so whats up

So definitely hav bn looking forward to sunday for one reason (Jesus of course) but I was expecting a certain arrival. I never wanta feel like things are gonna fall thru but getting your hopes up just leads to a worse let down. And now I'm in church clearly upset and I swear its taking everything in me not to cry. And I hate that feeling, that holding back emotions feeling, that quiet anger sitting inside of you. Dnt ask me how I am, I'm liable to lose my composure. This is so much bullshyt and I'm really trying to be understanding but this damn hard. Its damn near taking everything in me not to get up, walk out, and cry in my car. I dnt get it and I cnt seem to figure out where to even start!