i think...

im about to cry and im not exactly sure why.
i just read Dori's blog-laughed my ass off! thank you Dori...
but she had this little prayer at the end for all of traveling and it slick touched me in the most elementary way i just wanta say "thank you" all of you. sometimes i think that God always a smile for me, in spite of my many flaws (i was about to list a few but i would need 2 blogs, a nap, and a snack) but he just keeps blessing me. and i think that honestly he should probably smite me, i can do some terrible things at times and i dnt listen to the good judgement He's given me and i dnt nearly deserve the good grace ive been shown. so "thank you. for loving me when i dnt even love myself at times" i guess that goes to my friends as well, because we've had some really good convo's since we've all split for break. (idk what we're gonna for Christmas! like oh-eme-gee this is gonna be no bueno) but i thiank them as well for always standing my me my little go babis whoot whoot for a smile and a kind word for all those hugs and countless giggles. Bless them please God, bless them indeed.
Dorian has a song on her page, i suggest you all go listen and read along. actually read it first and then listen its makes it even better. i think its gonna be my new theme songs. its deep.
and then, yes again from dori's, im reading the new love interest (draw a question mark in the air-shrug-"burf?!") but ive realized in light of recent events that have and are transpiring that im taking back a lot of what ive said before back and this time it'll be different because i wanta make some things work. and yes im stubborn and i shout and ill cut you out (i swear and i spit -so not cute,sorry) and im always in such a hurry to be everywhere with everybody and do everything but there's something in him that says take your time love, there's no need to rush its your life sweetheart. i just wish i knew some of what he feel, not necessarily about me, but about everything. ppl give their own variations of "him"...i want to form my own opinions, 'cause i saw somebody on the couch in the heat of the summer and again in the drunken early morning air and i dnt think he's the same person sitting on his car or high stepping every weekend.
the heart and the mind are very ridiculous organs, forever interlocked, and continuously at battle. im convincing my self of somethings only to feel something different. damn.