if it all ends today

so as we all know theyve made an ubsurd prediction that the Christ will return today at 6:00pm...well being that He is the Alpha and Omega...will He come at 6:06 or 6:11?? im just wondering. now before i get all sentimental let me snap first.

NO ONE WILL KNOW THE DAY OF CHRISTS RETURN, NOT THE DAY THE HOUR THE SEASON. why?! because the point is to live a good life, one worth inheriting the Kingdom without a deadline or due date for the end.

people everywhere are all uber religious today, taking comfort in the same anchor that was ALWAYS THERE! but now someone tells you its all gonna end and you wanna come running home?! thats FAKE if youve ever had faith, ever prayed, then simply maintain. ive found in my walk that He just wants effort, genuine effort. He knew i would fail, tatt my body, and whatever else ive done but ive maintained a relationship, at least ive tried. ive kept the faith. dont try and slap me with the word now if you never praised my God before. but then again maybe thats the point....maybe He has allowed this panic and fear so that those of you who dont know Him will finally seek Him. maybe this is a wake up call that the end will come at some point but in the mean time you better get know Him and praise Him for all things.

now...let me break down. the first few times i heard this prediction i combatted with the Word- no one knows when He will return. then i hit it with logic- who said this? who is this guy? what else did he predict? but now that its today 3.5 hours from 6...im a little antzy...i cant lie.

so here goes...

i am sorry, for any wrong to anyone i have committed. remove the malice from my heart.

i have loved. a genuine and sincere concern for other people. they have been the source of great joy. and i hope they know the impact they have had on my life. and i thank you.

i tried. maybe i dont always succeed or excel at everything but i have given the effort to do good and be good; using the talents i was given for good.

have i fallen short? daily.

ya i have tattoos

ive had sex

i swear

i recently found that i have committed a sin in the thought of someone...i.e. lust. i was dang, we all losin' on that one.

they say no sin is greater than another but i find it hard to believe that rape and murder dont outweigh tattoos and sex. but if they do, forgive me.

i think ive had a pretty good life, fun times, good laughs...so if today is the day i wont dare ask for an extension...forever with You seems pretty awesome.

i thought about saying all those things i should have said but if its not over tonight then ill look like a fool but if it is then maybe it was never meant to be said.

i love you. see ya on the other side??

feelingsnfiascos.tumblr.com

when i say this is the cutest thing ever i mean EVER!

Otters hold hands when they sl;eep so they dont drift apart...aaaawwww

glumbert - Otters hold hands

sometimes men say it best

WE CANT DO THIS RIGHT NOW BUT IF WE'RE REALLY MEANT TO BE...FATE'S GUNNA FIND A WAY TO PULL US BACK TOGETHER. JUST GOTTA BE PATIENT.

i find as women we're often trying to find some prolific way to say the obvious and courtesy of yaphilme.tumblr.com he's said it best.

BEING HAPPY DOESNT MEAN THAT EVERYTHING IS PERFECT-JUST THAT YOUVE DECIDED TO LOOK BEYOND THE IMPERFECTIONS

-throws up hands-

im sick of bitching. i feel like my entire blog, which was intended to be an outlet of creative expression, has turned to a sappy ass diary about the BKS (best kept secret) but apparently ive been fooling myself about that. all i do is whine...so annoying and give advice i cant bring myself to live by. im reclaiming ...It Could All Be So Simple... im taking it back to the light hearted matter of fact chronicles of my life. every day is not bad, in all actuality most of my days are great! i shoulda bn dead years ago, i refuse to kill my own damn joy daily. i wanna be happy, i wanna write happiness, giving you all my happiness...so no more whiney Maya-I'm back. no censorship, no sympathy. of course ill have my days but this blog was supposed to be for me, about me ALL of me, but its just become so one dimensional....so look if something comes up that you want me to discuss, if you need advice, whatever shoot me an email mayamatt07@yahoo.com and ill shout it out.

