good lil min, my thighs kinda tingle, no bueno
clearly i need ta get my tatt game up,dori put my shyts ta shame! geez bro!
i wnt lie, i did get jealous when i saw her on him, but then i realized....shes slick ugly
a certain someone has been semi fired, but is definitely eligible for rehire but ill need several reccomendations but i do miss him
bestfriend be gettin it! i f'in love him! Corretta and Martin all day, bro!
aight bros, im out man i cnt hang like i used to. there was a time when i couold....man fuck that shyt, scratch that, nevermind the previously started statement im too tired for this.
excuse any and all errors and grammatical issues in this post im slightly....tweeked.
xoxo
g'night

stress brings out the best...in me at least

ive been ruckin (fuckin + runnin -no pun-) like a mad woman! like forreal i feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, the success of one things, the hopes of someone, and the need to succeed at everything. i know ill never plez everyone but i damn sho try! i try not to wear my heart on my sleeve but some ppl really do mean a lot to me and i wanta make you proud and i wanta do a good job and i wanta wanna be every and do everything for everybody so that just ione person might say "aaawwww thanks maya" i try so hard, i bend over backwards all day, i stress to the max and i honestly like no bullshyt............ I MAKE IT DO WHAT IT DO! im that muthaf'in nigga. ima get it done, do it well, make the grade, sign autographs, and smile big for every damn camera kinda girl! you cnt touch this! i dnt mean at all to be conceited, to toot my own horn, or put myself out there but sometimes, seeing as how very few ppl notice, i think i need ta go ahead and say it THE KIDD IS BADD. 

and the kidd is growing up...whamp whamp i know but i am. and in my maturing process i am removing all the squares from my circle. i work too damn hard for everything and anything, and ill be damned-DAMNED! if you or anyone else jacks it. its my name at stake and i wnt have joe blow and booboo the fool compromising that. im in here and i cut a deal with the sun so im gon shine! 

ive been so worried and soooo stressed all week and now that its counting down, in the great words of reggie bestfriend swann jr "bring that shyt, im ready" 

"what they lookin for?"

"all they got ta do is tell me what they lookin for! im the dope kidd!"

but...... (of course there's a but)

i wonder if youll notice...

there is no rest for the weary

iswetagod!

MY DAMN PHONE IS FROZEN! I HAVNT DEALT WITH THIS IN SO LONG!!!!!!!
YOU-GEE-H!


wait.........its back!!!!!yayy!!!!!
thank you Jesus!

its times like these

that i sleep away the day
that i color/draw dumb stuff
that i plauck my eyebrows
that i write pointless blogs
that i wish i could say a prayer but cnt focus
that i could fuck with-scratch that-indulge in some vodka
that i cherish my friends
that i iron random articles of clothing
that there is no song quite right enough to suit the mood
that i wsh bestfriend was here
that i sleep the drama away
that i sleep the stress away
that i sleep the confusion away
that i wake up and face the same damn issues/nullshyt/tom-fuckin-foolery scratch that the everyday worries and cares of life, i wake up to life
that i just take a drive off into the sunset and bump somethin soulful
because i dnt really know what i was expecting but that damn sho wasnt it, because i wasnt expecting any of this but since it showed up i feel the need ta...run from it, because im very realistacally optomistic but its days like this that make it so damn pessimistic.

see, me...

i dnt play hard ta get, but i am hard ta "get" but once youve got me, youve got me. and if you "get" me you wnt forget me.
;-)
-xo-

nigga....

i am sleepy as SHYT scratch that, i am completely drained and exhausted. i was wide a wake earlier but now that its all caught up with me, the sleep is running up my back, and im bout ta just say "fuhdatsheeit" chuck yall kidds the deuces and be knocked the fuck out-scratch that over come with relaxation and taken to a semi comatose state. dig?

to spite the fact 608 clearly was up until 4 something in the damn morning I find myself oddly awake and rather rejuvinated. thought I'd share that with you all.
oh fyi...rotel for sale in the music building!!! yayy! dori, ill be there soon!

we blog...

