Happy-EST Valentine's Day

so in typical girl fashion i was all bummed that my chronic singleness was going to leave me totally alone and bored for Valentine's Day. Background: while ive had my fair share of "relationships" ive never just really had a great vday. dinner and movie, chillaxing, sex...and thats really only one time. prewrapped vday baskets-bummer. i dont really care for stuff i love the effort. which is why.....EARL is my favorite vday present EVER! being that im a neo to Alpha Kappa Alpha a frog was very fitting, and he's HUGE! and he's holding a giant heart that just happens to say my damn name! "XOXO" tell me he's just not perfect. and what makes him so wonderful you ask? he was totally unexpected. i was late, no surprise there, and im waiting at the door of eric's apartment and finally The Bestfriend opens and he has this huge stuffed frog and he says his name is Earl. in that moment i could have died. to know that you matter enough to someone else to make the gesture that he did, means more than i can say. so the 4 of us go to All Fired Up, where you paint a peice of pottery then they glaze it and you pick it up! i made a piece that for discretions sake will remane nameless but his name is Hersh. and he made me Claire Huxtable. she's wonderful. ill post some pics when we go pick them up. But meet Earl!

i was watching a documentary about relationships, sex, attraction, etc. and it explains that the idea of attraction is based on being able to see something that you like in yourself in someone else. with that in mind, im attracted to him, with his attractive ass.

bitch where's my shyt?!

so being that im doin alright in my current position i have been inclined to shop, even splurge a little. levis, polos, accesories, and of course cardigans! lol but im even saving! whoa now! i know right...so ya, recently as in 7/7/09, yes i was at work shopping, i purchased a rather rare pair of nikes, for a bustin price i might add. when i saw that i had to get 'em. so using my secure paypal account i purchased them from a secure site and reputable dealer. caught a slight case of Buyer's Remorse but it passed. so what's today kidds? all together...its FRIDAY! very good. now my issue isnt that they havnt come yet, i didnt over night them, but that they havnt even shipped! i have no tracking number, but i know you got my GUAC! check my bank ledger hoe, you gots my cake! and in return i want my shoes! so you can contact the site to check on deliveries, i damn sho' did that this morning! i also bought another pair of kicks that i had held to process on this weeks check. they've gone thru and that GUAC is taken out as well... if i dnt get a tracking number for these by monday its gon be CONSEQUENCES AND REPERCUSSIONS! I WANTS MY SHYT!

on the job blogging!

so my dreaded job is lookin up. now that we're in the system i can surf the net and blog! yayy, right! i know! so while i definitely had a really bad night until "someone who is yet to be named" showed up, im leaving that night where it is because i cnt even really formulate all thie the things i wanna say with all the things i feel and all the bullshyt that it was. so im taking this time while still rackin up that 12.50 an hour to say that the black ppl at my job are the best! lmao. this place is HHUUGGEE and while there are restrooms scattered throughout the manufacturing floor, they are both nasty and elementary. they have the big fountain sink between both restrooms to cater to the male and females. and while at first i was like oh wow flashback pnce inside i realized everyone is leaving this restroom without washing their hands!! i stood in complete disgust in the potty for 10 min because i couldnt touch the door. so i wrapped my hand in tissue and escaped. that afternoon i was passing a man whi spit into the sink. that was the last straw. now aside from the manufacturing side there is a coporate sde to this facility. the restrooms on that side are up to my standards. so whenever nature calls i venture across the factory floor to the pretty potties. so today im in the stall (sp) and two Black ladies come in
"Whoo child!"
"Hunnay! you aint lyin!"
they enter the two stalls and continue
"Did Betty lookin at us coming across the floor?"
"Nose Betty? she tryin ta figure out why we cnt use the Colored Bathroom"
"Ooohh you so mean!"
"I dnt work on this slave ship to piss in that out house!"
"what you said!" so by this time im out and at the sink
they join me and smile like little grannies.
"see Hannah, even the children wnt use that God forsaken dump!," to me, "Good for you sweetheart."
i just smile.
"Thank you for the laughs, yall have a nice rest of the day."
"you too baby, dnt let the man keep you down!" i cracked up
lmao! that convo was so hilarious and while its so racist and seemingly ridiculous, its tru. when youre the obvious minority its very dfficut not to equate all issues to race. in my office i am the only black person!! in meetings im 1 of 2 women and the ONLY BLACK PERSON!
yesterday me and two other hite guys were walking to another floor of the plant with a box. and he says" just drop it there Tom. Drop it like its hot" WTF?! i looked at him like i had never heard such vernacular. later on he said "wack". i wanted to scream. sometimes its funny to watch them try to be cool but really its flatterig that they wanta be "down" and that my presence makes them so aware of their "old boys club". but at the same time i find it offensive. you dnt have to curtail your common vocabulary because im here. i can out talk most of these ppl anyway, white or black. its just funny that as far as we've come there are still at least 50 pickup trucks with confederte stickers, plates, and tags. and that the entire management staff here is white. except for aubrey, the HR manager he's a Nupe. but hey, the president is Black. there's no denying that! i might wear myObama tee tomorrow. they'd probably lynch my ass, let me not.

