dinner on him!

shake it Bestfriend!

straight butter and shrimp...
so focused..."standin in the kitchen over ttha stove its Reggie cookin!" lol

sorry bestfriend but we were breaking up til you showed up and cooked...

GNR

today was pretty damn funny....

me and the BigSis and me ran a few collegiate errands, my eye broke, and we went to friday's with Tony! so we're coming outta fridays and tony's baby Janet, Ms Jackson if ya nasty! got TOWED! and she was wisked away to some God awful lot in West HELL! with economy sized foreign cars, and Janet is a 5 sar bitch, she {definitely} doesnt do low class junk yards

so this is a snipet of tony calling his mom....

yes he's talking to his MOTHER!

sorry Tony but i had to!

its going D-O-W-N

The Bestfriend has {FINALLY} graced The Kingdowm with his presence and this muthafukka here showed up with a backpack full of.....SHRIMP!! he in my house BURNIN!! ya bro, feel free ta leave all that right up in the fridge. kthanks! pics to come...hilarious! the intesity

thats gon {PISS ME OFF}

so i know that when you get into a new relationship a few priorities get shifted. you sleep less, call more, switch up a few habits...ok kool. i can respect that. BUT---B-U-T {DO NOT} echo "not not not" allow your new hoe to fuck up your friendships. nigga we were friends long before anynody was hittin so and so. if you feelin her, ok kool. bring her ass around us, we all kool ppl. so what you hidin from??? you embarassed aint cha?? so whats up! all im sayin is: Bros before HOES!

i almost had to hold all the comas and get my run on. im feelin like im gettin cheated on....no sir, thats a no go!

its bn a minute but....

ive come to the simple and semi profound conclusion that nothing but time is lost forever. theres bn a lot of chatter about burning bridges. i really try not to burn bridges because you never know when life directions change and those bridges become crucial to making it to your divine destination. grudges are pointless. everyone makes mistakes and while i know all too well that forgiveness is a journey that i have, in the past, been less than inclined to travel, i now, in my new maturity, have been more willing and active in rekindling flames. true, some things end because they were meant to, but somethings are worth fighting for and there are those that i would gladly go 12 rounds for. this is more than relationships, this is friendships and all 0ther general human interactions.
dont give up on love, love hasnt given up on you.

oh HELL no!!!

Im bout to make some major changes, for me and yes even for my vanity! This is NOT gonna work!

im getting a feeling....

that im running up a downward escalator and you may call it defeat, for the sake of my pride ill say...im going with the flow.

songs that get me thru the night...
beautiful-india arie
promise in the dark-keri hilson
dead flowers- miranda lambert
between you and your memory- miranda lambert (she's country, yall know im ecclectic! lol)

i finally understand

so on my lunch break if i dnt runaway for a moment of freedom ill stay in and eat at my desk. B-O-R-I-N-G. but since ive decided to lie and come in all week at 8 i think i should stay in and actualy work...ha! so anyway, whenever i do stay in or when i find time i read some blogs, surf the world, and listen to muzik. so there is a blog i follow by a kid named E Dot Dizzy and his blog is definitely one of my fav's. this nigga keeps it so 100. so i read a post today that lit several light bulbs above my noggin. "Men and Cheating...simple..." here's the exert that made the wheels turn:

"When it comes to men, we don't incorporate feelings with sex. Never have... So if a man goes and sleeps with another woman, he don't love her, he probably just wanted attention. Some men drift off when things change. Things like appearance and attitudes. When a woman gain a few extra pounds and act like she doesn't notices or if she just keep a dumb ass attitude and don't care to fix the problem she obviously has... That will push a man away and he will start to seek the attention he think he deserves. Not right but its true. Women incorporate feelings with sex, well most of em, so when a man finds out that his woman cheated he is realllllllly hurt because he feel she fell in love with another man. If women would just understand that. If your man is buying another woman gifts and taking her on trips AND fucking then you should be mad. Well if he fuck another woman you can be mad and leave too, I'm not trying to justify cheating. Just giving it a better understanding to some folks"

http://edotdizzy.blogspot.com/

ok now before i start, let me explain. in my opinion, i could almost forgive a physical infidelity before any kind of convo and time investment because thats MY time youre giving away. and to cover that much time means youd have to lie to me. and lying s a direct insult to my superior intelligence! while ive never bn cheated on...well at least i dnt THINK i have...-head tilts-, damn...but ok here we go!