because there are so many things we feel that we can never say. and we all kno my policy on that if you never say it, it never happened, it doesnt exist, ad you wnt hav to face it. but we blog it because it matters, because this matter, the situation, the issue at hand, the thoughts we think. me and a friend were talking because she was obvious OBVIOUSLY upset. and guess why she was upset? just guess....because he looked at her. one glance, give a girl one glance, and everything yall ever shared, every moment youve ever spent, and every time you didnt call, or didnt show, or made her sad, all of that comes rushing back. because when ppl hav been talking for extended periods of time its kinda, scratch that, its impossible to go backwards, to rewind the time, and take back the feelings...ive said it before and ill say it again, its rather rude to knock somebody off their feet and leave them there. im not exactly sure of this post is for me as much a its for every girl, every girl everywhere who is trying to figure out what the hell he's thinking, the hell he's feeling, why the hell he's tripping, and if he even or really ever cared. i think ill conduct a survey of the average male and ask him all the questions we all want and NEED to know because this groping around in the dark, searching for a clue or a switch or a general idea, because this bonafide bullshyt, scratch that, because this ever persistent seemingly stagnant situation gets old. so believe me baby gurl...i feel ya.

its thursday

so we all read last nites posts and like i said, give me 5 mins, a blog and maybe a nap, and ill be over it. lol sometimes im so simple. this is one such time. its interesting that when things happen they can seem so monumental, heart-wrenching, and tragic....until you go to sleep and when you wake up....all is right with the world. 2 friends of mine, a couple, were having a little tiff yesterday and as i walked by and tossed the fingers i heard her say, "all i want you to do is see it from my point of view" now let me say it, "all i want him to do is see it from my point of view." there. so last night 608 shut it down a little early and we were in bed at 1 am....-?-"burf" ya and i couldnt sleep-i couldnt sleep?! what?! thats damn near blasphemous! but i couldnt and when this happens i replay the day, the events, the ppl, my thoughts, my opinions....and i realized this simple fact. boiz are dumb. elementary i know but its actually true. they have no idea how the slightest of things have the biggest impact on our days. i think ill write a book just for guys as an insight to girl world. ill call it Nigga Please.

Point.Blank.Period
i need a JOB! like no bullshyt-scratch that, this financial disposition is no bueno.
Bestfriend stopped by 608 last night and filled us all with oodles of giggles but we were rather productive.
he kinda becomes our stand-in Frankie when she has to go be with her boo.
whampwhamp to all boos. ive dropped pretty much all my junts from the summer and past relationships...and now im wondering why i did that...well, damn lol im single...
you know what, whampwhamp that too. its gonna be cold soon, indoor activity is a must.
"do you read my blog?" "i read all of yalls blogs!" lmao! ALL?! -!- ("bam" spirit fingers)
im in world history blogging my ass of-scratch that, im die hard keystroaking in the middle of class on my laptop, tap-tap-tappin' away!
i dropped my geography class-praise Jehovah
dorian tried to kill me with toxic makeup wipes!
my eyes were all puffy and sensitive yesterday, i looked like i scratched my eyes/face with a fork! thanks a lot dorian! geez, tru friends.
im better now tho, still flaunting the Chanels but im better.
would anyone like to pay my phone bill....you? you?
-crickets-
im listening to Kate Nash. she's so dope.
i love history but world history just is not my cup of tea...at all.
GREY ANATOMY TONIGHT 8PM! (period. be there or be lame as hell)