all the things you didnt say

this cam eup a while back with me and the infamous reesey pooh about the fact that if you (whoever the "you" in your life is) if they dnt say the things you like to hear,i guarantee someone else will.
it honestly really upsets my heart that i still default to the faults of a past "you" but it is what is.
point= i got a infamous facebook chat form someone rather random but he is actually a really sweet guy and he says, "excuse me sweetheart but i find u gorgeous as all hell i would greatly appreciate your conversation" no im not for the formality of cliche approaches but it always feels good to hear that youre still desirable.
so i gave a white lied and said i had a bf just to get out of it lol but hey apparently im still hott.
but the fact is "you" never said those things and even now that i have a new "What It Do" or two lol na but this "you" says all the right things and i damn near dnt know how to handle it. its terrible to think that i dnt even kno how to feel when im being treated right. like when did i get this abused that good doesnt even get received like it should.

oohh! surprise surprise! you thought ya knew hoe was gon hold ya down...WRONG! she already tried to holla at my What It Do! silly boi, you thought you was gone one up this?! that cnt be done.

if im not wrong...

i wnt apologize.

ive said it before and ill say it again...
this is blog is for me. i will neither censor nor hold back anything i wanta put on here. be happy i at least try to protect your identity. i could just fully blaze everyone but i wnt. moral of the story, you dnt HAVE TO read this. feel free to click the X in the top right corner and delete www.insightbyxoxo.blogspot.com from your history. get with it or get lost, xoxo is here to stay

let me explain

ok so im fine, first and fore most. im cool! lol but every now and then i just get in that mood and im like man that song is hott oh and that somng too oohh! and last week i heard this junt! so ya i get tad excited and i jst wanta share. we all know i prefer to post lyrics as opposed to the song so you can read the lyorcs and really vibe. sometimes we miss stuff when we're too busy bobbuin our heads and shyt. really it started with the new Chrisette Michele Epiphany. now that junt goes oh so hard. like wow, i swear i love here ALL HOMO! lol
i hope yall enjoyed 'em but if not put a dick in ya ear and fuck what ya heard! ha!

wow...

Ya I'm drunk and what?! But I stopped by because I said somethin tonight and it clearly fell on deaf ear, not receive, nor reciprocated. Slick...I'm really hurt. Slick...I'm like what the fuck?! And yes, slick...I give up.
Tossed 'em back for Angie V's bday. 151...is not what's up. African rum...is not what's up. But this smooth ass buzz is on point.
shouts out to the roomie for a real ass convo. Shouts out to the bestfriend, always holdin it down. Oh and to drunk checkin "what's up world mane!?"
Ha ha xo
I'm bout to down this water and hit these sheets
Fuck the dumb shyt, keep yo bullshyt, I'm out!

like really tho...why me?

i swear i really try to be a good person, a good friend, a good girlfriend, all that jazz and i promise i always get taken for granted. i know everybody thinks theyre just awesome but really im not claiming to be anything special just that i bust my ass to be better in most aspects. so when im clearly breaking my neck to make one thing work, to be everywhere, and do everything why is that someone never seems to notice. as many times as ive said it...im feeling really unappreciated. how are you gonna make the effort to come to town for someone elses event but not just for me?! you wnt seem me comin across this wide ass state for something else and slipping them in, no! i come for one reason! i know this probably makes no sense but it all just needs to come out.
i dnt give 2 fucks, i cnt, if you wnt.

bitches and flies

how do i despise.

aight let me rip it on the hoes. if you think you bout to come btwn me and my man, ima need you to take 2 steps back and revaluate yo entire life.
this is gonna be a lot in one. sit tight:
hoes aint shit.
it does not matter how long you and dude been kickin it, should one of yo home girls feel herself getin a little kool wit yo main, you hav the upmost responsibility to check him first of all, and thus put that hoe all of in her place.
if this same girl is textin you to see where you bn at-she is thusly checkin yo location to find time to get to yo dude. promptly cuss that hoe out.
when making time to discuss yo relationship with your significant other never-NEVER- send the "we need to talk" text. thats all bad.
niggas, be up front! yall all talk about keepin bullshyt 100, then do the same.
real women can discuss major issues and never lose her cool. be honest and forward but do not yell and point fingers. no rubberneckin'. no lip poppin. ghetto girls dnt maintain real men.
do not hang up on me. hanging up shows the least amount of respect amd courtesy. and be forreal, i aint calliin back.
nigga please.
there is nothing wrong with being alone.
when ending one relaionship take a break to regroup, and collect yourself before venturing into another relationship. you cnt offer yourself oo freely.
college dorm rooms are not made for kickin it. there's not enough seating for platonic relationships. opposite sexes need not be in the same room well into the night.
if youre hearing things about your dude and someone else from other ppl-big red flag. he's keepin secrets and thats no bueno.
in all things you do, trust your instincts. trust your senses. trust your God.
i aint got time to run down life for yall silly hoes 'cause me and mine... are just fine.

xo hates these hoes.


ill be back 'cause hoes dnt learn.

