a harsh reality

It is both a very humbling and a disappointing realization when you come to the cold conclusion that you're not a top priority.
I would never claim to be so infamous that all need to shift their main focus to I. Its not that. I would never be so spoiled to assume all. Worldly rotations stop for me. Its not that. But it is a simple courtesy to make time and reasonable accomodations for someone you claim to want so badly. I hate to be a brat and if that's how it seems I apologize. But when time is equivalent to gold right now I would think that the common day rocks that fill said time and space on the day to day could be piled else where for a while. But since that aint this I'm not with that. Just another blatant example of why I should have never entertained you. Especially not when I already know that there's somewhere else I would much rather be...
There's a saying: don't make someone a priority when you're only an option. Makes sense now...
As usual, me and my seemingly simple expectations of people have left my feelings hurt and me upset. Silly girl, you'll never learn. SMH.

a harsh reality

It is both a very humbling and a disappointing realization when you come to the cold conclusion that you're not a top priority.
I would never claim to be so infamous that all need to shift their main focus to I. Its not that. I would never be so spoiled to assume all. Worldly rotations stop for me. Its not that. But it is a simple courtesy to make time and reasonable accomodations for someone you claim to want so badly. I hate to be a brat and if that's how it seems I apologize. But when time is equivalent to gold right now I would think that the common day rocks that fill said time and space on the day to day could be piled else where for a while. But since that aint this I'm not with that. Just another blatant example of why I should have never entertained you. Especially not when I already know that there's somewhere else I would much rather be...
There's a saying: don't make someone a priority when you're only an option. Makes sense now...
As usual, me and my seemingly simple expectations of people have left my feelings hurt and me upset. Silly girl, you'll never learn. SMH.

got a little "news", a little messed up about it.

you have got ta be kidding me!

So all of the interns have lost our internet access!! Ima curl up and die at work without the internet!! VOUGHT IS OFFICIALLY WITH THE SHYT! I need a new job asap!
Ugh I'm so upset. Dylan cnt access everything...

=(

-smh-

youre doing all the things i hate. youre pushing all the wrong buttons. -deep aggravated sigh- PnK...youre running out of time. as much as i hate to say that...the hour glass is on its last few grains.

you make a decision

choose ever so wisely.
be prepared to reap all the reperussions and benefits even of all choices made.
pp ask me all the time why i dnt make decisions on the simplest of things like where to go eat or what i wanta do. i have a very big fear of making a abad choice because some consequences can cause lasting damages and pain. this doesnt seem so relevant to restaurants or activities but when i make choices i use the same amount of care.
when breaking up...realize youre breaking hearts. ppl will say "but we both agreed it was best"-SO! you both were emotionally invested. never say "we need to talk" those are the rudest 4 words ever. just talk. say whatever it is without the ever dreadful prelude to doom. (oohh i like that one!) no one wakes up an decides i wanta break up today. i wanta breakhis/her heart and my own. i wanta make contradicting statements about whats wrong with "us". i wanta say things like you make me happy but im unhappy now. i wanta lie and say ive onyl felt this way a short while but i think its best. but ill still call you because ill need a crutch until i can make it on my own. no, no one does that. so why do we wait and let things fester and boil until teh smallest thing send you sailing over the edge and there's no way possible to really accurately account for the real issues at hand. the truth is, its the little things. ppl forgive because there is God in us but the smallest things linger long enough and accumulate faster than any blow out of proporton argument. if we said everything that really bothered us it would almost sound silly to admit. you tickled me and i dnt like to be tickled. you walked thru that door that one time before me. you didnt have an umbrella and i got wet. you stepped on my shoe. you didnt tell me i looked nice. you didnt call and say goodnight. you introduced me as a friend. you spoke to her. you went to the club and i wanted to chill. its stupid but its true. littl things never get said because you dnt wanta whine, but if you say everything that makes you bitchy and hard to please

you can hav him

Alicia
April 28 at 8:09pm
I'm not trying to take him from you..just in case that is what you're thinking.

So i get thi message today and ya i was certified pissed. No, not because anyone should ever feel like they could take something i claim, girl please, but because she contacted me. I dnt like girls simply for stupid shyt like this. i wanta know how long she entertained the idea of shooting me message. so i turn it over to Mr All American. ya i havnt mentioned him in a while and i wnt be. but he's all dnt worry bout it she just lettin you know. she has no place to inform me of shyt. just let her ass know this, "she can have you."

xo

ps i really dnt appreciate when i discuss thinigs in private and someone feels the need to run back. snitches get stitches...
niggas cnt hold water now a days. damn.

today...

Is not gonna be a very good day. Off to a bad start with the ensemble-back up went to bed on a bad note. That's just some bullshyt, there's no other way to say that. But I'm realizing that I guess I knew this all along or at least I should hav. Its not good to be taken by surprise. Needless to say, I'm shocked. I changed my facebook status to my blog title "it could all be so simple, but you'd rather make it hard" I got some really hilarious comments shouts out ta Philly Phil and Big Zo for a great morning laugh. But one comment came up and it really hit the spot. "Falling's not falling if you dnt cry when you hit the ground." No point in crying. Shake it off.I had to pull my little ohio homie back before she popped off on one her little junts. Niggare like buses there's a new one every 20 min. Do you, niggas will always be in and out. They'll never get it, they'll always make it hard,yes, at our expense.

