Nothing else even matters I'm happy

Master Cleanse my soul!

so im doing the master cleanse right and its quite the ordeal. you drink nothing but the lemonade all damn day. of course my litttle fat ass couldnt do that so i eat something cause im quickly prone to headaches. i eat small and very light once a day. since the diet lacks protein i eat egg whites, peanuts, and cheese. not together but i try to much one at some point. hopefully those good fats and proteins will pay off.

i STILL havent been to the bathroom. and for someone who is like clock work im all types of pissed! LITERALLY! all i do is PISS! im slick scared that when i do make the doo...its gonna be some kind of awful but i really feel some kind of way about this involuntary clog ive got now! ugh!

im not going to be too optomistic and hope i lose like 20 pounds but i do wanta kick start a much healthier diet and more fit physique.

i think ima train like a ball player again. that running and conditioning really works. so ima be in somebody's gym working out again. im not too much for the weights so im really only hittling the gym gym for my upperbody. i can run to flatten and tone.

im excited tho!! this is 3 and im doing pretty good, ill admit ive been tired like today i took a nap around 430/5 and woke up at 9....all bad. i missed two drinks while i was out. but tomorrow ima take a run and see how i feel, hopefully it kick starts my metabolism and energy levels!

ill keep you posted.

im out this thang, bout to go skee phi it up nshit

lose myself in love, thats just the way it is...

so yes the rumors are true (echo true true true) Lauryn is BIZZACK. ive been sitting here simply antsy to hear this track....spent a few minutes to think on the title and dream of what this was gonna be....i was thinking a Loss of Self after being gone for so long and now she's back. i knew it was gonna have some love somewhere in it....ok, the rundown...

Lyrics-great!

Beat/Engineering- its more poppy, techno than the Lauryn i love but its an interesting composition. definitely not a head knodder...more of the beat the steering wheel, tap your thumb joint

Vocals- same raspy runs and heartfelt pitch but she rides this beat awkwardly in parts. like i see where she's going but at times it like a live performance and she's tired she's holding parts for rest and skipping syllables to keep up or something. she just doesnt ride it like i woulda hoped.

Overall- its a B. im super stoked she's back and ill definitely be singing this doing dishes nshit slowed down the way the lyrics seem to be calling to be...but thats just for my own enjoyment and release.

i really cant complain...ive been missing her like crazy so now thats its here, ya ima take whatever she gives. truth be told i wasnt riding to Erykah too tough..it had to grow on me and im still track selective but the artistry....-sigh-.... phenomenal - both these hoes got my Fan Card!

accept me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6dblga0Nw0

i just went back...

back thru my past posts and at times i get GUN DEPRESSING lol sorry bout the low notes but i think this writing this is my release. i wanta say this...everyday is a good day because it was someones last day. smile when it hurts. laugh when you wanta cry. curse and curse loud, censorship is dead. live your life, your way, and for you. maybe, hopefully youll find someone to compliment your swag along the way. he who has the why to survive can overcome most any how. dwell on that. but either way...live. i can say i have no regrets, ive made mistakes but nothing i would change. ive grown up, broke down, and started over. its life-my life and i do this because i love it.

be happy, thats the only point of living.

miss me... well im back and still buggin

so my roommate stops by my side of the crizib and she drops a little fact on me. the fact itself is not the point of this post, its her ability to say the very thing i cant. as if to whisper my confession would bring about 2012. maybe its that its too fragile...that the very whisper would kill it stone dead. either way...im scared. ill be honest im not at all a forward person on certain issues. in all actually i have a very high guard in my fragile attempts to protect my sensitive self. and in this one specific instance...im frozen stiff, shocked quiet, and tickled pink every time it enters. indescribable...its simply bittersweet and this secret is liable to be the death of me!!

so answer me this...is it mutual?

im not ok

"Maya, whats wrong?"

"whats right..."

when it rains....when it really rains, it pours. im having one of those...lives. it not a day or two, not a week or three-no-its my total existence. im tired of it. when its good its great, bliss. but let one thing go wrong...every single thing...crash, fall, boom. its coming down. i know i sound entirely pessimistic but at this point...thats all i have. im sure ill read this in a month or so and be like "gosh maya, sad much?!" maybe then ill be better but right now...no, im not ok. im doing Meet Me at the Well again, its a revival book. every day has its tasks, its prayers, its confessions and yesterdays was anger. admit when youre angry with things God has allowed in your life. well i was like no, im not angry. ive learned to appreciate the struggle cause it makes the rewards, the sun shine that much brighter. ya right. cunt. its making it rain harder, its ruined my umbrella, soaked me through and through and im tired. im so tired. ive tried, tried to be strong, to get over it, to get thru it...but today, like now but right now...i quit. i give up. fuck...im crying again. but you know what i wanta cry. that whole "dont cry itll be ok" thing...ya blow it out your ass right now. dont rob me of the only thing i have left. dont take my fury, its keeping me company. i dont wanta calm down, this raw emotion is whats been festering like an open sore and its out, its here. and i want it. i wanta be mad. mad at me, mad at Him. comfort someone else today, ive got my anger to hold me tightly.

close the door, im going to sleep.