let this be known

life is black and white. there is no gray area, gray areas only represent confusion. i have no room for any more confusion. with that said let me say this. if you wanta mess with/ sleep with/ talk and associate with other ppl, you wnt be associating with me. we all know very well that im very selfish but i just cnt share, not you-ill be damned. i dnt ride shared dick. sorry, thats as blunt as i can be. i respect your wishes but clarify, is it you and me or us and other ppl? thats called gray area. and let this be known, i dnt need a title, i dnt wanta be mrs anything, im in no rush for all that pressure, labels, and bullshyt. also, im not her, youre not him, we are not them. lets just leave all of that where it is-far far away from us. back to the gray, i cnt do the confusion. if you wanta do all this, that, and them just say that. you got yours, i know you do, and as much as it makes me sick i know its true, i know theyre there.... and i dnt wanta whine but this matters to me. everybody wants somebody around to just shoot the muthafuckin breeze. missing gets old, and talking only satisfies so much. ugh... i dnt drive across this state for the damn scenery. and really i dnt do that for anyone, like just honestly, count the miles, cross the rivers, i do that for you. would you do that for me? i've tried, and i cnt help it but i find myself questioning things and i wanta trust you, you say i can, i think i can so tell me better yet show me that youre trustworthy. the miles serve a purpose, distance forces us to believe the words but distance shelters the secrets. maybe i'd feel better if it all wasnt so gray. maybe i need to stop drinking and thinking lol or maybe i need you to just be real and tell me where i stand, what i mean, and that this-whatever we're calling it-that it matters. i benched the squad, dnt make an ass of me for wanting to believe you. some ppl say its not good pimping, benching the team, but i dnt wanta play the games. i hung up my nikes long ago so tell me whats the deal...?

xo, i hope.

a change

ive been feeling so stagnant again, trapped in my current state, unable to physically change my environment and/or circumstance...so instead i changed my blog. thats really sad in way. here, i am the master of this domain, i can say what i mean even when im to afraid to mean what i say. i can weave a new fantasy far more enjoyable then this dry ass reality. i can be two steps ahead of the game and never roll the dice. there's no gamble here, i set the stakes. there's no consequence or repercussion and that makes me feel risky. im too scared to pull some ass out stunt with my real life so i grew a pair of hair balls so i could be bold as fuck on here. dnt get it wrong i keep it 100 regardless, im no liar, but here on this page i run this shyt and yall cnt tell me nothin.

take me home

so dorian came to see me at the "barn house" lol and me and her went up to i hop. first, im sooo happy im not ghetto what so ever. second, if you bring me my food before i get my silverware....we're gonna hve problems.

sad part: we're driving down the street to take philly phil home me and dorian are in he hello kitty mobile and we're following mr all american with his bff's big zo and lil darryl (apparently youre either large or small in memphis...idk) but from our view it looks like mr all american hit these ppl runnin in the streets-ya, WRONG! so im like whoa! and dori's like whaaaat?! so these niggas is actually jackin (memphis word for fighting) all in the street! im like wtf?! turns out tho its this nigga chasin down this girl and beatin her ass. mr all american had stopped as to avoid hitting them both and theyre all hangin out yellin and watchin! slick funny but i know all too well how it is to be ass out knuckin by yo damn self. and i really know all too well what a gun shot will do to you...it was funny til i realized this shyt can get serious. i prefer to keep my ass off first48's while in memphis, fuck that-i'd rather not ever appear on first48's period.

idk it slick scared me 'cause ive been there and i never wanna go back...

im done

ive played with the colors-there's tons! and ive redone the font and made it larger. and i like it. if you didnt see it before this post the you hav no idea its any different but know, it is.
im very independent in my thinking and while im not fond of large amounts of change i thought it was time. i liked the old/original layout because it was simple but this one is simply me, i took my lime with it and i had a little fun actually (yes, i google html codes for colors-dnt judge i love google) and here it is....so smile :-) i hope you like it, if you dnt get the hell off!
-xo-

so ive decided....

to drop my geo class...we all know i DESPISE that class as is and i really lack the focus, drive, and book for that class, so to save my otherwise great GPA im dropping it. ill still be full time and fully acceptable ill just be a hell of a lot stressed and annoyed! sorry walt-p, youre on your own kiddo....i just cnt hang. call me a quitter, na scratch that, im not a quitter but i know im better than what that class has received from me so ill do it again with a better mindset and all the materials. so til then GEOGRAPHY CAN KISS MY DONK! yall thought i was gonna curse-woo'ed ya!
ive also decided to run away for fall break. ill be back when im back. ;-)

aight i got homework
deuces.

mic check 1, 2

ay a word ta tha extremely wise and musically inclined....
N.E.R.D. is tha bonafide shyt!
"spaz" is my new anthem. and while i dnt snort coke i do like "everybody nose". ima hav ta take a second on my wack ass 8 ta 5 ta put yall on game. shouts out once again ta aleesaface for puttin me on . oh and feaginz actually for "everybody nose". real talk, that shyt is hott! but you gotta be on it like that. its an acquired taste, not for the everyday synthesizer next door, definitely a cool kid sound. so if ya cool, cop the coolkid handbood aka N.E.R.D. cd's. aight my phone is ringing, deuces.

-tha kid