XO

T...S...WHO?!

man this break was short as shyt! im slick upset its over this fast, but i need to get back, get focused, and give myself something ther to think about that those will currently be unnamed for their bullshyt.

read btwn the lines

so mr. wonderful hit me up just now and here's the convo snipet:
Mr: can I get your work from blk lit?
XO: we didn't do any real written work but you can buy my bk.
(i take a second and explain the class content)
Mr: I already got the book tho
XO:well if you need help with anything else just let me know
Mr:'ppreciate that
XO: sure boo
Mr.boo?
xo: lol what?
Mr: when did I get that title?
xo: its not a title its just a term of general endearment
Mr: the way you been actin seems like someone else got that title.
xo: he does. but its still just somethin ppl say.
Mr: explains a lot...
xo: I guess...
Mr: ight...well hav fun up there.

I felt kinda bad for benchin the kidd...but it is what it is.

not going back

the last time I felt like this I ended up at the lake. I refuse, hands down re-fucking-fuse, to feel like this. I'm done allowing the actions of some to completely effect me. I'm better than this, all of this adversity and bullshyt, all this nonsense and fuckism, is going to be channeled into something positive. I'm not sure what but its going to be something, anything, other than tears, frustration, and anger.
shouts out ta the truest of the true, I dnt know where i'd be without yall...
xo

oh no!

marvin is definitely in bad shape. i opened my laptop and the damn screen is cracked!! how did this happen?! i havnt dropped him, stepped on him, etc so....what the hell?! im definitely pissed about this. i guess ill hav to get a new one for next fall....damn.
sorry marvin but youre not doing too hot right now...geez broskie

i guess nobody said it'd be easy

but then again nobody said it would be so hard.

what happened here

I feel like I'm losing someone very dear to me. being replaced maybe even forgotten. and this isn't me being spoiled or a brat or wanting all of the attention back on me. but I honestly feel like I'm drifting in the shadows of the meaningless things of life. and I'm sitting here trying to figure out what happened? what happened to us? what happened to you?! what is it that makes ppl forget about all the clearly more important things when something seemingly euphoric shows up. things that used to be so crucial are just trivial to you now. the ones that hav been here from jump, stood by you, stood up for you, how did I become a passing glance? and as I slumped onto the foot of my bed and I felt that knot in my throat and the blur take over my eyes and this isn't the first time you've made me cry in my hands to catch the sounds, this isn't the first time you've made me feel like I was the last thing you thought about. and even when mr AA called I couldn't even clear my voice to talk, I couldn't bring myself to confide in one of the closest people to me. and I hate to keeep secrets or hide stuff inside.
because of the way you've been acting, the way you've made me feel I'm letting tears roll off my tiny nose as i type a fucking blog and reach out to the endless world of strangers before I could come to anyone close to me.
because of you

xo my ass! I really hate to cry.

oh ya!

so I'm walking thru the dining room with my balogna sandwhich and my glass of apple juice and I run into the glass dining table hard as shyt, right at the side top of my thigh my "thide" and I'm like "fuck!" and I mugged the fuck outta the table saying "damn bitch" and then I just died laughing 'cause I really went hard on my own dining room table.

-sigh- ima mess...crack myself up

God bless the child who has her own

its time to step up. my parents aren't to be depended on anymore. when the fuck did 19 become self sufficient?! they just pissed me all the way off. its a good thing I learned to bite the shyt outta my tongue, but now I have a mouthful of blood.
the fuckery.

whatever

im really over christmas and that really makes me sad...i used to love the whole season especially in st louis, its so cold and all the snow, its a real winter niggerland- i mean wonder! lol but now...its just way more fuss and way less fun.
its not about gifts, i still need to buy my bestfriend's oh shyt, but more so the feeling and im just not getting that feeling.
ive always been a very personal person. i can kick it solo and be gucci but right now im just feeling like i dnt even wanta be bothered.
i wanted to go home, to st louis and feel like my already highly dysfunctional family was just that...a family.
i miss my father, something awful, i really miss my daddy.
idk...i guess im just off.
and that may be majorly attributed to the fact that the treo is off....whampwhamp, cut off from the damn world.
fuck.
great convo last night with mr all american. kudos to you boo. thanks for 2.5 hours, laughs, pouts, and of course ♥
i really feel like im growing up and out growing a lot of those around me...is that bad?
ms pettigrew lives for a day, such a cute movie.
the hapening, i guess its supposed to be scary but i thought it was oddly amusing, but i like that movie too.
sex and the city makes me wanta step my fuck me pump game all the way up.
ima switch up my whole swag i think. give it some time and some financial indulgance and im in there. by summer, especially by fall '09...tha kidd....oh shyt this kidd....
God bless the child who has her own
i gotta get my shyt together, its time to bust some major shots.
in the words of the great and wise Lloyd, STEP YA LIFE UP. Lloydy said it, bob dammit i believe it.