its about attention!!! ooooohhhhh *ligh bulb* -creaky wheels turn- ooooooohhhh attention {head knodding, eyebrows raised} i see now. no really, i see.... when i first read this i was like so since i didnt feed yo ego you wanta start buggin?! dumbass, you should know youre great! but why even get mad because thats PRECISELY what it is... It doesnt matter how old or mature a man gets he will always be a simple minded little boy (no diss) im actually jealous, because theyre simple, they lack all the complexity of women and our intricate logic. if we could stop over analyzing every thing he may do, trying to find rhyme to his reason, and method to his madness we'd see that he's simply acting out. (talkin bout other girls that want him, letting you over see some "suggestive" text, or including you on a list with a bunch of random numbers, talkin bout how good he can pipe "blah blah blah" some dumb shyt; just so youll get mad and show him some attention)

i cnt speak for anyone else, male or female, but i am very focused, driven, and independent. i would never say i dnt need a man because there are somethings money, power, and degrees cnt do at night, hell in the daytime. ive bn raised to be my own number one fan, even tho i have a great fan club in my family i do this (everything) for me. so naturally i assume that those around me hold themselves in the same esteem as i do myself. not true, especially for men. even the cockiest of men need to hear that theyre wonderful, that theyre strong, capable, and sexy. just as much as we like to be put on a pedastal so do they. and if you forget to pat his back and stroke that ego beware there are several other women waiting to cheer him on. im really not one to kiss ass, unless youre a professor lol, but sometimes for the sake of harmony and happiness you do whats necessary. i have never heard it explained that way and i really think that me a mr dizzy need to colabo on a book cause that negro is deep. or maybe he's shallow and the fact that we have to think so hard to grasp the simplest of concepts prevents us from being able to see things for what they are.

its late and im alone

I just really wanta cuddle. Lay my head in someone's chest and hope our heartbeats match. instead, I'm laying on The Bestfriend's couch, while he makes me breakfast at midnight to feel one aspect of missing something...

ear sex

found this on a blog i follow cashmere thoughts, i loved it-thought you would too.

mixed feelings.
when i woke up i swore i loved you
now im falling asleep and i dont even know you
i tell you everything
and nothing at the same time
when i tell you what you want to hear
i break your heart
because tomorrow these words i force myself to speak
wont mean a thingto me
but since they meant the world to you
the world as we know it
is now broken
your half
and my half
forgive me when i tell you to leave
i really mean please stay
when i tell you i miss you
i really mean stay away
i want you, i really do
but ask me tomorrow
and ill let you know if this is still true

quote for the day

sraight from MaryJane "i love you silently" thus, do you love me back? damn MJ...thats so deep...

John Legend- i love, you love.

the hardest thing ive encountered

is meeting a complete stranger and trying to generate some kind of "relationship"
AND
making a friendship more than friends, watching the "more" turn to less, and losing the whole thing all together.
i met a guy when i passed by a barbor in the mall. Zack. i found that interest9ing 'cause he's black but he was cute, nice smile. same height as me...not my swag. but i was at the mall today to get my new gages!! yayy!! (side note- this transition didnt hurt nearly as bad, and i really like this taper, its zebra! ill post a pic) so he walked thru the mall. he slick cool, funny, whatever. but he talks like gucci mane and he semi stupid....whamp whamp. sorry sir, its a no go. and he said i look like lalla ali...uhm, she's very pretty but we definitely dnt favor. and he keeps tryin ta come over here...not gon happen.
so by now we're all more than familiar with Handsome..."maya you seemed so happyy!" i was! i still am, let me not say that. he's a great guy, really. but if you dnt trust me, you cnt love me. they go hand in hand. and considering we live this far apart, you have to have trust. well he doesnt, and this is some past issues kinda stuff. i cnt make up for everyone else and i dnt care what she did because you did the same. so if anyone should have worries it should be me. but i dnt. you should know what you have here and not want anything more. if you decide im not enough, deuces. its just that simple for me. besides the fact that my closest circle of friends are male ive given no reason for anyone to question what i do. he cnt cross that hurdle and i dnt straddle the fence. its either or. after an issue we had with a picture and recipient list we've been on a steady decline...its an interesting feeling to see that the end is around the corner. that while its not in sight there is time to save this, save us, but its not me that has to turn, its you. if we stay on this path we'll crash and burn. we could turn, at least merge, and buy some time to think, to work, to try but i cnt make that decision. im mad at fact, and you cntg be mad at that.
-sigh- there it is. when i look back and read im like...damn, there it is. ive done what i can, ive said my piece, and im standing here...so what happens now.
side note-you know what pisses me off, how we as women have to wait for them, guys, to decide the next step. maybe because we're usually the ones to still be down for another try but i dnt think this fair how we're left with time and youve got the freedom. your best days our some of our worst. we're wide awake and youve got not trouble sleeping. you take your shyt and we take the blame. what can we say when we're all choked up and falling to pieces and youre just ok. he's got her hear and your heart and none of the pain. when hearts break they dnt break even.

