its a difficult situation...

when you wanta be mad but its your own fault you knew damn well along. the hope in you wants to believe that this time, this guy, he'll realize what he has and maybe if you'd hav stayed ignorant, blind even then you could just be happy...naively happy. but you know now and slick you've been doing the same thing but it all still hurts to know. even tho you knew you probably weren't the only one. maybe its better, ignorance is bliss because with knowledge comes too much responsibility.
I wanta be mad but I've been doing the same thing I guess...

7 am

I'm sick, fuck!
achey and cold sweats and hot flashes and bullshyt! I cnt even sleep...
I just took a few shots of nyquil we'll see what happens.
bestfriend ill help you learn to wink. ima winking wiz. I can do both eyes and alternate. maybe you're just wink retarded. Ill love you anyway tho.
Q&A:
why do ppl keep trying to kill me?
I still havnt found a reason for this hole in my neck or the deep tissue bruising in my back...so why?
why am I betrayed?
what's the purpose of my life? like after everything I've been thru, I should be dead so why...why am I still here?
where is happiness?
what happens when we die?

and thru all of these questions and more the only thing I've ever learned the answer I've ever gotten was......................faith. blind faith. things hoped for but unseen. wholehearted faith that to spite the fuckery of our lives, the short comings of our potential, and the fears and apprehensions that someone, somewhere loves us more than we could ever love ourselves. and I guess...ill take that, because its waaayy too scary to think I really am in this thing alone.

ma dukes...

her all I do is watch HGTV and google D.I.Y. all day ass is just getting carried away...
I'm getting my bob the builder on on the steps (idk what you even call the shyt I just did) but I'm like "ay! ma...I thought we hired ppl to do this bullshyt" "maya! what did you just say?!" "scratch that. I thought we hired ppl to handle these tideous and labor filled tasks" "I was reading in better homes and gardens that by doing the remodeling yourself you'll form a bond with the finished product, taking time to invest in your home builds pride." I dropped the hammer and walked off. I DNT FORM BONDS WITH BUILDINGS NIGGA! U-G-H--O-M-G! she's delirious. form a bond?! the fuck?! ill take pride in a nice home whether I hammered that hoe or not. I just wanta come home to the damn thing.
pshh...a bond my ass...ima form a bond wit my bed and go to sleep on yall ol' extreme home makeover lookin assz...ty aint here hoe! I'm so damn mad. we coulda had jesus and juan up in here bustin out some remodeling but yall wanta fall in love with the wood grain and shyt.
iswetabob...

xo loves you, and dnt you forget it.

the return of the treo

im so over this bullshyt! im callin sprint and bitchin them hoes out i aint payin this damn phone bill-I CAN NEVER USE MY PHONE! and then ima call retentions or whatever its called and get a damn black berry curve for FREE! im sick of this shyt, FUCK YOU TREO! ya hear that?! MUTHAFUCK YOU!

oh my life...

ok, so my phone is cut off and here's my plan. normally i would call and say i need an extension but nooooo treo dnt wanna let a nigga talk and shyt. so the plan: im coming back to dori's in the morning, thats where i am now, and callin sprint and bitchin them out. im not paying a bill that i never use because he always froze and shyt. so then ima get that bill scratched get my phone back on and then ima say im leaving sprint so theyll send me a new phone because im a terribly disatisfied customer with phone and it came so highly recommended. i got a plan, now i just gotta execute that hoe! lol
wish me luck

so in case you werent paying attention, treo is off like cut off so dnt call dnt text 'cause i wnt be getting any of that until tomorrow...hopefully.

oh, GET HER BESTFRIEND! jackie tried that shyt today like where are you? when are you going home? nigga i live ALONE dnt worry bout this shawty i definitely am holdin this all the way down. trippin ass. im mad now. and please tell me why ive been crying all day just random little fits of tears! like wtf ? why am i so upset....i think im really lonely right now, not like right now because im thoroughly amused by my doodle but by the time i get to my residence ill realize i am completely alone and cut off from the world...solitude.

xo loves you. and dnt you forget it

point.blank.period:just woke up

so...

bestfriend and mr. smith-you speak from the heart. when comforting a girl verbally you say exactly how you feel. even if its wack or you cnt quite form all the words to really express it. we'll see that you care and that's really all we wanted in the first place, for you to care. like the night in the kitchen, bestfriend, its what you didn't say...its what we both felt that meant more than anything. its about connections.

dorian-I know! I just KNOW yo ass aint in nashville and you aint called a nigga...I feel you on the fuck-me pumps tho...I gots ta step the heel game up.

leandria and frankie-cricket cricket...yalls fingers better broke since yall aint blogged or texted me...

MY bathroom is finally done, semi yayy!!! it needs a thorough clean but its up and running.

shouts out ta whit whit and mr whit whit, good luck to the happy couple. glad I could help.

I really hate that I can help everyone else and cnt get my shyt together...fail.

its all rainy and shyt in nashville and I dnt wanta do anything but I really need a muthafuckin job.
-scratch that-I'm in desperate need of employment

in my efforts to be a nice ex I am now made bitter. I am not a piece of meat. dnt try me. and whn you do try me and I deny you do not try again. niggas cnt be civilized. I know I turn you on, I hav that effect on a lot of ppl but ill flip the switch off real quick and cuss yo ass out. why am I actin funny? 'cause you piss me off. rip mr leftright.

I feel like being alone but I'm lonely. like there's no middle ground and that's no bueno. I'm really getting upset.

oh shyt-funny moment. so I cnt speak into my phone, like if you call I can yell but you wnt hear me. so she called and she was like push a button if you hear me. -beep- and she rambles on and then she's like do you understand -beep- ok I love you bye. -beep beep- she giggles and hangs up. I feel like a fuckin mute! lmao ugh...sigh...

I guess I'm done...

muthafuck!

niggas, when I'm doing yo ass a favor ESPECIALLY if it involves me getting out of my warm bed before noon to do yo punk ass a favor you need to hav the common courtesy to have yo ratchet ass ready. dnt nobody (ooh double negative) wanta be sittin in the car waitin on yo bitchass to stop jigglin ya balls and bring yo ass so I can drop yo no car havin ass at work! I thank God I hav a vehicle, this bummin shyt is bogus! and he's pissin me the fuck off!
LETS GO HOE, BOBDAMN. I SWETABOB I'M BOUT TA LEAVE!
Ugh! I could be sleep!!! SLEEP NIGGA!!!

while i still have service...

should sprint decide to beat me to it and cut off my phone in the morning...I love you...lol na but it may be off by morning so fyi. ill probably be able to receive your call but treo is a hoe so I can talk all I wnt but YOU WNT BE ABLE TO HEAR ME! fail.
should this dredful event take place I will not be blogging because I dnt hav a cord to my laptop and my house is in shambles.
I really need a hug and vay-kay-shun!.... Lord have mercy.
asap, I'm callin sprint and havin this bill cancelled because I havnt been able to use my damn phone so I damn sho aint payin for it! got me fucked...
I'm bout ta watch pocahontas and go to bed
xo out this bitch.