happy Christmas and shyt, ill holla

very entertained

i just went back read some of my old post from the summer like when i first started blogging and i laughed for hours! like omg, i can be so dramatic and deep, like its really funny to me. but ya i encourage all of you to go back month by month and read, in order, the blogs youve posted. and see if doent take you right back there to the moment and you can remember how mad you were, how funnysomething was, how serious you felt and then youll realize had i known then what i know now, i woulda just let it all go, laughed it off, and got over myself.
i encourage you to go read your old posts, shyts a trip down memory lane.

shouts out ta dori aka doodle bug for a real as convo, i had no idea we thought this much alike. doot!

with that said...

ok so since i posted the last blog, a little glimpse into the average male mouth, i thought it would be appropriate to account for the female mind. now, before i just rip this let me say

i am not the average female. im not inclined to a lot of crying, nagging, and whooplah. im very passionate and yes rather emotional but if you leave me to my emotions i can get over it and let it go.

thats my disclaimer. im writing this on behalf of the average woman so that you, nigga, might know what we think.

you think logically we think emotionally. if it hurts our feelings or leaves us in a feeling of unrest we tend to dwell on it. we dnt mean to nag but we need resolution and until we find peace of mind no one will find peace of mind.

we dnt mean to be this emotional but we cnt help it, we're women. and once the emotions top off we cry. lets talk about crying, there are several different cries, stay with me here. the "infront of yo dude cry" this has a few little tears, a lot of sniffling, some careful-dnt-smudge-the-eyeliner- eye wipes and in some way or form, "i just dnt understand". "the angry cry" this one has a lot of cursing, huffing and puffing, and in some way or so many words "omg i hate crying over his ass!" the "honest cry" when youve actually done something wrong to upset us and our heart hurts and we cry. involves a lot of tissues because we were prepared, a sad movie, and a pillow to hold and of course "idk why i ever loved him". "THE cry" this is the oh shyt real for real cry. the cry when you cnt do anything but cry and cry hard. when youve tried for a long time to hold it back and work it out. this one is a doozie...deep cries, coughing, snot. this is an ugly cry that i-dnt-give-a-fuck-ima-cry cry, trust its all bad quote, "oh God". if you can get us to that cry youve fucked up.

now when youve fucked up and we get togther...oh baby, when we get together. this is some men bashing! some slash some tires, fuck that nigga! this is how cars get messed up, eggs get thrown, and feelings get hurt. fyi, a few women in a room, talking about guys, and especially if one or more is at all upset is called a RIOT! hence "backbone" (www.simplyeccentricity.blogspot.com read at your own risk)

we over analyze and deeply scrutinize. whatever you say. we can add so much more to every word you say. you say "ill call you back in 20 min" we say "the hell is he doing that take 20 minutes?! this nigga spittin game ta some hoe or some bullshyt! fuck his ass". you say "i dnt wanta talk about it" (as in there's nothing more to say lets not fight about the same shyt) we heard shut the fuck up stop stop naggin me bout the same shyt we been done discussed. you say "i dnt feel like pleasing anybody today" (as in, im tired. ive been doing so much for everybody else i just want some me time) we hear i dnt give a fuck what you want ima do me. ladies, ladies, ladies stop nit picking them, they didnt mean nearly the way we took it.

so men, i think, maybe just a little bit, i get it now. the simpicity behind guys is enormous and the complexity, which is women, is a never ending journey, with loop hole, pot holes, sink holes, quick sand. like trust me, we can be a trip! pack for the journey... i dnt mean to scare you but realize this. now, when you meet the one (echo the one-one-one) yall will fit, compliment each other, and things will be slightly less complex because off both of you will be willing to let go of your ways to stick it out. but until you find her or he finds you...this shyt can be a trip.

the fuckery (this really has nothing to do with me)

in the rear view mirror it all looked liked harmless fun but thats why there's that little disclaimer written in "objects are never what the hell they seem" and it wasnt until she got from rear view to my real view that i realized, "oh shyt". and in the house it all seemed like good healthy flirtation but it wasnt until she walked in and we all looked at each other like "oh shyt" and then i read the blogs, yes blogs that's when i realized "oh shyt"

niggas man niggas...

idk why yall gotta do us like you do...we're good girls, the kinda girls youll regret losing, the kinda girls that you take home ta meet ya moms and get busy in the bathroom for kicks,the kinda girls that stand by their man thru thick and thin, but no yall wanta cut a fuckin clown! dnt be surprised when we cut ya assz loose and the next time ya see us it seems ta be raining men. there is always somebody who wants ta play on our teams, dnt get benched homeboiz.

and you wnt even realize until we put it in ya face and call you all sorts of shyt. but its true and sometimes we just need ta say that some niggas aint shyt.

www.simplyeccentricity.blogspot.com

she said it not me...

its real tho. read at your own risk.