a harsh reality

It is both a very humbling and a disappointing realization when you come to the cold conclusion that you're not a top priority.
I would never claim to be so infamous that all need to shift their main focus to I. Its not that. I would never be so spoiled to assume all. Worldly rotations stop for me. Its not that. But it is a simple courtesy to make time and reasonable accomodations for someone you claim to want so badly. I hate to be a brat and if that's how it seems I apologize. But when time is equivalent to gold right now I would think that the common day rocks that fill said time and space on the day to day could be piled else where for a while. But since that aint this I'm not with that. Just another blatant example of why I should have never entertained you. Especially not when I already know that there's somewhere else I would much rather be...
There's a saying: don't make someone a priority when you're only an option. Makes sense now...
As usual, me and my seemingly simple expectations of people have left my feelings hurt and me upset. Silly girl, you'll never learn. SMH.

a harsh reality

It is both a very humbling and a disappointing realization when you come to the cold conclusion that you're not a top priority.
I would never claim to be so infamous that all need to shift their main focus to I. Its not that. I would never be so spoiled to assume all. Worldly rotations stop for me. Its not that. But it is a simple courtesy to make time and reasonable accomodations for someone you claim to want so badly. I hate to be a brat and if that's how it seems I apologize. But when time is equivalent to gold right now I would think that the common day rocks that fill said time and space on the day to day could be piled else where for a while. But since that aint this I'm not with that. Just another blatant example of why I should have never entertained you. Especially not when I already know that there's somewhere else I would much rather be...
There's a saying: don't make someone a priority when you're only an option. Makes sense now...
As usual, me and my seemingly simple expectations of people have left my feelings hurt and me upset. Silly girl, you'll never learn. SMH.

more!

Thats How Strong-Alicia Keys

i found something new to love!

Chorus-Donora

once again i was laid up with PostSecret and there was another great video clip. i really wanna go to one of these events....ill take the LeaBear and DoriTee! they'd love it!
but tha song is what i love. go look it up

what i see

I wish you could see what I see in you. Twice the man you used to be I'm proud to say I've ever had you at all. Please, believe me, you're better than you know. This self doubt, apprehension, and hesitation is not of the God in you. Don't allow these negative potholes to effect your journey. The road to Greatness is long, hard, and challenging. Don't let the daunting tasks ahead cause you to reconsider the accomplishments ahead.
You owe me nothing. All I ever wanted was you in life. Do this for you, for the expectations you have for yourself and life. Let me confidence in you plant the seed of confidence in yourself. Make no mistake, I love you.
-Maya

im afraid

im afraid to die because im afraid ive had no real substantial impact. that ill be gone and shortly there after...forgotten because i didnt impress myself upon a life enough to be mourned, to be missed. i know that midly outlandish....that if i died today i would more than likely be ragailed as a good individual and wept for at some lavish ceremony...so i guess im afraid to die because there are things ive yet to say, things i need to do to satisfy a...."longing" a "void" even within my standard of existence.

peace and quiet

i find the most peace when im quiet, when able to really be quiet. im usually discussing, planning, laughing, yelling, calling, asking, and questioning so many things that i find it almost impossible to ever be fully alone with my thoughts. some days i would gladly pay for one moment of peace and quiet. pay for silence, for everyone to leave, for everything to wait....let me gather myself and repair myself and evaluate the tasks at hand. i feel like im in so many different places, handling so many different thing, people, and issues that i lose myself. i forget myself. im gonna start "masturbating" (gotcha! lol i stole this from my nigga Steph) but im saying im going to start pleasing me, looking out for me, and always getting mine (#pushplay) because as selfish as it seems, no one else is going to get it for me. My mom, Jackie, always tells me not to worry about things outside of my control. that was always an issue for me but now i see what she meant...im letting go of these outstanding issues and im gonna focus oon the things i can directly impact.
im tired as shyt....like im dawgass tired....
im going to enjoy some peace and quiet before i drift off to sleep.
goodnight.