-xoxo-

you-gee-H

"expectations"
so...i hav relinquished all of my expectations for ppl. reasoning? if you hav no expectations thus you will never be disappointed when they are not met. if you have no expectations you will never feel the adverse of not being pleased by others actions. dig?
ppl will fail, men and women alike, they will fail in some way and youll be the one holding the bomb when the time winds down. ...-boom-... i wnt blow up over other ppl's actions or lack there of...
speaking from my own pont of view and personality. im dependable. if i say ill do it, i will. if i say ill be there, count me present. i break my back to keep my word. i was told that youre reputation is important but your word, your word is a direct representation of you. ppl count on me and i like that. now, consequently if i didnt keep my word and half stepped on reasonable duties i damn sure wouldnt put any faith in me. ppl drop the ball, have off days, need some time, etc all that tom-fuckin-foolery BUT if i said i'd handle it, do it, be there- i will.
i wanted you there.
and i dnt think ppl realize how hard it can be to admit somethings a loud. i slick think that if you never say it it doesnt exist, it never happened, and youll never have to face it. but ive said it. ive said all thru this damn blog. someone has been a constant theme in a lot of posts and to admit that ive been "missing you" is not osmething i say lightly. i dnt become fond of ppl (period) because they pul some dumb shyt and im usually the one fucked.
i joke a lot but some things i say are actually meant to bring about some type of outcome. im not a demanding person by any means but if i said it, i meant it, and when i say things and nothing happens i kinda wish i woulda saved my breath, took a nap, or if it just had to be said i woulda said it to my damn dorm room. and im not the average girl, a lot of stuff really doesnt bother me, give me a minute, a blog, and ill get over most things, but this/him i wanta shake him, i really cnt put it any other way. its not that crucial to cuss him out but a steady shae would rattle some things. and i say this with all sincerity "i dnt want to be his girl" but i wnt be nothing. -cringe, double negative- but anywho, everyone wants to know where they stand...and after making "progress" (i cnt think of a better word, maybe steps, uhm...hell idk) becoming very good friends it baffles me that we have stumbled back to damn near strangers, slick like facebook friends. like you kow how youre walking to class and see a familiar face just to realize you became friends online. thats wack! WACK! yes this is some mild rambling, i really started to digress but if you stuck with me you dug it.
ill leave you all with this.
say it, mean it, do it.

The Shit Song Kate Nash

It is like i'm always thinkin to myself
i'd like to meet someone else
it is like i'm always thinkin to myself
i'd like to meet someone else

darling don't give me shit
cos i know that your full of it
(your full of shit, your full of shit)
darling don't give me shit
cos i know that your full of it
(your full of it, your full of it)

i'm sittin with my friends gettin drunk again
on wine and i think about you
i'm sittin with my friends gettin drunk again
on wine and i think about you

darling don't give me shit
cos i know that your full of it
(your full of shit, your full of shit)
darling don't give me shit
cos i know that your full of it
(your full of it, your full of it)

you don't have to be so up yourself
all the time
you don't have to think about yourself all the time
you could come round mine we could drink some wine it could be quite nice in the summertime
actually i might just have the bottle to myself

-dnt you love angry white women muzik lol i guess this isnt really angry lover its more like rude white chick, either way its funny. check out dickhead too lol-

courtesy of dori t

so we all well know my deep infatuation and fondness for good music and there's nothing like a feel good song rather it relates to present situation or not if you vibe with it...go there. wherever it takes you, just go. so my new fav kidd is Kate Nash-she's definitely hott shyt, scratch that a splendid artist and vocalist. (has anyone noticed that "scratch that" technique makes me speak very well) anywho, she is definitely amazing and im even more definitely a fan.
and of course you already know im posting lyrics.
i recommend the entire cd but this one is definitely my fav!

Kate Nash
Nicest Thing

All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.

I wish I was your favourite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish I was your favourite smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.

I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

All i know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
I wish that we could see if we could be something

-tell me that is not the love life/lack thereof theme song! i heard this and was like damn, you killed that shyt, scratch that-oh-eme-gee youve perfected exactly what every girl wishes she could say that guy who has no idea what he could have. its getting to be winter and im taking app's for someone to keep warm... he he :-] maybe ill sing this song on the steps of hale and see who all comes to fill out the application-
next ill post an angry lover song lol

i could shake the DOG SHYT outta you sometimes!

title

announcement

ok so im starting a new thing. whenever i write a blog i usually hav several things to cover but i often times have one event that warrants a comment but i usually write it off as a waste of a blog well not anymore...my new thing, im calling it "title" i wnt write a whole blog and waste my breath or my keystrokes, ima give it one statement in the title and post that shyt. im trying to think of the one statement that covers and expresses my emotion right now....
here goes....

