Wednesday, January 28, 2009

when i dnt know what to say

he told me dnt say anything at all. but I know what to say, I just cnt find the big hairy balls to say it. I get myself in these predicaments and then I get this feeling that I'm running up a downward escalator again. like I'm fightong the wind. talking to a wall. I know, you know. it could all be so simple. and when everyone sees it, why cnt you? there's a lot of things I can do, being unappreciated, overlooked, and taken for granted isn't one of them.
I know what was said wasn't meant to come out the way it did but it did come out and it cnt just go back in. so I seek wise counsel. one says its my fault for firing all my employees, that no one ever throws away everything when there's still room for doubt. one says the gray area is to blame. one says I cnt judge everyone by the same stabdard. so if my critical standards are too harsh, I apologize but I know what I deserve. I fired my employees because they couldn't handle the job. nothing is cut and dry, black and white, or this and that so tell me what the hell I'm doing here...
this isn't about thing, this isn't about one convo, this is a span of time and a collection of confusion. this being mislead, misunderstanding something, reaching, grasping, failing, releasing, this is about me and no one. that's as simple as I can put it.

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