you have to let go to move forward. you have to forgive to forget, and you have to laugh to truly live. i wish you happy feelings.

have a giggle on me!

dummbass

me and my love songs...

here's a few of my current and latest love songs...each one come at a different angle so its not just sappy bs lol

love this Keri Hilson joint. ill send this one out to my Little. sometimes you gotta say enough was too much kiddo.

now this one is just TOO catchy! i loved it the first time i saw it! makes you just feel pretty. hope someone feels this way about me =)

good make up and break up action...never miss the water til the world runs dry. hope you learn to appreciate the good things in your life so you never have to miss them more than "see ya when you get back" this one gets super glued in my head makes you wanna bust out in song in class. shoutout to j. cole for puttin out some good music. this one is for the silly bastards i call my ex's lol

for all the hood lovers lol soulja boy got my vote for this track tho, the chorus is cute.

My nigga kanye...smh....love the artistry the combo of hard and soft the talent ugh, i cant say enough RUNAWAY. this one is for my dudes who know their jerks. better to know and admit it than to lie and hurt us.

MY FAV!! really proud of Nicki for this one, showing some great versatility. puttin on for the ladies, good job Barbie. this one is for those closest to me...

Do you remember...

"Thursday morning rambling"
I have that same professor again but this time I'm here at 5 pm....dagger. Idk why but when I sit in courses like this one my mind takes off like crazy...
Lately there have been several events, different people, and small catalyst that have ignited something in me. The only one I'll share is this... I picked up my ex from the airport last week. He called from a pay phone at his layover and says he left his phone on the last flight and asks me to get him...of course me being the sweetheart I am, agree. Next scene. At the airport I have to park cause I have no way to call him, of course I look great (never be seen by an ex looking anything but your best) so as soon as I walk in I get hit with a strong dejavu. This isnt the first time was a loving gf all smiles to get her love from visiting his family. I see him from a far grabbing his bags and for the first time in a long time I missed him, I smiled. Keep in mind my ex is fine, baby boy is bad...smh, bites lip...so he walks up,wraps me up and breathes me in like he missed me more than he can begin to say. Next scene. So we're driving out the airport and he says "you got a hour or 2 for me" (stop being nasty lol) he wanted to go eat. Ok, I say all that to say this...he appreciates me. He adored me when we were together and he's remained loyal and true after we called it quits. It was what I needed. I needed to be reminded of my worth and looked at like I'm precious.
I di my best to take something from anyone I deal with, to learn something about myself, and apply a lesson to my life. Randi taught me I'm special that I embody the characteristics that men love in good women. It's not that I ever doubted my love but as a woman...I need to hear it. I heard it last week, thank you.
If you're reading this I hope you encounter someone that gives your life meaning. Maybe we weren't in love, maybe we were just giddy kids telling secrets under the moon at the lake and entertaining ideas of real love. I knew we weren't going to be forever, he's too bad, too thug. I loved his detroit accent and those timberlands and fitted caps. Oohh and all thise tattoos....damn. But his love and his commitment is priceless. He was confirmation of worth, my gentle beast. I never want a be a trophy, they seem empty and all looks to me, but he showcased me proudly, not like look what I pulled but a physical reminder that he was better than where he was, that he could be more than what he's been. If I ever I had a chance at love he would be it. Unconditional, no make-up, no money, real happiness, that was the year I grew the most, learned the most, and fell the deepest.
I say all that to say this...I am special. Some times you have to tell yourself because the person you may wanna hear it from hasn't noticed yet. Think highly of yourself , not overly prideful but high enough to know you deserve the best that life has to offer.

since im CLEARLY not sleeping

ill give you my top rated...