throwing in the towel

im not even writing the blog just go with the title

im done

ive played with the colors-there's tons! and ive redone the font and made it larger. and i like it. if you didnt see it before this post the you hav no idea its any different but know, it is.
im very independent in my thinking and while im not fond of large amounts of change i thought it was time. i liked the old/original layout because it was simple but this one is simply me, i took my lime with it and i had a little fun actually (yes, i google html codes for colors-dnt judge i love google) and here it is....so smile :-) i hope you like it, if you dnt get the hell off!
-xo-

i guess i....

hopped on the band wagon. i had been looking at layouts but i really liked this one, i think ima play with some codes and see if i cant tweek it a tad. but here it is...........the new layout!
-xo-
smile

way to start the day

someone please tell me why i just woke up! i know im an all american, pro-sleeper but clearly its 1:50pm and i dnt think id be up now if it werent for some random ass hale hall announcement talking about testing fire alarms for the next hour and in my sleepy haze i mumble who tests fire alarms at 10 in the damn morning! then i realized, no nigga! that 1 is standing alone! but i must say tho that sleep was good as shyt! scratch that-it was delightful and fulfilling and it wasnt even the new dori craze "facedown". you know what...i actually cnt tell you how it was because i dnt remember yes, it truly was damn good-scratch that-delightful and fulfilling.
-sigh- it was beautiful...

well damn...

everybody is changing their blog layout. i actually really like my simple little layout, it lets me play with font color and i like the organization of it...ya so i said that to just leave it the way it was. change if ya wanta, i dig consistency. (draw an "!" in the air-spirit fingers) ya dig that?

well...since i have you, we (just random ass/lame ass ppl) were downstairs talking about politics and the nation and i slick surprised the shyt-scratch that i amazed myself with all of the knowledge i have, the insight and info i possess. man i dnt care what yall say my scratch thats are improving my vernacular. "vernacular" i rest my case.

semi point.blank.period.
there was a hotty in the lobby, satying with cousin. -!-
i really miss my kiddos...no bueno
i put some shea butter on my lips someone should partake of this supple smoothness
i missed a spot shaving ha!
im cold
im SMART not like just smart knowing some random facts-like im intelligent and well versed in current events. go me! who doesnt love a smart girl
let the "face down" commence in 5-4-wait! let me cut off the light.............3-2-1!
-xo-

i think...

im about to cry and im not exactly sure why.
i just read Dori's blog-laughed my ass off! thank you Dori...
but she had this little prayer at the end for all of traveling and it slick touched me in the most elementary way i just wanta say "thank you" all of you. sometimes i think that God always a smile for me, in spite of my many flaws (i was about to list a few but i would need 2 blogs, a nap, and a snack) but he just keeps blessing me. and i think that honestly he should probably smite me, i can do some terrible things at times and i dnt listen to the good judgement He's given me and i dnt nearly deserve the good grace ive been shown. so "thank you. for loving me when i dnt even love myself at times" i guess that goes to my friends as well, because we've had some really good convo's since we've all split for break. (idk what we're gonna for Christmas! like oh-eme-gee this is gonna be no bueno) but i thiank them as well for always standing my me my little go babis whoot whoot for a smile and a kind word for all those hugs and countless giggles. Bless them please God, bless them indeed.
Dorian has a song on her page, i suggest you all go listen and read along. actually read it first and then listen its makes it even better. i think its gonna be my new theme songs. its deep.
and then, yes again from dori's, im reading the new love interest (draw a question mark in the air-shrug-"burf?!") but ive realized in light of recent events that have and are transpiring that im taking back a lot of what ive said before back and this time it'll be different because i wanta make some things work. and yes im stubborn and i shout and ill cut you out (i swear and i spit -so not cute,sorry) and im always in such a hurry to be everywhere with everybody and do everything but there's something in him that says take your time love, there's no need to rush its your life sweetheart. i just wish i knew some of what he feel, not necessarily about me, but about everything. ppl give their own variations of "him"...i want to form my own opinions, 'cause i saw somebody on the couch in the heat of the summer and again in the drunken early morning air and i dnt think he's the same person sitting on his car or high stepping every weekend.
the heart and the mind are very ridiculous organs, forever interlocked, and continuously at battle. im convincing my self of somethings only to feel something different. damn.

