if it all ends today

so as we all know theyve made an ubsurd prediction that the Christ will return today at 6:00pm...well being that He is the Alpha and Omega...will He come at 6:06 or 6:11?? im just wondering. now before i get all sentimental let me snap first.

NO ONE WILL KNOW THE DAY OF CHRISTS RETURN, NOT THE DAY THE HOUR THE SEASON. why?! because the point is to live a good life, one worth inheriting the Kingdom without a deadline or due date for the end.

people everywhere are all uber religious today, taking comfort in the same anchor that was ALWAYS THERE! but now someone tells you its all gonna end and you wanna come running home?! thats FAKE if youve ever had faith, ever prayed, then simply maintain. ive found in my walk that He just wants effort, genuine effort. He knew i would fail, tatt my body, and whatever else ive done but ive maintained a relationship, at least ive tried. ive kept the faith. dont try and slap me with the word now if you never praised my God before. but then again maybe thats the point....maybe He has allowed this panic and fear so that those of you who dont know Him will finally seek Him. maybe this is a wake up call that the end will come at some point but in the mean time you better get know Him and praise Him for all things.

now...let me break down. the first few times i heard this prediction i combatted with the Word- no one knows when He will return. then i hit it with logic- who said this? who is this guy? what else did he predict? but now that its today 3.5 hours from 6...im a little antzy...i cant lie.

so here goes...

i am sorry, for any wrong to anyone i have committed. remove the malice from my heart.

i have loved. a genuine and sincere concern for other people. they have been the source of great joy. and i hope they know the impact they have had on my life. and i thank you.

i tried. maybe i dont always succeed or excel at everything but i have given the effort to do good and be good; using the talents i was given for good.

have i fallen short? daily.

ya i have tattoos

ive had sex

i swear

i recently found that i have committed a sin in the thought of someone...i.e. lust. i was dang, we all losin' on that one.

they say no sin is greater than another but i find it hard to believe that rape and murder dont outweigh tattoos and sex. but if they do, forgive me.

i think ive had a pretty good life, fun times, good laughs...so if today is the day i wont dare ask for an extension...forever with You seems pretty awesome.

i thought about saying all those things i should have said but if its not over tonight then ill look like a fool but if it is then maybe it was never meant to be said.

i love you. see ya on the other side??

hey maya, they killed your friend

wait what?! ya thats how i got the news that the kid across the street from my parents. the kidd i grew up with is dead. idk if its more upsetting that he was a good kid, that he wasnt doing the wrong thing, that it was a stray bullet, or that i feel guilty for still being alive. every so often when someone dies i feel this overwhelming guilt for surviving. i feel so bad, maybe not that im alove but that he didnt make it. a single shot to the head. he was in atl, i was just there, and they call his family to get to atl and by morning they have to unplug him because his organs were failing. unplug your own child?! like i couldnt imagine.

my prayers go to his family. im sorry seems so pointless but Lord knows im so sorry.

if you learn nothing from this blog, nothing else from my existence learn this: every day is a blessing. if it was good or bad it was a day. someone else never got that. be happy, CHOOSE to be happy. despite the everyday bullshit that life brings i love it. i hope you do too...

RIP kiddo, see you on the other side.

wait let me vent! STOP ALL THIS FUCKIN POINTLESS ASS VIOLENCE! YALL MUTHAFUCKAS NEED TO LEARN TO TALK ABOUT SHYT AND STOP POPPIN THESE WEAK ASS GUNS! THESE PEOPLE ARE SOMEONE'S CHILD, SOMEONE'S SIBLING! STOP ROBBING FAMILIES OF THEIR LOVED ONES! IM SO SICK OF THIS SHYT LIKE IT FRUSTRATES THE HELL OUTTA ME THAT YALL IGNANT ASS KIDDS NEVER GOT A DAMN HUG SO YOU JUST WANNA KILL KILL KILL LIKE WHAT THE FUCK! FATHER FORGIVE ME BUT YALL SHOULD BURN IN HELL FOR THE PAIN YOUVE CAUSED!

i am because you are.

i wanna say, i NEED to say: i love you. beyond words, without measure, you have made my days, my years, my life remarkable, worthwhile, and priceless. i pray for you because i dnt deserve you. you have been a blessing and gift to my existence. today and every day is of note because of what you give and bring to my life. im crying right now as im typing and i can hardly see, ive been so moved this evening by you. if the world ended right now i could smile and go knowing that my life had purpose and joy because of you. i dnt know why blessings are bestowed, i dnt know why He does the thing He does but i give all the glory and all the honor, the praise, the reverence to Him for you. your role in my life is irreplaceable and unremovable. if i didn't have you i don't know where i would be, who i would be, or what i would do.i simply am, because you are. and i wish i had more eloquent words, more depth, more meaning, but this is what i have:

ill go 12 rounds

to the moon and back

ill lie down my life

ill give you my all

ill pray

ill cry

ill try

ill give

ill care

ill listen

ill stay

ill do

ill be

I....I will love you, just to hear you say that you ever loved me.

i need you,

right here

right now

beside me.

you are my strength

my hope

my promise fulfilled

my guide

my comfort.

i said i never knew love...i was mistaken, because i know you. and you are my love.

-yours

WATCH OUT WORLD!

im employed!! yayy!!

and i even got a boost in my confidence..."why" you ask...

one of the men interviewing me had HUGE EARS!

i know its wrong but i felt great about my ears there after. i even had to reach up and touch my own ears just to try to compare. lol.

so ya, im making that GUAC!-amole!!!

so can i get an "AMEN" to the woring woman!! AND....NEWS FLASH...THIS MEANS I CAN MOVE!!! -sigh- God is sooo good to me.

the sad truth

So my friend vivian aka vivo popped up at my door and she immediately falls to pieces. She just found out that a dear friend was found dead. He was 20 yrs old.
You all know how terrified I am death but its not the dying that scares me, its the when, the how, and the then... I know we're all going to die but I just hope that somewhere there's someone who busts in a room and falls to the floor, holding their chest because I'm gone.
So Father, be with the families, with the heavy hearts and show them some mercy in this their time of loss and bereavement.
Amen
XO

faith and grace

im a Christian. i love God, esp for all the miraculous things he's done in my life and for those around me. my faith should be that of prophets and such, instead i find myself questioning and struggling with this gigantic concept of God. how could someone love complete strangers enough to die for them? save them and give up Himself? like thats wild to me! but i know i need HIm to get thru every day and that this, all of this, is way bigger than me. there has to be something more to this thing called life, right? i think the idea of heaven and hell, this awesome all knowing figure is just mind boggling! like whaaaaat??? but thats just it-faith. considering that i do believe why then is so hard for me to put my faith in Him? i owe him alot more than my trust, thats for __ sho'! to set myself aside and let go, let God, is very hard for me. i have the constant desire to run things but im learning that i cnt do anything w/o Him. thusly i decided to re-up my soul. turning over all this hesitation and meet Him at the well, im thirsty Lord for knowledge and understanding for faith and reassurance. im reading this book Meet Met at the Well: Take a Month to Water Your Soul. it really has me addressing a lot of the personal issues and flaws that keep me from relying fully in Him and not on my own understanding, i clearly know jack! so i just wanted to encourage you to get to know Him because He already knows you. i think this came about partly because i was reading, obviously, but because an old friend was in a really bad wreck like if you see her car you'd think "theres no way!" ya well there's God's way and because you dnt take a bullet to the neck and walk away because there is a moment in every body's life that should have been the last moment but He always has the last say so. for that i thank you, i praise you, and im working on really trusting You.

-love-