Flight Facilities- Crave You

Tegan and Sara- This is Everything

" ": Call it Off

" ": The Con

Lauryn Hill: iGotta Find Peace of Mind

Bilal: Think it Over

Jennifer Chung: Almost

Jordin Sparks: Next to You

Kate Nash: Mouthwash

" ": Navy Taxi

look beyond the titles and the mix of genres explore the lyrics theyre all really beautiful songs

insomnia

aka....music CRAZE!!

while today is still today, choose well...if it cant down this way, rebel.

theres always a song

and this one here something like PERFECT!

when it doubt...sing it out. all the things i could never say always seem to be in a random song. found this one while brosing my youtube subscriptions...OnDeck is one of my fav youtube-er's she always has great ecclectic music that never fails to say what i cant seem to muster in myself or mold my lips to say...so there ya go. enjoy!

excuse me while i be a girl...

i dont like categories but if this makes me "a girl" hell im as girl as i come! i want attention! i wanna be that girl that makes the world go round for someone. ive never been a jealous person and i still stand by that but i REALLY dont like to share. it has nothing to do with insecurities, im very sure and confident in myself but there's something extremely rude in dividing attention that i want for myself. that sounds spoiled as hell but fuck it it is what it is and theres just somethings im not down to share.

next. i have a handful of little sisters, a select few and i hold them very dear to my heart and that being said, they may not read this but hopefully i remember to tell them, youre wonderful...never let anyone sell you short. wait for no man. do as i say not a do obviously but guard your heart if youre not sure dont put your love on the table, it just makes a mess. its tru you cant help who you love, not necessarily in love b/c i cant speak on that, but what you can control is how far you let your love go. maintain a limit or youll be 5 years down the road still clinging to a moment that you probably hyped up in your hopes for a spark. when its real you'll know. this one is for you "little one" he's not ready. he's not sure. what you have shared thus far is as real as the day is long but just like the day ends so does the moment and when you leave, he goes back to her. some ppl cant let go of the familiar, some ppl want so badly to have back what they had when things first started but nothing stays the same and you can never change someone else. if ppl arent a good fit they cant be forced. its like a puzle, smash the pieces where you want them to go and the picture never takes shape...give them time let, them fall where theyre meant and youll get whats supposed to be. time...time is what this takes. we're young, theres time.

i have 2 whole tears in the bucket...my plans always fall through so fuck it. i take what i get, hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. im an optomist, a hopeless romantic, and grounded. never let yourself float away into the dreams that wont be reality. dont play yourself. if he wants you, he'll say so. if he doesnt he'll say shyt like "been knew that." #dagger. i dont speak fluent boy but i do speak english and that sounds a lot like "oh, ya i figured that but i dont feel the same." happens to the best i guess.

dang shawty! hell you bn?!

i know you missed you cause swettaBOB i missed yall too. sometimes when theres nothing happening theres nothing to say...but in this case truth be told its been WAAAAYYY to much happening to know where to start. this is gonna be real broken and speratic but i just need to say something/reiterate somethings.

thursday evening rambling....

i stepped off a cliff and fell flat on my face.

ive never snitched.

i think im over being single.

but i just cant settle.

i finally got some balls, and then got kicked 'em...shoulda kept my mouth shut.

some ppl say certain things when theyre jealous or really hurt just to get even...but that wasnt very nice and you know it wasnt.

im rapidly going poor...i need a job! im too hirable to be this unemployed!

uhm...brain fart

so my friend..."juice" lol remember him he's entering into a new love and i feel like this one has the potential to be real. as happy as i am...i think im a little jealous. i wantg him to be happy but i wanta know that happiness as well...(girl moment)

im becoming increasingly less trusting of ppl around me.

my friends are the only family ive had the pleasure to grow with, thats why i love them so, thats why i come no matter what, thats why i cant give up on you all.

im sorry.

i hope that you realize i meant what i said and it took me years to get to the point to admit it...

another GREAT year!!!

had to rush and get this in as its 17 min's before NATIONAL REGGIE T DAY is over.....

with that Happy BBBBEEEEEHHHHDAY BESTFRIEND! you gave me an amazing birthday, and i hope yours was something wonderful too!

love you Martin

-C

dont LIE to me.