i said it before, i believe it now...

wherever the mind wanders, the heart will follow.
its times like these that I find myself thinking of you...

man...

i just saw the movie Quarantine! that shyt there was scary as hell! im officially spooked. i would say go see it but im like slick afraid of all sick ppl, animals (esp dogs and rats) and im no longer believing anything in the media. go see it and youll be feeling the same way....

ps-SAWGHOUSE SOCIETY ENT. if you miss it....well, damn dnt get mad SWAG! now get wit it or get lost

i just

finished my psych midterm....im feelin decent about it. a B. i knew the back page with all the written answers that are worth more pts so....say a prayer and keep your fingers crossed.
danny glover lost his Prada glasses-NO BUENO. id be officially pissed if i lost my Chanel frames....geez, thats all bad. hope he finds them tho.
i got moves ta make
deuces.

point.blank.period

its getting to fall and winter, its time for indoor activity
the hardest thing to do is truly love yourself
if you hav someting good infront of you, release the hesitation and seize the moment
fears will keep you from being happy
i think ive wasted time on several things
if it wasnt for muzik i woulda lost my mind long ago
"youre gonna getthe business right here in KFC! keep trying me..."
ive never been a jealous person but i want some of the things i see ppl hav and take for granted
i need a muthaf'in job (thats not cussing)
im really doing better about my dirty language
i made an i-doodle on bestfriends phone, hot shyt.
i guess that no cussing streak just broke...
Swag is about ta officially be in this mutha- scratch that, in the building
life is bliss and bullshyt
im getting better, my throat isnt nearly as raw and scratchy, but bestfriend is hawkin' up some nasty shyt, scratch that some unappealling substances
i have a midterm at 2:30 its now 1:15, have i really studied? nope. but i did see that hotty in my class and he studied lol
Le is a baby and Dori is a munchkin, Frankie is just...special.
(crash and burn) way ta go Frankie.
i need to go see my advisor and tweek my major and drop geo
i need to pack for my getaway lol
"sleep outside, the devil's in your house"
these random quotes come from songs and the funny things ppl say just fyi
homecoming is rapidly approaching,,,outfit??? i have some things in mind
did i mention i need a job, i lead a luxurious life and i really cnt afford it lol
the good advice i got a while back slick didnt work and consequently im rather indifferent to this current state...i have too much to do
"be my georgia peach?" "georgia doesnt even lead in peach production. ill be you georgia coke, how's that?" whamp whamp
you know what, just whapwhamp everything
im sleepy in a there's-nothing-better-to-do-im-going-to-sleep kinda way
"i thank God for sinners. 'cause at least we will all die. He's got one hand for the righteous, and the other for you and i"
we, the girls and i, we do sooo much im forgetting the order of things! and im forgetting where i parked my car, thats def a no bueno
me and Dori did some laundry last night-hella laughter
i gotta stop skipping class.
and hitting the snooze
and getting sick
and eating KFC, like chicken is getting old.
and cussing, its just not lady like
and biting my nails
i just gotta stop some stuff kuz its getting outta hand
ive fallen in love with several new songs, i posted a few but jamilynn is bumpin
"many rivers think theyre oceans. many puddles think theyre seas. if i were you, id seize the motion. id let go of me"
that is slick like hella deep
man....im so damn blah right now.
aight ima try this studying thing again.
oh a few more
"many children sing of angel tho theyve never seen real wings. you and i were not among them, but there are worse thing"
my mind moves so rapidly i lose thoughts...
i am realisticly optomistic but the reality is so pessimistic...get it.

so ive decided....

to drop my geo class...we all know i DESPISE that class as is and i really lack the focus, drive, and book for that class, so to save my otherwise great GPA im dropping it. ill still be full time and fully acceptable ill just be a hell of a lot stressed and annoyed! sorry walt-p, youre on your own kiddo....i just cnt hang. call me a quitter, na scratch that, im not a quitter but i know im better than what that class has received from me so ill do it again with a better mindset and all the materials. so til then GEOGRAPHY CAN KISS MY DONK! yall thought i was gonna curse-woo'ed ya!
ive also decided to run away for fall break. ill be back when im back. ;-)

aight i got homework
deuces.