song for the day-the scipt- "breakeven" jason mraz "you and i both" the script "im yours (it starts off a little rough but the chorus does it for me lol) and one more from the script "before the worst"

and even now when ive sat down to dwell on it and really let it out, im ok. as much as i was hurt, im fine. im the slightest bit hurt but time heals all things. if you decide to check out the songs youll be like omg we gotta get to Maya she's uber down. no...im really gucci. i slept my ass off today. saw my mommy, got new tapers, ate chic-fil-a and got over it. another one bites the dust.

-sigh-

In light of recent events I've noticed some change...I hate that "distant" feeling especially when there is a "distance" reality.

You straight?!

Shouts out ta MJ for some great advice...

the nightly routine

so im doin the regular routine, checkin the facebook, reading blogs and i stumble across 5star's blog and she's obviously fighting a hell of a battle but she posted Saving All My Love for You by Whitney Houston on her page. i used ta be Whitney's number one fan! like die hard! and that made me download some whitney. so the song for the night that just fits so like a glove. Exhale by Whitney Houston. damn.

oh!!! so i had sent my big brother, Adrian, ya my actual sibling a message cauuse i needed his advice about this current tom foolery and he sends back. "youre definitely his main but i wouldnt be surprise if there was some else or others. but he's cuffin you 'cause he knows he definitely dnt want another nigga ta get you. he knows youre worth it but he tweekin. treat him like a lame, baby girl and move on" so easier said than done....

youll find the point when you will exhale...

songz for today's issues

poison- dj haze and beyonce
lesson learned- alicia keys ft john mayer
she aint got shyt on me- letoya lucket

im not one for categories

but when shyt like this happens, both to me and those im close to, i realize that the vast majority of guys-scratch that, niggas! are all the same.
im not one to put anything past someone. i try not to be surprised by ppl's faults, short comings, and such but sometimes i just wanta believe that "na not my man" bullshyt. ya girl, its yo man too! it seems like no matter how good of a girl you are, and dammit im a good girl! it does not matter! he'll still find a way to take you for granted, take advantage, and screw up. all bad, no bueno. its just so frustrating. i get a call this morning from the BigSis and she's tellin me about the certified tom foolery that has become of her last LOOOONNNNG term relationship. i really dnt care what anyone says, girls may have a hard time in break up's, crying and ice cream and stuff, but dudes cut a complete ass when they break up. fuckin around, pushin up, choosin hoes (ugly hoes) anything to just "be over her" thats dumb. true story-THATS DUMB! if you hurt say so, we hurt too.
im not about to do some usual relationship counselling stuff, because im sick of having all the answers for everyone else and watching my own heart fall to pieces.
as much as i always wanted to, i dnt believe in love because love doesnt believe in me.
that might be the saddest thing ive ever said and im sure MJ will call like "what happened love" but shyt happened and i just have to wipe and move on.
i dnt quit but this is a step back, a reevaluation, and a wiser next move.

u-g-h

if its not one thing i SSWWEEAARR its another!
im not about to even recap this bulshyt just know im over this day.
i wanta start doing my video posts but i dnt wanta start it like this...

