ive decided...

I'm going pro in Solitaire.

xo

there it is!

tell me why I wasn't even drunk til I got out the club?! and now...mane, I'm tweekin!
ima be real honest right now...and if anybody is thinkin "omg, Maya!" just blame it on the 2 vodka cranberries and the coronas.oh, plus the sex on the beach from larry and londyn, and that double shot of patron!...but I am hellafide -----! like straight up, this what drinkin does to me and I had to go ahead and pop in aladin and take my ass to bed. lmao I'm sorry I just had to get that out.
I'm sure in the morning ill be like "wtf delete this!" but til then ima blame it on the goose, it got me feelin lose and definitely the patron got me in the zone.

xo is going to bed. over and out!

what a night

mane...tonight bro was so right! slick got hectic and shyt around dinner, but we handled that with the upmost steelo. ima do some shout outs in a min but til then, mane AJ's bday certified fuckin cranked! that shyt was so live!!! I had waaaayyyy too much fun! definitely stepped outside of myself and came out in the itty bitty dress! lol all legs bro, but I definitely got some great reviews so I'm like fuck what you heard xo does it better than any other!!
sjhout out's:
big boy AJ for a spectacular party
spence glover for puttin' swaghouse on the mutherfuckin map! we here to stay, the take over starts now!
my bestfriend for just being my favorite period
eric kelly for the sing along across the dance floor
XXI for this banfin ass dress
kerryn bitcjass for major swag and beyonce steelo
to the grind, we gets it in baby!

xo is that nigga, fuck what you heard!

its the little things

a man bought 5 boxes of baking soda at dollar tree...uhm....OBVIOUS AS HELL!
this man at walmart was standing 6 inches from behind me and when I turned around like wtf he was like I like your tattoo...WEIRDO!
today is a hectic ass day! but ima make it happen

happy bday shout out to Big Boy AJ!

when i dnt know what to say

he told me dnt say anything at all. but I know what to say, I just cnt find the big hairy balls to say it. I get myself in these predicaments and then I get this feeling that I'm running up a downward escalator again. like I'm fightong the wind. talking to a wall. I know, you know. it could all be so simple. and when everyone sees it, why cnt you? there's a lot of things I can do, being unappreciated, overlooked, and taken for granted isn't one of them.
I know what was said wasn't meant to come out the way it did but it did come out and it cnt just go back in. so I seek wise counsel. one says its my fault for firing all my employees, that no one ever throws away everything when there's still room for doubt. one says the gray area is to blame. one says I cnt judge everyone by the same stabdard. so if my critical standards are too harsh, I apologize but I know what I deserve. I fired my employees because they couldn't handle the job. nothing is cut and dry, black and white, or this and that so tell me what the hell I'm doing here...
this isn't about thing, this isn't about one convo, this is a span of time and a collection of confusion. this being mislead, misunderstanding something, reaching, grasping, failing, releasing, this is about me and no one. that's as simple as I can put it.

blessing books and my new fav boy

ok so the other day i spoke with my advisor/professor about the books that im not going to be able to purchase and tooday i walk in class and he hands me a bag of books! of THE books! and while he couldnt get the one we're currently reading my new fav boy, Mr Insightful is like after class follow me. so after class...i follow him lol and we head down to the computer lab and he pulls up the entire novel! please tell me my God isnt real!!!
a blessing can come at the oddest of times, but you have to trust.
books dont always have to be hard copies, you hav to google.
and ppl will enter your life, but you hav to be open to receive.
shouts out to God, Dr Schmeller, and Patrick Calvin. yall made my day.

"The greatest gift given to men, besides salvation, is the ability to choose." i choose to trust, to trust and belief-i choose faith.

let this be known

life is black and white. there is no gray area, gray areas only represent confusion. i have no room for any more confusion. with that said let me say this. if you wanta mess with/ sleep with/ talk and associate with other ppl, you wnt be associating with me. we all know very well that im very selfish but i just cnt share, not you-ill be damned. i dnt ride shared dick. sorry, thats as blunt as i can be. i respect your wishes but clarify, is it you and me or us and other ppl? thats called gray area. and let this be known, i dnt need a title, i dnt wanta be mrs anything, im in no rush for all that pressure, labels, and bullshyt. also, im not her, youre not him, we are not them. lets just leave all of that where it is-far far away from us. back to the gray, i cnt do the confusion. if you wanta do all this, that, and them just say that. you got yours, i know you do, and as much as it makes me sick i know its true, i know theyre there.... and i dnt wanta whine but this matters to me. everybody wants somebody around to just shoot the muthafuckin breeze. missing gets old, and talking only satisfies so much. ugh... i dnt drive across this state for the damn scenery. and really i dnt do that for anyone, like just honestly, count the miles, cross the rivers, i do that for you. would you do that for me? i've tried, and i cnt help it but i find myself questioning things and i wanta trust you, you say i can, i think i can so tell me better yet show me that youre trustworthy. the miles serve a purpose, distance forces us to believe the words but distance shelters the secrets. maybe i'd feel better if it all wasnt so gray. maybe i need to stop drinking and thinking lol or maybe i need you to just be real and tell me where i stand, what i mean, and that this-whatever we're calling it-that it matters. i benched the squad, dnt make an ass of me for wanting to believe you. some ppl say its not good pimping, benching the team, but i dnt wanta play the games. i hung up my nikes long ago so tell me whats the deal...?

xo, i hope.