For Jami Lynn

so i just made a super duper purchase and bought the official JamiLynn CD. hot shyt! my fav thing about underground artists....talent. unlike "established" artist she has everythhing to prove, an entire world to show, and all the heart she can muster. im very proud of her actually, becasue this CD is great, very versatile-raw and unfiltered. its gon a little old alanis morrisette feel, some husky earthy tones like norah and joss. but eclectic kinda like a Fine Frenzy. it almost has an "unplugged" feel to it. idk what it is about it but i dig it.
i could ride to this. let it play and wash away the day all the bliss and bullshyt and just be carried off into some enchanting sunset...ya dig?
kudos Jami, great job!

and then there's....

James Blunt

Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your hand.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

{repeat}

I am a dreamer and when i wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,

And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

chorus {2x}

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bare my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

like seriously do you not just feel his heartache?? james blunt slick has an odd ass voice but i love the rawness of it with lyrics lke this. goodbyes are slick hard as hell anyway with out having to say it like this... i love it! oh james, sing to me...lol

ok next....

i cnt even tell ya...

how dope this shyt is. download this ASAP!

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

chorus

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
-a fine frenzy
--almost lover

ok, now go download it..............dnt worry ill wait..........................see! shyts hott huh. ppl ask me why i dnt just post the song so you could click and hear it, you have to read the lyrics. durh! its poetry and then once you hear them sung youre destined to shyt yourself, orgasm music, and giggle with joy! lol. she did an amazing job. this shyt here, oh-eme-gee, this shyt is my new fav.
ive got more, sit tght...

if you wanta get to know someone..

listen to their ipod.
dori left me her's while the girlys went to SAI rehearsal and im listneing to one of her playists "feeling sleepy" im in love! i think i could honestly spend my life listning to muzik. i cnt get enough of the peotic prose, the vivid imagery, the subtle suggestions, or the feeling of being taken away by the song itself. muzik is the only thing that can enter the body with out permission or allowance. slick like being ear raped! but honestly there's some shyt on here that im like oh-eme-gee! hott shyt! my perfect day, fav past time, would be to hop in my car and drive off, let the muzik play loud as shyt, ingulfing me as i put the pedal to the floor and never look back. i would drive away from everything, anything, all things. and its not even that im running from something more so hoping to run into someting, something worthwhile, something songful. every song brings back some memory, good and bad, first kisses, first heart breaks, best friends, lost friends, love life, and thus the lack there of, of dreams, of romance...i wanta be one of the songs i listen to over and over again, i wanta live a life that dynamic. i can dream for ours, wide awake, actively engaged in a life much more elusive than this, a life a ton more seductive, and a life way too blissful to even imagine such happiness could exist. foolsih games, huh... oh well, its fun. fun to weave a new reality, fun to hope for such a love, fun to explore such a break-up. the ppl that write these songs must have had a hell of a life to be able to write these lyrics. i wanta run into them in kroger and ask them did you live this? and then i'd say Jesus, im so sorry, sorry that happened but thank you for the song.
if pictures are worth 1000's of words then a song must speak volumes but you have to listen. im not talking bouce that ass music or some 2 step bullshyt, yes i bump it but this is different. ppl need to let go of their racial muzik ideas, "white muzik" is hott shyt! i just wish everyone could see what i see...
im going to post some lyrics now...
-xox-

right now....

