is meeting a complete stranger and trying to generate some kind of "relationship"
AND
making a friendship more than friends, watching the "more" turn to less, and losing the whole thing all together.
i met a guy when i passed by a barbor in the mall. Zack. i found that interest9ing 'cause he's black but he was cute, nice smile. same height as me...not my swag. but i was at the mall today to get my new gages!! yayy!! (side note- this transition didnt hurt nearly as bad, and i really like this taper, its zebra! ill post a pic) so he walked thru the mall. he slick cool, funny, whatever. but he talks like gucci mane and he semi stupid....whamp whamp. sorry sir, its a no go. and he said i look like lalla ali...uhm, she's very pretty but we definitely dnt favor. and he keeps tryin ta come over here...not gon happen.
so by now we're all more than familiar with Handsome..."maya you seemed so happyy!" i was! i still am, let me not say that. he's a great guy, really. but if you dnt trust me, you cnt love me. they go hand in hand. and considering we live this far apart, you have to have trust. well he doesnt, and this is some past issues kinda stuff. i cnt make up for everyone else and i dnt care what she did because you did the same. so if anyone should have worries it should be me. but i dnt. you should know what you have here and not want anything more. if you decide im not enough, deuces. its just that simple for me. besides the fact that my closest circle of friends are male ive given no reason for anyone to question what i do. he cnt cross that hurdle and i dnt straddle the fence. its either or. after an issue we had with a picture and recipient list we've been on a steady decline...its an interesting feeling to see that the end is around the corner. that while its not in sight there is time to save this, save us, but its not me that has to turn, its you. if we stay on this path we'll crash and burn. we could turn, at least merge, and buy some time to think, to work, to try but i cnt make that decision. im mad at fact, and you cntg be mad at that.
-sigh- there it is. when i look back and read im like...damn, there it is. ive done what i can, ive said my piece, and im standing here...so what happens now.
side note-you know what pisses me off, how we as women have to wait for them, guys, to decide the next step. maybe because we're usually the ones to still be down for another try but i dnt think this fair how we're left with time and youve got the freedom. your best days our some of our worst. we're wide awake and youve got not trouble sleeping. you take your shyt and we take the blame. what can we say when we're all choked up and falling to pieces and youre just ok. he's got her hear and your heart and none of the pain. when hearts break they dnt break even.
song for the day-the scipt- "breakeven" jason mraz "you and i both" the script "im yours (it starts off a little rough but the chorus does it for me lol) and one more from the script "before the worst"
and even now when ive sat down to dwell on it and really let it out, im ok. as much as i was hurt, im fine. im the slightest bit hurt but time heals all things. if you decide to check out the songs youll be like omg we gotta get to Maya she's uber down. no...im really gucci. i slept my ass off today. saw my mommy, got new tapers, ate chic-fil-a and got over it. another one bites the dust.
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