theres not much else that needs to be said after that but in recent convo with good friends its become apparent that some ppl are liars! if you know me you'd know i cant lie partially because i cant but mostly because i dont see the point. im not dumb dont play me. keep up and youre cut.

dreadhead shawty!

so i said i wanted 'em. ive been infatuated with them so dammit i did it.

if i dont do anything else i damn sho keep my word!

like NO WAY

is that...omg it is! so i guess then...damn I am! i think im getting sick! probably form the close quarters of corporate america and their ice cold office spaces! FML i dont have time to be sick!
fyi, i no longer work there so maybe i can shake this bug with a good day of rest. hoes got jealous i was beastin that hoe, tried to pinch me out...fuck yall i gotta go back to skool anyway. i never knew grown women could be so caddy, petty, and envious of and towards a young adult such as myself. dont be mad i slaughtered that job, im young i know computers like yo old ass knows woodstock! jealousy is so not a good look...get over it.

its doesnt have to be a war!

ITS JUST HAIR!
so by now we all know ive decided to get dreaded up! and to those few ive actually told ive received very polar responses. all my Happy Nappy friends Doodle MaryJane RikaMyLove CourtneyTheBody TayTooFancyHuh and of course AleesaFace are all like welcome to the Nappy Side and i love them for their support. while others have been like YOURE GONNA DO WHAT?! OMG THAT SO NOT YOU! SO NOT CUTE! well you select few must KNOW me as well as you THOUGHT you did cause ive always wanted Locks.
now let me be clear...im not all on this go green, embrace the roots natural kick, it really makes me no difference this is a change ive wanted for me! not necessarily the emancipation of the enslavement of perm its by no means that radical. if Locks was a processed style id still do it!
but while i was reading one of Jah's posts where she interview a natural girl a question was posed on her thoughts on the statement "natural isnt for everyone" guess i could go click and look but Harajukku is dying and im in a rush. but the girl in turn responds with...

I kind of have to agree....its not about beauty but some ppl dont want natural hair there for its not it isnt for you. theres nothing wrong with straight hair. It's when ppl begin to tear one another down for having the hair they have, thats when i get upset!

Somebody give this girl a cookie! thank you! theres nothing that makes me madder (not a word) than #TeamNatural knockin #TeamCreamyCrack thats just some ppl's swag. just be cause ur natural doesnt make u more Black! just because ur sew-in doesnt give you more swag. beauty isnt skin deep.long hair dont care doesnt only apply to natural hair. if you workin yo Yaki bitch work it, if you killin the game with your fro ill arrange the funeral. do you! stop knockin other ppl. as for me, i cant do the big chop! call me vain or whatever else its just not me. now when i show up dreaded up dont look at me like i betrayed my team...no hoe! i stayed tru to me.

i just fell in LOVE!

like im forreal this time. i know im hopeless. but really im in LOVE! and i couldnt be happier because he'll never reject me bc more than likely he'll never know me lol i was browsing thru a few of my fav blogs and came to Jah aka Rachel Beau's spot and met Bilal. ive heard him before but theres a song up on her page by him called "think it over"...its on REPLAY as we read. im so in love! i cant really relate but its simply beautiful...-deep pensive thought-
i wish you could marry a song. maybe thats y i love music, because itll never reject me. never tell me "i dont like that dress" never say "we're thru" as long as it keep playing we can keep loving and every time i hum the lyrics its like a first kiss with all the excitement and sweetness. maybe music is better men because while i may never hear what i wanna hear from some guy, never get what i think i deserve from him, maybe he wont call or stand me up...i can guarantee that ill get exactly the same thing every time i push play.
i think ill start saying that to guys when they hit on me "hey sweetheart let me holla at ya" "put your best love on a track so i can play it back cause i dont want your disappointment you cant keep that"

favorite lyrics "you know ill always have a thing for you, and if i deny it id be lying to myself."
"ill always have a whole in my heart, ill always have a special place for you ya. and ill keep it safe for you. if you just, just wait for me. just wait and see, i aint goin no where. ill always have a place..."