its been a minute

But I decided what the hell, I'm readin CNN this morning...recap? Ok.
Hilary was somewhere, what it matter, but there was a little mix-up in translation from the student->the translator->hilary and snapped on that kid. The kid asked for Obama's feelings, the translator told hilary Bill's feelings, and she was all "bump that, I dnt channel bill, he's not secretary of state! I am! Ill give you my opinion!" PMS? Sheesh calm down...
Say a prayer or two for taiwan and costal china as they've been hit by tropical stors, hammered rather, killing ppl, destroying homes. All bad. Now they're having mudslides, so dirty! And very dangerous.
Hawaii is in the path of a massive hurricane. While it seems to be losing power, a hurricane is still a hurricane.
I'm noticing a patern in weather issues...recycle ppl, carpool, go green!
So apparently human traficcing is real. I mean I knew it happened but damn. Watch taken that's a good example. So a little boy was kidnapped at 9 months for china traffic. He would be almost 3 now and they still havnt found him. Do you think you would know your baby after that long. They change so much at that age, he's a whole different kid. That's so scary to me. My kids?! I wish a mo-fo would touch my baby.
Muslim-americans are rockin out! There's a wave of muslim kids forming rock bands. Polar opposites but hey, that's america. Rock on I guess.
A homeless woman leaves 150k to Hebrew University. Hell she get that money?! Turns out she was a holocaust survivor and had 300K in a bank. She was taken in by a Jewish accountant who provided her basic needs. She moved their car back and forth across the street so they wouldn't get tickets lol. She left a will when she died. 300K- 150 to Hebrew U and 150 to them. Shalom.
Just a little world news for ya. Be enlightened kidds.
Happy TWOsday to all the deuce dogs! Lol
-xo-

all the sudden

I wanta write a short story. Random! I hated writing all those stories last semester and now I'm desiring to embark on the tedious task of developing a plot, proper syntax of events, and believable conversations. Ugh! Ima do it tho, hell I dnt hav anything else to do!

(lightbulb)

I'm going start video blogging. I have a new laptop, Mildred, and she can see! So I think ill let her watch me ((no homo)) this is pay-per-view baby! Lol na but I think ill give it try.
Oh and even though I'm like 20 years late, I got a skype too because Mildred suggested via the little skype sticker by her eye lol

i think ive figured it out

The problem with little weekend runaways is that weekends end and its back to reality. The issue with running away in the first place is that you leave behind everything, not just the bad. I'd rather run to you, not from everything else. Something should be waiting for you when you "run off" into the sunset. Let it be something solid, a Sunday kind of love, on that last past friday night flat on your back and saturday morning lying on your side holding a pillow. Be forreal ppl.

God IS real

That's really all I can say!
Be grateful man, be sincere in your praise, and NEVER judge anyone else's praise because you dnt know their story.
I might not be where I wanta be, but thank God I'm not what I used ta be.
God is Love.
Happy sunday!

welcome to the fabulous life....

so i really feel like ive been blessed. there are so many ppl less fortunate than me that it makes me wanta cry. i am by NO MEANS "well off" {rich} -ballin- none of that but ive been fortunate enough that certain things have fallen in place to allow me some great opportunities. last night i set up official residence in my apartment, which is from here after to be addressed as the Kingdom. my mom bought me a new laptop this morning (who is actullly producing her first blog as we type- say hello Mildred....she's shy.) it feels pretty damn good to be here. the comcast girl just left and im just layin on my couch posted. i justed to stop thru and say "be grateful. even when things arent look so hot, they could be worst. the storms do pass and the sun shines."
i think ima go to the store, i need some food in this hoe! lol

something for your stereo

song for the day
Alicia Keys ft John Mayer- lesson learned
Taylor Swift-youre not sorry

she goes so hard

so i follow a blog by "dont be a hard rock, when you really are a gem" and i f'in love it! i recently cut a lot of the ppl i follow because they dnt talk about anything but not her's it goes ham. in her "about me" she says if you use my name too much ill charge you a small fee. i said that shyt too! not on here but ive said it lol. she goes on to say that hating on her is a ful time job and youd have to quit skool. hilarious. but whta she said that made me write was statement that went something like "im just a girl who lost her reputation and doesnt miss it" i found that so odd, quite liberating. ive bn raised to protect your good name by all means. im sure she cares to some extent what ppl think but to admit youve lost you reputation is huge! thats truly living fr self and with no regard to perception.

she goes so hard

so i follow a blog by "dont be a hard rock, when you really are a gem" and i f'in love it! i recently cut a lot of the ppl i follow because they dnt talk about anything but not her's it goes ham. in her "about me" she says if you use my name too much ill charge you a small fee. i said that shyt too! not on here but ive said it lol. she goes on to say that hating on her is a ful time job and youd have to quit skool. hilarious. but whta she said that made me write was statement that went something like "im just a girl who lost her reputation and doesnt miss it" i found that so odd, quite liberating. ive bn raised to protect your good name by all means. im sure she cares to some extent what ppl think but to admit youve lost you reputation is huge! thats truly living fr self and with no regard to perception.

some really real ish

MaryJane hit me with a pearl of wisdom tonight so I thought I'd share.