Dorian is sleeping her ass off!!! snoring and everything!!! iswetagod this shyt is hilarious! oh dori t i love you.

when in doubt blog it out II

i have like way too many things going on inside my head, i have way too many feelings going on inside my body, and its driving me crazy......
i really wish i was bold so i could just say exactly how i feel about anything and everything
point.blank.period
i really dnt even know what the hell to say! ima curse!
where is bestfriend?!
the coach has a new prospect (echo coach coach coah-crowd roar-)
p.s. i love you (thats a good ass movie)
i drank too much orange juice and my face is breaking out-yuck
when ever i dnt feel well Le is right there, bff
nap time in 608 is totally impossible with dorian frankie le and me. way too much laughter, way too much fun
i need to download some soulful muzik like some norah jones and joss stone
im slick jealous of someone because of what she had and how she had it but i still hate her for what she did. but i still what she had, the opportunity she wasted.
me and a few friends are about to debut a huge...thing, group thing. whatever its gonna be DOPE
im hungry
i wanta take a walk...
i hate small talk
"having trouble sleeping" dope ass song
"if we're all alone, then we're together in that too" kinda deep
im going to get shyt together-on point-poppin-crackin-shakin-ima shoot the muthaf'in breeze and im going to be great.
but im exhausted too exhausted to fight so today the world won

ugh....

im f'in sick! my throat hurts when i swallow-no pun-and my back hurts from coughing, i slick just ache, and guess what?! bestfriend is sick too! we're so f'in close we share our germs, awwwww (lively style lol) and my ace-booncoon, brandon hardin, bought be some sudafed-thanks kidd!! my fav boiz, my dammit fav's! thanks guys, i might be the luckiest girl in the world to have boiz like mine!
-xo-

ok so....

the huge argument was of course Navy and Lavenderrr which led into the amazing statement that goes a little something like this, "i love you (lavender) but what do you want? tell me what you want, ill give it to you. i love you." thus i came to a mild revelation: real love tries. tries to understand. tries to change for he better. tries to make it work. real love has an inspite of kind of attitude. it wnt care that you snapped, that you cussed him out and slammed doors, kicked in doors, and broke doors. from the outside looking in i see now that you fight for the things that matter. that you stay when everything else says walk away. that you give until there's nothing left. honesty. like being naked infront of the crowd-revealed. you cnt hide from real love not when real love is looking you in the face, wiping tears, and still trying, inspite of, he's still trying...
that was saturday evening, next, later that night. liquor. next day slick hangover.
i guess it was friday that i had that headache. and when i get a headache ugh i get a headache no bullshyt. but that night, i think, (like i do so much i cnt seem to keep it in order) but ya we, me dori Le my bestfriend and dori's besfriend, e kelly we all went to ihop. service was wack them hoes almost met reginald...(echo reginald reginald reginald) trust, thats all bad.
dori made a really good point. crushes...sometimes theyre best kept from a far. the idea sometimes is better than reality. coming to the realization he was never what you thought slick sucks...sorry kiddo it happens. now for me, i still like my crush...missing that kidd but it iinterests me that the ppl you more than likely do without come around more often and lay it on a lot thicker...take notes. lol. i need a boo its that time of the year for the indoor activities, ya dig?
aight newest single by the Crayons "i like your face" cd's coming soon. i think we should post a video or something. you know for our fans... lol
Josh had his senior recital that shyt was FIRE! sheer talent. kudos kiddo.
life is beautiful, full of bliss and all of its subtle bullshyt!

just stopped by....

to say hello. i havnt blogged in a min but rest assured there is shyt going on to tell-scratch that, there are major events and happenings to elaborate on. point.blank.period (an overview of whats to come)
a huge argument
a huge make up
an amazin statement
a semi heartache
a lot of drinking
a slight hangover
a mild revelation
a large headache
ihop!
bestfriend
crushes and their downfalls
me and my fav crayon-heads
i like your face
josh's dope ass senior recital!
life and all its bliss and bullshyt!

today....