"Follow your heart. Your head will catch up. And hopefully he'll be holding the rest of you"

Sometimes the simplest statements speak volumes...


Goodnight

Ok song for the day!
Lupe Fiasco-sunshine
Drake- Juice
Taylor Swift-come in with the rain
Ok ima say this because its how I feel and this is my blog, where I admit feelings and such so here we go. Disclaimer: I dnt like to respond to other ppl's posts because I feel I say what I have to say about issues in person so that things dnt get misinterpreted on here. With that said, I'm not one for long drawn out metaphorical blogs. Say what it is that's on your mind straight up. I only utilize code names to protect ppl's ID's. I never audtioned for reality tv. I apologize that the life or "show" you've produced isn't going as planned but welcome to REALity tv. Starring the Truth and costarring Honesty. I said how I felt I'm sorry for how it was received.

you gotta love it, kinda

So I'm still at the food stamp office, outside, inline. I'm 2nd! Deuce dog gets them hoes lol
Na but I'm over hearing all the half sleep chatter and aimless rambling. You gotta love the way ppl swear up and down, regardless of education and mental capacity that they could run the shyt out this country. I'm happy no one voted for you! But they've got it all figured out, the economy, the war, the "man". As hilarious and ignorant most of it is, you gotta give it to 'em for at least comprehending.

awhile back...

I had said we need to talk...ya well I forgot about what. It'll come back I guess...hopefully.
Oh well, its bn a minute so ill recap...
I move into MyPlace on friday!!
Its wednesday now at 458 and I'm writing this from Dylan, the BB, at the Human Resource Office(food stamps kiddos!!) Ya did I say its 459 in the am?! Ugh, no bueno!!!
Oohh! So let's send a RIP to "Peaches n Kreme" he's not dead but his "place" in this blog aka my life is doney. Charge it to the game.
Advice-guys and girls can be friends. The Bestfriend is obviously a dude but when your friendship becomes a damn Common Law (bing it) that's all bad. Be individuals in every friendship/relationship. Compliment dnt co exist.
Honestly I hate that it came about this way. He was a cool dude, but that's it. He wasn't "my dude". Maybe I'm being foolish but I was told to choose wisely the man you'll be fool for..not foolin with him...it happens. Really I hate that one of our friends kinda got caught up in it.
Google has "followers" not twitter like religious followers! Google "the church of google" how dam dub does that sound?! Ppl really are desparate to believe in SOMETHING-too bad its the WRONG thing. Ill "bing it" from now on.
Distance...is just space and while it presents a little obstacle I kind of like it. Pros-it forces better communication, all you can do is talk so you do it a lot! You'll become more open with feelings and the things you deal with. Because he's not here to just cry on you'll have to speak on issues and emotions. Trust! When ur this far apart you HAVE to have trust. You're able to handle business without distraction but still have the support. Builds the excitement for the times you get together. ...cons- you'll miss him. And he'll miss you. The lack of knowing/lack of trust. There's no way for either of u to know everything going on so the wondering/insecurity will get you. No pda! Ugh, no hand holding, no little kisses, no lunch dates! Sadness. I just feel like if yall can make it thru that then hell, what's left?! But yall have to compromise, meet half way and work thru things.
With that said big up, kuddos, xoxo's to Handsome for holding us down.
I really miss my homegirls! Aleesa-Ebony-Isoke....love yall hoochies. Isoke is actually coming to TSU now so...its no Howard but hey, its college.
I want a turtle.
Idk if I told you bet Trey Songs...nigga be ((BUMPIN)) ima support the artist and buy that cd.
I guess I'm done...and its only 519 wtf?! C'mon mane I'm tired!

oh wow

You wanta know if its the truth, pull the zipper down and see...

I just LOVE that line! I'd put it in my status but I think ppl think I'm tweeking cause I got a new tatt and gaged my ears... Well...I think you're jealous! Lol c'mon I'm 20 and I'm living a hell of a life! All my tatts are tasteful and my ears will strink back. No biggie baby! Live it up!

whats the fuck?!
jail?!

i guess by now most ppl know my Twin has bn arreste for some scrub ass dudes doin some dity shyt. well we, all of his friends and fam, are doing everything cqn writing letters and shyt to get him out. i feel so bad for my buddy, he too small for jail. too good for this bullshyt.
watch the company you keep, kids. real talk. that nigga aint YO nigga. everybody is lookin real unfamiliar right now...

thi is so bogus!

man...

We gotta talk.