i woke up and the sun was shining dead on my face. so i covered my head. then i couldn't breathe. thus, i died. rapidly inhaled myself back to life when i heard "if you are a available" tossed the covers and got myself together. Tuesdays and Thursdays i have the classes that directly pertain to my major : world history, psychology, and God forsaken geography. i think ima change my major, because ive recently fell in love with my black lit class. i knew i wanted to take up africana studies on down the road but i think i may add it now...what do ya think?? ok, ill do it.
not today tho, today im going to bed. we, the 4 of us of course, stay up entirely too late EVERY F'IN DAY. and now that we've added our bestfriends, its a fest every night, no bueno for my previously established responsibilities.
Me and Regg! we're bestfriends! we're also the best of the bestfriends because we're kewl, more kewl than the memphis bestfriends-Dori T and Eric Kelly, and waaay more kewl than the southern duo- Le Roxx and Walt P.
so last night was homework night whamp whamp. we got ta playing muzik and kicked the books to the curb. i have a word document full of songs to download in my treo tho! yayy! muzik keeps me breathing.
with that said...muzik also has some other effects on the senses...tyrese-on top of me, trick daddy-tonight. im tellin ya kids itll do somethin ta you...no bueno, well it could be bueno but im currently held hostage on some imaginary steam engine the girls call the A-train (echo train train train) it seem that lately we've lost some passengers.....whamp whamp.
im in world history and dr corse has a hell of a lot info in his head like forreal HOW DO YOU KNOW AAAALLLLL OF THIS?!
today tho, im on my shyt-polos and pearls babii. im also throwing in the towel on my cursing withdrawal im going bout it in a new way. the "scratch that" technique has really increased my vernacular and up'ed my politeness. who new a clean mouth was so much more chipper?! so im going to tweek my vocab and work on my tact. anywho, i got some Swag stuff to do, a shyt load, scratch that-an extensive and diverse amount of academic work to conquer. i actually should be writing an article for my geo class right now but instead im talking to complete strangers via blog and downloading muzik of course.
-xo- to you
ps. oh, i got some damn good advice-scratch that i received some extremely helpful advice offering an interesting insight into an individual yesterday and plez believe im going to follow it. wise ppl follow good advice.
p.s.s. thanks for the p.s.'s dori!

untitle-able

she told me that life is unpredictable, yet we all know how it ends. so lets hold hands and slow dance, and if it starts to rain let your head fall back and be baptized again. soaking wet, we'll lose our grip on everything, you to me and me to you but ill let you fly and still pray youll come back to me God will let you keep it, if its truly meant to be. if not then "ha ha ha ha haa" right up in his face there's more fish in the sea. but realize, many rivers think theyre oceans, and many puddles think theyre streams but if i was you i would seize the moment, make sure there's no air in between, and hope that God sheds some mercy, and never let go of me...

listen

J. Holiday
FLY

I know people change but I hate we've changed.
And its killing me trying to figure out where we are.
Cause it aint the same, girl I'll take the blame.
And I'm willing to take this chance that you feel we've traveled too far.
Lord knows I wanna keep you, life without you I just can't see it.
But sometimes you gotta let love be what it's gonna be.
(Ooh oh)
chorus:
I'ma let you fly and pray you come back to me cause I do believe.
If I let you fly then you fly back, then it was meant to be.
So fly, fly, fly, fly.
It was only me, taking flights over seas.
But now it's you cause they finally realized you're a star.
Whenever we're in the same place at the same time.
No we don't feel the same way, I want to rewind.
Take it back to where things made stop, I think we flown too far.
Lord knows I wanna keep you, life without you damn, I can't see it.
Sometimes you gotta let love be what it's gonna be.
(Yeah oh oh)
-chorus-
Fly, fly, fly, and all I know to let you do is
Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly. Hey, I wanna fly with you, fly,
I know you, fly, I know you gotta see what you gotta see.
Fly I'ma let you fly and pray you come back to me cause I do believe.
If I let you fly then you fly back, then it was meant to be.
So fly, fly, fly, fly.
Fly, fly, fly, fly.
And I hope you fly back to me if I let ya'
fly

omg, J. Holiday is bizzack! so i was def on them nuts (no pun) with Bed. but he came back with a beautiful love song. its really lovely, yes lovely, the way he puts it "im gonna let you fly and pray you come back o me" someone once told me, if its meant to be yours the God will let you keep it. if it comes back its supposed ot be yours. be mine?
that was cute lol, i just had to finish that statement with something and that seemed fitting.
i really like this song
shouts out ta dori t for putting me up on ares and finally being able to download this song! yayy!
-xo- goodnight honey